Why do people think overeating is compensating?
Replies
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mygrl4meee wrote: »KetoneKaren wrote: »mygrl4meee wrote: »KetoneKaren wrote: »mygrl4meee wrote: »I personally believe for someone to be 100 or more pounds overweight that emotionally there is something going on. Big differences between being 30 pounds overweight compared to someone who needs to lose 100 and up pounds.
Like @LokiGrrl I am curious about this statement...it sounds as if it may be coming from personal experience? What is your story @mygrl4meee if you care to share?
Sure. I had two big things that caused me to use food to feel better.. One was losing a baby to adoption when family wouldn't help.. Two was my first husband wanting to openly sleep around with thin woman. It wasn't until I was in reunion with my daughter and sleeked counseling for the loss and my split with husband could I lose weight. I am well.. Not perfect. I put on 15 pounds dealing with a second divorce. I am trying to get it back off.
Oh my gosh...so sorry that you went through such difficulties.
Did you gain a hundred lbs? Is that why you were using that figure? I am 25lbs down on a 100lb journey.
Yes. I was 100 pounds over the top range for a healthy weight. I was 5'10 and 272 pounds. I am now 185 trying to get back to my 170
That is inspirational. Thanks.
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KetoneKaren wrote: »mygrl4meee wrote: »KetoneKaren wrote: »mygrl4meee wrote: »KetoneKaren wrote: »mygrl4meee wrote: »I personally believe for someone to be 100 or more pounds overweight that emotionally there is something going on. Big differences between being 30 pounds overweight compared to someone who needs to lose 100 and up pounds.
Like @LokiGrrl I am curious about this statement...it sounds as if it may be coming from personal experience? What is your story @mygrl4meee if you care to share?
Sure. I had two big things that caused me to use food to feel better.. One was losing a baby to adoption when family wouldn't help.. Two was my first husband wanting to openly sleep around with thin woman. It wasn't until I was in reunion with my daughter and sleeked counseling for the loss and my split with husband could I lose weight. I am well.. Not perfect. I put on 15 pounds dealing with a second divorce. I am trying to get it back off.
Oh my gosh...so sorry that you went through such difficulties. Did you gain a hundred lbs? Is that why you were using that figure? I am 25lbs down on a 100lb journey.
Yes. I was 100 pounds over the top range for a healthy weight. I was 5'10 and 272 pounds. I am now 185 trying to get back to my 170
That is inspirational. Thanks.
Your welcome0 -
@mygrl4meee I in no way want to discount or invalidate your experience - you went through some really hard stuff and I respect you for doing the work to get through it.
I disagree (in a pleasant and non-acrimonious fashion) on the idea that there MUST be something emotional involved with needing to lose over 100 pounds, because right off the top of my head I can think of several reasons off the top of my head why someone might have gained 100+ pounds. I'll list them if anyone wants to talk about that, but I'm really glad you're in a better place now.2 -
@mygrl4meee I in no way want to discount or invalidate your experience - you went through some really hard stuff and I respect you for doing the work to get through it.
I disagree (in a pleasant and non-acrimonious fashion) on the idea that there MUST be something emotional involved with needing to lose over 100 pounds, because right off the top of my head I can think of several reasons off the top of my head why someone might have gained 100+ pounds. I'll list them if anyone wants to talk about that, but I'm really glad you're in a better place now.
No problem. Just my reason and I am sure there is exceptions to everything. One reason other than a emotional problem is probably take out food. Its a little to do with my 15 pound gain.4 -
mygrl4meee wrote: »@mygrl4meee I in no way want to discount or invalidate your experience - you went through some really hard stuff and I respect you for doing the work to get through it.
I disagree (in a pleasant and non-acrimonious fashion) on the idea that there MUST be something emotional involved with needing to lose over 100 pounds, because right off the top of my head I can think of several reasons off the top of my head why someone might have gained 100+ pounds. I'll list them if anyone wants to talk about that, but I'm really glad you're in a better place now.
No problem. Just my reason and I am sure there is exceptions to everything. One reason other than a emotional problem is probably take out food. Its a little to do with my 15 pound gain.
