Small Talk - A Collosal Waste of Time?
RicReed2014
Posts: 330 Member
in Chit-Chat
How are you? What's new in the world? Did you have a nice evening? Blah, blah, blah. I may be the only one on the planet who feels that this is a total waste of time. Is there anyone out there who agrees with me? Would love to know.
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Replies
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Its not a waste if you are interested in the person.3
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So what are you up to this weekend...?2
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RicReed2014 wrote: »How are you? What's new in the world? Did you have a nice evening? Blah, blah, blah. I may be the only one on the planet who feels that this is a total waste of time. Is there anyone out there who agrees with me? Would love to know.
In what situation??0 -
Louise1491 wrote: »It's only a waste of time if you don't actually wish to know.
Indeed. That's more or less my point. I'm making a huge assumption that most people don't really want to know and they are just playing "the game" of life. My thought is, if that is the case, then why bother.
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I'm OK with small talk with people that I feel I'm in sync (dirty pop) with, if it's someone I barely know or I don't know or care care about it's a waste of time and my effort would be subject to my mood0
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Listen, I care a great deal about my family and my close friends. That's about as far as my circle of interest goes. Co-workers? Nah, not so much. Strangers? Not at all. Let's stop the madness!!0
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »You have to do it without trying too hard.
There are some places you should not do it at all.
1. Gym
2. Grocery store
3. Mall
I actually find the gym a good place to small talk. But only on weekends. Ain't got time on my poverty hours Monday - Thursday0 -
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RicReed2014 wrote: »Listen, I care a great deal about my family and my close friends. That's about as far as my circle of interest goes. Co-workers? Nah, not so much. Strangers? Not at all. Let's stop the madness!!
So prior to being your close friends, were they not strangers? Care to test your logic some?1 -
I find it difficult which isn't ideal as I run a small business!0
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Lol ...This is a funny topic cuz I'm always caught in "Small Talk Syndrome" ...I've actually kind of mastered it ...It's alot of knodding ur head ,& saying "No way!Really!"(People like that one) I guess it's about connecting & I'm not always Mr Social but I am trying 2 work on it ...0
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benmullins4 wrote: »RicReed2014 wrote: »Listen, I care a great deal about my family and my close friends. That's about as far as my circle of interest goes. Co-workers? Nah, not so much. Strangers? Not at all. Let's stop the madness!!
So prior to being your close friends, were they not strangers? Care to test your logic some?
All of my close friends were met due to something that we had in common, which gave us something to have an intelligent conversation about. So, in essence, we didn't have to go down the "small talk" path to learn about each other. Is that so odd? Am I way off base?? Please be honest.
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becuase sitting around in silence is so much better...0
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I prefer silence over pointlessness.0
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RicReed2014 wrote: »Listen, I care a great deal about my family and my close friends. That's about as far as my circle of interest goes. Co-workers? Nah, not so much. Strangers? Not at all. Let's stop the madness!!
I tried that once. I got a job and decided, this time, I'm really going to keep to myself the way I've always wanted to! I had to sit in a small space with other women. I answered questions politely and cordially, but never initiated conversation. Also, I didn't take the bait when they started harping on emotionally charged personal subjects like: the drug addicted son or daughter, the cheating boyfriend, or the teen who was wearing too much makeup and dressing inappropriately drawing dangerous attention.
The experiment failed. When a gal sits with harpies all day, she's gotta do a little harping or she'll be gradually but brutally ostracized. Found another job is what I did. But I still have to compromise and make nice nice with the talkative ones, grit my teeth and grin my way through it.
Ah. So, I'm not alone on this issue?
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RicReed2014 wrote: »Louise1491 wrote: »It's only a waste of time if you don't actually wish to know.
Indeed. That's more or less my point. I'm making a huge assumption that most people don't really want to know and they are just playing "the game" of life. My thought is, if that is the case, then why bother.
(1) It makes people feel important, or validated, or whatever. At least a little bit. Being asked how you're doing versus not being asked.
(2) Sometimes questions like "how was your weekend?" get people to realize they have something in common. They become friends or resources for each other. (A lady at work enjoys hiking, occasionally she'll come over and ask me if I've done a particular trail and what it was like if so.)
(3) A combination of #s 1 and 2 is good for group cohesion when people wouldn't necessarily want to associate with each other, like for work.
(4) It fills time, like when everybody is waiting for the last person to show up for a meeting.1 -
I dunno, it seems a little awkward if there are two of you in an elevator and you just don't say anything at all. Small talk is also an ice breaker, and opens the doors for a more meaningful conversation, which may or may not ensue. Also, it's difficult to hit on someone without any opening communication.0
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Louise1491 wrote: »
How do you know that you don't have things in common with other strangers if you don't converse?RicReed2014 wrote: »benmullins4 wrote: »RicReed2014 wrote: »Listen, I care a great deal about my family and my close friends. That's about as far as my circle of interest goes. Co-workers? Nah, not so much. Strangers? Not at all. Let's stop the madness!!
