Just lost my job, my motivation and my willpower in one fell swoop

wanderinglight · July 2016

I'm freefalling and need some help. I was hired for my dream job which would have taken me to Alaska for five months. It would have been a fairly physical job, and I was training hard for it and feeling great. For the past few weeks I was focused on a backpacking / hiking program which was tailored to the job I'd be doing. I would fill my backpack with books and "hike" on the treadmill, I was swimming in the afternoons to get my cardio up, and had incorporated a healthy eating plan and strength training. This would have been my first "big" job back after several years of dealing with back surgeries and shoulder surgery.

Yesterday I got let go from the job, just two weeks before I was supposed to leave. And now I'm having such a hard time summoning up any enthusiasm to continue my program. I'm trying to give myself a new goal to train for but it feels fake and stupid and the incentive isn't there. I can't seem to come up with anything that gives me the same motivation as this job.

I know that I could make a new goal like a half marathon or C25K but I'm just not feeling it. I have no desire to do any kind of running or races in general. For me the appeal was being paid to be on the job out in the wild. That is my career and I love it and I miss it. I know I could also come up with a goal that incorporates some sort of adventure but we can't afford that, especially now that I'm out of five months of work.

All of this comes on the heels of several years of depression following a bad accident that left me unemployable and unable to work out. After 20+ years of healthy habits and physical activity, I have spent the past 3 years feeling sorry for myself and gained 30lbs. I thought I had found that "spark" that would finally, finally get me over this hump and back to both the job I love and the healthy shape I like to be in and now that it's gone I just feel lost again.

What to do when all the usual motivation doesn't work..?

CrazyMermaid1 · July 2016

You need to talk to a counselor and maybe consider medication for depression.

CandiGilliam · July 2016

Find new motivation

DeficitDuchess · July 2016

Possibly seek to get another job, such as the 1; that you lost? Who knows there might've been a positive reason, for why you weren't meant; to do this particular job but train for it, to do something better; with that training. Sort of like when someone misses their flight, they're livid, until they find out that plane crashed & killed everyone aboard, then they know that missing that flight; was what was best for them & thus they then appreciate the new opportunities, that they have; to still accomplish.

RodaRose · July 2016

First you mourn like you would any other loss. Acknowledge the sukiness of the loss of that particular dream.
Then pick yourself up and move on to the next job .

NorthCascades · July 2016

That sounds like an incredible job. I think I would have loved it too. Sorry to hear it was pulled out from under you at the very end after you've been looking forward to it. That really sucks. A lot. I wish I had something more useful to say.

Spend time outside every day. Even if you're far from the wild lands you love, it's still better to be out under the sky than inside surrounded by walls.

Sued0nim · July 2016

RodaRose wrote: »

First you mourn like you would any other loss. Acknowledge the sukiness of the loss of that particular dream.
Then pick yourself up and move on to the next job .

^^^

This

You have the next 48 hours to mourn

Then pull your socks up and get on with the rest of your life

ninerbuff · July 2016

Understand that there are some things in your control and some not. Whether you want it or not, the world will go on. You have the choice to join along or just linger and be an after thought.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Frankenbarbie01 · July 2016

^^ Yup!! Embrace the Suck for a few more days then go and get a job like the one you wanted but for their competition, then go kick some butt and take names. This job although you love it, and would have loved this particular one, does not define you. Don't let one little roadblock get in your way.

wanderinglight · July 2016

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to respond. There is good advice there and I appreciate it. I think that seeing a counselor is also a good suggestion.

I had more or less made my peace with leaving my line of work after my accident and surgeries, since I simply cannot physically do what I used to do. After I got hurt I just didn't get called for jobs like this any more. I went three years without getting a job that involved travel and adventure. So that's part of why I got so excited and put so much stock into it. It just validated this very essential part of who I am (was?) and the career that I love(d). I saw the Alaska job as my way back in after a long time away.

I guess I'm still in the "acknowledge the suckiness" part of this process.

RodaRose · July 2016

Trust that you can find enough joy in a job with something temporary for now while you work towards a new dream.
You are going to be ok

laur357 · July 2016

One of the most important things you can do while unemployed or job searching is to set yourself a work-like schedule. You schedule your day to include some job searching (fill out applications, skill building, some time tailoring your resume and cover letter to specific jobs, practicing for interview), and then have distinct time for doing housework and family/fun/social things. It increases your productivity and reduces the need to rely on motivation if you're feel stressed or hopeless. (If you're working in some other capacity, you can pick select evenings or certain times during the week if it's not an urgent need for a job.)

For you, I would suggest adding in physical training to your job hunting portion of the day since it's important to you to find meaningful work that includes nature and physical ability. You're still training for your career, just not the specific job you were originally offered.

