Small Talk - A Collosal Waste of Time?

Its not a waste if you are interested in the person.

I'm OK with small talk with people that I feel I'm in sync (dirty pop) with, if it's someone I barely know or I don't know or care care about it's a waste of time and my effort would be subject to my mood

Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

You have to do it without trying too hard.

There are some places you should not do it at all.

1. Gym
2. Grocery store
3. Mall

I actually find the gym a good place to small talk. But only on weekends. Ain't got time on my poverty hours Monday - Thursday

RicReed2014 wrote: »

Listen, I care a great deal about my family and my close friends. That's about as far as my circle of interest goes. Co-workers? Nah, not so much. Strangers? Not at all. Let's stop the madness!!

So prior to being your close friends, were they not strangers? Care to test your logic some?

Lol ...This is a funny topic cuz I'm always caught in "Small Talk Syndrome" ...I've actually kind of mastered it ...It's alot of knodding ur head ,& saying "No way!Really!"(People like that one) I guess it's about connecting & I'm not always Mr Social but I am trying 2 work on it ...

RicReed2014 wrote: »

Louise1491 wrote: »

It's only a waste of time if you don't actually wish to know.

Indeed. That's more or less my point. I'm making a huge assumption that most people don't really want to know and they are just playing "the game" of life. My thought is, if that is the case, then why bother.

(1) It makes people feel important, or validated, or whatever. At least a little bit. Being asked how you're doing versus not being asked.
(2) Sometimes questions like "how was your weekend?" get people to realize they have something in common. They become friends or resources for each other. (A lady at work enjoys hiking, occasionally she'll come over and ask me if I've done a particular trail and what it was like if so.)
(3) A combination of #s 1 and 2 is good for group cohesion when people wouldn't necessarily want to associate with each other, like for work.
(4) It fills time, like when everybody is waiting for the last person to show up for a meeting.

RicReed2014 wrote: »

Listen, I only have time in my life for the family and friends that I currently have.

How did you make friends with the friends you have now? Was small talk involved? You asked what its purpose is, I say this is part of it.

Louise1491 wrote: »

RicReed2014 wrote: »

Louise1491 wrote: »

RicReed2014 wrote: »

benmullins4 wrote: »

RicReed2014 wrote: »

Listen, I care a great deal about my family and my close friends. That's about as far as my circle of interest goes. Co-workers? Nah, not so much. Strangers? Not at all. Let's stop the madness!!

So prior to being your close friends, were they not strangers? Care to test your logic some?

All of my close friends were met due to something that we had in common, which gave us something to have an intelligent conversation about. So, in essence, we didn't have to go down the "small talk" path to learn about each other. Is that so odd? Am I way off base?? Please be honest.

How do you know that you don't have things in common with other strangers if you don't converse?

Listen, I only have time in my life for the family and friends that I currently have. I have no interest in interrogating everyone I meet to determine if we have a common interest and should become best buds. I find that what is meant to be, is. These things work themselves out, without having to endure people going through the motions because they feel that it's the politically correct thing to do.

Like I said, earlier, maybe it's just me.

That's why I posted this.

Listen, I'm not judging, live your life however you please. As long as you're happy, who cares.
Just strikes me as curious that you start a thread about small talk, which involves small talk, to see if you have something in common with others, even though you don't care?

But this thread isn't small talk. It's a conversation about a specific subject that everyone participating in wants to contribute to. Anyone not interested has the option of not saying anything without being perceived as rude. On the other hand, "How are the kids?" "Oh, fine." while you're standing in an elevator is not a conversation, it's noise that happens because some people get awkward and weird about silence.

Small talk drives me nuts. I'm a quiet introvert who would rather be left alone unless there's a reason we need to talk. Politely chatting about boring subjects with someone I don't feel connected to is pretty uncomfortable for me, and I don't think small talk is a good way to form a connection. Of course, the definition of "small talk," "boring," and "connection" are going to vary from person to person.

An example of "connecting" for me: there's a guy in my building who I had literally never said a word to before. I knew his name and absolutely nothing else about him. He heard I was playing Pokemon Go, brought it up, and now we talk about that every few days. He drops in things like "I took my kids to look for Pokemon at the lake," so now I know he has kids, and I found out without going through the "So, do you have kids?" small-talk ritual that often happens when you first talk to someone. I'm slowly becoming more invested in him as a person, and it happened because we had something in common to start with. I'm not sure where most people think talk stops being small, but for me it's when it's done out of interest rather than social courtesy. I'm sure some people think a bit of back and forth about a game is indeed small talk.

@OP... I feel you. Nothing meaningful and lasting has ever come out of small talk for me. Fun has very rarely come out of it. I relate to this article - if I'm going to have a conversation with someone, I want it to go beyond the mundane: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/17/fashion/dating-the-end-of-small-talk.html?_r=0

Couldn't disagree with you more. Small talk is part of what makes us human; what bonds us together and brings a sense of communion between strangers.

I think small talk is great. Some idle chit chat is nice when you have minimal interaction with others and heck you might learn something really neat or meet a really cool person. I always chat with this one person and he will drop these little nuggets and now I REALLY need to turn the small talk into large talk cause he's had quite a colourful life apparently.

lol at drops nuggets.