Divorce/jealousy

Untilproud11 · July 2016

Anyone started dealing with extreme jealousy and relationship issues after losing weight?
I never in a million years thought thats once I lose weight my relationship will b my real problem
Its funny how we think that losing weight fixes everything
I actually have more ugly problems now that I'm 40 lbs lighter and 5 lbs from my goal ...
I tell myself "gain those 40lbs back and get ur happiness back !"
Lol i know thats dumb
I'm just so depressed right now

STEVE142142 · July 2016

In my opinion your weight loss has nothing to do with all your issues. Unfortunately what you're experiencing now is just normal life issues.
Without knowing your current situation I'd say any problems you're encountering right now where underlying issues before. All I can tell you is good luck and things will get better.

Untilproud11 · July 2016

Thank you

minniemoo1972 · July 2016

Keeping you fat was a form of control.....nothing to do with you its your partners problem....gaining 40lb may make them feel better but now you know their true colours you damn well won't.

cnbbnc · July 2016

minniemoo1972 wrote: »

Keeping you fat was a form of control.....nothing to do with you its your partners problem....gaining 40lb may make them feel better but now you know their true colours you damn well won't.

I was thinking along these lines. My ex is a very insecure person, and every time I would lose weight/feel better/gain confidence, he would change and get nasty. I would end up gaining everything back, either due to comfort eating because of the fighting or somehow to make peace again.

That's far from the only reason I got divorced though. If you thought that losing weight would make everything better and solve your problems, it doesn't. It's just weight. Life and it's crap are still there regardless.

I'll also say that losing weight won't make a bad marriage better. Congrats on your weight loss though. Keep going and don't back down.

sunflowerhippi · July 2016

My ex husband used to constantly complain I was fat. Then when i came to loosing weight since he cooked dinner before I got home he would yell at me because I would ask what was in it, how it was cooked, and weigh my food. I ruined his life, his fun, and everything else because my diet was important for me to loose the weight and not be fat, but only if it didn't effect his day to day life. I was no fun to eat out with because i had to look up nutrition for foods, and wouldn't sit at a buffet for hours anymore.

I used to do intermentant fasting specifically to have 1000 calories or more left for dinner because who knew what he would cook. I was miserable because no mater what he hated my diet, me working out, anything that inconvenienced him at all. I did my best to wake up early and be home from workouts before he even woke up so I could cook on weekends but it wasn't ever good enough. He would still spend the day saying I ruined his plans somehow by my 5am workout. Some people are just *kitten* and no mater what you can't please them.

My ex was also fat and lazy and food was all he cared about so me wanting to be healthy was obviously a different lifestyle then he wanted. Even though all I did was cut my portions in like 1/4 from before but yeah. That was only one reason I left him but it started to show a lot more of his controlling personality as I lost the weight.

jodieelol · July 2016

First of all congratulations on your weight loss @mita271
Your other half may have started to feel insecure that you're losing weight and looking better, this isn't uncommon.
You just need to let him know that you love him the same and nothing will change between you and that you'd appreciate the support for your new lifestyle
Maybe you need to have a frank, open and honest discussion about your relationship and air out all issues so that you can both move forward together

Untilproud11 · July 2016

Thank you all

My issue is trust
If he could put me in a cage and lock me from the world he would
If other man family menbers talk to me or other man look at me he goes crazy
I reassured him that "I still love u , even if other man try are around me I would never leave u or forget our amazing years together " and still he wants to be extremely controlling, after our last fight I packed to leave and he went on his kness and cried saying plz stay i love you i will never be mean again i cant live without you blah blah blah he even cried
I don't understand this

JustMissTracy · July 2016

mita271 wrote: »

Thank you all
My issue is trust
If he could put me in a cage and lock me from the world he would
If other man family menbers talk to me or other man look at me he goes crazy
I reassured him that "I still love u , even if other man try are around me I would never leave u or forget our amazing years together " and still he wants to be extremely controlling, after our last fight I packed to leave and he went on his kness and cried saying plz stay i love you i will never be mean again i cant live without you blah blah blah he even cried
I don't understand this

Huge control tactic there, don't fall for crocodile tears, no matter HOW much you love someone. The fact that you're doing something for YOU is scary and threatening to him, you must see that. At the end of the day tho, your health is paramount, YOU have to live in your body, for as long as possible. Please be wary of his games, the older you get the better they get at them, and the weaker WE become at standing up for ourselves. Good luck, much love, take care of yourself..xo

JustMissTracy · July 2016

sunflowerhippi wrote: »

My ex husband used to constantly complain I was fat. Then when i came to loosing weight since he cooked dinner before I got home he would yell at me because I would ask what was in it, how it was cooked, and weigh my food. I ruined his life, his fun, and everything else because my diet was important for me to loose the weight and not be fat, but only if it didn't effect his day to day life. I was no fun to eat out with because i had to look up nutrition for foods, and wouldn't sit at a buffet for hours anymore.

I used to do intermentant fasting specifically to have 1000 calories or more left for dinner because who knew what he would cook. I was miserable because no mater what he hated my diet, me working out, anything that inconvenienced him at all. I did my best to wake up early and be home from workouts before he even woke up so I could cook on weekends but it wasn't ever good enough. He would still spend the day saying I ruined his plans somehow by my 5am workout. Some people are just *kitten* and no mater what you can't please them.

My ex was also fat and lazy and food was all he cared about so me wanting to be healthy was obviously a different lifestyle then he wanted. Even though all I did was cut my portions in like 1/4 from before but yeah. That was only one reason I left him but it started to show a lot more of his controlling personality as I lost the weight.

