Hey, I'm new! I'm venting.... kinda need advice.

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MaitreyeeMAYHEM
MaitreyeeMAYHEM Posts: 559 Member
in Motivation and Support
Ok, I’m frustrated! I’m just warning you that I am gonna vent for a bit…

Hey, I’m new here and I must admit that I am getting overwhelmed. I am exercising and eating right for a few reasons, to tone my body, learn how to eat healthier, be happy, and not to go back to an eating disorder. I mainly got into diet and exercise because my friends are doing it to get skinny. I am already skinny; I am trying to gain muscle. So when I’m with my friend they always compare themselves, tell me I’m gonna get fat if I eat something like a carrot with ranch or something like that. I can’t take it anymore. They tell me everything I’m doing wrong, what I should eat and stuff when they drink and get off the diet themselves. It’s like I’m in high school again with hypocrites. What should I do? I always tell them not to worry about me, but themselves. Everyone's metabolism, body and exercise weight is different so why compare? I just hate how they tell me eating eggs are bad, having low fat dressing is bad or that I’m gonna get fat. We are around 21-23 years old and I’m just frustrated. I stopped drinking, they say they will/do but really don't. I do my best to be healthy and stick to my goals while they don’t and criticize me. Like when we go out, I can’t take photos with them cuz I make them look fat. Or they ALWAYS ask me if they look like they lost weight. I honestly don’t care! They lost their jobs and aren’t going to school. I go to school, have two jobs and two internships. I always find time to diet and exercise plus work. I know they are jealous but honestly, I feel lost.

Replies

  • mom23nuts
    mom23nuts Posts: 636 Member
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    I say you are extremely motivated and trying to be healthy with working and doing an internship and hanging out with these bums? this is the only fat you need to cut from your diet....meaning maybe take a break from the people who want to be so harsh on you and criticize you so much.

    You are going to be a healthier and less stressed out and crazed person without all of the negativity.
    We support you here
    Good luck, be healthy, be happy.
  • BigZ486
    BigZ486 Posts: 47 Member
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    It sounds like you need new, better friends, who will support your goals. Which is exactly what this website is for :-)
  • Mamapengu
    Mamapengu Posts: 250
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    good for you! the habits you make now will last for many years. If you can get into and stay in the habit of eating well and exercising, it will be so much easier in the future. Don't worry about them, they will grow up at some point (or not) you are not responsible for them. when people struggle to control their own behavior they find it easier to point out their own faults in others- looks like that is what they are doing to you. they obsess over their 'diet' and lack of nutrition/health and so jump on what you do, to avoid dealing with their own issues. I'm a bit sarcastic so my response would be something like 'the carrot is 1cal, the dressing is 10 and I have an extra 892 cal left to spend today- I think I'm ok, don't you?"
  • MaitreyeeMAYHEM
    MaitreyeeMAYHEM Posts: 559 Member
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    Thanks! I know that I’m young but I have huge career goals. Everyone is out partying and having fun while I’m focused. I have actually decreased how much I have been hanging out with them. I cannot be around negative activity and people who make me feel bad. I went to see them a few days ago cuz I thought it was an emergency, it wasn’t. They were plastered, couldn’t walk and didn’t know they called. One actually left somewhere. I’ve ignored them since because I do not wanna deal with it. Yes, I do have body insecurities but I am pretty sure every girl my age (21) does. I have come a long way from being anorexic for 3 years. I am proud of what I am doing and that is why I focus on me and no one else. Working out makes me happy and I can take all my stress out on my work out. It’s a better way than drinking.

    Mama- I think ur doing great!!!
  • waverly9876
    waverly9876 Posts: 605 Member
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    I am so sorry. Your friends are very jealous of you. They are not happy with themselves and trying to put u down to make themselves feel better. I hate when people say "go make new friends" bc it is hard , but I think you are doing an amazing job. U seem like a dedicated person and dont let them make you feel bad. U can eat WHATEVER you want, they are not the boss of you. Feel free to add me!
  • TNGirlyGirl
    TNGirlyGirl Posts: 337 Member
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    It sounds like you need new, better friends, who will support your goals. Which is exactly what this website is for :-)

    ^^THIS^^ Real friends are supportive of your goals. You are right when you say your "friends" are jealous... don't let them destroy you and the healthy person you want to be. As we change, and grow, and mature, we often find that what we want out of our friendships changes, too. Good luck -- you've come to the right place for the kind of support you want and need!!
  • MaitreyeeMAYHEM
    MaitreyeeMAYHEM Posts: 559 Member
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    They are the type of ppl who I do a lot for but I get nothing back. Its great to hang with them but I need to be around more positive energy. Thats why I surround myself with other friends that I love to be with or my family. My best friend and I work out together but then again we are comfortable to go out to eat and pig out for a girls night. We don't care because we are comfortable with our bodies and know that its ok to eat sweets in moderation.
  • davidrt
    davidrt Posts: 162
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    you need some new friends if they are bringing you down, everyone is here for our own reasons but, we all want to get healthy if its gaining weight or losing weight or gaining muscle, it sounds like this is where you need to be looking for friends, its like i always say if your not helping me your hurting me, lose the losers
  • MaitreyeeMAYHEM
    MaitreyeeMAYHEM Posts: 559 Member
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    It sounds like you need new, better friends, who will support your goals. Which is exactly what this website is for :-)

    ^^THIS^^ Real friends are supportive of your goals. You are right when you say your "friends" are jealous... don't let them destroy you and the healthy person you want to be. As we change, and grow, and mature, we often find that what we want out of our friendships changes, too. Good luck -- you've come to the right place for the kind of support you want and need!!

