LGBTQ friends wanted

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norchids
norchids Posts: 41 Member
edited May 2016 in Introduce Yourself
Hi folks! If you're part of the LGBTQ community like me, you know there are a few particular mental hurdles to feeling good about your body and weight loss, that we seem to face. Although I'm not a gay man, it's my understanding that pressure to look like a perfect Adonis can be intense in the gay male community. On the flip side, as a queer woman, my community highly values loving and accepting yourself at any size or shape, and is rooted in the belief that your body is ok just as it is. Fundamentally, we reject the idea that our bodies must look a specific (culturally approved) way in order to be desirable and worthy of love. Which is a beautiful and supportive place to be for someone as overweight as me, and has allowed me to sidestep the shame and self-loathing that is often heaped upon people my size. But the queer rejection of mainstream ideas about what makes a body "good" means it's hard to be forthright with my friends about wanting to change the way my body looks. Is there anyone else out there from the LGBTQ community who can relate to either of these scenarios? Let's be friends and keep each other on track!
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Replies

  • jaydascenzo
    jaydascenzo Posts: 1 Member
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    Greetings from Columbus, Ohio! Your post made me smile because it's spot on about how different our community's body image perceptions & attitudes are compared to the straight world's ... & how many gay men & lesbians often stand at opposite ends of the spectrum. I just had a conversation about this very topic with a good friend after we both attended a birthday party where we were the only two men among a dozen of our lesbian friends & the contrast was pretty striking. It's kind of fascinating. Many gay men are hyper-vigilant about societal beauty standards & many lesbians reject them altogether. We really don't talk about it much among ourselves, though, do we? I'm relatively new to MyFitnessPal & yours is the first "Community" post I've read because the heading jumped out at me while scrolling through the "Introduce Yourself" thread ... great introduction! I don't know exactly how to add a friend here, but will figure it & do so. Cheers!
  • TricksterBreeze
    TricksterBreeze Posts: 135 Member
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    *don't understand
  • Dnelms1990
    Dnelms1990 Posts: 8 Member
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    What does the question stand for??
  • questionfear
    questionfear Posts: 527 Member
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    norchids wrote: »
    Hi folks! If you're part of the LGBTQ community like me, you know there are a few particular mental hurdles to feeling good about your body and weight loss, that we seem to face. Although I'm not a gay man, it's my understanding that pressure to look like a perfect Adonis can be intense in the gay male community. On the flip side, as a queer woman, my community highly values loving and accepting yourself at any size or shape, and is rooted in the belief that your body is ok just as it is. Fundamentally, we reject the idea that our bodies must look a specific (culturally approved) way in order to be desirable and worthy of love. Which is a beautiful and supportive place to be for someone as overweight as me, and has allowed me to sidestep the shame and self-loathing that is often heaped upon people my size. But the queer rejection of mainstream ideas about what makes a body "good" means it's hard to be forthright with my friends about wanting to change the way my body looks. Is there anyone else out there from the LGBTQ community who can relate to either of these scenarios? Let's be friends and keep each other on track!

    So true...good points.

    I have a few thoughts-it's weird for me, as a sort of "soft butch" for lack of a better term, because when I lose weight and get more muscular, I get called sir all the time. And small children ask me sometimes if I am my son's father. I've never really bought into the idea of being ashamed of my body or the idea that I should just be ok at any size, but I have seen plenty of friends struggle with both. A good friend of mine from college is a gay guy in NYC, and my heart breaks for him because he struggles being a bigger dude in a city full of people that value skinny.

    Though I am proud that at my skinniest, in a dark club when my head was buzzed, I was mistaken for a gay man...some dude came up behind me and started hitting on me. The best part was that my friend with me thought the guy had been checking HIM out all night, and he was soooo mad when he realized the guy was after me! (Also funny was how fast the guy ran off when I pointed out I had boobs).
  • clacoste0102
    clacoste0102 Posts: 59 Member
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    well I am looking for a friend that can help me sort through my feelings. I have had "experiments" when I was younger before kids and marriage and never really though anything of it but for the past year or 2 I have come to realize that I'm more sexual that a lot of other people and that women really seem to be more of what does it for me. help
  • Colt1835
    Colt1835 Posts: 447 Member
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    Dnelms1990 wrote: »
    What does the question stand for??

