Re-Committing to my Goals

Hey everyone

I'm not entirely sure what has compelled me to come here today to write this out... I guess I feel like I'm in need of a little motivation but also that I think my own story might be motivating to others.

Last June I stepped on the scales and was shocked and frankly really depressed about the number I saw. At 24 years old and a height of 5'6 I had hit 193LB. I knew I had gained weight over the last year (a new boyfriend meant a lot of nights out, many drinks, and delicious but very high calorie meals). I've always considered myself pretty athletic, growing up I was always playing a multitude of sports, so to some degree I think I was in denial about my weight. I can't tell you how many times over the years I would step on the scale and say to myself "Wow, 160lb at 17 years old? I gotta do something about this, I don't want to see this number again.". "Wow, 170 at 20 years old....I gotta do something about this". "180?! and I'm only 22! Time to get those running shoes back on". You get the picture.

I guess 193 was my true tipping point. Enough was enough, and I got serious. By mid January of this year I had reached a very reasonable 146.6LB. I was ecstatic. I finally felt like I had done it, I was making mindful choices without completely getting rid of the things I loved. I was reading the forums religiously, and I learned so much about what my body needs/how to fight certain cravings/the basic mathematics involved with calorie counting and energy expenditure. I was stoked! And only 6.6LB away from my target weight of 140LB. And most importantly, I had gained a bunch of confidence, I truly felt good about myself! I was taking part in activities left right and center, that I may have otherwise avoided.

But I was getting tired. Tired of dieting. Tired of counting calories. Tired of lacing up my running shoes when I'd rather just sit down with a beer. I started to get sloppy. So I gained some back. By the time I was going on my vacation late April, I was back up to 155LB. But I was okay with that, to some degree. I still felt good about myself, I was still working out, but I was just... sloppy. I was losing my self confidence. But, I went on vacation and said "Hey, just take it easy, enjoy your trip to the fullest, and we'll get back to work when we get home!". Unfortunately I forgot that I'm one of those people that can easily be set off track when I'm not watching the scales and logging my food. My eyes have always been bigger than my stomach, and I do emotionally eat. I'm still working on how to deal with that today.

So recently I decided I needed a good head shake. I felt so good when I was close to goal, it's crazy that I could lack such willpower over food that I have brought myself back up to that 160LB. I'm disappointed in myself - but I'm also re-entering this challenge with a lot more knowledge than ever before. I know what I need to do, I just need to DO it.

June 1st marked the start of a charity challenge I'm involved in - the Great Cycle Challenge to fight kids' cancer. With that challenge I decided to reassess my goals, reset my logging streak (cause what good is a 280 logging streak that you've been loosey-goosey about for weeks..) , re-commit to my food diary and mindful eating, and try to really tackle my issues with emotional eating. I'm starting with the month of June, but I plan on continuing until I hit my goal. I have two 10k races this month as well, and with 2 weddings to attend in July, my 26th birthday quickly approaching, and my own wedding to plan (he asked on our trip, can you blame me for going a little overboard?!) I am determined to give this my all again, just as I did last summer when I began.

So I guess what I ultimately want to say here is, it's OK to have set backs, as long as you get back to the real goal at hand and really use the knowledge provided by your supporters and the amazing community here.

I have 20LB to lose, but as I regain my confidence and willpower, and start feeling comfortable in my own skin again, I know I have way more -mentally- to gain.

Best of luck to everyone with your own personal goals. Feel free to add me and we can help keep each other accountable!