Those games sound familiar, so glad you got out! xo

superpowers2016 · July 2016

Please continue on your path to improved health. It seems that you do love your husband and you have communicated to him that you are committed to your relationship and will be faithful. At this point the ball is in his court, let him know that if he meant what he told you when he was down on his knees he needs to go to counseling to deal with his jealousy and insecurity. Let him know that you will be there for him but he also needs to be there for you. Best of luck !

sunflowerhippi · July 2016

JustMissTracy wrote: »

sunflowerhippi wrote: »

My ex husband used to constantly complain I was fat. Then when i came to loosing weight since he cooked dinner before I got home he would yell at me because I would ask what was in it, how it was cooked, and weigh my food. I ruined his life, his fun, and everything else because my diet was important for me to loose the weight and not be fat, but only if it didn't effect his day to day life. I was no fun to eat out with because i had to look up nutrition for foods, and wouldn't sit at a buffet for hours anymore.

I used to do intermentant fasting specifically to have 1000 calories or more left for dinner because who knew what he would cook. I was miserable because no mater what he hated my diet, me working out, anything that inconvenienced him at all. I did my best to wake up early and be home from workouts before he even woke up so I could cook on weekends but it wasn't ever good enough. He would still spend the day saying I ruined his plans somehow by my 5am workout. Some people are just *kitten* and no mater what you can't please them.

My ex was also fat and lazy and food was all he cared about so me wanting to be healthy was obviously a different lifestyle then he wanted. Even though all I did was cut my portions in like 1/4 from before but yeah. That was only one reason I left him but it started to show a lot more of his controlling personality as I lost the weight.

Those games sound familiar, so glad you got out! xo

So am I. Took 6 years of his crap for me to realize it was just as bad in the end as my physically abusive ex before him. I am skilled at picking guys. smh lol

sallygroundhog · July 2016

superpowers2016 wrote: »

Please continue on your path to improved health. It seems that you do love your husband and you have communicated to him that you are committed to your relationship and will be faithful. At this point the ball is in his court, let him know that if he meant what he told you when he was down on his knees he needs to go to counseling to deal with his jealousy and insecurity. Let him know that you will be there for him but he also needs to be there for you. Best of luck !

+100
Remind him of his promise
Tell him you'll stay on the condition that he goes to counseling and/or you go to counseling together.

You are being punished, but you HAVEN'T done anything wrong.

minniemoo1972 · July 2016

In the uk mental abuse is treated the same as physical abuse.....abuse is abuse.

JustMissTracy · July 2016

I agree with the above UK statement.

williammuney · July 2016

The only time my wife gets jealous is when other women touch me lol

RodaRose · July 2016

mita271 wrote: »

Thank you all
My issue is trust
If he could put me in a cage and lock me from the world he would
If other man family menbers talk to me or other man look at me he goes crazy
I reassured him that "I still love u , even if other man try are around me I would never leave u or forget our amazing years together " and still he wants to be extremely controlling, after our last fight I packed to leave and he went on his kness and cried saying plz stay i love you i will never be mean again i cant live without you blah blah blah he even cried
I don't understand this

What he is doing to you is abuse.

minniemoo1972 · July 2016

Next time pack AND LEAVE. and stay gone.

solieco1 · July 2016

mita271 wrote: »

Thank you all
My issue is trust
If he could put me in a cage and lock me from the world he would
If other man family menbers talk to me or other man look at me he goes crazy
I reassured him that "I still love u , even if other man try are around me I would never leave u or forget our amazing years together " and still he wants to be extremely controlling, after our last fight I packed to leave and he went on his kness and cried saying plz stay i love you i will never be mean again i cant live without you blah blah blah he even cried
I don't understand this

Run. Run now, fast and far.

Psychgrrl · July 2016

As someone who works as a DV advocate, his behavior is displaying a very frightening and all-too-familiar pattern. He's testing you to see what you'll take and what techniques he needs to employ to get you to stay. The next step in escalation of his behavior is actual physical abuse, even if it seems like an "accident." I am really scared for you and would really, really like to be wrong.

What about couples counseling? Could that be an option for you both?

Please take care of yourself!!!

StrongAndHealthyMommy · July 2016

To me it sounds like the problem isn't your weight loss, he is the one having insecurity problems. The only way it can be fix its if he recognizes it and wants to do something about it. When I was younger, I used to be very controlling and I knew that crying and telling my boyfriend I love him he would be right there for me. Then, I would get tired because my boyfriend didn't do what I wanted him to do and I would break-up with the person and find somebody else who would let me control his life.

I'm glad I realized what I was doing by myself, and I worked hard to change it. Right before I met my husband, I decided to make that change and I was up front with him.

Wish you the best luck!!! congrats on your fitness progress and hopefully you find a satisfactory solution for your marriage

Untilproud11 · July 2016

Thx all
But I have kids
Very hard to leave

nutmegoreo · July 2016

mita271 wrote: »

Thx all
But I have kids
Very hard to leave

IMO, start with counseling, but keep in mind that this is what your children will be learning. You may not think the see it, but they do. Best wishes.

lindarpolk · July 2016

Then do it for the kids and you. You don't want them to grow up learning to put up with abuse and all the negative consequences that go with it. You want them to grow up understanding how men and women should treat each other, not show disrespect.

If he refused to get help to deal with his issues, call an abuse hotline. I'm sure they will help you make plans to get you and your kids to a safe place.

Divorce/jealousy

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