Worked hard for nothing, have no support

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sjhahn07
sjhahn07 Posts: 3 Member
in Getting Started
For as long as I remember I kept aiming to reach my goal of 120 lbs. But no matter what I try - restricting calories to 1500/day, doing high-intensity ballet 10 hours a week, taking joy walks whenever I can, loading on good protein and complex carbs - all my progress just dies after a single cheat meal or a short road trip. No matter how far I seem to progress, a single "bad" instance always makes me explode back to 130 lbs almost instantly, and the weight never comes back off.

It happened to me again recently after almost a year of hard work (managed down to 121 from 130). I'll also admit, for the past few months I've been undergoing a lot of stress due to unrelated issues while I kept trying to lose weight.

I'm tired of keeping food journals and counting calories. I'm also sick to death of everyone else around me just telling me to gain more weight because I don't look fat to them. No one is supporting me, but I just want to feel great about my physical condition and be a strong ballet dancer.

I keep feeling like I was meant to always remain 130 lbs or heavier. I look in the mirror and I can't stand the horrifying, blubbery sight. What have I done wrong? I'd like some tips and advice, please.

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  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
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    How tall are you? How old are you? Weight doesn't come on instantly. I have no other feedback to give without more context.
  • kimny72
    kimny72 Posts: 16,013 Member
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    kommodevaran wrote: »
    How tall are you? How old are you? Weight doesn't come on instantly. I have no other feedback to give without more context.

    This. What are your stats - age, height, etc?
  • vingogly
    vingogly Posts: 1,785 Member
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    If a single cheat meal is throwing you into overeating, that's a behavioral issue related more to what you're thinking about weight loss -- and about yourself. You might find the Beck cognitive behavioral approach to dealing with the scripts we have in our heads that sabotage our weight loss helpful:

    http://www.beckdietsolution.com

    Judith Beck is the daughter of Aaron Beck, who is also the father of the field of cognitive therapy. In addition to the website, she has a number of books available.
  • sjhahn07
    sjhahn07 Posts: 3 Member
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    Oh sorry for lack of further info. Here it is:
    5'8", 22 year old female
  • RainaProske
    RainaProske Posts: 636 Member
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    I don't care if you've had the most compatible best friend ever for the last 20 years, I don't care if you are married to the best possible mate who would do anything for you, I don't care if you are continuously surrounded by the best family in the whole world: your greatest and most effective advocate for your health and weight is you.. Bottom line. Be true to yourself.
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
    edited August 2016
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    sjhahn07 wrote: »
    For as long as I remember I kept aiming to reach my goal of 120 lbs. But no matter what I try - restricting calories to 1500/day, doing high-intensity ballet 10 hours a week, taking joy walks whenever I can, loading on good protein and complex carbs - all my progress just dies after a single cheat meal or a short road trip. No matter how far I seem to progress, a single "bad" instance always makes me explode back to 130 lbs almost instantly, and the weight never comes back off.

    It happened to me again recently after almost a year of hard work (managed down to 121 from 130). I'll also admit, for the past few months I've been undergoing a lot of stress due to unrelated issues while I kept trying to lose weight.

    I'm tired of keeping food journals and counting calories. I'm also sick to death of everyone else around me just telling me to gain more weight because I don't look fat to them. No one is supporting me, but I just want to feel great about my physical condition and be a strong ballet dancer.

    I keep feeling like I was meant to always remain 130 lbs or heavier. I look in the mirror and I can't stand the horrifying, blubbery sight. What have I done wrong? I'd like some tips and advice, please.


    You probably are meant to be 130 cos at 5'8 120 is borderline underweight

    Ballet dancers unfortunately are prone to eating disorders to keep to unrealistic ideals of body size

    Are you a professional dancer?
  • rankinsect
    rankinsect Posts: 2,238 Member
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    I can't really picture a 130-pound 5'8" woman as being "blubbery". Even 130 puts you solidly near the bottom of the normal weight range for your height (which is 125-165 lb), and 120 would put you (slightly) underweight. If you've built a lot of musculature from all the dancing, you might not be able to safely drop your body fat to the point where you can reach 120.
  • errollmaclean
    errollmaclean Posts: 562 Member
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    Google says a healthy range for your height is 125-163lbs. It sounds like you may be hyper focussed on your body image. But that is common in ballet as far as I know.

    Is your diet overly restrictive? Only “clean” food? Being too restrictive is hard to maintain, which might be why you’re re-gaining weight.

    Have you thought of focusing on your build/body composition instead of a specific number on the scale? Do you have to be a certain weight for any specific reason?

    a couple examples of what changing your body composition can do:

    same-weight-different-shape.jpg

    9-1.jpg
  • Ian_Davies
    Ian_Davies Posts: 122 Member
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    The body does funny things to stress and if you are aiming to be at the bottom of the normal line then as others aid your body might grab anything else and hold on to it.

