Get fit = lose friends?

kate141987

I think the trick is to try not take it personally although that's really difficult sometimes, especially if your losing friends. But real friends will stick by your side through thick and thin (pun not intended) lol

Some people are just negative no matter what, cos they are in a negative mind space, and I think if someone is unfit and see you progressing and bettering yourself they can't help but feel negative about it but really it's nothing at all to do with you. It's the same if you get a promotion at work, find a better job or buy a bigger house, it will make some people resent you but again, nothing to do with you it's them who have a problem. You can only hope they manage to resolve it themselves in my opinion.

jaxass

I'm shocked to see so many of you lose friends over losing weight and taking the reigns in your life to better yourself. It takes a strong person to devote their time and energy to eating right and exercise. You should be commended for your success and your direction.

If others don't appreciate your determination or your results, move forward anyway. You are losing weight and exercising for YOU, not them. You will find friends who will accept you for you, not what you once were.

Continue to be strong and courageous, everyone.

disclaimer: if only I can take my own advice!

AskTracyAnnK28

I can't say that I "lost" friends, but I had a few just not 'get it'. When I first decided to lose weight I cut out alcohol all together (didn't want to waste those precious calories on booz for the first 6 months lol). This made a few people uncomfortable. I'd go out and either nurse a light beer or just get a club soda. I was told to "loosen up" blah blah. It got annoying so I stopped going out for a while.

chunky_pinup

For the most part, my friends have all been very supportive, and some have jumped on the bandwagon of health and wellness as well and it's been great!

There has been one, however, that our relationship has really changed, which shocked me at first, because she was the super fit girl who ran miles every day and already seemed to be in a good place. She stopped talking to me, will turn and walk the other way if we are about to pass each other in the hall at work...she even joined my gym which I was excited for at first because I thought we'd be able to work out together but I get rude stares from her when I see her there instead. I still don't know what to think of it...it sucks because I don't understand what the issue is. I'm the kind of person where if someone does something to upset me, I talk to them about it instead of playing that sort of game, but I've just decided that until she comes to me and tells me why I'm upsetting her so, I need to continue to do my thing and not let it get me down. I have plenty of people who DO support me...losing those who don't really won't matter at all in the long run.

jaxass

AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »

I can't say that I "lost" friends, but I had a few just not 'get it'. When I first decided to lose weight I cut out alcohol all together (didn't want to waste those precious calories on booz for the first 6 months lol). This made a few people uncomfortable. I'd go out and either nurse a light beer or just get a club soda. I was told to "loosen up" blah blah. It got annoying so I stopped going out for a while.

I still rarely drink. Oh, I'll have a beer with my dad when we BBQ outside or something, but that's once every 4 months or so.

My friends/colleagues don't really care. They drink, I don't. Choices!

EricNewark

First off great job! You do look great and in the end its how you feel about yourself, not how someone else feels about you. But I do have to agree with the overall theory that losing weight tends to cause people to get jealous, even at times becoming angry at you because you made a change in your life and your happy with yourself. My own wife has done this to me. There are days I can tell she is happy I got healthier and feel better about myself and then there are days she shows her jealousy (because she hasn't taken the effort yet to get healthy herself). It sucks and as we all know we tend to lash out at the ones we love. There are days when it's REALLY bad and days when it isn't.

Be proud of what you have done. Be proud at what you will still yet to accomplish. Meet new friends

AskTracyAnnK28

EricNewark wrote: »

First off great job! You do look great and in the end its how you feel about yourself, not how someone else feels about you. But I do have to agree with the overall theory that losing weight tends to cause people to get jealous, even at times becoming angry at you because you made a change in your life and your happy with yourself. My own wife has done this to me. There are days I can tell she is happy I got healthier and feel better about myself and then there are days she shows her jealousy (because she hasn't taken the effort yet to get healthy herself). It sucks and as we all know we tend to lash out at the ones we love. There are days when it's REALLY bad and days when it isn't.

Be proud of what you have done. Be proud at what you will still yet to accomplish. Meet new friends

very true. I think the jealousy stems more from actually putting your mind to making a change, and then following through with it. A lot of people don't have the will power to do that.

RoxieDawn

My dog is my best friend. Actually I have three... Absolutely unconditional love, always wants to spend time together, greets me with a kiss and never ever judges me.

People are harsh, uncaring, and always judge and mock what they do not understand.

If you have good friends you can count on one hand that you trust and call "true" friends, that is all you need.

uawxman

shesthetype wrote: »

Hello I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this. Since losing 70kgs and getting slim and fit, I've noticed that some of the female friends I had have either stopped speaking to me or turned plain nasty, ie, calling me an attention seeker etc. I am actually very careful not to mention my weight loss too often because I don't want to appear smug or as a show off but it seems that despite this, there mere fact I've been successful in my weight loss has been enough to trigger cattiness. Has anyone else had people turn nasty on them since losing weight? I'm a kind person and my personality is exactly the same now as it was when I was obese, except I'm a bit less embarrassed by my appearance in public (I still have my insecurities!).

Anyway, just curious if this has happened to others?

uawxman

I lost 55kgs and now my wife says she feels like the fat one. Talk about trying to make me feel guilty for my success!

kylalachappelle

They are not true friends and just jealous. They should be encouraging

EricNewark

uawxman wrote: »

I lost 55kgs and now my wife says she feels like the fat one. Talk about trying to make me feel guilty for my success!

