Unsupportive Family Members

Options
Y'all. I just had a breakthrough. Last time I posted something about my family, I got tons of support and people going through the same thing, so I wanted to share.

For as long as I can remember my parents have been on me about being overweight. And not in a nice, loving, supportive way. In a "you will never be successful", "you won't get a job", "no one will like you", "you look terrible", kind of way. So when she insisted we sit down for lunch this week, I knew what I was getting myself in to.

Normally, I would turn in to a blubbering mess and take it out on myself and everyone around me. Instead, when my mom "went there" today I told her I didn't need her negative energy in my life. In the past 4 months, I have gotten a new (amazing) job, gained new friends, and built up my relationship with my husband. I've focused on getting healthier, making better choices, and in the process, shed 15 pounds. I told her I was confident in myself and my ability to do something I've set my mind to, and that, while I appreciated that her words were coming from a loving and caring place, the energy she was bringing to the table was going to weigh me down.

I told her that her offers to "help me" by sending me to doctors and therapists and trainers that her and my dad picked and under their terms & conditions wouldn't be necessary. I told her I was making the decision to help myself, that I was going to do my life under my terms.

I said thanks for the concern, but I am doing great and getting better every day.

You know what? She wasn't happy with that. She cried and said she felt like I was blaming my issues on her and my dad, and shutting her out (which totally isn't the case). Later, she texted me saying thanks so much and she loves me and we should do it more often (were we even at the same lunch???).

But here's the thing - I learned today that if you set your intentions to positive and you are doing things for yourself, not anyone else, NOTHING can stop you. Just thought it was a nice lesson learned and wanted to share. :)

Replies

  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,719 Member
    Options
    Good for you! Congrats on the new job, the recent weight loss, and more importantly, for standing up for yourself! I can't imagine the emotional damage done by hearing those types of things your whole life by your parents. I'm sorry for that.

    The step you made with your mom is a huge step in the right direction. Unfortunately, you may never change the way they treat you, but changing your reactions and your mindset is a victory!
  • RosemaryBronte
    RosemaryBronte Posts: 103 Member
    Options
    I think you handled that situation superbly and you will go from strength to strength.
  • JaneSnowe
    JaneSnowe Posts: 1,283 Member
    Options
    Be on guard for more emotionally manipulative tactics! It usually takes more than one time of standing up for yourself for the message to get across, if it ever gets across at all. But stay firm! You've got this! Don't let anyone pull you down!
  • wdunderwood67
    wdunderwood67 Posts: 4 Member
    Options
    I get ZERO support at home with my wife's two year old granddaughter in the home. She brings home tons of sugary snacks and chips.
    When I buy fruit, the baby is allowed to take a bite or two then throw it away leaving nothing healthy for me.
    They eat ice cream every night while watching tv knowing it bothers me.
    Always choosing fast food when we go out.
    If I seek support from others I'm made to feel guilty like I'm being unfaithful.

    I need someone to care about me.
  • socioseguro
    socioseguro Posts: 1,679 Member
    Options
    @wdunderwood67 . You can always start your own thread.
    My personal input: You need to look after yourself.
    Prioritize your objectives and focus your time and energy on you.
    I am sure your family loves you but they can not change their lifestyle to accommodate you. Such is life.
    You do you
    Good luck in your healthy journey
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,719 Member
    Options
    I get ZERO support at home with my wife's two year old granddaughter in the home. She brings home tons of sugary snacks and chips.
    When I buy fruit, the baby is allowed to take a bite or two then throw it away leaving nothing healthy for me.
    They eat ice cream every night while watching tv knowing it bothers me.
    Always choosing fast food when we go out.
    If I seek support from others I'm made to feel guilty like I'm being unfaithful.

    I need someone to care about me.

    While I agree with @socioseguro, your wife isn't doing your granddaughter any favors by letting her eat the way you describe. I hope that is balanced out by some healthier meals and snacks.

    As far as the fruit goes, that would be frustrating! Can you pre-cut some and put small portions in baggies for your granddaughter? Then keep your portions separately. Or, I've found that the little ones like soft, frozen fruits like mangoes so I buy bags of that and keep small portions in the fridge for the grandbabies. I hate wasting food and at that age they rarely eat a whole piece of fruit.

    Can you seek support here? Or does that bother your wife as well? If so, is it possible to find male gym goers that you can connect with and build a support system?