Heartbreak Pounds
ShampooIsBetter
Posts: 114
Not to turn this into a relationship board, but it does relate to my weight loss. I've been involved with a gal on-and-off for the last four months. How "on-and-off"? Eight times. She's a lot younger than me and has serious emotional/mental/drug/daddy issues, but I care about her and keep "taking her back" and "giving her another chance" when i know I shouldnt.
Anyway, the constant chaos and worry over the last four months has really made a huge dent in my weight loss. On days after we "break up" I tend to not eat much and spend WAY too much time at the gym. There have been many days like that when I know I have burned more calories at the gym than I consume in the entire day (I figure 2 hours of working out equals about 1000-1200 calories, a number I am often below in my daily intake)
When we are "together", I follow a responsible diet/exercise program. When we are not "together" and I have had a few days to get over it, I tend to do about the same. But sprinkled in to that schedule will be a 2-3 day stretch where I pretty much go crazy with not eating and killing myself at the gym. I will often drop about 6 lbs during that time and then put back 3 during the following week. it's still a net loss of 3 lbs, which is much more than 1 lb per week I usually go after.
So yesterday was our latest break up and I have already skipped a couple meals and cant wait to go to the gym tonight and stay for a couple hours.
Extra motivation is that my weight is an issue in our relationship. She brings it up when she leaves me. She'll always say how she's young and pretty and deserves to have a "buff" guy. It's not hard to skip meals and spend an extra 30 minutes on the ellipitcal machine after someone you really care about says something like that to you. There's also extra motivation in that each time she comes back, she comments on my progress and appreciates how hard I have been working to better myself "for her".
Not sure if I have a question here. Just needed to type this out.
Anyway, the constant chaos and worry over the last four months has really made a huge dent in my weight loss. On days after we "break up" I tend to not eat much and spend WAY too much time at the gym. There have been many days like that when I know I have burned more calories at the gym than I consume in the entire day (I figure 2 hours of working out equals about 1000-1200 calories, a number I am often below in my daily intake)
When we are "together", I follow a responsible diet/exercise program. When we are not "together" and I have had a few days to get over it, I tend to do about the same. But sprinkled in to that schedule will be a 2-3 day stretch where I pretty much go crazy with not eating and killing myself at the gym. I will often drop about 6 lbs during that time and then put back 3 during the following week. it's still a net loss of 3 lbs, which is much more than 1 lb per week I usually go after.
So yesterday was our latest break up and I have already skipped a couple meals and cant wait to go to the gym tonight and stay for a couple hours.
Extra motivation is that my weight is an issue in our relationship. She brings it up when she leaves me. She'll always say how she's young and pretty and deserves to have a "buff" guy. It's not hard to skip meals and spend an extra 30 minutes on the ellipitcal machine after someone you really care about says something like that to you. There's also extra motivation in that each time she comes back, she comments on my progress and appreciates how hard I have been working to better myself "for her".
Not sure if I have a question here. Just needed to type this out.
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Replies
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Always good to get it out. Don't give up on yourself. Do it for you.0
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Dump her. For good. She's jumping back to you because she's bored, not because she cares - because if she cared, your weight would not ever be an issue.
If she's young and cute and deserves a "buff" guy, let her go find one.
And, I really hope you are doing this for you, not for her... because that's doomed if it's for her.0 -
dump her i agree.0
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Dump her. For good. She's jumping back to you because she's bored, not because she cares - because if she cared, your weight would not ever be an issue.
If she's young and cute and deserves a "buff" guy, let her go find one.
And, I really hope you are doing this for you, not for her... because that's doomed if it's for her.
i agree. here .... you deserve better. someone that will love you for YOU. Get healthy for YOU and only YOU!!!