    Good point... When I lived on campus in college I gained the freshman 30 (not 15 lol) and I lost it all. I don't wanna go back to that and I know I wont because I am not around unhealthy foods. I know that I might not be friends with them for the rest of my life but I am trying to find a balance.
  • fiat
    fiat Posts: 17
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    you need to lose those people as friends- its bad energy. things are either good energy or bad, and they are stressing you out and its unhealthy to be in that mindset. also of course they are nuts to tell you stuff the stuff they're telling you.
    you deserve better friends!
    i wish you healthy happiness! you deserve it. welcome to this site :)
  • ceschwartz
    ceschwartz Posts: 240 Member
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    Get rid of them before they bring you down. Congrats on deciding to be healthy! You sound like an awesome person. :smile:
  • MaitreyeeMAYHEM
    MaitreyeeMAYHEM Posts: 559 Member
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    you need some new friends if they are bringing you down, everyone is here for our own reasons but, we all want to get healthy if its gaining weight or losing weight or gaining muscle, it sounds like this is where you need to be looking for friends, its like i always say if your not helping me your hurting me, lose the losers


    its nice to be part of a group (like this) where there is POSITIVE support. So for the 4th of July, I am going to a baseball game. Do u think its ok for me to kinda get off my diet for that one night? I'll work out before.
  • rharris86dc
    rharris86dc Posts: 635 Member
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    Girl, you are my new hero! Overcoming an ED, school, jobs, internships AND an exercise habit! Dang, I want to be like you when I grow up (and I'm already almost 25, lol).
    Sounds like what you're doing is the right thing - getting some space from the negative influences, and doing what is healthy for you. Always gotta look out for #1, everyone else comes after!

    Good luck with your goals, feel free to add me if you like!
  • adrian_indy
    adrian_indy Posts: 1,444 Member
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    Get excited! You're doing something positve and making wise decisions, ones that would be wise at any age. Until your friends become dieticians, nutrionists, or personal trainers, I wouldn't pay much attention to there cracker jack theories.
  • MaitreyeeMAYHEM
    MaitreyeeMAYHEM Posts: 559 Member
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    Girl, you are my new hero! Overcoming an ED, school, jobs, internships AND an exercise habit! Dang, I want to be like you when I grow up (and I'm already almost 25, lol).
    Sounds like what you're doing is the right thing - getting some space from the negative influences, and doing what is healthy for you. Always gotta look out for #1, everyone else comes after!

    Good luck with your goals, feel free to add me if you like!

    I just figured that at the end of EVERY DAY the only person looking out for me is me. If I get sick or hurt, I can't rely on them. They won't be there. The only people who will are my true friends and family. Like back when i had my ED I was lying on my couch on my death bed. I remember the feeling cuz i hurt and couldn't move. I really do mean it when I say the only person who you need to worry about is yourself. People might not be there when u need them the most.
  • LifesPilgrim
    LifesPilgrim Posts: 498 Member
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    IMO: you are better off having no friends than having people like that in your life. If it were me in that situation, I would keep backing off being around them. Then find some kind of group to make new friends. I don't know about where you live, but there are some hiking, running groups around here. There is even an outdoor adventures club for singles, where you can go hiking, kayaking, stuff like that.

    When one door closes, another one opens. Follow your heart and it will not lead you wrong. It has already started you on a path towards a healthier life.
  • MaitreyeeMAYHEM
    MaitreyeeMAYHEM Posts: 559 Member
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    Get excited! You're doing something positve and making wise decisions, ones that would be wise at any age. Until your friends become dieticians, nutrionists, or personal trainers, I wouldn't pay much attention to there cracker jack theories.

    Hey I wanna get my masters degree in nutrition! I graduate in May 2012 with my BS in Strategic Communications (consists of public relations, advertising and marketing.) I want a directors position but i need 2-3 years of experience. That's why I have internships and work hard, i wanna get my foot in the door. :)
  • MaitreyeeMAYHEM
    MaitreyeeMAYHEM Posts: 559 Member
    Options
    IMO: you are better off having no friends than having people like that in your life. If it were me in that situation, I would keep backing off being around them. Then find some kind of group to make new friends. I don't know about where you live, but there are some hiking, running groups around here. There is even an outdoor adventures club for singles, where you can go hiking, kayaking, stuff like that.

    When one door closes, another one opens. Follow your heart and it will not lead you wrong. It has already started you on a path towards a healthier life.

    I live in Utah, we got mountains and tons of hiking wherever I go!! Its great cuz I can just go outside and have a good time.
  • corsayre8
    corsayre8 Posts: 551 Member
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    It sounds like you need new, better friends, who will support your goals. Which is exactly what this website is for :-)

    It's pretty much as simple as this. If you aren't getting what you want out of a relationship, it is up to you to make the necessary changes. It sounds like they are less than supportive, and are not in line with the life you want to live.

    Time for new friends. Maybe try to meet people at the gym, through running groups, or other fitness related activities if this is were your focus is going be.
  • MaitreyeeMAYHEM
    MaitreyeeMAYHEM Posts: 559 Member
    Options
    It sounds like you need new, better friends, who will support your goals. Which is exactly what this website is for :-)

    It's pretty much as simple as this. If you aren't getting what you want out of a relationship, it is up to you to make the necessary changes. It sounds like they are less than supportive, and are not in line with the life you want to live.

    Time for new friends. Maybe try to meet people at the gym, through running groups, or other fitness related activities if this is were your focus is going be.

    My gym is full of men and women who could qualify to be my parents or grandparents. :( plus everyone hits on me, it kinda sucks. I just wanna work out. I should join a young running group tho! Good idea!

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