should I fight for him ?
juliafitchick
Posts: 11 Member
We met at a very young age back in public school grade 5. He chased me around the school yard begging me for a hug that's when it all started. We grew up together dating every year on and off until grade 9, when we decided to take things serious. On our first anniversary he gave me a promise ring and from there we were high school sweethearts. It was a love that nothing in our peer group could compare to. When high school ended we lost a very close friend and it drifted as apart. I took off to college and we remained loyal to each other. The distance was very hard on us. Eventually his family started to play a large roll in his decisions pushing him farther and farther away from me. In my second year of college he decided to go to a university in a whole other town and we still managed to do the distance. No matter what life gave us we worked with it. We fought all the time, while in school I'd get crazy jealous and eventually he stopped trusting me we started to fade our stress was over top because we were both in school and so far away from everything we ever knew. Our relationship went south really quickly and we both have our faults. In my final year of school and his second he decided to end things. And just like that cold turkey I lost my best friend. My lover. My baby my soal mate... he was my everything. When I saw him post pictures on line with other girls it killed me. But never did I act on it. I just did my own thing and I tried to find myself so I could grow individually and move on. In total we dated for 6 years if you wanna add public school it'd be around 11. It's now going on the 9th months i've been apart from him and I still love him so dearly. We didn't talk for months, he didn't even wish me a merry Christmas... nothing but when his birthday came around I had to message him I didn't tell him how much I missed him but I just hoped he was doing well. He did the same when my birthday passed and eventually came home for the summer. Now he's back home in my town and I run into him often. At the gym or the bar and every time I see him my heart skips a beat. I get thoes crazy butterflys like I used to back in grade 5.. finally one night he saw me at the bar and came over to talk to me. We ended up leaving and he poured his heart out to me. Said he still cares and he loves me and a whole lot of deep personal stuff. But... he also said that he has a girlfriend and that he would leave her. That was about a month ago now. I still gave him space because I knew we couldn't just rush back into our old relationship. But I guess he never left her and now I'm stuck because I'm so madly in love with him and I know he doesn't care about her the way he cares about me. Last night we hungout, I felt like my life was back in harmony again. When we said bye he gave me a tight hug. I miss him so much we have so much history together. I've never truly fought for him and I need help! Ladies, gentile men please what would you do if you were me? Do I fight for that love back? I've tried to move on but I can't because my heart is still with him. I know we have a young love but that doesn't make it any less potent. It just makes it more confusing!!! G+J=♡♡♡
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I am a true believer in not having regrets. I would personally go for it but not until he has ended it with the other person. At the end of the day if you try and it doesn't work out you'll know for sure it is not meant to be. On the other hand if you try and it does then it is. Do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering 'what if'. If it doesn't work though then you can move on. I think until you try you'll forever be in limbo.5
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The question is...have you outgrown the love? First love is potent...but the roots are fragile. "Fight for him" implies that you will be doing this over and over. I was with one man for 30 years...and life changed us both. It always does. Will you love him in ten years...or are you afraid to lose what WAS?10
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if he really wanted to be with you, he'd make himself available...
tell him how you feel, and tell him to make a decision.10 -
A solid relationship is not one you have to "fight" for.
You're young so you can be forgiven for still believing in things like soul mates, but people are people, and there's no such thing.
If he wanted to be with you, he would. Let it go. If he comes back, he comes back. If he doesn't, he doesn't. You can't force anything to happen and you can't make someone else love you and want to be with you if they don't.17 -
If he truly cared for you, he would end the relationship he has now. Cut off all contact with him until he ends his present relationship. The only way you can fight for him is giving him this ultimatum. If he doesn't leave her-go on with your life!
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Just break up.7
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Trying to write a reply but I'm not sure how to spell what sounds like iiuulkkkggg so I'll just go with "oh barf."16
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I agree with others you shouldn't have to "fight". Talk to him see what he DOES because actions are louder than words and if he doesn't leave her current girlfriend then he is not serious enough about being with you. And maybe y'all should start courting instead of just dating. Also how do you know if he is even the same person you used to know ... Your in love with the you met and dated way back when and you guys have been apart from each other for sometime and people change to keep that in consideration. Often when time has pass people only really remember the good times.., so are you only having selective memory? I hope all works out. Either way you will be happy1
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That sounds like a rough ride, and I'm sorry you went through it. I still talk to my high school sweetheart, he's married now, with kids.
Sorry to say it but I think you should call it quits, and move on. If he wanted to be with you he'd be with you and not have a girlfriend. He may still like you, and still love you as a friend and person but it doesn't sound like he really wants to be together with you.
Time to date other people hun, you're too good to be someone's 2nd choice.6 -
Don't but stupid. We guys aren't that overly complicated. We want every woman on the planet we find remotely attractive. We're dogs. It's in our nature.
And if we have one already but we have another one tagging along and hanging around and showing us they want us?
That's when we men split up into two groups.
Those with honor.
and
Those who will swear we'll break up with the other one.
Those with honor either just do it, or say "Sorry, I'm taken." and make it clear, straight forward and direct. No way to confuse it with anything else.
We man up, in other words.
He's playing both you and her. He knows he had it good then, he knows he's got it good now and he knows he can have it even better (in his mind) when he can play both of you at the same time.
