Obese children -- a question for them what have kids

My mom, as wonderful as she is, was never a cook. She never prepared meals from scratch, nor were they nutritionally balanced. We always had snack food in the house as well

This was exactly my childhood. Add to that, that my favorite beverage was pop/soda and my favorite activity was video games and it is quite obvious why I was an obese child. Once you are in that pattern and mindset that food comes from boxes, it is difficult to break. I am now 26 and am successfully reversing the years of damage. The funny thing is that even at my largest (262lbs, 5’11’’) my mom would say that I was not fat. I would say “Mom, I am clinically obese” and her reply would be “oh, you look fine.”

Now I have a 2 year old and a 1 month old and my wife and I are making a deliberate effort to cook from scratch and feed them nutritional balanced meals. We seldom travel down isles in the grocery store any more unless we need something specific like condiments, or cooking ingredients, everything else comes from the perimeter. Shopping like this is funny, because when my wife’s parents come over they look in the fridge and freezer and see only meats, dairy, fruits, vegetables and water and comment that we have nothing to eat or drink in the house. lol.

My 2 year old loves to be active, so we are encourage her in that as well with trips to the park, lake, playground etc… She will be taking her first ballet class today too because she loves to dance. My wife and I are also trying to set the example by taking up more active hobbies (although Istill like my video games, I play them much less now) like working out together, we will be doing a Warrior Dash in June 2012, hiking, camping, and we plan to start mountain biking and rock climbing.

I think it is important that “fun” be their only motivation right now, I don’t want pre-teen children worrying about calories and exercise. But as they get older and can understand, I think it is important that they learn, the how’s and why’s behind nutrition and exercise. Without the understanding component, once they grow out of these activities and are on their own, they run a much larger risk of becoming unhealthy and obese later in life. You see this all the time with high school football players; they are in great shape their entire life until they stop playing football.

So that is our approach anyways.

Nowadays, kids aren't going outside to play like we used to. It's video games and TV. When I was younger, I had a time limit I could play video games and if my mom thought I was being lazy, she kicked me out of the house to go play. The parents might be in denial or they just think they'll grow into it when they hit puberty Weight is a tough subject, even with kids.You could say one thing and you might think it was worded perfectly and nicely but it transfers into their mind as rude, embarrassing and they get angry with you over it.

I dont really know what to tell you that would help. I was obese in High School (any other time I was fairly thin) and I would have preferred no one told me I was fat. I was always outgoing (but still shy) and that killed me. I didn't know I was fat but after that I was overly aware.

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Unfortunately I think parents are in that "perfect" stage of love, a bit like when you fall in love with your partner and you go through that phase of thinking they are absolutely perfect. You love everything about them, even their fat.
I try to educate my daughter the relationship between eating and exercise, rather than trying to stop her eating. So we may have an ice cream but it will be incorporated with a long walk. That kind of thing. I lead by example by going to the gym and telling her I exercise.
Its hard for parents. If you're both working its hard to exercise with your kids during the week for instance. And then the weekend comes which for adults and children means loosening up eating, having a McDonalds treat etc.
But I think the advise definitely has to be to encourage kids to be active, thats great if they are good at music but they still need to be doing a sport at school for instance.

interested in all the responses, so many different vies on this subject

I'm trying to head obesity off at the pass with my kids too. Both are thin now, but we have steered them toward fruit and veg since they were babies, and we have enrolled them in various activities (7yo in TKD, 4yo in soccer clinic and gymnastics) to give them regularly scheduled physical activity. But with their dad and me being predisposed toward obesity, I keep a close eye on them - I don't know when their metabolisms will change, so I'm just trying to teach them how to be healthy now. Hopefully I will drop this weight and get healthy too and provide them with a better example.

This is an interesting topic. As a working mom of two, I think it's hard for moms or dads now to prepare a healthful meal every night, so we do the best we can with what we have.

I have two girls, so I am very conscious of how I present food to them. I don't want them to feel like anything is off-limits, because that's the way I felt as a kid (because of lack of money) and when I was older and had money I went crazy with food (and still do). I also don't want to ever focus on their sizes, so compliment them on their pretty smiles, nice singing, etc.

Do I notice their weight? Yes. And for me it's a struggle, as my 3-year-old is average to petite, while my 1-year-old takes after my tall husband and is large all over. I have to bite my tongue every time I want to point out her chubby thighs! I don't deny them snacks, but I prepare healthy meals several times a week, pack them healthy lunches, and let them have snacks in moderation. They spend most of the day outside at daycare, and evenings outside with myself and my husband, and I think that's the best we can do now.

Teaching them to have a good relationship with food is one of the most important things to me, but I do notice their weight. At this age, more on a proportional basis (since weight and height is still measured in percentiles). I've read so much on this topic, especially relating to girls and mothers, and it really scares me because there will be so many extremes as they go through life and I have to be the role model without making them feel like they are being deprived or put down for what they eat!

