Heartbreak Pounds

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ShampooIsBetter
ShampooIsBetter Posts: 114
in Health and Weight Loss
Not to turn this into a relationship board, but it does relate to my weight loss. I've been involved with a gal on-and-off for the last four months. How "on-and-off"? Eight times. She's a lot younger than me and has serious emotional/mental/drug/daddy issues, but I care about her and keep "taking her back" and "giving her another chance" when i know I shouldnt.

Anyway, the constant chaos and worry over the last four months has really made a huge dent in my weight loss. On days after we "break up" I tend to not eat much and spend WAY too much time at the gym. There have been many days like that when I know I have burned more calories at the gym than I consume in the entire day (I figure 2 hours of working out equals about 1000-1200 calories, a number I am often below in my daily intake)

When we are "together", I follow a responsible diet/exercise program. When we are not "together" and I have had a few days to get over it, I tend to do about the same. But sprinkled in to that schedule will be a 2-3 day stretch where I pretty much go crazy with not eating and killing myself at the gym. I will often drop about 6 lbs during that time and then put back 3 during the following week. it's still a net loss of 3 lbs, which is much more than 1 lb per week I usually go after.

So yesterday was our latest break up and I have already skipped a couple meals and cant wait to go to the gym tonight and stay for a couple hours.

Extra motivation is that my weight is an issue in our relationship. She brings it up when she leaves me. She'll always say how she's young and pretty and deserves to have a "buff" guy. It's not hard to skip meals and spend an extra 30 minutes on the ellipitcal machine after someone you really care about says something like that to you. There's also extra motivation in that each time she comes back, she comments on my progress and appreciates how hard I have been working to better myself "for her".

Not sure if I have a question here. Just needed to type this out.
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Replies

  • dls06
    dls06 Posts: 6,774 Member
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    Always good to get it out. Don't give up on yourself. Do it for you.
  • CharlieBarleyMom
    CharlieBarleyMom Posts: 727 Member
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    Dump her. For good. She's jumping back to you because she's bored, not because she cares - because if she cared, your weight would not ever be an issue.

    If she's young and cute and deserves a "buff" guy, let her go find one.

    And, I really hope you are doing this for you, not for her... because that's doomed if it's for her.
  • karleen
    karleen Posts: 260
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    dump her i agree.
  • hopebuck
    hopebuck Posts: 138
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    Dump her. For good. She's jumping back to you because she's bored, not because she cares - because if she cared, your weight would not ever be an issue.

    If she's young and cute and deserves a "buff" guy, let her go find one.

    And, I really hope you are doing this for you, not for her... because that's doomed if it's for her.

    i agree. here .... you deserve better. someone that will love you for YOU. Get healthy for YOU and only YOU!!! :)
  • imcsqrd
    imcsqrd Posts: 32
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    Ok, as a female I'm going to tell you straight --- DUMP HER FOR GOOD!!! She is bad for you on every level and is a self-centered, mean-spirited, cruel hearted nit wit. It is very obvious that she does not have any real feelings for you if she can say such cruel things when you are obviously working hard at getting to a healthy weight (is 109 really healthy for you?). The fact that the on/off nature of the relationship causes you to do possible harm to yourself with the execessive workouts & little food intake should be setting off HUGE alarm bells for you to quit any association with her. You need to do this for yourself and I would recommend you look for a woman that is a bit more mature and can appreciate you for who you are and what you have to offer. Stay focused on your goal and the rest will work itself out. She's not worth it.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    Having gone through a turbulent "on and off" relationship for 5 years, I feel I can relate. Looking back, he was a huge part of my weight problem and my self esteem. Everytimehe would say something negative about my appearance it would make me miserable and I would just continue to let myself go. I hated seeing this part of your post.

    "Extra motivation is that my weight is an issue in our relationship. She brings it up when she leaves me. She'll always say how she's young and pretty and deserves to have a "buff" guy"

    THAT's a bunch of crap. Being young and pretty doesn't mean you deserve anything. I know many couples where either the man or woman are much more attractive than the other and have perfectly happy relationships. If I can give you any advice, I would say move on. It sounds like this person maybe doesn't care so much for you as you do them and certainly telling you that she deserves a "buff guy" says alot about her feelings.

    Live by the rules of your diary. Log everything and eat what it tells you. Feel free to add me for support, I love to motivate!
  • ShampooIsBetter
    ShampooIsBetter Posts: 114
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    I wouldnt say I am doing this for "her" as much as all the gals like her from my past. I have heard the "you are perfect in every way, except that I am not attracted to you" line too many times. In all previous incidents, I walked away from the gal and judged them harshly for being so shallow. But I decided earlier this year (when i also had some obesity-related medical problems) that I was going to work on that aspect of my life and remove that "con" from the list of things potential mates consider about me.
  • fateschild
    fateschild Posts: 114 Member
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    I am sorry to say that it seems like she is not the only one in the relationship with issues. Why would you let her do this to you?

    I sincerely hope that you are doing this for yourself.
  • cmduncan
    cmduncan Posts: 69
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    I'm going with dump her, too! She's bad for you mentally, emotionally, and physically. And, any change you're making needs to be for you - never "for her".
  • PersianFlower
    PersianFlower Posts: 27 Member
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    She is raging psychological warfare on you ~ its called emotional abuse to be blunt. My fiance married and eventually left a women like that (though she wasn't thin or pretty, she was and still is very fat and very unhappy). She would break up with him and run off to slept with other people then come back and tell him how he was so lucky to have her, blah blah blah, and poor thing would keep taking her back!