If he was madly in love with you and missed what he had before, he'd tell her goodbye without even giving it a second thought and he'd apologize for making you wait even that long.31 -
If he still has a girlfriend, you're in dangerous waters. Here's how I see this playing out:
You: I still love you.
Him: I still love you too.
You: What about your girlfriend?
Him: I'll break up with her.
And then, because emotions are running high and he's promised it's over with her, you guys make out. Next time you see him, he still hasn't broken up with her because he's worried he's going to "hurt her." You guys hook up again. This becomes a pattern, and he's a cheater and you're involved in an affair. Is that how you want it to go down with your soul mate?
If he's still wrapped up in a relationship, it would be better to just walk away from this. He's not available. There's another person involved who could get very, very hurt if you "fight for him."10 -
paragraphs!!!! for the love of all that is holy! paragraphs. if this saga of love has taught me anything its how much i love paragraphs and will fight till the bitter end for them.35
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Move on, the first love hurts the most but I swear there are more out there, better out there. If he's talking about leaving a girl for you (and not doing it) he's never going to and he's just pulling you along, you shouldn't want a guy who would dump a girl for another one anyway because someday that could be you.1
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paragraphs!!!! for the love of all that is holy! paragraphs. if this saga of love has taught me anything its how much i love paragraphs and will fight till the bitter end for them.
Paragraphs, punctuation and capitalization. Grammar is important, now and even after high school. >.>9 -
No, I wouldn't fight for that relationship. I don't think he seriously wants a relationship with you again.
I would really stop hanging out with him. I don't think you are feeling the same things or are on the same page.
Honestly your relationship doesn't sound like it was good for a pretty long time before you broke up. It hurts for quite awhile but still you need to move on with your life.5 -
"gentile men" -- No Jews, please. No Jews. ;-)
If he truly cared about you as much as you think he cares about you, he wouldn't still be seeing his girlfriend. Move on. You're obviously still very young so I'll be nice and not do the tough love thing, but you will one day look back on this and be glad it didn't work out. He isn't the great love of your life. He's a cad.7 -
All the makings of a great country and western song.2
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I "Chased" or "Fought" for a relationship my entire adult life. Now I wait for someone to "chase" me.
Coming from a different perspective, don't "fight" for him..."fight" for yourself. Concentrate on building a better YOU each day. This will give you a great thing to focus on besides the loss of your former boyfriend and help you heal and get over this breakup. Given the length of your relationship, that will take time. Give yourself that time and when you feel yourself ruminating on it, go do something positive for yourself.
What is meant to be will be, it may just not be at this time. I do not mean to live each day waiting for the day that he "realizes" he needs to be back with you, but you both had outgrown your relationship at that time in your lives. Keep working yourself, and do not focus on him, his life, or his girlfriend.
It is wonderful that your relationship and breakup have left both of you thinking well of each other - that rarely happens. Just keep working on being even better. This is the key to inner strength. AND it is very attractive to ALL MEN
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If he'd leave his gf for you, he's a douche. Move on.
Also, you're 22. When you're 30, you'll laugh about him and this post.11 -
My opinion? You need to let this go and focus on your own personal growth.2
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xmichaelyx wrote: »If he'd leave his gf for you, he's a douche. Move on.
Also, you're 22. When you're 30, you'll laugh about him and this post.
He's a douche for saying he'd leave his girlfriend and not already doing it. He's not being honest to someone about his feelings, one way or the other.4 -
Aggree with Binary..
Not ALL men, but quite a few, are happy to have tag alongs. I have never seen it end well. If he is willing to string you along when he already has a girlfriend, will you ever really trust him not to do the same to you with some other woman in the future?
You shouldn't have to 'fight' for anyone. When the right one comes along you will know, You will be the world to him, and he to you.2 -
If he doesn't leave this other girl then he doesn't care for you as much as he says. Don't wait for him. I am sorry for being so blunt but it just isn't worth it.1
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If it were me, I would lay down one ground rule. And that would be to not hang out at all unless he ends it with his other girlfriend and wants to truly be with you. It's not good being stuck in the middle getting hurt. Make him make a decision. It doesn't have to be rushed, but he needs to be CLEAR.
That being said... if it's meant to be, you and he would have already known. I'm not a believer in second chances, unless you're already married. The reason for breaking up the first time is always a good reason. Even if you get together with him again... you know his family doesn't want you around either. It's hard to build a life together when you dislike the other's family.0 -
I'd go for it. Tell him exactly how you feel. If he says he feels the same way then he will break it off with the other girl.
If he doesn't immediately break it off with her then you'll have your answer. If he doesn't break up with her then move on and try to forget about him, at least you tried. If he does break up with her then go for it and give it a chance2 -
I like a little drama with my morning coffee. Goes down smooth, unlike a side piece or a desperate ex-girlfriend.
Seriously, show some self respect so he shows you respect. You may be a match made in heaven but you still need to be someone he respects.7 -
This is why I'm glad the internet wasn't a thing when I was a young lass.
If he liked you, he'd be with you. Or at least be single and willing to put effort in. He doesn't love you -- his wants his cake and eat it too.
Scrap up all the self respect you can muster, tell him you like him a lot - but he's involved with somebody else and NOT AVAILABLE. Stop seeing and communicating with this man until he is single or you have gotten over your feelings.4 -
It always amazes me that people seem to think that the object of their affections won't turn around and leave them just like they left their current bf/gf/spouse.5
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