I also agree that counseling would be a wise move if it's something you're able to get. Aside from helping you get to a better place mentally, they can often connect you with resources for assistance in finding work or developing professionally to get you back to where you want to be.

Rocknut53 · July 2016

wanderinglight wrote: »

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to respond. There is good advice there and I appreciate it. I think that seeing a counselor is also a good suggestion.

I had more or less made my peace with leaving my line of work after my accident and surgeries, since I simply cannot physically do what I used to do. After I got hurt I just didn't get called for jobs like this any more. I went three years without getting a job that involved travel and adventure. So that's part of why I got so excited and put so much stock into it. It just validated this very essential part of who I am (was?) and the career that I love(d). I saw the Alaska job as my way back in after a long time away.

I guess I'm still in the "acknowledge the suckiness" part of this process.

I thought for a minute I had written this. I have been and currently am in your shoes. The past couple years as well as back in 2008-2009 have not been kind to me as an (aging) oil field geologist whose career didn't kick off until I was in my 50's. My job for the past 6 months has been to shed this extra 40 pounds so that when I can get back to work I am better physically prepared for the work. My work has taken me lots of places I never would have seen otherwise and I truly miss that. I take it day to day now, some days suck, others not so much. Alaska was my dream when I was in college, then life happened and I never went there to work. It's not off the plate though, the company I work for when I work, picks up contracts there now and then so I just keep my fingers crossed that something will fall into place. Good luck to you, try to think positive and keep on with your physical improvement so when it happens, you'll be ready.

katherengomez76 · July 2016

We never know our path in life. But keep positive and find your blessings don't let yourself go down that black hole of Despair. Hang in there and keep with this community to stay accountable okay?

RoseTheWarrior · July 2016

I feel for you. I really do. I lost a dream job too (my boss sold out his business). It hurt. My DH and I had to sell our house. Everything I worked for seemed to crumble in one moment. I let it hold me back for far too long though. I moved to another job, but I still felt so betrayed and angry that it was affecting my new job too. I finally decided to go for counseling, or I thought I actually might get fired. I saw a psychologist that was provided by the employee assistance program. After a few times going I also decided to see my doctor about anti-depressants. It was the BEST decision I ever made in my entire life. Everyone around me has noticed a huge change in my attitude. I'm always a work in progress, but I'm miles and miles from where I was.

Please, don't let this affect you for too long. The past is gone. There's nothing you can do but put yourself in a better place going forward. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

dbanks80 · July 2016

CrazyMermaid1 wrote: »

You need to talk to a counselor and maybe consider medication for depression.

This might sound like a crappy thing to say but why do people just automatically jump to medication? The OP lost a dream job, been through some hardships it is natural to be depressed. Suggesting to jump straight to meds for depression is mind blowing.

OP so sorry for the loss of your job. Continue with your exercises that will help with the depression. Try to stay strong and I hope another job will come your way!!

angeleyes4643 · July 2016

I agree. Give yourself time to mourn. Then think about where you want your life to be in 30 days. Decide to work towards that goal. In 30 days decide where you want to be in 60 days. Then make it happen. Think about the little train that could and think about how bad you felt before and how good you felt when you were working towards your goal. Stay strong and see what the world has to offer. Who knows maybe this happened for a reason and something else will come along that is better suited for you. Just keep setting goals and working towards them. As long as you are moving forward it doesn't matter how long or short the strides are, just so you are moving.

idkimfathelp · July 2016

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It did sound like an awesome job, but I'm pretty sure that a person who had shown such determination as you did would be able to find something as equally wonderful in no time. Things happen for a reason and maybe something even more awesome is just waiting for you, so don't give up. Go you!

nowine4me · July 2016

Sorry to hear about your situation. Any chance you could go to Alaska anyway to spend time backpacking and hiking? There may be some type of hiking/camping/fishing expedition group you could join so you could still get the experience.

JenHuedy · July 2016

wanderinglight wrote: »

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to respond. There is good advice there and I appreciate it. I think that seeing a counselor is also a good suggestion.

I had more or less made my peace with leaving my line of work after my accident and surgeries, since I simply cannot physically do what I used to do. After I got hurt I just didn't get called for jobs like this any more. I went three years without getting a job that involved travel and adventure. So that's part of why I got so excited and put so much stock into it. It just validated this very essential part of who I am (was?) and the career that I love(d). I saw the Alaska job as my way back in after a long time away.

I guess I'm still in the "acknowledge the suckiness" part of this process.

