Support from partner

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  • honorthecolors
    honorthecolors Posts: 33 Member
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    oluseyiola wrote: »
    So true. I started my WLJ because of a really low blow comment made by my SO during an argument (he said, among other things, that he found sex with me repulsive because I was fat.) It'll stay with me forever, honestly. Now I've lost about 50 lbs. He didn't notice till I was 40 down and now complains that I'm too skinny and sends me pictures of myself from a year ago, saying he "likes this better actually." You can't win.

    My wife says I'm too skinny since I've lost over 40lbs but gained so much muscle. Your not alone in this. Spouses I'm sure are happy with our health choices but perhaps they are insencure as well.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
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    Nope. We work out together, I cook for us, and he loved me at my fattest.
  • hmclaughlan84
    hmclaughlan84 Posts: 22 Member
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    MeganMcK11 wrote: »
    hmclaughlan84 wrote: »
    I have started that it's just difficult as that then starts arguments on expenses and things
    To avoid arguments why not buy the food and cook dinner for both of you?

    She wouldn't eat the food I eat I'm a trained chef but not a fan of my cooking
  • mustb60
    mustb60 Posts: 1,090 Member
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    Have a calm discussion with your partner about your weight loss goal and the support you need, and why you are doing this. You being healthier is good for your family also. Don't ask her to join you on this journey if she needs this but is not ready. Emphasise on health benefits nonetheless.

    My partner was not very supportive initially even though he would say I needed to lose. But when I started changing my eating habits and stopped eating with him on the weekdays, he was alarmed. Actually he felt pressured as he is also overweight. So he would comment if I snacked on some biscuits or cheese, not knowing it was within my mfp calorie goals. I used to explain CICO to him everytime he made a snide remark patiently and tell him the recent health research facts and such.

    Gradually he is converted. Now he is also on this journey, tracking his food and working out regularly. But competition has also arisen albeit friendly mostly while working out. :D So be patient and they will see your point of view.
  • Shells918
    Shells918 Posts: 1,070 Member
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    My husband is supportive of my goals, eats whatever I cook, but isn't too interested in doing any diet/ exercise. He has the classic "don't have time to exercise" mentality, and told me that Dad bods are in. I don't mind how he looks, his weight hasn't changed since we met. I'm the one who gained 50 lbs and he still thinks I'm beautiful.
    I don't push him but he's starting to realize with 50 coming around the corner that some exercise might be good for him.
  • oluseyiola
    oluseyiola Posts: 14 Member
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    Insecurity is the name of the game and a big part of it, I think. Weight loss is a huge change-- and it implies independence, a desire for change, and putting yourself first-- partners or spouses can find that threatening, especially those who have deep rooted insecurities themselves. In some cases, it can result incredibly passive-aggressive, douchey behavior. Key is to remember who you're doing it for-- YOU! No one should be able to dictate to you what looks good or not, as long as you are healthy and happy, and if that partner doesn't want to come around, then that's their loss not yours :smile: .
  • AigreDoux
    AigreDoux Posts: 594 Member
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    My husband doesn't fuss one way or another about how I look, but supports all efforts to become healthier via healthy eating and exercise. He thinks it's a good example for our kids too :)
  • MeganMcK11
    MeganMcK11 Posts: 117 Member
    edited July 2016
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    @hmcglaughlan84 Well, sounds like her loss then. I'd eat pretty much anything a trained chef puts in front of me lol
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 24,931 Member
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    hmclaughlan84 wrote: »
    MeganMcK11 wrote: »
    hmclaughlan84 wrote: »
    I have started that it's just difficult as that then starts arguments on expenses and things
    To avoid arguments why not buy the food and cook dinner for both of you?

    She wouldn't eat the food I eat I'm a trained chef but not a fan of my cooking

    My husband and I don't eat the same things.

    We each make our own food with the exception of dinner time. I don't make his lunch, he doesn't make mine. He eats breakfast, I don't. Snacks are our own choices.

    The only thing that is made "together" is dinner. Some days my husband makes something that we both like and both eat ... that happened yesterday. But on a day like today, we both had veggies, but the other part of the meal was different. It doesn't cost any more for him to eat his stuff and me to eat my stuff than it would be for both of us to eat the same thing.

    It took a few weeks to sort things out, but now it's just normal.

    Oh, and ... I don't cook. I've never learned. But I read so much about slow cookers here, that I suggested we get a slow cooker. He agreed (and probably wondered how much dust it would collect) ... but I've put together several slow cooker meals that mainly consist of chicken and veggies and spices, and they've turned out surprisingly well. So as a part of this whole process, I've actually learned something and can contribute to meals now and then too. :)

  • robininfl
    robininfl Posts: 1,137 Member
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    socalrunner59 wrote: »

    We're going through a divorce now. A few months ago he said the reason our marriage failed was because we was convinced I remade my body so I could find a new man.

    Self fulfilling prophecy, huh. Like he has to make it true even if it isn't.
  • robininfl
    robininfl Posts: 1,137 Member
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    hmclaughlan84 wrote: »
    I find it a struggle to eat healthy working out isn't a problem as I just go to the gym but when it comes to eating I'm at a loosing battle with having to deal with the food she buys and cooks and find myself not wanting to eat some nights

    Have you had a serious discussion about this, outside of mealtime? Like sit down and ask her what the heck is going on? If she shows you love by cooking and you are rejecting this, maybe it hurts her. Whatever it is, you can't work it out without figuring it out.

    Also can't you just eat less of what she cooks? Smaller portions?
  • chunky_pinup
    chunky_pinup Posts: 758 Member
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    You need to sit down and have a serious conversation about each of your goals – health/fitness related and otherwise. Discuss how you feel supported or unsupported in your personal goals and suggest ways to motivate each other towards your goals. Your goals and aspirations aren’t always going to be the same as your partners, and just like they may not always understand yours, you’re not always going to understand theirs either. When there isn’t an understanding, sometimes it can be difficult to support, because you just don’t know why that other person is so motivated toward doing something. This is where communication becomes VERY important. You need to talk to your partner and explain WHY your goals mean what they do to you and HOW they make you feel when they are unsupportive. Offer up suggestions on how they can be more supportive, and express your feelings to them when they start to go back to being unsupportive. It is a two-way street though, as you need to open yourself up to also being supportive of things you might not understand for the well-being of your partner as well. In communicating, you may discover some underlying issues that might be causing the unsupported nature in the relationship, which will then give you both an opportunity to work on those things as well and only make you stronger. You gotta tell them how you’re feeling. If you can’t talk to your partner, maybe you need to re-think the relationship…
  • bagge72
    bagge72 Posts: 1,377 Member
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    Try being independent, and making your own food, not sure why it's her way or the highway.
  • hannahsadler_tn
    hannahsadler_tn Posts: 77 Member
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    In my opinion, getting healthy is SOOO much easier when you have the support of your partner. My husband and I are each others biggest fans when we're in the zone and doing well, and our biggest enablers when we both had bad habits (cookie dough and Game of Thrones marathons LOL). Over the years we've realized that we are stronger when we are working towards the same goal. He and I have both struggled with weight and food issues throughout our lives. We enjoy different activities for health (weightlifting is my thing, cycling is his), but we go on walks several times a week and I cook healthy dinners for us. We grocery shop together and are always encouraging each other to drink more water, make sure we hit our step goal, etc. I could do it on my own but I feel very lucky that I don't have to. Especially when times get rough and I start feeling discouraged by my progress, he is my loudest cheerleader.

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