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Ok, as a female I'm going to tell you straight --- DUMP HER FOR GOOD!!! She is bad for you on every level and is a self-centered, mean-spirited, cruel hearted nit wit. It is very obvious that she does not have any real feelings for you if she can say such cruel things when you are obviously working hard at getting to a healthy weight (is 109 really healthy for you?). The fact that the on/off nature of the relationship causes you to do possible harm to yourself with the execessive workouts & little food intake should be setting off HUGE alarm bells for you to quit any association with her. You need to do this for yourself and I would recommend you look for a woman that is a bit more mature and can appreciate you for who you are and what you have to offer. Stay focused on your goal and the rest will work itself out. She's not worth it.0
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Having gone through a turbulent "on and off" relationship for 5 years, I feel I can relate. Looking back, he was a huge part of my weight problem and my self esteem. Everytimehe would say something negative about my appearance it would make me miserable and I would just continue to let myself go. I hated seeing this part of your post.
"Extra motivation is that my weight is an issue in our relationship. She brings it up when she leaves me. She'll always say how she's young and pretty and deserves to have a "buff" guy"
THAT's a bunch of crap. Being young and pretty doesn't mean you deserve anything. I know many couples where either the man or woman are much more attractive than the other and have perfectly happy relationships. If I can give you any advice, I would say move on. It sounds like this person maybe doesn't care so much for you as you do them and certainly telling you that she deserves a "buff guy" says alot about her feelings.
Live by the rules of your diary. Log everything and eat what it tells you. Feel free to add me for support, I love to motivate!0 -
I wouldnt say I am doing this for "her" as much as all the gals like her from my past. I have heard the "you are perfect in every way, except that I am not attracted to you" line too many times. In all previous incidents, I walked away from the gal and judged them harshly for being so shallow. But I decided earlier this year (when i also had some obesity-related medical problems) that I was going to work on that aspect of my life and remove that "con" from the list of things potential mates consider about me.0
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I am sorry to say that it seems like she is not the only one in the relationship with issues. Why would you let her do this to you?
I sincerely hope that you are doing this for yourself.0 -
I'm going with dump her, too! She's bad for you mentally, emotionally, and physically. And, any change you're making needs to be for you - never "for her".0
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She is raging psychological warfare on you ~ its called emotional abuse to be blunt. My fiance married and eventually left a women like that (though she wasn't thin or pretty, she was and still is very fat and very unhappy). She would break up with him and run off to slept with other people then come back and tell him how he was so lucky to have her, blah blah blah, and poor thing would keep taking her back!
You know what happened when he said enough is enough? Dropped all the weight he gained while being her punching bag! He exercises and eats right now because he feels good. The roller coaster you are now will have to stop, please take it from what he learned before you give up years of your life and your health.
Its hard to say "no more" ~ google information on leaving emotionally abusive (that and overly codependent) relationships. You will be surprised on how many "signs" there are.0 -
Please make sure you are committed to the weight loss/healthy eating for yourself, not because of some silly comment an even sillier and foolish young girl is making. You have to do it for yourself, and be ready, not because someone wants or expects you to. I speak from experience. No matter how many times I tried to do it for someone else, it wasn't until this time, when I was ready for myself, that things actually clicked and worked.
You deserve much better than this girl. Let her go find her "young, buff" guy that she wants and concentrate on loving yourself and finding someone who deserves you.0 -
She isn't worth it, what happens when you want to spend more time together and less time at the gym? Is she going to dump you because you become 'less buff' She shouldn't be so shallow. I know that it feels great to look great for your partner but this is one step too far. She should love your personality first and then you can transform your body into whatever you like and its an added bonus for her.0
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She is bad news. Nothing good can come of this. When you find a real woman, you'll wonder what the heck you were thinking when you kept taking back that other girl...:noway:0
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Things are always easier said than done but, I always remember this one quote. "If someone can't be there and support you at your "worst," they don't deserve you at your best."0
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(is 109 really healthy for you?).
that's his weight loss goal, not his current weight.. i think!0 -
For the record, I joined the gym, bought my treadmill and tried to start to change before I even met her. It's just that the lbs have melted off me since I have added this stressful creature into my life.0
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Not to turn this into a relationship board, but it does relate to my weight loss. I've been involved with a gal on-and-off for the last four months. How "on-and-off"? Eight times. She's a lot younger than me and has serious emotional/mental/drug/daddy issues, but I care about her and keep "taking her back" and "giving her another chance" when i know I shouldnt.
