are you divorced?

Options
weedlover
weedlover Posts: 15
in Motivation and Support
Well im about to , sadly, but i guess he is right, we havent work in years, its 1 good day for 3 bad, no common interest other than our kids.
He threw in my face the other day that " why i love you less"" hummm maybe cuz you took 400 ponds in thelast year or so,,, you fF^%%#@$ fat $%^&&^%.
Well that hurted me more than the thought itself of getting divorce,,,,and trust me, i hate this thought,,,,
So i am already here, on MFP, with the idea of loosing, but a part of me also wanna lose even more just to rub it in his face ,,,,,,
But,,,,,,, thats the thing, i get exited of loosing, but then, 2minutes after, i fall appart in tears, and then anger, and then boost up the motivation, and then think, and then , well you know,, round and round,,,,,,,
Youve been there?/ yuo fought depression??? how do you do it? i am as depressed as i ever been, and also fat as i ever been.
our 3 kids are my erason to live. But sometimes, i think it wouldnt be that bad having cancer, to die soon,, you know?? im not suicidal , as i could never be brave enough for this,,but i love the thought of death,,, i wanna live, i wanna love life, i wanna love me.
i need a kick in the butt, and i need to know how to get out of that f ing pattern that is destroying me minute by minute!!!! help!!
«13

Replies

  • pratkovic
    pratkovic Posts: 55
    Options
    Rejoice!!! I am believe in marriage and will hopefully be married again some day. But take what you have learned from your failed marriage and rebuild your life and be happy. It will happen i promise!
  • flabwillbefab
    flabwillbefab Posts: 175
    Options
    aww weed:O( is this why we have been missing you here?? come back, we can sooooo cheer you up, be there, just to listen, just to let you know we are there, to know someone cares...... im sending you waves of positive energy,,,--___--___-___-________
    ____
    ___
    ____
    ___--- you diserve to love life, you diserve to be happy, your kids diserve you, and for your man, well if he dont like you at your worste, he sure dont diserve you at your best, save the best for tyour kids, after all, i know they are your best!!!!!!!

    And,,,, i dont wanna steal your thunder,,,, but im in the same boat right now,,,so ,,,, lets talk chicky!! xoxoxoxoxoxox
  • NA_Willie
    NA_Willie Posts: 340 Member
    Options
    Um you could be a blind; suffer from a mental disability; or be a young child suffering from an incurable disease in a Childrens Hospital. Im sure they would all be grateful to trade places with you.

    I always think of those things when start to feel down and needless to say I dont feel down for long.
  • CassieLEO
    CassieLEO Posts: 757 Member
    Options
    Im divorced too. I figure it was a good starter marriage and let me open my eyes to see what I DIDNT want in a marriage. I got a beautiful son out of it, so its not that bad. I honestly dont think I will get married again. Too much crap...
  • Serenifly
    Serenifly Posts: 669 Member
    Options
    Hey Hun ... I feel for ya ... I was married really young (18) to a man 10 years older than me ... after 4 years together he called me from Miami *I'm in Vancouver Canada* to say

    "You've put on too much weight, I can't find you attractive anymore, and you should find someone who loves you all the time"

    And that was that My marraige, I thought was fine, was over. I was divorced a year later (and 50 lbs lighter thanks to boxing)

    It was the hardest time of my life, starting over like that (he got EVERYTHING, even the plants!) But I was truly in a better place

    Fast forward 6 years, I'm now a happy newlywed to the most amazing man I could have ever dreamed of meeting! We work out together, play softball together, build a happy home together. Things will look up!

    And Kids would rather be FROM a broken Home than IN a broken home (Dr Phil)
  • pmorgan813
    pmorgan813 Posts: 135 Member
    Options
    Happily divorced here! 3 years and counting!!! I got married for all the wrong reasons ( to get out of my mom's house, to have someone to come home to at night, to get back at my ex who said I would never commit, etc., etc.). I was married officially for 7 years, with him for 10. I still see him once a year at our county fair, and oh, how I would love to show up looking like some hot piece of *kitten*. Pretty sure aside from my daughter (pre-marriage child), he is my strongest motivation. I can honestly say that I LOVE the non married life (took a little while), and while I do miss sex (been way too long), it would take one seriously special man to convince me that marriage is the way to go. I figure those men that left us, don't know what they're missing, and really, it's their loss not ours. Trust me, it may not seem like it now but it does get better. Think of this as a new beginning, not an end. And its the beginning to a WONDERFUL new life!!
  • GCPgirl
    GCPgirl Posts: 208 Member
    Options
    Although my marriage was very short when I got divorced someone told me to try something new. I took a belly dancing class and it was a lot of fun plus a good workout. I even tried a kickboxing class (that way you can picture him and punch and kick harder!)

