When your spouse might be insecure...

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  • bunchesonothing
    bunchesonothing Posts: 1,015 Member
    I don't think a man or woman is entitled to having sex whenever they want, however, getting enough to make both people reasonably happy is a good thing. Giving in isn't necessarily a bad thing. Any time I have ever given into my husband when I wasn't already in the mood, I was happy I did.

    Sex just seems to be considered a lesser activity now-a-days and more of a way to exert dominance and control.

    If I get the gist of women's lib at the start, it was about sexual revolution and women getting it when they want it. Now, it's still considered dirty. And I honestly think, that some women consider it beneath them. "How dare someone objectify me!?!" Some people seem to look at sex as a shackle. If that's so, I guess I can see why you don't want it anymore.

    I just hate condemning sexuality.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    Ok, I'm going to say here what I said in a message to jq2122...

    Do any of you have any single like minded sisters or something lol? Are you all from like, the same part of the country (the part I need to move to)? Honestly...if more women, and more men to be honest...felt this way about the give and take in a relationship...the divorce rate certainly wouldn't be where it is now.

    Women need attention, words of praise and endearment, small gifts that show her you were thinking about her, an open ear when they need to vent, and a little space when they're trying to work something out on their own (THAT is a tough one...when to be the MAN and just take it and fix whatever is wrong...and when to let her do it herself. Oh. Boy.)...

    Men need attention, both physical and emotional (show some interest in his hobbies for the love of God), and the greatest gift you can give your guy is dragging him out of the shower unexpectedly when he's just barely clean enough to tolerate after working in the garage or yard, and SHOWING him how you feel. Give him a few clues to when you're working something out for yourself, and when you need him to just fix your problem...and if he's anything close to a real man...you'll be amazed at what you've got over, and over, and over again.

    Cris
  • deeharley
    deeharley Posts: 1,208 Member
    Our intimate life is great...no problems there whatsoever. The whole "issue" is finding ways to make my guy feel appreciated...with words or actions. I wanted different ideas from others because I might have missed something.

    Seriously? Ask him to open a jar, or check the oil in the car, or whatever those things are that you can do, but he could, too. And you don't have to lie to him, "Honey, I can't open this jar. Will you do it?" Just say, "Could you open this jar for me?" I honestly think my husband believes I do this SOLELY to make him feel needed - the last time I asked him to do it, the jar popped right open. But I really HAD needed him for that one. I don't know what happened. haha

    Also, check out "Proper Care and Feeding Of Husbands," by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Even if you don't agree with everything she says, it still give you a good perspective.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    The "letting the man do things for you" idea is a new concept for me (other than basic etiquette, like opening doors, which I just consider to be standard male responsibility). Although my dad is very good at a lot of "man-projects," my mom is the type who doesn't like to ask for help with anything, and I inherited that gene from her. But I've slowly come to realize that men like to feel useful, especially where women are concerned. If it makes a guy feel good to help me out with something, then I can live with that. I think it's very charming, actually.

    Now, I'm not going to pretend to be a weakling to get a guy to offer to help me out, but I'm very short (not quite 5'2), so if I can't reach something or if I have trouble getting my carry-on in the overhead bin on an airplane, I'm happy to let a guy help me. It makes me feel like a girl, it makes him feel like a man. We both win.
  • bunchesonothing
    bunchesonothing Posts: 1,015 Member
    I do need the jar opened every now and again...

    I needed one opened just the other day.
  • bjshooter
    bjshooter Posts: 1,173 Member
    The "letting the man do things for you" idea is a new concept for me (other than basic etiquette, like opening doors, which I just consider to be standard male responsibility). Although my dad is very good at a lot of "man-projects," my mom is the type who doesn't like to ask for help with anything, and I inherited that gene from her. But I've slowly come to realize that men like to feel useful, especially where women are concerned. If it makes a guy feel good to help me out with something, then I can live with that. I think it's very charming, actually.