Anyway, the constant chaos and worry over the last four months has really made a huge dent in my weight loss. On days after we "break up" I tend to not eat much and spend WAY too much time at the gym. There have been many days like that when I know I have burned more calories at the gym than I consume in the entire day (I figure 2 hours of working out equals about 1000-1200 calories, a number I am often below in my daily intake)
When we are "together", I follow a responsible diet/exercise program. When we are not "together" and I have had a few days to get over it, I tend to do about the same. But sprinkled in to that schedule will be a 2-3 day stretch where I pretty much go crazy with not eating and killing myself at the gym. I will often drop about 6 lbs during that time and then put back 3 during the following week. it's still a net loss of 3 lbs, which is much more than 1 lb per week I usually go after.
So yesterday was our latest break up and I have already skipped a couple meals and cant wait to go to the gym tonight and stay for a couple hours.
Extra motivation is that my weight is an issue in our relationship. She brings it up when she leaves me. She'll always say how she's young and pretty and deserves to have a "buff" guy. It's not hard to skip meals and spend an extra 30 minutes on the ellipitcal machine after someone you really care about says something like that to you. There's also extra motivation in that each time she comes back, she comments on my progress and appreciates how hard I have been working to better myself "for her".
Not sure if I have a question here. Just needed to type this out.
I'm worried about you and your self esteem - to each it's own but damn. Honestly, when someone loves you, they love you for you. I'm trying to be neutral about your situation because the truth is no matter what anyone of us says in this blog the chances are you are going to do what you want even if that's to stay in a relationship that does not seem to be so healthy. I wish you luck, love and happiness.0 -
Dump her. For good. She's jumping back to you because she's bored, not because she cares - because if she cared, your weight would not ever be an issue.
If she's young and cute and deserves a "buff" guy, let her go find one.
And, I really hope you are doing this for you, not for her... because that's doomed if it's for her.
I completely agree. You need to dump her n take the time to find yourself. If she deserves a "buff" guy you deserve a "sane" girl. You shouldnt be doin this for her or anybdoy else but yourself. You are hurting yourself & your body by staying with this girl. Just because you care about somebody dont mean it is meant to be... it takes two to make a relationship work, not just one caring person.0 -
Female here too, run as fast as you can away from her for good. Don't take her back. Say it's over and shut the door. You should be loved for you, not how much muscle you can flex. Unhealthy eating is unhealthy eating whether it's too much or too little. The emotional havoc she's causing is so not worth it.0
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I'm sorry, but DUMP HER SORRY *kitten*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is no reason for you to keep beating yourself up over this chick. If she has these kinds of issues, they WILL NOT get better. My DH was married to someone like this and they had children together and trust me on this, you never get away from it and it is an infection that never clears up. Do not let her continue to control your life. I know you think she is worth it, but one of these days (hopefully not too late) you will figure out that this is time you will never get back.
Love yourself and dump her *kitten*!!!!!0 -
"dump her" is really not an option because she already left me yesterday. While I was at the gym, no less. We had 4th of July plans, and I hit the gym at about 2pm so we could head out later. When i got home, all her stuff was gone. No note.0
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I wouldnt say I am doing this for "her" as much as all the gals like her from my past. I have heard the "you are perfect in every way, except that I am not attracted to you" line too many times. In all previous incidents, I walked away from the gal and judged them harshly for being so shallow. But I decided earlier this year (when i also had some obesity-related medical problems) that I was going to work on that aspect of my life and remove that "con" from the list of things potential mates consider about me.
I can totally relate to this part, but it is still not healthy. I was always the nerdy girl that was friends with a lot of people, but never had a date. Even my "prom date" only went with me because the girl he wanted to go with said no and he didn't even dance with me.