I started to gain a lot of weight when my dad left when I was in the fifth grade. At first I always thought I was fat, but looking back at pictures now, it really shows that I started to gain weight when he did leave. My mom still blames my weight problem on him. I don't, specially now that I'm grown. Lol. But when he left, my mom then had to work a lot of hours to stay a float from all the bills. My dad's mom then moved In with us and she became the main care taker of us while my moms at work. She does not cook and loves soda. Before she came all we were allowed was water and my mom would cook every meal. It turned into mcdonalds pretty much every day, and we would normally get shakes along with it. My mom on the other hand got too busy and depressed to notice and to busy to eat and she became under weight. So she was shrinking as her kids got bigger. I think when I loat all the weight before she was so proud of me.,,,then I gained 100 during pregnancy...ugh

I don't think there's a simple, one-size-fits-all answer to the problem. There are many reasons that contribute to obesity in childhood. Rarely is it the parents' fault, but the media would have us believe it is entirely. It's actually one of my major triggers.

I was adopted as an infant into a tall, thin family. My biological family were all overweight, unbeknownst to any of us, until I turned about 30. As a child, I was a healthy weight, with a small amount of chub. As soon as I hit puberty, all hell broke loose. I suddenly had a ravenous appetite and continued to eat my way to 155 pounds through my teens. While not what is considered huge, I was noticably, significantly overweight in my teens. It was a constant power struggle between my mother and I as to what went in my mouth. She wanted me slim, I wanted me slim, but my appetite won the war. We both lost battle after battle, as my will to eat was stronger than both of our desires to have me stay slim. I have the usual teen stories of attending WW, Tops, Weight Loss Clinic, etc., and following diet after diet...Scarsdale, grapefruit, Paavo Arola, whatever, you name it, my mother had me try it. She was diligent in her attempts to monitor and prepare food. To no avail. I just ate after school. There were several vending machines at the University I rode my bike through on my way to and from school and they had this huge brownie in one...nuff said. When my mother baked for Christmas, she had to bake several times, because I pilfered stuff from the freezer. As long as I was being denied, I was out of control. Was this my mother's fault? My fault? No. My survival instinct was stronger than both of us. The trick to preventing a huge weight gain was to make sure I always knew there was another treat, another meal coming. I could wait a few hours. But forever? Forget it. That just set me up for deceit and a binge. The key to dealing with a ravenous appetite it to keep it satisfied with small things, often. That means snacking to stave off hunger pangs. Hope you parents of adipose inclined kids are reading this...you can save both of you a lot of heartache and bring peace to your household.

One of the contributing factors is the way kids live, compared to the way we lived as kids. They're kept indoors for their own safety. Rarely do we see a kid running around the neighbourhood on their own like we did as kids and when we see one, we wonder where their parents are, because that kid is the vulnerable one. It's a sad, sad state that we've come to as a society.

Another factor is video games. Kids that are kept indoors have to be entertained somehow and this is an easy solution. We're not bad parents because we provide our kids with something to occupy them. Our parents didn't entertain us 24/7 either. The truth is, we need to spend MORE time with our kids than our parents did. We have to find ways to get them physical and that means doing it with them. Getting them out there. Driving them to activity after activity. Yes, our parents did that too, but in between, we were outside running around. Our kids aren't. They don't have the independence that we did. Whose fault is that? Not the parents and certainly not the kids.

Anyway, I am now a mother of a naturally slim child and of a naturally heavy child. My daughter is a size 2. She took the words I said to her as an 11-year old to heart "Learn from my mistakes. You can eat what you want, but you must exercise almost every day in order to stay slim and keep your health." While exercise was not naturally her favourite thing and she had a little extra weight during puberty, she registered for a dance class throughout her teens and continues to exercise regularly by running, doing tae bo and kickboxing, pilates, rock climbing, riding and other sports. She knows she can eat what she wants as long as she exercises to keep her metabolism going.

My son is not so lucky. Throughout my pregnancy, I had gestational diabetes and he was born with the same issues I have. He is quite content to sit still for long periods of time and cannot understand why anyone would want to do otherwise. It has been a struggle just to get him to go for a walk. This year, however, he is 14 and is starting to notice girls in a more focused way, shall we say? In spite of previous resistance to the idea, he has signed up for a personal trainer [thank you grand parents!!!] and I think this summer, he will start a lifetime of exercise. He seems to have the right attitude and is self-motivated enough to go on his own. I am so excited and relieved that the time has finally come for him. I was very aware of what he must have gone through at school and made sure I supported him in every way I could. I felt sometimes like I'd failed him, because he was overweight and got bullied some. I made sure though, that food was never a power struggle between us, as I know from personal experience, it only makes things worse. It gives a child an avenue to rebel in. Food is NOT the arena you want your kid to rebel in. At 14, he is 6'3" and 280 pounds right now and at the moment, the bullies are half his size, so it's not an issue. In Sept he goes to high school. We are dreading it somewhat. Boys being boys, there is always someone bigger and meaner that will test him. We are not particularly looking forward to that day. Hopefully, he will have some level of fitness by the end of the summer and might be confident enough to be able to avoid a confrontation. He is slow to boil and we have advocated peaceful means of shutting down bullies [humour being one of the main ones], so we are also hopeful.

This turned outto be more about the history of me and my kids, but I just wanted to show that each situation with each child is different and you really do need to take into account genetic and family backgrounds. In the end, the will to fight it is within the individual. You cannot do it for them, only support them by providing healthy foods and encouraging exercise as something fun to do. Parents today have some unique challenges and instead of being accusatory, judgmental and dismissive, we need to offer support and understanding and create safe environments where kids can play. All Day.

We have allowed our society to become one where it is not safe to go out. We have taken the consequences away from our children and allowed a few of them to terrorize our society. Childhood obesity is one of the consequences of that reality.

Hollycat
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