Agreed. My wife everyother day makes some comment here or there. Gets really irritating. Lol.

druidkat7

uawxman wrote: »

I lost 55kgs and now my wife says she feels like the fat one. Talk about trying to make me feel guilty for my success!

Yeah, I can see how that kind of remark can make you feel that way. She's likely staring at her possible lack of doing anything about herself and feeling guilty deep inside, but it's likely there's something she enjoys that doesn't want to let go of or limit in any way. I would personally encourage her to be healthy by bringing home healthy stuff from the grocery store, and say, "hey, let's go on a walk" as a way to spend time with her, but without making her feel like she's being pushed to do something she's scared of starting. People who are in fear of letting go of an old way of life especially if they think you expect them to do the same thing tend to be a bit snipe-ish. I know because I have felt that kind of snipe-ishness, to give up a confession. But I kinda got over it when I realized how good I felt after starting a fitness regimen.

In the end, however, all you can do is love her where she is, how she is.

Blessings,
Kat ^.^

jaxass

We have to look at it from the friends angle too. They see you as a physically changed person. Perhaps you have changed, mentally that is, and you don't notice. You've been with you every single minute of every single day. They only see you temporarily and perhaps, just perhaps, you really have changed in every sense of the word? I don't know, I'm just being the devils advocate here.

Yes, they may be jealous, but maybe they see something you don't. Have you asked them specifically? Might be a good idea if you haven't yet.

jrhm

I have run into the same thing, and with the comments like: "well, you are so thin you don't have to worry about what you eat etc." But at the same time, I also noticed that my attitude changed and have seen an attitude change in my friends and family who have lost weight. It is like a flower blossoming, we come out of our overweight shell into the shining light and some of our friends just don't know what to do with us. So we just need to keep on putting one foot in front of the other, encourage our friends in what they are doing in their lives, and keep doing what we are doing in ours. It will all sort itself out, and, I also found that as the weight stayed off, it no longer was an issue with my friends - they just saw the new me and learned to accept me for who I am.

whimsicalwattle

It sounds like, from what you're saying, that your friends problems aren't so much to do with you, but more with their perception of you. In their eyes, you're probably a different person because you've changed so much physically, and they are either resentful of that and/or of the fact they haven't had the willpower to do something similar.

It's hard to do, but you might need to give them a bit of time and space. You'll either continue to drift apart or not. Some people are meant to be part of our lives forever, and some are only meant to be part of it for a certain amount of time - long or short.

shesthetype

jaxass wrote: »

We have to look at it from the friends angle too. They see you as a physically changed person. Perhaps you have changed, mentally that is, and you don't notice. You've been with you every single minute of every single day. They only see you temporarily and perhaps, just perhaps, you really have changed in every sense of the word? I don't know, I'm just being the devils advocate here.

Yes, they may be jealous, but maybe they see something you don't. Have you asked them specifically? Might be a good idea if you haven't yet.

One friend was very honest and told me she liked it when I was fat because even though she too is overweight, she reasoned with herself it was okay to be big because I was bigger. She confessed that when she saw how much weight I'd lost, she felt like she'd lost her excuse to not lose weight because I managed to do it. She said how this made her feel jealous and resentful. I thanked her for being so honest and I truly appreciated it. She hasn't yet been motivated enough to start losing weight but she has pretty much stopped contacting me except for one message to tell me she bought a brand new car. She knows that despite working, I could never afford a new car so I think it was kind of her way of showing how she too can achieve something that I can't lol. Fair enough. The others haven't been anywhere near as honest. They've just withdrawn from me. I've always been a loner for the most part so I'm okay with being friendless, but it sucks to know that others would view me as being responsible for how they choose to feel.

markdolanmoore

It's all good OP...happens to anyone that grows in any way. And they get replaced with more positive friends. Life is a long staircase of progress for the lucky ones.

grannynot

shesthetype wrote: »

I got a reply from one friend saying that maybe the woman became self absorbed, and it felt like a stab at me but of course I could be just overly sensitive.

I think we DO have to become self-absorbed, to lose weight and become fit? The trick is to keep our mouths shut about our personal journey, unless asked. A truly GOOD friend will cheer us on; others will resent our dedication, etc. I have a friend who is heavier than me, and she always poo-poo'ed my weight loss desire by saying she wished she had so "little to lose" - and then would haul out a pie/cookies/etc. Between the lack of respect for my efforts, and watching her slowly sink into a mire of unhealthy heaviness and inactivity.....well, I just sort of avoid her now.

Clearly, you've done a great job, it shows, and some folks will resent that.

jaxass

shesthetype wrote: »

One friend was very honest and told me she liked it when I was fat because even though she too is overweight, she reasoned with herself it was okay to be big because I was bigger. She confessed that when she saw how much weight I'd lost, she felt like she'd lost her excuse to not lose weight because I managed to do it. She said how this made her feel jealous and resentful. I thanked her for being so honest and I truly appreciated it. She hasn't yet been motivated enough to start losing weight but she has pretty much stopped contacting me except for one message to tell me she bought a brand new car. She knows that despite working, I could never afford a new car so I think it was kind of her way of showing how she too can achieve something that I can't lol. Fair enough. The others haven't been anywhere near as honest. They've just withdrawn from me. I've always been a loner for the most part so I'm okay with being friendless, but it sucks to know that others would view me as being responsible for how they choose to feel.

That's just shytti, plain and simple. Maybe they'll come around after the jealousy wears off? That is, if you even care that they come around. You've better'd yourself...and good for you!