I was over 30 and only had a one serious relationship. I had despaired at ever finding someone and people kept trying to hook me up with anyone that had a pulse (so you think that I should date the jobless friend who has been sleeping on your couch for the last 6 mons. Thanks) I turned them down, because I am better than that and would rather be alone than in a bad relationship.
I finally met someone and we have been together for 6 years now. He supports my weight loss, but he met me at my highest weight and loved me anyway.
I am glad that you are trying to make a positive change in your life, but that many break ups in that short of time is so very unhealthy. Trust me, it is worth the wait to find someone who loves you know matter what you weigh.
Just read your last post. I am really sorry. :frown: Any break up is emotionally painful. Hopefully you can keep faith in yourself. Losing weight is a hard enough without extreme emotional trauma.0 -
everyone is well meaning here and I can see that but when I read this it was plain that the heart is complicated and emotions and reason or logic don't always go hand in hand! It is easy for us to sit here and say "dump her" but this is your heart on the line and for that my heart goes out to you. I was in a relationship for three years that sounds a whole lot like what you have described, so I know it is not an easy road ahead of you. The truth is this though...you ARE a gift,,,as you are right now with no alterations! when I found my husband this is the lesson he began teaching me. Almost ten years later and I STILL struggle with esteam issues related to weight. But he looks at me and I can see that he finds me beautiful ( though I honestly don't get it) and thats the real deal. You need someone that will really SEE you and find you handsom and breathtaking just because you are you. Until you have that everything else is counterfeit! I am sorry for you and and my prayers are with you....just remember you ARE a gift hun!
Hugs & blessings,
Misty0 -
"dump her" is really not an option because she already left me yesterday. While I was at the gym, no less. We had 4th of July plans, and I hit the gym at about 2pm so we could head out later. When i got home, all her stuff was gone. No note.
I would say the way she left speaks volumes about the kind of person that she is. A mature person would have confronted the situation head on - they wouldn't have waited for you to walk out the door and then grab their stuff and run.
I know that you are probably hurting because she is gone. When we care about someone - it is hard to turn those feelings on and off at the drop of a hat.
Know that you deserve better than what she gave you and you'll be better off without her. Give yourself a chance to heal and grieve for the relationship. But, don't take her back - NO MATTER WHAT. She's playing with your emotions and you don't need that in your life.
Take this time to focus on YOU. Eat right. Workout. Make yourself physically healthy.0 -
It sounds like your head knows what you should do, but I know that our hearts aren't always so quick to catch up with logic
For the past several months there have been some stressful things going on in my life, and that's what really motivated me to create a healthy weight loss plan and stick with it.
I knew I had been spending so much of my time stressing on things that were far beyond my control (like you spend thinking of this girl who seems to operate on her own level with little thought to what's best for you). I decided to take all the energy I was wasting by focusing on things beyond my control, and focus it on making myself feel and look better. It has done wonders for me so far.
I think you kind of do that too, but now you need to turn that energy on yourself in a healthier way, so you make your body stronger and healthier, by feeding it the proper foods and not over-exercising.
I wish you luck, both emotionally and physically!0 -
I am relatively new to this board and the chatter around weight loss. Not unlike what is found on sports message boards or online discussions about movies/tv, I've noticed there seems to be a few hot issues that immediately receive canned responses, repeated in almost cult-like uniformity.
One examples is carbs. If someone mentions a carb free diet, they will no doubt receive numerous passionate replies from people repeating mantras either for or against such a plan. Same with starvation diets.
I seem to have stumbled on a third, this notion of losing weight "for someone". Because so many people replied the same way to my post (ie "lose weight for yourself, not someone else"), I assume this is a common issue discussed in weight loss circles. I imagine it's usually with gender roles flipped from my example, with wives/girlfriends coming on here saying their are trying to lose weight to please their beaus.