I completely understand where you're at right now. I was laid off from a career I loved. I didn't think I'd ever get another job in my field. There just aren't that many in my area and relocation isn't in the cards at this point in my life. I fuddled along in odd jobs for a year or so and on a whim applied for a job I didn't think I had a chance of getting. I got that job and it was more amazing than I could ever have dreamed. I was so proud of the company I worked for, had the best co-workers I'd ever worked with and really felt that they were happy with the work I did. That gave me the confidence to quit smoking and lose 90 pounds so I could be the kind of person who had an amazing job for an amazing company.

Then my entire world came crashing down. I got laid off from the Dream Job. I don't know how, but I managed to keep it together. I think one of the main reasons was that I used the confidence I'd developed from that job and from running to keep on the path I'd started. I may not have had that job anymore, but I was still had the talent and skill that made me awesome at it.

I used the time off to increase my running and start lifting and found a lot of fulfillment in those goals. And I applied for jobs I never thought I'd get. And I did manage to get one. And it pays better and is closer to home than the last one. I don't have the group of inspiring people like my old job, and the work isn't as fulfilling, but I brought enough of my old job with me to inspire myself to keep going.

wanderinglight · July 2016

NorthCascades wrote: »

That sounds like an incredible job. I think I would have loved it too. Sorry to hear it was pulled out from under you at the very end after you've been looking forward to it. That really sucks. A lot. I wish I had something more useful to say.

Spend time outside every day. Even if you're far from the wild lands you love, it's still better to be out under the sky than inside surrounded by walls.

Thank you so much for this great advice. Alaska is not the only wild and beautiful place out there.

wanderinglight · July 2016

Rocknut53 wrote: »

wanderinglight wrote: »

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to respond. There is good advice there and I appreciate it. I think that seeing a counselor is also a good suggestion.

I had more or less made my peace with leaving my line of work after my accident and surgeries, since I simply cannot physically do what I used to do. After I got hurt I just didn't get called for jobs like this any more. I went three years without getting a job that involved travel and adventure. So that's part of why I got so excited and put so much stock into it. It just validated this very essential part of who I am (was?) and the career that I love(d). I saw the Alaska job as my way back in after a long time away.

I guess I'm still in the "acknowledge the suckiness" part of this process.

I thought for a minute I had written this. I have been and currently am in your shoes. The past couple years as well as back in 2008-2009 have not been kind to me as an (aging) oil field geologist whose career didn't kick off until I was in my 50's. My job for the past 6 months has been to shed this extra 40 pounds so that when I can get back to work I am better physically prepared for the work. My work has taken me lots of places I never would have seen otherwise and I truly miss that. I take it day to day now, some days suck, others not so much. Alaska was my dream when I was in college, then life happened and I never went there to work. It's not off the plate though, the company I work for when I work, picks up contracts there now and then so I just keep my fingers crossed that something will fall into place. Good luck to you, try to think positive and keep on with your physical improvement so when it happens, you'll be ready.

I'm sorry to hear that you are in the same boat. It sounds like you have lots of positive and potential avenues coming up, and I was really inspired to read that your career didn't kick off until you were in your 50's. Sometimes I find it terrifying that I'll never work for a stable company and have a set career path, and other times I find it incredibly exhilarating. That being said, I'm hoping the pendulum swings back over to "exhilarating" soon.

wanderinglight · July 2016

RoseTheWarrior wrote: »

I feel for you. I really do. I lost a dream job too (my boss sold out his business). It hurt. My DH and I had to sell our house. Everything I worked for seemed to crumble in one moment. I let it hold me back for far too long though. I moved to another job, but I still felt so betrayed and angry that it was affecting my new job too. I finally decided to go for counseling, or I thought I actually might get fired. I saw a psychologist that was provided by the employee assistance program. After a few times going I also decided to see my doctor about anti-depressants. It was the BEST decision I ever made in my entire life. Everyone around me has noticed a huge change in my attitude. I'm always a work in progress, but I'm miles and miles from where I was.

Please, don't let this affect you for too long. The past is gone. There's nothing you can do but put yourself in a better place going forward. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

"everything I worked for seemed to crumble in one moment"

I'm so sorry -- that must have been so tremendously difficult for you. I am SO glad that counseling and anti-depressants worked for you. I have set up an appointment with my therapist. She helped me deal with PTSD and anxiety after my boat accident and I'm hoping that I can make some progress again.

wanderinglight · July 2016

nowine4me wrote: »

Sorry to hear about your situation. Any chance you could go to Alaska anyway to spend time backpacking and hiking? There may be some type of hiking/camping/fishing expedition group you could join so you could still get the experience.

Thank you for your kind suggestion. I have been there many times and love it and will go back some day on a vacation. But we have money stress right now and that what was what made this opportunity so appealing -- to be paid to work in a place that I love.

wanderinglight · July 2016

JenHuedy wrote: »

wanderinglight wrote: »

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to respond. There is good advice there and I appreciate it. I think that seeing a counselor is also a good suggestion.