The siren call of fast food! I hear that!0 -
mygrl4meee wrote: »KetoneKaren wrote: »mygrl4meee wrote: »KetoneKaren wrote: »mygrl4meee wrote: »I personally believe for someone to be 100 or more pounds overweight that emotionally there is something going on. Big differences between being 30 pounds overweight compared to someone who needs to lose 100 and up pounds.
Like @LokiGrrl I am curious about this statement...it sounds as if it may be coming from personal experience? What is your story @mygrl4meee if you care to share?
Sure. I had two big things that caused me to use food to feel better.. One was losing a baby to adoption when family wouldn't help.. Two was my first husband wanting to openly sleep around with thin woman. It wasn't until I was in reunion with my daughter and sleeked counseling for the loss and my split with husband could I lose weight. I am well.. Not perfect. I put on 15 pounds dealing with a second divorce. I am trying to get it back off.
Oh my gosh...so sorry that you went through such difficulties. Did you gain a hundred lbs? Is that why you were using that figure? I am 25lbs down on a 100lb journey.
Yes. I was 100 pounds over the top range for a healthy weight. I was 5'10 and 272 pounds. I am now 185 trying to get back to my 170
Oh, we have something in common ... I'm coming from the same starting point with the same goal ... I'm 5'3". Good luck on getting to our goals to both of us.1 -
lauragreenbaum148 wrote: »Why is there the idea that there's some underlying problem I'm not addressing?
I think it has more to do with the person who is making the observation, rather than the person subjected to it. Some people look for drama everywhere, even when there is none to be found. It makes for a much better story if you have some great emotional secret that has you eating your feelings, than if you just prefer to eat out at restaurants rather than cook your own food.
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I was about 100 pounds overweight when I decided to lose weight. It wasn't emotional. It was a combination of 4 years of buffets at college and 2 years of suddenly having the freedom of my own car and salary (I'd never been able to buy as much food as I want whenever I want), plus a new city with new food and driving by fast food every day. I knew I was overweight but was enjoying the food too much to care. I just liked food and happened to have easy access to it.
I think the second you make a generalization like that you're going to be wrong no matter what, honestly.7 -
lauragreenbaum148 wrote: »Why is there the idea that there's some underlying problem I'm not addressing?
I think it has more to do with the person who is making the observation, rather than the person subjected to it. Some people look for drama everywhere, even when there is none to be found. It makes for a much better story if you have some great emotional secret that has you eating your feelings, than if you just prefer to eat out at restaurants rather than cook your own food.
Statements like obesity and mental health must be tied together for every person clearly overstate the issue, but one would have to have their head in the sand to dismiss the link.
http://www.obesitynetwork.ca/Obesity-and-Mental-Illness-Addressing-a-Double-Epidemic-322
http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/obesity.aspx
http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/758035
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While there could be psychological reasons, there can also be physiological ones. Biological systems are very complex, and there are many ways they can break down. So far, there are at least 41 different genes where certain mutations can predispose one to obesity. Mutations in leptin or the leptin receptor tend to be very severe and early-onset (obesity before 1 year of age) while a single mutation of T -> C at one particular base in the FTO gene can double your risk of obesity but usually has a mid-childhood onset. The FTO mutation seems to reduce mitochondrial thermogenesis and promote a shift from brown fat to white fat.
For myself, until just recently I'd been obese since about age 8, and I've not had any particularly difficult emotional times apart from the normal pains of growing up. I have a great and loving family, friends, etc. and many of the best times of my life were also the ones I gained the most. I don't overeat in response to stress, in fact I tend to greatly reduce eating in times of great stress.
As to why people look for "the real problem", you can thank Freud, whose solution to everything was finding "the real problem". Thankfully other approaches like CBT more or less throw all that out the window and focus on finding solutions.4 -
sunnybeaches105 wrote: »Statements like obesity and mental health must be tied together for every person clearly overstate the issue, but one would have to have their head in the sand to dismiss the link.rankinsect wrote: »As to why people look for "the real problem", you can thank Freud, whose solution to everything was finding "the real problem".