    I assume you meant "what does the q stand for" USA Today says it stands for "queer or questioning" Their is also an "A" that stands for "asexual or ally".
  • ashleyShades
    ashleyShades Posts: 375 Member
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    Feel free to add me!
  • VGanieany
    VGanieany Posts: 4 Member
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    I'm really not sure what LGBT has to do with wanting to feel healthy, attractive and wanted. THAT is just being human. Some people's 'body standards' are ridiculous. As a bisexual woman, I feel that women have been more accepting to imperfection than men EVER have been! As a personal trainer that needs to re-light my own fitness flame [I have been EXTREMELY overweight (before my fitness journey began) and have dropped to a kick-*kitten* 15% of body fat- and got too comfy in a relationship and gained a LOT back] I reflect and see that when I've been healthier for myself, my attitude changed and I attracted many great people into my circle. When I am feeling uncomfortable about my image- self doubting and feeling under confident, I attract the wrong kind of people.
    If you do this, do it for YOURSELF- YOU will be more confident and naturally attract people that will accept you no matter what- and who needs someone that NEEDS you to look a particular way? Just be healthy, be you! <3
  • lilydove37
    lilydove37 Posts: 5 Member
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    Yes, I can definitely relate! My fitness goals are more muscle and strength oriented rather than society's image of thin and lean. It can be confusing and frustrating to see fitness tips for women that I am not interested in. I am just learning how to navigate the 'friending' portion of this site. Would love to have some like-minded people around!
  • norchids
    norchids Posts: 41 Member
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    Hi folks! You know, for some reason I thought MFP would send a notification when a reply was made, so I didn't realize you all had posted! Maybe I have that option turned off... I'm new to this app, and haven't figured out all the bells and whistles yet.

    @Wonkasmistake, as a feminist, it's not that I (or the other feminists I'm friends with - although I certainly can't speak for all feminists everywhere) reject the idea of a beautiful woman. It's that we reject the idea of certain idealized versions of femininity being the only definition of "beautiful." In fact, my queer feminist friends are very supportive of me being/looking "feminine" because that's how I feel most comfortable. Wearing dresses, putting on makeup, etc etc. I vehemently reject the idea that fat = ugly. I unequivocally reject the idea that certain BMIs or certain shapes are "normal" (which means everyone else is abnormal). I feel sad when I hear you say, "is it so bad to want to look pretty?" because the not-so-subtle implication you've made is that you can't look pretty the way you are. That your size, specifically, is what prevents you from feeling or being pretty. For the record, I think you are extremely pretty! That's a killer vintage polka dot dress, by the way! The truth that I've worked hard to learn is that human beings come in a staggering array of sizes and shapes, and that every single one of those are deserving of feeling loved, respected, and attractive! No person DESERVES to feel ugly or shameful about their body, no matter WHAT it looks like.

    That being said, I am struggling with my own outlook, because I do want to drop some weight. And I AM guilty of buying in to mainstream culture's idea of what looking "good" means (to a certain degree). To be clear, I lead an average life, and my size has not hindered me from doing anything I wanted to do. I jumped out of an airplane at 180lbs. I was a whitewater rafting guide for six seasons at 190lbs. I don't have mobility issues. (Although even if I did, that wouldn't make me less of a person! Disabled bodies are just as worthy of love as abled bodies!) I can navigate the endless subway stairs in NYC, and make it up to my third floor walkup apartment with two loaded armfuls of groceries. But I had a BAD breakup recently, and my lover pointed to "concern" about my "health" as one of the reasons for leaving me. So here I am. Becoming slimmer, and feeling good about it. But also kind of bad, because I suspect it's for all the wrong reasons. Because it's a response to someone else's judgement on my size. And because I know being smaller will help me to find a new lover. And hating those truths for being so unapologetically accepting of mainstream beauty ideals.

