Get fit = lose friends?

shesthetype
shesthetype Posts: 45 Member
edited December 3 in Chit-Chat
Hello :) I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this. Since losing 70kgs and getting slim and fit, I've noticed that some of the female friends I had have either stopped speaking to me or turned plain nasty, ie, calling me an attention seeker etc. I am actually very careful not to mention my weight loss too often because I don't want to appear smug or as a show off but it seems that despite this, there mere fact I've been successful in my weight loss has been enough to trigger cattiness. Has anyone else had people turn nasty on them since losing weight? I'm a kind person and my personality is exactly the same now as it was when I was obese, except I'm a bit less embarrassed by my appearance in public (I still have my insecurities!).

Anyway, just curious if this has happened to others?
«1

Replies

  • finny11122
    finny11122 Posts: 8,436 Member
    You are after out growing them in a way . They see in you what they will never do . You took action , they didn't and they resent you for it . You are who you associate with . So only hang out with people that got a good outlook on life and cheer each others success .
  • Erika2011MaBelleFille
    Erika2011MaBelleFille Posts: 75 Member
    Hi there. Sorry to hear that, but in that case they were never really your friends. A true friend encourages you is is genuinely happy for your accomplishments. Some people just don't like to look at how bright your light shines that they try to dim it down to make their's shine brighter.
    To answer your question. Yes. This did happen to me in the past. I lost quite a bit of weight myself in high school and my "best friend" slowly stopped talking to me. I was ok with it because the ones that atuck by me are my friends to this day :smile:
    I congratulate you on your accomplishments and with continued success in anything you do.
  • DeficitDuchess
    DeficitDuchess Posts: 3,099 Member
    While I am a firm believer in eliminating toxic people, from our lives; I also believe in having an individual heart to heart conversation 1st but only if these people didn't do you wrong detrimentally. If a relationship is able to be saved, it's best to try; that avenue 1st. Make it clear that while you feel alienated by their perception, of the new physical you; you won't tolerate their ill treatment of you & that you'll leave them behind, if necessary.
  • shesthetype
    shesthetype Posts: 45 Member
    I had a friend say to me that she used to be fine with the fact she's overweight because I was always bigger than her. She said when I lost weight, it meant she no longer had an excuse to be fat and that it made her resent me. Despite recognizing this isn't a good way to view me, she has still chosen to withdraw from me. I guess I can't help or control that. She's been my only long term friend since high school so it makes me very sad.
  • BabyLovesToRun
    BabyLovesToRun Posts: 120 Member
    Unfortunately, yes. I've had some good friends lose touch with me, one of them even told me they didn't want to hang out with me anymore because I no longer wanted to go out and devour restaurant food with them anymore, in all seriousness. Sometimes you just have to choose YOU, if your friends can't understand that or refuse to support you, then they weren't the greatest of friends anyhow!
  • gmoneycole
    gmoneycole Posts: 813 Member
    People like that aren't really friends imo. This site is supposed to be about lifting one another up and supporting each success along the way. Pick someone up when they are struggling, etc... I am very supportive and if people no longer interact with me they typically are deleted after some time. I usually try and touch base with them first to see what's up as we all have our real life issues. But if someone was nasty to me they would be gone in a hurry. I don't have time for that nonsense.
  • gmoneycole
    gmoneycole Posts: 813 Member
    Great job on your success btw! :)
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,179 Member
    edited August 2016
    Cats gotta hiss. You may have just noticed it but long ago I worked in an office with 40 women and 4 men. Metaphoric knives were flung when the pretty women saw one another. The fat, ugly, and old women got along well. That was back in the 1981.
  • SunnyDayzMomma
    SunnyDayzMomma Posts: 114 Member
    I have a few separate groups of friends, and one of the groups are all very fit and slim. They have been so supportive and excited for me. I've now noticed though, that they fat shame a little, other people who are bigger than them. They never did that before I list weight. I don't know what I'll do about that. It's nice to be on the other side, but I'll never fat shame. I spent too long on the fat side, crippled to do anything about it, to ever lay down judgement. A few of my other friends who are overweight, have become a bit distant. I fear for the same reasons as you've stated. I have a few acquaintances that are obese that all out ignore me now when we see each other at social gatherings. It's tough. But, I've been on the other side with other, but similar in theory things. When I was trying to have kids and kept miscarrying, it was very difficult to be around my very pregnant friends or their babies when they had them. Maybe it's the same idea, it's not that they're not happy for us, just sad for themselves. In time they may come around. And a good heart to heart may be very helpful too.
  • rebel_26
    rebel_26 Posts: 1,826 Member
    New chapter. New friends with similar interests.
  • B4Rachael
    B4Rachael Posts: 155 Member
    People that you are important to will be ecstatic that you have achieved your goal and support you and raise you up; anyone who is negative towards you for becoming healthier needs to reevaluate themselves.
  • moya_bleh
    moya_bleh Posts: 1,375 Member
    Crabs in a bucket. Just keep being you, make no apologies for doimg so.
  • huango
    huango Posts: 1,007 Member
    edited August 2016
    I have a long time friend who has great eating habits and rarely works out. She's naturally thin and tall.
    Me, on the other hand, is short and chubby, and has to work-out a lot and struggle with my food control.