I don't disagree with you, @sunnybeaches105, but even Freud acknowledged that "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."
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I became overweight because food is yummy and my self control was weak. Zero emotional issues here.5
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sunnybeaches105 wrote: »lauragreenbaum148 wrote: »Why is there the idea that there's some underlying problem I'm not addressing?
I think it has more to do with the person who is making the observation, rather than the person subjected to it. Some people look for drama everywhere, even when there is none to be found. It makes for a much better story if you have some great emotional secret that has you eating your feelings, than if you just prefer to eat out at restaurants rather than cook your own food.
Statements like obesity and mental health must be tied together for every person clearly overstate the issue, but one would have to have their head in the sand to dismiss the link.
http://www.obesitynetwork.ca/Obesity-and-Mental-Illness-Addressing-a-Double-Epidemic-322
http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/obesity.aspx
http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/758035
Yes, there are links sometimes, and I really appreciate your passion on this issue, but I'd also like to suggest to you that the idea that there's a magic psychological key to weight loss can be just as destructive as the idea that there's a magic pill. I've seen people search for years for that psychological insight that will "fix" them, and it's heartbreaking.1 -
sunnybeaches105 wrote: »lauragreenbaum148 wrote: »Why is there the idea that there's some underlying problem I'm not addressing?
I think it has more to do with the person who is making the observation, rather than the person subjected to it. Some people look for drama everywhere, even when there is none to be found. It makes for a much better story if you have some great emotional secret that has you eating your feelings, than if you just prefer to eat out at restaurants rather than cook your own food.
Statements like obesity and mental health must be tied together for every person clearly overstate the issue, but one would have to have their head in the sand to dismiss the link.
http://www.obesitynetwork.ca/Obesity-and-Mental-Illness-Addressing-a-Double-Epidemic-322
http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/obesity.aspx
http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/758035
Yes, there are links sometimes, and I really appreciate your passion on this issue, but I'd also like to suggest to you that the idea that there's a magic psychological key to weight loss can be just as destructive as the idea that there's a magic pill. I've seen people search for years for that psychological insight that will "fix" them, and it's heartbreaking.
Good luck in all your weight loss endeavors0 -
sunnybeaches105 wrote: »Statements like obesity and mental health must be tied together for every person clearly overstate the issue, but one would have to have their head in the sand to dismiss the link.rankinsect wrote: »As to why people look for "the real problem", you can thank Freud, whose solution to everything was finding "the real problem".
I don't disagree with you, @sunnybeaches105, but even Freud acknowledged that "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."
No disagreement there0 -
sunnybeaches105 wrote: »sunnybeaches105 wrote: »Statements like obesity and mental health must be tied together for every person clearly overstate the issue, but one would have to have their head in the sand to dismiss the link.rankinsect wrote: »As to why people look for "the real problem", you can thank Freud, whose solution to everything was finding "the real problem".
I don't disagree with you, @sunnybeaches105, but even Freud acknowledged that "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."
I don't think anyone disagrees on that, but when overeating has gotten to the point of self destruction and someone is 100+ pounds overweight, then perhaps a light should go off somewhere.
This is true, it's naive of me to compare my situation to this one. The light went on for me when i had gained 30lbs.
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Christine_72 wrote: »sunnybeaches105 wrote: »sunnybeaches105 wrote: »Statements like obesity and mental health must be tied together for every person clearly overstate the issue, but one would have to have their head in the sand to dismiss the link.rankinsect wrote: »As to why people look for "the real problem", you can thank Freud, whose solution to everything was finding "the real problem".
I don't disagree with you, @sunnybeaches105, but even Freud acknowledged that "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."
I don't think anyone disagrees on that, but when overeating has gotten to the point of self destruction and someone is 100+ pounds overweight, then perhaps a light should go off somewhere.
This is true, it's naive of me to compare my situation to this one. The light went on for me when i had gained 30lbs.