    I was unemployed when my exhusband asked for a divorce so I was depressed and had anxiety but when I started my training for my new job I met a girl around my age who's husband had died in a contruction accident, then her mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She quit her job to spend more time with her mother. Her mother passed away and she got a job with my company and was with me in training. She was such a lovely upbeat girl who had terrible things happen to her. I looked at her and thought I have no reason to be depressed. She really changed my whole outlook on life and I know I met her for a reason. I later found out she no longer works for my company. It was like she was put there for me to look at life differently.
  • jend114
    jend114 Posts: 1,058 Member
    Options
    I'm in the middle of a divorce right now....not fun
  • hill2302
    hill2302 Posts: 139 Member
    Options
    First of all, suicide is not the act of a brave person. It's the act of a weak and selfish person. The brave person is the one who confronts their problems and won't back down no matter what.

    Secondly, if you even have thoughts about embracing death, please please go see a counselor to talk about it. A divorce is a traumatic event. I'm going through my own now. It rocks your world and reality and can send people to mental and emotional places they've never been before. Let a professional help you sort those things out.

    I wish you the absolute best and hope that you find the happiness that ever person deserves.
  • Kalrez
    Kalrez Posts: 655 Member
    Options
    Been there. Use his words are fuel to fire your motivation! Maybe it's not emotionally healthy, but get your behind on a treadmill and get to running. Think about that crap and get mad. Run. Take up boxing and get it out of you. Tell yourself that you're better than him BECAUSE YOU ARE! Use it as jet fuel to a whole new life, a new you!

    I've been to the point where you want to die, but don't want to kill yourself. It's not that you're suicidal, but you won't mind not living anymore. It's a rough, lonely place to be. Exercise will help lift you mood a bit. Changing your diet will help a bit too. There is NO shame in needing to talk to a third person (counselor) about stuff.

    Starting over was hard, but it was the best thing that could have happened to me. Keep yourself busy and try to keep your mind off of everything that going on. Just hop on the treadmill and walk it all away. It'll all be over before you know it!
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    Options
    First of all, suicide is not the act of a brave person. It's the act of a weak and selfish person. The brave person is the one who confronts their problems and won't back down no matter what.

    Secondly, if you even have thoughts about embracing death, please please go see a counselor to talk about it. A divorce is a traumatic event. I'm going through my own now. It rocks your world and reality and can send people to mental and emotional places they've never been before. Let a professional help you sort those things out.

    I wish you the absolute best and hope that you find the happiness that ever person deserves.

    Good advice from a guy that clearly cares.

    I'm also in the middle of the hell that is splitting up with someone when you're tied to them with children. It's no fun. It hurts unbearably. Finding someone new isn't the right thing (though it's the thing that would make you feel the best), for your kids most certainly...but probably not for you either. Finding SOMETHING new on the other hand...might help. Hopefully your ex isn't like mine...where lies and a total disconnection with reality are the normals of your existence. If you were 800 miles away from each other now...and in the middle of a nasty custody battle...it would be even worse. If he starts putting his new girlfriend (when you've only been split up a couple months) before your kids 24/7, while claiming that the kids are all that matter and telling everyone you never let him talk to them to cover for it...you're really in for some pain.

    In the end...trust me, it can always be worse. I try not to think about it at all when I can (which is unfortunately a very rare occasion). My sanity is recovered by days where I'm able to just disconnect and not think about it. If I can get one of those in a week...I'm ok.

    Cris
  • Temporalia
    Temporalia Posts: 1,151 Member
    Options
    Happily divorce for one year, got married to the wrong person who treated me even worst after, divorce was painful, lots of bull.... on his side to try to get back to me for leaving him...in the end, lesson learned...

    ETA: so sorry you have to go through this, stay strong!
  • _Sally_
    _Sally_ Posts: 514 Member
    Options
    Although I have not been divorced, I think we can all understand what it's like going through dark times.

    All I can say is when you start exercising regularly and eating more nutritious food, you may find your depression lifting.

    Don't wait until you feel better to start taking care of your physical body... when you start taking care of yourself, you will find yourself feeling better emotionally and spiritually and you will have the strength and perseverance to get through this period in your life. It will get better in time.

    Do it for yourself because you are a precious and unique person and you deserve it.
  • foodforfuel
    foodforfuel Posts: 569 Member
    Options
    Divorce is hell. Period. After coming through mine, I realized that if someone just could have given me an end date to the hell, I would of felt so much better. From experience I tell you, there will be an end to the utter emotional chaos you feel now. IT WILL GET BETTER. It's just that when you are in the deep throws of it, that hell seems never ending.
    And to add- the best revenge is a good life!
  • tinalatina
    tinalatina Posts: 499 Member
    Options
    I hate divorces, but am a big fan of marriage. Im 30 and not proud to say that I have already had 2 divorces.

    My first - I was 20 and had my only daughter with him. We were stationed overseas because he was in the army and when he went to iraq he was gone for 18 months and was cheating on me the whole time he was there with another army girl who he left us for when he came back. Total Shock! He was my first love and left me in a great depression. But set my life in a new direction....