My question is why. What's wrong with that motivation? Let's remove this particular gal from the equation and replace her with someone more mature, thoughtful, successful, etc. In short, an overall better person. If I came in contact with someone like that, someone who is an attractive, well-meaning, productive member of society and someone who I know would be interested in me if I was simply thinner, what's wrong with using that as motivation? It seems like many of you have this "do it for yourself; not for someone else" talking point burned into your thoughts on the subject, but have you really thought about why that is the "right" response to someone in a situation like mine?0 -
"dump her" is really not an option because she already left me yesterday. While I was at the gym, no less. We had 4th of July plans, and I hit the gym at about 2pm so we could head out later. When i got home, all her stuff was gone. No note.
You stated above that you've been in and out 8 times. I figured there was a high chance of a 9th, hence my "dump her, don't take her back". It isn't a true dropping of a relationship but cutting it off before the disfunction can start again. The effect and end result is the same.
I like what someone above said, that you deserve a "sane" girlfriend. I have to agree.0 -
I am relatively new to this board and the chatter around weight loss. Not unlike what is found on sports message boards or online discussions about movies/tv, I've noticed there seems to be a few hot issues that immediately receive canned responses, repeated in almost cult-like uniformity.
One examples is carbs. If someone mentions a carb free diet, they will no doubt receive numerous passionate replies from people repeating mantras either for or against such a plan. Same with starvation diets.
I seem to have stumbled on a third, this notion of losing weight "for someone". Because so many people replied the same way to my post (ie "lose weight for yourself, not someone else"), I assume this is a common issue discussed in weight loss circles. I imagine it's usually with gender roles flipped from my example, with wives/girlfriends coming on here saying their are trying to lose weight to please their beaus.
My question is why. What's wrong with that motivation? Let's remove this particular gal from the equation and replace her with someone more mature, thoughtful, successful, etc. In short, an overall better person. If I came in contact with someone like that, someone who is an attractive, well-meaning, productive member of society and someone who I know would be interested in me if I was simply thinner, what's wrong with using that as motivation? It seems like many of you have this "do it for yourself; not for someone else" talking point burned into your thoughts on the subject, but have you really thought about why that is the "right" response to someone in a situation like mine?
Because if anything happens to the "other" your motivation, your reason is gone. You should be enough to live for. To love you must first to love yourself. I believe the same goes for weight loss. To be truly successful and hang onto it for the long run you need to stop with using outside motivation that has a good chance of crumbling or changing and turn inward.
I guess it goes back to the whole make yourself strong then reach out and help others become strong, sentiments.0 -
sounds like she needs to grow up a bit. if she cares about you, she cares about you, not about how buff you are, sounds like she needs to learn a lesson about not taking a good thing for granted.
you deserve someone who gives you the respect you need.0 -
I am relatively new to this board and the chatter around weight loss. Not unlike what is found on sports message boards or online discussions about movies/tv, I've noticed there seems to be a few hot issues that immediately receive canned responses, repeated in almost cult-like uniformity.
One examples is carbs. If someone mentions a carb free diet, they will no doubt receive numerous passionate replies from people repeating mantras either for or against such a plan. Same with starvation diets.
I seem to have stumbled on a third, this notion of losing weight "for someone". Because so many people replied the same way to my post (ie "lose weight for yourself, not someone else"), I assume this is a common issue discussed in weight loss circles. I imagine it's usually with gender roles flipped from my example, with wives/girlfriends coming on here saying their are trying to lose weight to please their beaus.
My question is why. What's wrong with that motivation? Let's remove this particular gal from the equation and replace her with someone more mature, thoughtful, successful, etc. In short, an overall better person. If I came in contact with someone like that, someone who is an attractive, well-meaning, productive member of society and someone who I know would be interested in me if I was simply thinner, what's wrong with using that as motivation? It seems like many of you have this "do it for yourself; not for someone else" talking point burned into your thoughts on the subject, but have you really thought about why that is the "right" response to someone in a situation like mine?
I agree with you to an extent. Sometimes losing weight for someone else can turn into doing it for yourself. I believe that some people need that motivation, and end up finding themselves in the journey. It just depends on the situation. Life is too complicated to make generalized statements regarding what inspires/motivates us and make them apply to everyone.0
This discussion has been closed.
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