It wasn't the case for me either. I lost the weight easily when I came here a few years ago, and during that time I've seen people struggle with little to no loss, struggle through divorces, get surgery, try every imaginable approach without success, and post some very revealing threads. Some just don't put it as a priority (and hey we all have different priorities), but (many) others are struggling through mental health issues.0 -
Yeah, I too don't understand why people assume certain reasons for overeating. Sometimes it just is overeating, no strings attached. I just like high fat food and was not a fan of physical activities. I suppose "liking food" is an emotion so it could be called emotional eating in some convoluted way, but I know when I was morbidly obese I had a great life, great friends, a job that I love, was happy with myself (even the way I looked) and I'm absolutely certain I was not trying to self-destruct on purpose.
Yes, some people do use eating as a coping mechanism, but it's not the only reason people get obese. I do tend to eat a little bit more when I'm stressed now that I'm dieting, but that's just because I'm more focused on the stressor (a challenging work project for example) than I am on controlling my intake and don't like to put more things on my plate than there already are. I basically relax one area to focus on another and keep myself functioning optimally. That knack for self preservation and optimization of my emotional state is the opposite of self destruction.
Sometime weight gain is simply caused by less than stellar eating and moving habits. It doesn't have to have some earth shattering deeper roots.
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lauragreenbaum148 wrote: »Many times I'll hear the opinion that people who overeat are compensating for something missing from their lives. And we're urged to find "the real problem." Maybe I just really love to eat. I love the taste of food and I don't have to "binge" or even overeat much to gain weight...it's just my personal metabolism. Why is there the idea that there's some underlying problem I'm not addressing? For some people I'm sure there is an underlying problem, but I just don't believe that is true for everyone. Pizza's good, man!!!
Maybe it would be helpful to use less loaded language. Overeating is a problem if it occurs with enough frequency to cause one to reach an unhealthy weight. If someone overeats occasionally but is able to balance out their eating to maintain a healthy weight, then I agree that there isn't a problem and there is nothing to solve.
But if your overeating has negatively impacted your health by causing you to become overweight or obese, then, yeah, you have a problem. If you just really love the taste of food and love to eat, then that is where you need to start exploring to identify the cause in order to fix the problem. There are many different solutions that work for different people, and some trial and error may be necessary to find the best solution for an individual. There may be some distorted thinking or a lack of knowledge of the calorie content of foods being served or not acknowledging the importance of appropriate portion sizes. There may be bad habits involving grabbing unhealthy but convenient foods due to a false perception that there isn't enough time to prepare healthy meals.
It is possible to love the taste of food, love to eat, and achieve and maintain a healthy weight. So those aren't the actual causes of overeating to the point of reaching an unhealthy weight. In order to find a solution to the problem of overeating to that degree, it is important to figure out the cause that led one to develop a pattern of overconsumption and then focus on finding the best solution to meet that person's individual needs. The problem doesn't necessarily need to be an emotional issue - for example, it can be caused by an unhealthy relationship with food, unhealthy but comfortable habits, lack of knowledge about nutrition, problems in the way that one thinks about food and eating, etc.
In my experience, losing weight without figuring out those causes and finding solutions that worked for me resulted in a cycle of yo-yo dieting. I was fantastic at losing weight, but since I never went beyond the surface to figure out why I kept overeating and find solutions that worked for me, I continued to fail at maintaining a healthy weight long term. Once I acknowledged the importance of identifying those causes and finding workable solutions, I have been able to maintain a healthy weight.3 -
@mygrl4meee I in no way want to discount or invalidate your experience - you went through some really hard stuff and I respect you for doing the work to get through it.
I disagree (in a pleasant and non-acrimonious fashion) on the idea that there MUST be something emotional involved with needing to lose over 100 pounds, because right off the top of my head I can think of several reasons off the top of my head why someone might have gained 100+ pounds. I'll list them if anyone wants to talk about that, but I'm really glad you're in a better place now.
Would you agree, that if someone drinks a little too much each week, they probably are just partiers, and not necessarily using it as a coping mechanism; versus someone who black-out drinks every night, or drinks before work every day likely is using it as a coping mechanism for problems?0 -
coreyreichle wrote: »@mygrl4meee I in no way want to discount or invalidate your experience - you went through some really hard stuff and I respect you for doing the work to get through it.