So prior to being your close friends, were they not strangers? Care to test your logic some?
All of my close friends were met due to something that we had in common, which gave us something to have an intelligent conversation about. So, in essence, we didn't have to go down the "small talk" path to learn about each other. Is that so odd? Am I way off base?? Please be honest.
Listen, I only have time in my life for the family and friends that I currently have. I have no interest in interrogating everyone I meet to determine if we have a common interest and should become best buds. I find that what is meant to be, is. These things work themselves out, without having to endure people going through the motions because they feel that it's the politically correct thing to do.
Like I said, earlier, maybe it's just me.
That's why I posted this.0 -
RicReed2014 wrote: »I prefer silence over pointlessness.
you must be a blast at parties...1 -
RicReed2014 wrote: »Listen, I only have time in my life for the family and friends that I currently have.
How did you make friends with the friends you have now? Was small talk involved? You asked what its purpose is, I say this is part of it.0 -
By the way, it's not like I cannot, and do not, play the game. As was stated earlier, there are times when you really don't have much of a choice. But, that doesn't mean I have to enjoy it.0
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Louise1491 wrote: »
Listen, I'm not judging, live your life however you please. As long as you're happy, who cares.RicReed2014 wrote: »Louise1491 wrote: »
How do you know that you don't have things in common with other strangers if you don't converse?RicReed2014 wrote: »benmullins4 wrote: »RicReed2014 wrote: »Listen, I care a great deal about my family and my close friends. That's about as far as my circle of interest goes. Co-workers? Nah, not so much. Strangers? Not at all. Let's stop the madness!!
So prior to being your close friends, were they not strangers? Care to test your logic some?
All of my close friends were met due to something that we had in common, which gave us something to have an intelligent conversation about. So, in essence, we didn't have to go down the "small talk" path to learn about each other. Is that so odd? Am I way off base?? Please be honest.
Listen, I only have time in my life for the family and friends that I currently have. I have no interest in interrogating everyone I meet to determine if we have a common interest and should become best buds. I find that what is meant to be, is. These things work themselves out, without having to endure people going through the motions because they feel that it's the politically correct thing to do.
Like I said, earlier, maybe it's just me.
That's why I posted this.
Just strikes me as curious that you start a thread about small talk, which involves small talk, to see if you have something in common with others, even though you don't care?
But this thread isn't small talk. It's a conversation about a specific subject that everyone participating in wants to contribute to. Anyone not interested has the option of not saying anything without being perceived as rude. On the other hand, "How are the kids?" "Oh, fine." while you're standing in an elevator is not a conversation, it's noise that happens because some people get awkward and weird about silence.
Small talk drives me nuts. I'm a quiet introvert who would rather be left alone unless there's a reason we need to talk. Politely chatting about boring subjects with someone I don't feel connected to is pretty uncomfortable for me, and I don't think small talk is a good way to form a connection. Of course, the definition of "small talk," "boring," and "connection" are going to vary from person to person.
An example of "connecting" for me: there's a guy in my building who I had literally never said a word to before. I knew his name and absolutely nothing else about him. He heard I was playing Pokemon Go, brought it up, and now we talk about that every few days. He drops in things like "I took my kids to look for Pokemon at the lake," so now I know he has kids, and I found out without going through the "So, do you have kids?" small-talk ritual that often happens when you first talk to someone. I'm slowly becoming more invested in him as a person, and it happened because we had something in common to start with. I'm not sure where most people think talk stops being small, but for me it's when it's done out of interest rather than social courtesy. I'm sure some people think a bit of back and forth about a game is indeed small talk.
@OP... I feel you. Nothing meaningful and lasting has ever come out of small talk for me. Fun has very rarely come out of it. I relate to this article - if I'm going to have a conversation with someone, I want it to go beyond the mundane: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/17/fashion/dating-the-end-of-small-talk.html?_r=01 -
Aren't we kind of doing that thing you hate right now?2
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Couldn't disagree with you more. Small talk is part of what makes us human; what bonds us together and brings a sense of communion between strangers.1
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@RicReed2014 I'm with you, I hate small talk. To me, its just useless information. I don't need my brain cluttered with useless information, I have more important things to think about! Let's skip the how are you's and tell me about something interesting.0
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I think small talk is great. Some idle chit chat is nice when you have minimal interaction with others and heck you might learn something really neat or meet a really cool person. I always chat with this one person and he will drop these little nuggets and now I REALLY need to turn the small talk into large talk cause he's had quite a colourful life apparently.2
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I think small talk is great. Some idle chit chat is nice when you have minimal interaction with others and heck you might learn something really neat or meet a really cool person. I always chat with this one person and he will drop these little nuggets and now I REALLY need to turn the small talk into large talk cause he's had quite a colourful life apparently.
Nice0 -
lol at drops nuggets.0
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