    So recently, friend started a new workout and has lost some weight.
    She bragged a few times about how she no longer has her "2nd butt" (you know that chunk of fat by your butt/hips). And the 3 of us were just sitting there listening to her brag.

    As her friend, I should be very happy for her.
    I was.
    I am.
    I did congratulate her.
    But as she kept bragging about it, it just got under my skin.
    She works out about 1.5hours a week at a moderate level. I kill myself 4+ times a week.


    So just coming from the other side, it may be how you say something, or not even saying anything.
    It's not jealousy. It's just hard to accept that life is not fair.
  • kate141987
    kate141987 Posts: 513 Member
    Yeah it happened to me years ago, I was really unfit and began an exercise routine in the end I was exercising everyday, for around half an hour. I lost a lot of my weight and was looking good that's why I stuck to the exercise plan but my 'best friend' and her husband who I'd been close to for years started having a go at me, told me I didn't look good since exercising and that it was an 'obsession' probably something to do with the fact she was huge and he was built like a bean pole, genuine friends are hard to find but the fake ones soon start showing signs if they have actually been fake all along.

    They are NEVER happy for you when things are going well. It's sad really.
  • Thisnameischosen_
    Thisnameischosen_ Posts: 619 Member
    edited August 2016
    Yes this happened to me when I lost a significant amount of weight a few years back. Two women who I classed as best friends (although they were both closer to each other) started avoiding me. They didn't say anything horrible (at least not to my face) they just stopped talking to me and would make excuses not to hang around with me any more. They were supportive at first, but as i started to look better and better they withdrew. It was hard at the time because I couldn't figure out what was going on and I kept playing back times we had hung around together in my head to try and figure out what I had done/said wrong. It used up at lot of mental energy.
    In the end I just stop trying and we haven't really spoken since.
    I'm happier for it. They couldn't have been true friends in the first place. You don't need people in your life like that. You have done something incredible and your friends should support you and be proud of you. I wouldn't sweat it any more. Cut them loose and find some real friends.
  • samilicious01
    samilicious01 Posts: 9 Member
    Unfortunately yes it happens. Pay little or no attention to it and move on. Instead of 'Get fit and lose friends' I see the flip side as: 'Get fit and make new friends' #Result
  • druidkat7
    druidkat7 Posts: 691 Member
    What a lot of these other peeps said: if your old friends are getting catty, and backing away, well then maybe it's time to say 'Sayonara, sweeties,' and just you be the new you. Yes, having to let go of those old friendships has its own grieving process. If you've found new, more supportive friends, either here, or in the gym you go to, then those are your new posse, pure and simple.

    I'm Kat, by the way. :-) And you are to be congratulated on getting to where you are now. Well done! :-D
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    Women can suck sometimes. They're just jealous!
  • shesthetype
    shesthetype Posts: 45 Member
    Really interesting reading all your replies. In the time it's taken me to lose my weight (about 12 months), I've posted only one full length selfie, made one status on FB about hitting a running goal, and the only time I really say much about weight loss is when others ask me how I did it, ie they bring the subject up. I was worried people would see it as boasting so I've been careful not to come across that way. Just today I read an article about a woman whose group of friends ditched her after she lost weight. I shared the article on FB and said I could relate and felt sad. I got a reply from one friend saying that maybe the woman became self absorbed, and it felt like a stab at me but of course I could be just overly sensitive. I replied that maybe what her friends saw as her being self absorbed was actually her feeling proud? It feels like even if I don't mention weight loss, even simply taking a selfie like any other person does will be taken as showing off. If someone decides I'm arrogant for losing weight, then they will find fault and alterior motive in everything I do. Maybe I just need to wear a sleeping bag over me whenever I go near other humans lol
  • kate141987
    kate141987 Posts: 513 Member
    I think the trick is to try not take it personally although that's really difficult sometimes, especially if your losing friends. But real friends will stick by your side through thick and thin (pun not intended) lol

    Some people are just negative no matter what, cos they are in a negative mind space, and I think if someone is unfit and see you progressing and bettering yourself they can't help but feel negative about it but really it's nothing at all to do with you. It's the same if you get a promotion at work, find a better job or buy a bigger house, it will make some people resent you but again, nothing to do with you it's them who have a problem. You can only hope they manage to resolve it themselves in my opinion.
  • jaxass
    jaxass Posts: 2,128 Member
    I'm shocked to see so many of you lose friends over losing weight and taking the reigns in your life to better yourself. It takes a strong person to devote their time and energy to eating right and exercise. You should be commended for your success and your direction.