I disagree (in a pleasant and non-acrimonious fashion) on the idea that there MUST be something emotional involved with needing to lose over 100 pounds, because right off the top of my head I can think of several reasons off the top of my head why someone might have gained 100+ pounds. I'll list them if anyone wants to talk about that, but I'm really glad you're in a better place now.
Would you agree, that if someone drinks a little too much each week, they probably are just partiers, and not necessarily using it as a coping mechanism; versus someone who black-out drinks every night, or drinks before work every day likely is using it as a coping mechanism for problems?
It was over, why start it back up again?0 -
coreyreichle wrote: »@mygrl4meee I in no way want to discount or invalidate your experience - you went through some really hard stuff and I respect you for doing the work to get through it.
I disagree (in a pleasant and non-acrimonious fashion) on the idea that there MUST be something emotional involved with needing to lose over 100 pounds, because right off the top of my head I can think of several reasons off the top of my head why someone might have gained 100+ pounds. I'll list them if anyone wants to talk about that, but I'm really glad you're in a better place now.
Would you agree, that if someone drinks a little too much each week, they probably are just partiers, and not necessarily using it as a coping mechanism; versus someone who black-out drinks every night, or drinks before work every day likely is using it as a coping mechanism for problems?
That's just one context. I had more than 100 lb to lose when I started. The difference between my sedentary TDEE when I first started and my expected goal weight TDEE is only 800 calories. That's the difference between what is called "super obese" and being a normal BMI. If you eat only a couple more deep dish pizza slices a day than a normal weight person would there's your 800 calories. In my case, it was the difference of eating a little less than half a cup of olive oil more than a normal weight person would, or a little over a cup of nuts. This can happen casually to anyone who has warped hunger signals and distorted portion perception, no coping mechanism needed. Some people have systems (biological, social, emotional, personal, circumstantial...etc) and habits in place that regulate their weight in a way that prevents them from gaining large amounts, while others just happen to be surrounded by an unfavorable set of systems (some of which can be emotional, but not necessarily) that allows for large gains.
This does not invalidate the experience of some (many) people who are overweight because of emotional eating and using food as a crutch. What can't be said, though, is that everyone who is obese must be dealing with hard issues. This simply isn't the case.3 -
No much is true about "everybody".lauragreenbaum148 wrote: »--->> For some people I'm sure there is an underlying problem, but I just don't believe that is true for everyone.
I certainly have used food to bring pleasure into my past miserable existence and had to address some life issues to learn better coping skills.
And yes, I love to eat, but when I do, I eat to feed my body mostly with nutritious foods that bring me closer to my goal of optimal health and fitness. Food is no longer a drug I abuse to make me feel happy.
I can't be that guy and realize success that equals my human potential.
So, answer for yourself...and to thine own self be true...
Have a great day!
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I don't know how but for some reason even here, with a lot of overweight people, the tendency is to think that most of time we overeat because we are sad, seeking comfort or are stressed out. I once read its actually the opposite and that most of the time people who are overweight are overeating when they are happy or are celebrating (celebrating the smallest things with food)1
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lauragreenbaum148 wrote: »Many times I'll hear the opinion that people who overeat are compensating for something missing from their lives. And we're urged to find "the real problem." Maybe I just really love to eat. I love the taste of food and I don't have to "binge" or even overeat much to gain weight...it's just my personal metabolism. Why is there the idea that there's some underlying problem I'm not addressing? For some people I'm sure there is an underlying problem, but I just don't believe that is true for everyone. Pizza's good, man!!!
I absolutely agree. I mentioned that in another post. Lots of arm chair psychology. I definitely do not minimize people with eating disorders or other emotional issues. These things are very real and serious. However, every time someone overeats, it's not because of a disorder. Nor is it because there is an underlying emotional/mental issue. Absolutely, no one is 100% perfect in all areas of their lives. So, even if they got the eating thing down pact, I assure, they are lacking somewhere else. Every now and again, I will have a major I don't care day, and it's really okay.