    You know what happened when he said enough is enough? Dropped all the weight he gained while being her punching bag! He exercises and eats right now because he feels good. The roller coaster you are now will have to stop, please take it from what he learned before you give up years of your life and your health.

    Its hard to say "no more" ~ google information on leaving emotionally abusive (that and overly codependent) relationships. You will be surprised on how many "signs" there are.
  • adoreabella
    adoreabella Posts: 87
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    Please make sure you are committed to the weight loss/healthy eating for yourself, not because of some silly comment an even sillier and foolish young girl is making. You have to do it for yourself, and be ready, not because someone wants or expects you to. I speak from experience. No matter how many times I tried to do it for someone else, it wasn't until this time, when I was ready for myself, that things actually clicked and worked.

    You deserve much better than this girl. Let her go find her "young, buff" guy that she wants and concentrate on loving yourself and finding someone who deserves you.
  • ShyBreasts
    ShyBreasts Posts: 91
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    She isn't worth it, what happens when you want to spend more time together and less time at the gym? Is she going to dump you because you become 'less buff' She shouldn't be so shallow. I know that it feels great to look great for your partner but this is one step too far. She should love your personality first and then you can transform your body into whatever you like and its an added bonus for her.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
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    She is bad news. Nothing good can come of this. When you find a real woman, you'll wonder what the heck you were thinking when you kept taking back that other girl...:noway:
  • GeminiMel02
    GeminiMel02 Posts: 36 Member
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    Things are always easier said than done but, I always remember this one quote. "If someone can't be there and support you at your "worst," they don't deserve you at your best."
  • karleen
    karleen Posts: 260
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    (is 109 really healthy for you?).

    that's his weight loss goal, not his current weight.. i think!
  • ShampooIsBetter
    ShampooIsBetter Posts: 114
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    For the record, I joined the gym, bought my treadmill and tried to start to change before I even met her. It's just that the lbs have melted off me since I have added this stressful creature into my life.
  • sent4rmabove23
    sent4rmabove23 Posts: 148
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    Not to turn this into a relationship board, but it does relate to my weight loss. I've been involved with a gal on-and-off for the last four months. How "on-and-off"? Eight times. She's a lot younger than me and has serious emotional/mental/drug/daddy issues, but I care about her and keep "taking her back" and "giving her another chance" when i know I shouldnt.

    Anyway, the constant chaos and worry over the last four months has really made a huge dent in my weight loss. On days after we "break up" I tend to not eat much and spend WAY too much time at the gym. There have been many days like that when I know I have burned more calories at the gym than I consume in the entire day (I figure 2 hours of working out equals about 1000-1200 calories, a number I am often below in my daily intake)

    When we are "together", I follow a responsible diet/exercise program. When we are not "together" and I have had a few days to get over it, I tend to do about the same. But sprinkled in to that schedule will be a 2-3 day stretch where I pretty much go crazy with not eating and killing myself at the gym. I will often drop about 6 lbs during that time and then put back 3 during the following week. it's still a net loss of 3 lbs, which is much more than 1 lb per week I usually go after.

    So yesterday was our latest break up and I have already skipped a couple meals and cant wait to go to the gym tonight and stay for a couple hours.

    Extra motivation is that my weight is an issue in our relationship. She brings it up when she leaves me. She'll always say how she's young and pretty and deserves to have a "buff" guy. It's not hard to skip meals and spend an extra 30 minutes on the ellipitcal machine after someone you really care about says something like that to you. There's also extra motivation in that each time she comes back, she comments on my progress and appreciates how hard I have been working to better myself "for her".

    Not sure if I have a question here. Just needed to type this out.

    I'm worried about you and your self esteem - to each it's own but damn. Honestly, when someone loves you, they love you for you. I'm trying to be neutral about your situation because the truth is no matter what anyone of us says in this blog the chances are you are going to do what you want even if that's to stay in a relationship that does not seem to be so healthy. I wish you luck, love and happiness.
  • DietingMommy08
    DietingMommy08 Posts: 1,366 Member
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    Dump her. For good. She's jumping back to you because she's bored, not because she cares - because if she cared, your weight would not ever be an issue.

    If she's young and cute and deserves a "buff" guy, let her go find one.

    And, I really hope you are doing this for you, not for her... because that's doomed if it's for her.

    I completely agree. You need to dump her n take the time to find yourself. If she deserves a "buff" guy you deserve a "sane" girl. You shouldnt be doin this for her or anybdoy else but yourself. You are hurting yourself & your body by staying with this girl. Just because you care about somebody dont mean it is meant to be... it takes two to make a relationship work, not just one caring person.
  • icerose137
    icerose137 Posts: 318 Member
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    Female here too, run as fast as you can away from her for good. Don't take her back. Say it's over and shut the door. You should be loved for you, not how much muscle you can flex. Unhealthy eating is unhealthy eating whether it's too much or too little. The emotional havoc she's causing is so not worth it.
  • ladybg81
    ladybg81 Posts: 1,553 Member
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    I'm sorry, but DUMP HER SORRY *kitten*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    There is no reason for you to keep beating yourself up over this chick. If she has these kinds of issues, they WILL NOT get better. My DH was married to someone like this and they had children together and trust me on this, you never get away from it and it is an infection that never clears up. Do not let her continue to control your life. I know you think she is worth it, but one of these days (hopefully not too late) you will figure out that this is time you will never get back.

    Love yourself and dump her *kitten*!!!!!

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