    If others don't appreciate your determination or your results, move forward anyway. You are losing weight and exercising for YOU, not them. You will find friends who will accept you for you, not what you once were.

    Continue to be strong and courageous, everyone.

    disclaimer: if only I can take my own advice!
  • AskTracyAnnK28
    AskTracyAnnK28 Posts: 2,817 Member
    I can't say that I "lost" friends, but I had a few just not 'get it'. When I first decided to lose weight I cut out alcohol all together (didn't want to waste those precious calories on booz for the first 6 months lol). This made a few people uncomfortable. I'd go out and either nurse a light beer or just get a club soda. I was told to "loosen up" blah blah. It got annoying so I stopped going out for a while.
  • chunky_pinup
    chunky_pinup Posts: 758 Member
    For the most part, my friends have all been very supportive, and some have jumped on the bandwagon of health and wellness as well and it's been great!

    There has been one, however, that our relationship has really changed, which shocked me at first, because she was the super fit girl who ran miles every day and already seemed to be in a good place. She stopped talking to me, will turn and walk the other way if we are about to pass each other in the hall at work...she even joined my gym which I was excited for at first because I thought we'd be able to work out together but I get rude stares from her when I see her there instead. I still don't know what to think of it...it sucks because I don't understand what the issue is. I'm the kind of person where if someone does something to upset me, I talk to them about it instead of playing that sort of game, but I've just decided that until she comes to me and tells me why I'm upsetting her so, I need to continue to do my thing and not let it get me down. I have plenty of people who DO support me...losing those who don't really won't matter at all in the long run.
  • jaxass
    jaxass Posts: 2,128 Member
    AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »
    I can't say that I "lost" friends, but I had a few just not 'get it'. When I first decided to lose weight I cut out alcohol all together (didn't want to waste those precious calories on booz for the first 6 months lol). This made a few people uncomfortable. I'd go out and either nurse a light beer or just get a club soda. I was told to "loosen up" blah blah. It got annoying so I stopped going out for a while.

    I still rarely drink. Oh, I'll have a beer with my dad when we BBQ outside or something, but that's once every 4 months or so.

    My friends/colleagues don't really care. They drink, I don't. Choices!
  • EricNewark
    EricNewark Posts: 295 Member
    First off great job! You do look great and in the end its how you feel about yourself, not how someone else feels about you. But I do have to agree with the overall theory that losing weight tends to cause people to get jealous, even at times becoming angry at you because you made a change in your life and your happy with yourself. My own wife has done this to me. There are days I can tell she is happy I got healthier and feel better about myself and then there are days she shows her jealousy (because she hasn't taken the effort yet to get healthy herself). It sucks and as we all know we tend to lash out at the ones we love. There are days when it's REALLY bad and days when it isn't.

    Be proud of what you have done. Be proud at what you will still yet to accomplish. Meet new friends :smile:
  • AskTracyAnnK28
    AskTracyAnnK28 Posts: 2,817 Member
    EricNewark wrote: »
    First off great job! You do look great and in the end its how you feel about yourself, not how someone else feels about you. But I do have to agree with the overall theory that losing weight tends to cause people to get jealous, even at times becoming angry at you because you made a change in your life and your happy with yourself. My own wife has done this to me. There are days I can tell she is happy I got healthier and feel better about myself and then there are days she shows her jealousy (because she hasn't taken the effort yet to get healthy herself). It sucks and as we all know we tend to lash out at the ones we love. There are days when it's REALLY bad and days when it isn't.

    Be proud of what you have done. Be proud at what you will still yet to accomplish. Meet new friends :smile:

    very true. I think the jealousy stems more from actually putting your mind to making a change, and then following through with it. A lot of people don't have the will power to do that.
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    My dog is my best friend. Actually I have three... Absolutely unconditional love, always wants to spend time together, greets me with a kiss and never ever judges me.

    People are harsh, uncaring, and always judge and mock what they do not understand.

    If you have good friends you can count on one hand that you trust and call "true" friends, that is all you need.
  • uawxman
    uawxman Posts: 10 Member
    shesthetype wrote: »
    Hello :) I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this. Since losing 70kgs and getting slim and fit, I've noticed that some of the female friends I had have either stopped speaking to me or turned plain nasty, ie, calling me an attention seeker etc. I am actually very careful not to mention my weight loss too often because I don't want to appear smug or as a show off but it seems that despite this, there mere fact I've been successful in my weight loss has been enough to trigger cattiness. Has anyone else had people turn nasty on them since losing weight? I'm a kind person and my personality is exactly the same now as it was when I was obese, except I'm a bit less embarrassed by my appearance in public (I still have my insecurities!).

    Anyway, just curious if this has happened to others?

  • uawxman
    uawxman Posts: 10 Member
    I lost 55kgs and now my wife says she feels like the fat one. Talk about trying to make me feel guilty for my success!
This discussion has been closed.

Categories