I had more or less made my peace with leaving my line of work after my accident and surgeries, since I simply cannot physically do what I used to do. After I got hurt I just didn't get called for jobs like this any more. I went three years without getting a job that involved travel and adventure. So that's part of why I got so excited and put so much stock into it. It just validated this very essential part of who I am (was?) and the career that I love(d). I saw the Alaska job as my way back in after a long time away.

I guess I'm still in the "acknowledge the suckiness" part of this process.

I completely understand where you're at right now. I was laid off from a career I loved. I didn't think I'd ever get another job in my field. There just aren't that many in my area and relocation isn't in the cards at this point in my life. I fuddled along in odd jobs for a year or so and on a whim applied for a job I didn't think I had a chance of getting. I got that job and it was more amazing than I could ever have dreamed. I was so proud of the company I worked for, had the best co-workers I'd ever worked with and really felt that they were happy with the work I did. That gave me the confidence to quit smoking and lose 90 pounds so I could be the kind of person who had an amazing job for an amazing company.

Then my entire world came crashing down. I got laid off from the Dream Job. I don't know how, but I managed to keep it together. I think one of the main reasons was that I used the confidence I'd developed from that job and from running to keep on the path I'd started. I may not have had that job anymore, but I was still had the talent and skill that made me awesome at it.

I used the time off to increase my running and start lifting and found a lot of fulfillment in those goals. And I applied for jobs I never thought I'd get. And I did manage to get one. And it pays better and is closer to home than the last one. I don't have the group of inspiring people like my old job, and the work isn't as fulfilling, but I brought enough of my old job with me to inspire myself to keep going.

This is profoundly inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing! I woke up today feeling a bit better. The person who posted above said I could have 48 hours of wallowing and I'm going to use all of them...and then I'm going to make a list of every random dream job I can think of. My industry is not perfect (witness the fact that I almost died due to the negligence in my line of work) and it's certainly not the only amazing job out there.

BarbellzNBrotein · July 2016

CrazyMermaid1 wrote: »

You need to talk to a counselor and maybe consider medication for depression.

Bit dismissive. Pills aren't always the holy grail to ones new found happiness.

kshama2001 · July 2016

Lots of good advice already so I will just send you a hug from a penguin:

VividVegan · July 2016

Burn their building down (I would). Either that or rub everything with poison ivy (while wearing gloves). My last job let me go after having a seizure by the way. I had my fair share of revenge. They still have no idea I was behind it, lol. Feels good

RoseTheWarrior · July 2016

wanderinglight wrote: »

RoseTheWarrior wrote: »

I feel for you. I really do. I lost a dream job too (my boss sold out his business). It hurt. My DH and I had to sell our house. Everything I worked for seemed to crumble in one moment. I let it hold me back for far too long though. I moved to another job, but I still felt so betrayed and angry that it was affecting my new job too. I finally decided to go for counseling, or I thought I actually might get fired. I saw a psychologist that was provided by the employee assistance program. After a few times going I also decided to see my doctor about anti-depressants. It was the BEST decision I ever made in my entire life. Everyone around me has noticed a huge change in my attitude. I'm always a work in progress, but I'm miles and miles from where I was.

Please, don't let this affect you for too long. The past is gone. There's nothing you can do but put yourself in a better place going forward. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

"everything I worked for seemed to crumble in one moment"

I'm so sorry -- that must have been so tremendously difficult for you. I am SO glad that counseling and anti-depressants worked for you. I have set up an appointment with my therapist. She helped me deal with PTSD and anxiety after my boat accident and I'm hoping that I can make some progress again.

I sincerely hope that your therapist can help you work through your feelings. I wish you all the best. You've obviously got on the right track by talking about it and setting up the appointment, and the fact that you were helped by the therapy after your accident says a lot about your character and willingness to move on. Well done!

NorthCascades · July 2016

Out of curiosity, what was the job? Wildland firefighter?

AngelinaB_ · July 2016

I feel you... I had been recovering from injuries and dealing with chronic pain for the last two years... my work has suffered from it... and then when things got a bit nicer, that I felt finally the bad rut was coming to an end... I lost my mom unexpectedly... what can I say... the only thing I could do and I always have, is focus on the positive... and positive things have happened too we just don't see it sometimes... I see you are in love and happy... focus on that... you must get occupied (I tell this to myself not that I am great following my own advice I know it can be so hard, the smaller things everybody takes for granted)... with whatever... helping others if you don't find the mojo to do it for yourself, volunteer work, it will help you.... and then start pitching again so you will get another job... you will! I have no doubts you will.

Just lost my job, my motivation and my willpower in one fell swoop

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