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sunnybeaches105 wrote: »sunnybeaches105 wrote: »sunnybeaches105 wrote: »mygrl4meee wrote: »I personally believe for someone to be 100 or more pounds overweight that emotionally there is something going on. Big differences between being 30 pounds overweight compared to someone who needs to lose 100 and up pounds.
I'm curious to know why you think this.
Are you also curious about why people might think alcoholics and drug addicts have emotional issues? These are all evidence of self-destructive behavior, and often used as coping mechanisms. It's why many of us see fat acceptance as a movement encouraging denial.
I said I was curious why the poster believes that someone who has at least 100 pounds to lose must have "emotionally... something going on," because I want to know why she thinks this, and that is the sole reason for my post. There is no ulterior motive and I'd appreciate it if you didn't infer one.
She's not the only one that thinks this, and I'd appreciate it if you discussed the point rationally rather than getting defensive.
That's fine if she's not the only one who thinks this. If you think I'm defensive, well, okay. I still just want to know why she thinks that, and it doesn't have anything to do with drugs or alcohol or fat acceptance or any of that. If you'd like to engage on that particular question I'll be glad to talk with you rationally, but I can't really start the discussion because I don't have the faintest idea what the premise of that argument is. So, you know, I asked, which is a thing I do when I don't know something.
Okay then . . .
To be honest, I'm not following your response, but I'll try to respond. I find that many people get very defensive when discussing mental health, but it's not something that should be stigmatized (though it is) or be embarrassed by (though many people are). The point regarding serious obesity and emotional issues is significant though in the sense that help may need to include counseling. You don't have spend much time on MFP to see that many seriously overweight people are dealing with emotional issues, and telling that group that what they need to do is simply calorie count and use self control isn't really all that effective.
I have an aunt who was extremely overweight when I was growing up. She would cook cakes and other delightful foods. She's at least 100 pounds overweight, but I think it was simply because she loved food and didn't exercise self control. I agree that some people that get this heavy can do so for emotional reasons. However, I think there is a flaw in the logic because a person can gain 30 pounds from emotional eating while someone else can gain 100 because they just love love love to eat. And oh did I enjoy those chocolate cakes that my aunt would bake. 1 -
lauragreenbaum148 wrote: »sunnybeaches105 wrote: »So you stopped overeating, are in complete control, and are losing weight then? Very good.
I didn't say that. I said I sometimes overeat because I really enjoy food. Not because I didn't get hugged enough.
LOL 1 -
There are SOOO many potential reasons for someone to overeat, usually tied to an emotion whether traumatizing or not. Eating for a sense of enjoyment, eating with bad habits taught from a young age, peer pressure for "just one more" beer, piece of cake or hamburger. Stress due to being overworked (which also ties into lack of sleep) or going from a very active life to an inactive life (due to job change or injury) without adjusting intake.
There are more emotions involved in over-eating than negative ones like depression or anxiety. Using food as pleasure is also a cause and MANY people who say they don't have an emotional issue with food obviously DO.0 -
Still no group hug?1
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mygrl4meee wrote: »[
Sure. I had two big things that caused me to use food to feel better.. One was losing a baby to adoption when family wouldn't help.. Two was my first husband wanting to openly sleep around with thin woman. It wasn't until I was in reunion with my daughter and sleeked counseling for the loss and my split with husband could I lose weight. I am well.. Not perfect. I put on 15 pounds dealing with a second divorce. I am trying to get it back off.
I'm so happy you've reunited with your daughter. And lost the 100+ pounds of husband weight if he wasn't able to be the right partner for you.
My oldest nephew, now 20, is adopted and has been really lucky to grow up with his biological family as well as my sister's family. We have blended holidays with me 3 other nieces and nephews calling his biological grandma by that name and his biological sister calls me "aunt." I'm so happy for you both. He's told me many times he would have regretted not knowing where he came from, but he's forever grateful his biological parents realized they couldn't care for him and made the hardest and bravest choice ever. Which is what you did. 0
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