    Now, I'm not going to pretend to be a weakling to get a guy to offer to help me out, but I'm very short (not quite 5'2), so if I can't reach something or if I have trouble getting my carry-on in the overhead bin on an airplane, I'm happy to let a guy help me. It makes me feel like a girl, it makes him feel like a man. We both win.


    Man projects, definately the answer, tell him how fantastically he put that shelf up :D

    Slightly off topic I always say I am happy being single, but wish i had a man in the cupboard for opening jars and catching spiders.
  • angieaanderson
    angieaanderson Posts: 33 Member
    First..I am no good at the supportive thing with men..I have been married 15 years...I am in the "Knock your crap off" stage...lol

    LOL, LOVE IT! I seriously can't wait until my husband and I get to that stage. Hahaha.

    Sarah, your husband probably needs a good confidence boost. Mine does the same, and when he starts pointing out other guys that he thinks I think are hot, I pat his head and tell him-- oh, but YOU'RE hotter! And when we're out in public, I flirt with him, discretely pinch his butt, bat my eyelashes at him, etc. He totally eats it up lol.

    My mom once told me that women need compliments and adoration; men need praise and admiration. I've come to believe it's true :)
  • SarahofTwins
    SarahofTwins Posts: 1,169 Member
    First..I am no good at the supportive thing with men..I have been married 15 years...I am in the "Knock your crap off" stage...lol

    LOL, LOVE IT! I seriously can't wait until my husband and I get to that stage. Hahaha.

    Sarah, your husband probably needs a good confidence boost. Mine does the same, and when he starts pointing out other guys that he thinks I think are hot, I pat his head and tell him-- oh, but YOU'RE hotter! And when we're out in public, I flirt with him, discretely pinch his butt, bat my eyelashes at him, etc. He totally eats it up lol.

    My mom once told me that women need compliments and adoration; men need praise and admiration. I've come to believe it's true :)

    I'm also thinking the same thing....maybe slap him around a few times LOL jk. We chase each other around sometimes and play like we are kids, its quite amusing :laugh:
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    The "letting the man do things for you" idea is a new concept for me (other than basic etiquette, like opening doors, which I just consider to be standard male responsibility). Although my dad is very good at a lot of "man-projects," my mom is the type who doesn't like to ask for help with anything, and I inherited that gene from her. But I've slowly come to realize that men like to feel useful, especially where women are concerned. If it makes a guy feel good to help me out with something, then I can live with that. I think it's very charming, actually.

    Now, I'm not going to pretend to be a weakling to get a guy to offer to help me out, but I'm very short (not quite 5'2), so if I can't reach something or if I have trouble getting my carry-on in the overhead bin on an airplane, I'm happy to let a guy help me. It makes me feel like a girl, it makes him feel like a man. We both win.

    And again you come through lol. Opening doors, walking on the outside of the sidewalk, taking out the trash, carrying the groceries in...the list goes on. Those ARE a man's responsibility. Even so...you got the rest of it right too lol.

    Ladies take note...when this girls man finally pulls his head out and makes her his wife...he's going to have won the lottery lol.
  • Sauchie
    Sauchie Posts: 357 Member
    Almost all men have their own insecurities. When they see the transformation their spouse starts making unfortunately it can spark the insecurities more. Sad but true. So not only do they need to know you love them and have eyes only for them they like others to hear it to. Rarely will they admit it but its still true.

    My better half and myself have been together for 6 yrs. Last year I started my weight-loss journey and i regularly must pet his ego with affection. Esp when he calls home from work so his co workers can here. Yep speaker phone.

    First, Amazing loss so far!! Great job! Second, yeah it does seem kind of sad but I can see how that can make them feel that way. Just gotta make me him better overall with actions and words. Hopefully he'll see its only him, geez lol

    Thanks, you look amazing as well. I just had an issue with my better half similar to yours. Now its a bit more PDA. :-) best of luck
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