    My second marriage was perfect; at first! This meaning it didnt last! We were together for 4 years....and we had a HUGE and beautiful tropical wedding in Hawaii. After the wedding he decided that he didnt want my daughters father to be apart of her life, and tried to control that part of her life which I thought was not right. It was a deal breaker that unfortunately cost us our marriage.

    All is not lost though....after 2 unfortunate failed marriages. I am happily unwed with the love my life. We both prefer the term "Partners" rather than a Married Couple because we feel like one day we will get married but are in NO RUSH whatsoever. We are content with our relationship, he loves my daughter as his own and best of all is my best friend. I didnt think it was possible to be loved again or move on after what Ive been through but you just have to pick yourself up and move on. Do something for yourself for once and be happy.

    God Bless and good luck with your future endevors!
  • ypena78
    ypena78 Posts: 236 Member
    Options
    Sweetheart, I know exactly where you are coming from. I too was once married, & I was extremely overweight, you could say I was obese, but my husband at that time would put me down & told me that no one else would ever want me. I was very depressed, so then I myself in my situation is that I dropped 150lbs, which means I divorced him he weighed 150lbs, catch my drift.lol. then after we divorced I lost alot of weight, I weighed about 230lbs & I was down to 140lbs,then I met my loving hubby that I have now, I got pregnant again & ballooned back up to my highest weight of 260lbs, but the difference was thatmy hubby now loves me for who I am, & then I decided to make a change for myself now, & I am down 44lbs. but there is ne thing that everyone always seem to care about , that is the kids. When I left my previous marriage, i did it for me, & soon the kids will get over it, but what you dont want is to have your kids hear what ur hubby is telling you, cause he is abusing you, mentally. My mom went through that with my dad, and it was no picnic in the park,& what drew the line for her was he started telling me & my sister things. that hurt more than ever. Just recently my father was diagnosed with cancer, all in all we are his children & have been taking care of him, he apologzed to us for everything he put us through, my mom took him into her home so my sis can take care of him physically cause he is real bad, he finally apologized to my mom as well, cause my mom had a big heart to put a room up for him until he gets better. all in all. is make the choices that you think is best for you & get help for the mental abuse you are currently going through, honey.. We love you here, and you have a shoulder to cry on. By the way if you want to lose weight, do it for your self not for anyone else. Love yourself & your kids first before any man...
  • cdub78
    cdub78 Posts: 88 Member
    Options
    Sounds like your "man" is verbally abusing you and that is a result of his low self esteem. Pick that broken heart up off the floor and do this for no one else but you. The revenge of looking and feeling great will be his payback! You do not deserve to be talked to that way, no one does. I'm happy to hear that you are taking a stand not only for yourself but for your children as well. Your kids do not need to see you treated that way therefore creating a viciosu cirlce of abuse that will never end. I am proud of you for being strong, you can do this!
  • weedlover
    weedlover Posts: 15
    Options
    Um you could be a blind; suffer from a mental disability; or be a young child suffering from an incurable disease in a Childrens Hospital. Im sure they would all be grateful to trade places with you.

    I always think of those things when start to feel down and needless to say I dont feel down for long.
    so true,,, thanks for pointing that out!!!!
  • lobster888
    lobster888 Posts: 861 Member
    Options
    I read your post and just had to reply - it sounded alot like me more than 10 years ago. One thing different, I wasn't overweight - but my husband convinced me I was. He wanted a really skinny wife. So he was constantly telling me I was fat, not to eat a second helping, not to have dessert. To get up in the morning and use that **blank treadmill he bought me!!! I allowed him to convince me I was fat and was the worse thing on the earth. I too wasn't really suicidal but the thought of dying was appealing... it would just end everyones burden of me or so I thought. But that was more than ten years ago. We divorced and I got healed inside and out. I am now on a road of health and fitness and not self destruction to skinnyness. I have met and just recently married a wonderful man. My life is truely blessed. Please take the time to take care of yourself. You are truely worth being loved and cared for and for caring for yourself. I wish you the best of luck in this journey and recovery to a great new life. You derserve so much!!!! Take care and God bless!!!
  • weedlover
    weedlover Posts: 15
    Options
    Sounds like your "man" is verbally abusing you and that is a result of his low self esteem. Pick that broken heart up off the floor and do this for no one else but you. The revenge of looking and feeling great will be his payback! You do not deserve to be talked to that way, no one does. I'm happy to hear that you are taking a stand not only for yourself but for your children as well. Your kids do not need to see you treated that way therefore creating a viciosu cirlce of abuse that will never end. I am proud of you for being strong, you can do this!
    VERY!!!! but thats the thing with verbal abuse, im the nly one who sees it, feel it, and once its said, its sticks in my head, and he tell me i hold on to things too long, the more i think of how he do me wrong, the easier it gets, until i remember how i love, loved him, and really said i do meaning it,,, * sight,,,,, thanks to you ALL for your words, youre all wonderfull!!!! thank you!!! great, here come the crying again, could be worse, i could be stuffing my face,,,, im gonna be so damn hot,,, you gonna regret not liking me at my worse, for be able to love me at this hot, best body ever!!!!!!

Categories