    The one thing i do have to say to myself, and i have these bumps a long the road is what do i want more...the wild road trip with friends eating haribos or to look good...I resist the former...and have swapped some friends for new ones with a different lifestyle to help.

    Hang in there...and don't be too hard on yourself...in your eyes you might think blubbery mess but i bet to the rest of us you are the most graceful Clara and Petipa and Ivanov would smile with pride at your performance.
  • sjhahn07
    sjhahn07 Posts: 3 Member
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    Thanks so much everyone for your remarks.

    The "triggers" which usually suddenly increase my weight by 5 lbs within the week (5 lbs which never come off) are during rare occasions, such as a birthday course meal or eating a whole Denny's pancake breakfast for lunch because I'm starving from missing breakfast.

    I say "blubbery" because I notice a lot of my clothes not fitting well anymore, my muscles losing their definition, and my overall metabolism slowing down and stubbornly not perking back up. Needless to say, it's really hard to perform to my highest level while feeling this way about myself. No I am not a professional dancer, but it's what I love to do and I aim to be performance-ready en pointe for a couple of variations very soon.

    It's really hard to push past feeling discouraged. Overall, I can't thank you all enough for your input and honesty.
  • errollmaclean
    errollmaclean Posts: 562 Member
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    About the "no support" part, why not add a picture, and add some friends on here? Food and fitness focused friends can help. Also I'm pretty sure I've seen quite a few ballet dancers on here over the years.
  • sadchick2003
    sadchick2003 Posts: 5 Member
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    Don't give up; do you exercise? Try not to sigh yourself too much, limit it to once a week or 2 and try to weigh yourself the same time and follow the routine. Best wishes!
  • meritage4
    meritage4 Posts: 1,441 Member
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    Ok what does your dance teacher say? 120 may be too low for your height and muscles.
  • tryett
    tryett Posts: 530 Member
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    I would suggest a therapist as support. 130 is bordering on underweight for your height. I would suggest a trainer for toning since it appears your body issues are more related to toning.
  • enterdanger
    enterdanger Posts: 2,447 Member
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    sjhahn07 wrote: »
    Thanks so much everyone for your remarks.

    The "triggers" which usually suddenly increase my weight by 5 lbs within the week (5 lbs which never come off) are during rare occasions, such as a birthday course meal or eating a whole Denny's pancake breakfast for lunch because I'm starving from missing breakfast.

    I say "blubbery" because I notice a lot of my clothes not fitting well anymore, my muscles losing their definition, and my overall metabolism slowing down and stubbornly not perking back up. Needless to say, it's really hard to perform to my highest level while feeling this way about myself. No I am not a professional dancer, but it's what I love to do and I aim to be performance-ready en pointe for a couple of variations very soon.

    It's really hard to push past feeling discouraged. Overall, I can't thank you all enough for your input and honesty.


    At your age and height 1500 calories is way too little, especially with your exercise level. I think what is happening is that you are losing muscle because you aren't sufficiently fueling your body. Of course you are starving at 1500 calories with hours of ballet. No wonder you go to denny's and overeat. The weight gain is probably water weight. Stop stressing your body out. I plugged your numbers in a calculator and with no exercise you'd have to eat 1700 calories just to maintain a weight of 125lbs. I'd listen to @ninerbuff. He knows his stuff.
  • palmtang
    palmtang Posts: 22 Member
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    Hello, two of my very good friends are dancers. We met when we were 18 and they both attended the Royal Ballet School at the time. My male ballet dancer friend never had the same pressure as my female friend did to loose weight. Her teachers would actively pull her aside and tell her that she needed to 'do something' about her weight 'problem' and the dancers there used to swallow tissue to fill up their stomachs to stop them getting hungry to help them loose weight. A lot of the girls I met through them at the time seemed to have a rather distorted body view including my friend. I had to remind her gently that no she wasn't fat, they were just her hips and that she really did need her hips or she wouldn't be able to walk let alone dance. Now I know that the dancing profession needs you to be incredibly fit and I think that with eating so little you are losing muscle. I lived with my dancer friend throughout our twenties. (We are 36 now) I can attest that while she did have some bonkers diets (well bonkers in that she would buy a load of 'healthy diet crap' and then blatantly let it rot and not eat it!) on and off in general the girl ate more then me half the time and as I have been a massive fatty for a long time that is saying a lot! Anyway this is a rather long way of saying that if you are going to hammer your body doing intensive dancing then you need to fuel it! For my friend she used to hit the gym and do weights as she got more then enough cardio. She has been cheerleading my own weight loss journey from the sidelines and never gets tired of telling me do weights to change the shape of my body and get strong, that food is needed for fuel.

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