    I truly believe that the most important thing is to feel good in your own body, and part of achieving that goal involves not just working on giving yourself the body you desire, but also recognizing and rejecting the impossible ideals that our thin-obsessed culture feeds you. Being aware of what influences your desires, and examining yourself to locate the source of your motivation. Asking yourself if what you're hoping for is realistic, or even logical! And absolutely, reaching for a source of self-love, exactly where you are, not withholding that love until you reach your weight loss "goals."

    @questionfear, I hear you on being mistaken for a guy when you work out. I have many (female and genderqueer) friends who are mistaken for cisgendered men regularly. Is that something that makes you feel hesitant to work out? The look on that guy's face must have been priceless, by the way!

    @VGanieany Thanks for the support! That's exactly how I'm trying to approach it (some days with more success than others). The trouble for me, comes when I consider WHY I feel bad if I gain a bit, and WHY I feel good if I lose. I should feel good about myself, no matter what size I am! I hate that society has burrowed these insecurities and fears into my head, no matter how hard I try to fight them! But you're right. I DEFINITELY don't need people in my life who NEED me to be a certain size in order to be loved or even liked! :smiley:

    @lilydove37 I know what you mean about being frustrated with articles etc that are geared specifically towards women. Even the way they are written is irritating to me, sometimes, because lots of them (although not all) zero in SO HARD on goals like "looking good for [a bikini, a dress, naked for sex with men, etc etc]" rather than being able to run a longer distance or lift a heavier weight. And CERTAINLY women's articles aren't talking much about building muscle. So many of them discuss how to AVOID looking (and thus being) muscular! It must be super frustrating for you. BTW, have you tried crossfit? I hear that builds amazing strength and coordination. I've never done it (and I'm WAY too scared - and broke - to try) but my niece loves it. I've also read lots of cautionary tales about it too, though, especially if you find a crossfit "box" that doesn't have educated trainers. So if you give it a whirl, be safe about it and do the research!



  • questionfear
    questionfear Posts: 527 Member
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    @norchids It doesn't make me hesitant, though I mostly work out at home for time reasons. It's awkward sometimes though. The best was last weekend when we were in Target and I found a sweet pair of Mossimo shorts for $12...my wife joked that they were perfect for our son's birthday party this weekend, but that I better hope my brother doesn't wear the same shorts!

    (Then I pointed out my brother wouldn't be caught dead in $12 shorts. Crisis averted!)
  • liv_emmett
    liv_emmett Posts: 32 Member
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    Hello I am bisexual although many people don't know as I am not out of the closet and I don't know how to feel because guys may reject me because of this and lesbians may think that I am more likely to cheat, I don't know how to go about my feelings and I am afraid that people may say that it is just a phase because I am so young but I would love some new friends for motivation and encouragement xx
  • _Waffle_
    _Waffle_ Posts: 13,049 Member
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    liv_emmett wrote: »
    Hello I am bisexual attracted to humans

    See. That wasn't so difficult.
  • hazzaram
    hazzaram Posts: 77 Member
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    Feel free to add me. I'm Pansexual bordering on asexual. I'm definitely LGBT friendly :)
  • _Waffle_
    _Waffle_ Posts: 13,049 Member
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    I like running, hiking, and outdoor adventures.
  • Annahbananas
    Annahbananas Posts: 284 Member
    edited June 2016
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    Straight guy here with a question.

    I am wondering how the sexual orientation of an individual becomes a prerequisite for a friend request on a fitness site?

    I think the OPs request would be no different that me asking for straight male and female friends - which I am sure would offend people.

    I flat out don't care about your religion, race, sexual orientation, where you are from, your affluence or lack of it, etc....I am on here to stay fit and healthy and want like minded, active friends.

    Because she may want to share some things with folks here in more of a safe place. If you were gay, you'd understand a little bit better

    Also, don't assume or put words in her mouth. She isn't saying she wants only LGBTQ people as friends. It says LGBTQ friends wanted. Which usually means she more than likely has straight friends but there issues or other things she wants to confide in...again...a safe place.