Get fit = lose friends?

kylalachappelle

They are not true friends and just jealous. They should be encouraging

EricNewark

uawxman wrote: »

I lost 55kgs and now my wife says she feels like the fat one. Talk about trying to make me feel guilty for my success!

Agreed. My wife everyother day makes some comment here or there. Gets really irritating. Lol.

druidkat7

uawxman wrote: »

I lost 55kgs and now my wife says she feels like the fat one. Talk about trying to make me feel guilty for my success!

Yeah, I can see how that kind of remark can make you feel that way. She's likely staring at her possible lack of doing anything about herself and feeling guilty deep inside, but it's likely there's something she enjoys that doesn't want to let go of or limit in any way. I would personally encourage her to be healthy by bringing home healthy stuff from the grocery store, and say, "hey, let's go on a walk" as a way to spend time with her, but without making her feel like she's being pushed to do something she's scared of starting. People who are in fear of letting go of an old way of life especially if they think you expect them to do the same thing tend to be a bit snipe-ish. I know because I have felt that kind of snipe-ishness, to give up a confession. But I kinda got over it when I realized how good I felt after starting a fitness regimen.

In the end, however, all you can do is love her where she is, how she is.

Blessings,
Kat ^.^

jaxass

We have to look at it from the friends angle too. They see you as a physically changed person. Perhaps you have changed, mentally that is, and you don't notice. You've been with you every single minute of every single day. They only see you temporarily and perhaps, just perhaps, you really have changed in every sense of the word? I don't know, I'm just being the devils advocate here.

Yes, they may be jealous, but maybe they see something you don't. Have you asked them specifically? Might be a good idea if you haven't yet.

jrhm

I have run into the same thing, and with the comments like: "well, you are so thin you don't have to worry about what you eat etc." But at the same time, I also noticed that my attitude changed and have seen an attitude change in my friends and family who have lost weight. It is like a flower blossoming, we come out of our overweight shell into the shining light and some of our friends just don't know what to do with us. So we just need to keep on putting one foot in front of the other, encourage our friends in what they are doing in their lives, and keep doing what we are doing in ours. It will all sort itself out, and, I also found that as the weight stayed off, it no longer was an issue with my friends - they just saw the new me and learned to accept me for who I am.

whimsicalwattle

It sounds like, from what you're saying, that your friends problems aren't so much to do with you, but more with their perception of you. In their eyes, you're probably a different person because you've changed so much physically, and they are either resentful of that and/or of the fact they haven't had the willpower to do something similar.

It's hard to do, but you might need to give them a bit of time and space. You'll either continue to drift apart or not. Some people are meant to be part of our lives forever, and some are only meant to be part of it for a certain amount of time - long or short.

shesthetype

jaxass wrote: »

We have to look at it from the friends angle too. They see you as a physically changed person. Perhaps you have changed, mentally that is, and you don't notice. You've been with you every single minute of every single day. They only see you temporarily and perhaps, just perhaps, you really have changed in every sense of the word? I don't know, I'm just being the devils advocate here.

Yes, they may be jealous, but maybe they see something you don't. Have you asked them specifically? Might be a good idea if you haven't yet.

One friend was very honest and told me she liked it when I was fat because even though she too is overweight, she reasoned with herself it was okay to be big because I was bigger. She confessed that when she saw how much weight I'd lost, she felt like she'd lost her excuse to not lose weight because I managed to do it. She said how this made her feel jealous and resentful. I thanked her for being so honest and I truly appreciated it. She hasn't yet been motivated enough to start losing weight but she has pretty much stopped contacting me except for one message to tell me she bought a brand new car. She knows that despite working, I could never afford a new car so I think it was kind of her way of showing how she too can achieve something that I can't lol. Fair enough. The others haven't been anywhere near as honest. They've just withdrawn from me. I've always been a loner for the most part so I'm okay with being friendless, but it sucks to know that others would view me as being responsible for how they choose to feel.

markdolanmoore

It's all good OP...happens to anyone that grows in any way. And they get replaced with more positive friends. Life is a long staircase of progress for the lucky ones.

grannynot

shesthetype wrote: »

I got a reply from one friend saying that maybe the woman became self absorbed, and it felt like a stab at me but of course I could be just overly sensitive.

I think we DO have to become self-absorbed, to lose weight and become fit? The trick is to keep our mouths shut about our personal journey, unless asked. A truly GOOD friend will cheer us on; others will resent our dedication, etc. I have a friend who is heavier than me, and she always poo-poo'ed my weight loss desire by saying she wished she had so "little to lose" - and then would haul out a pie/cookies/etc. Between the lack of respect for my efforts, and watching her slowly sink into a mire of unhealthy heaviness and inactivity.....well, I just sort of avoid her now.

Clearly, you've done a great job, it shows, and some folks will resent that.

jaxass

shesthetype wrote: »

One friend was very honest and told me she liked it when I was fat because even though she too is overweight, she reasoned with herself it was okay to be big because I was bigger. She confessed that when she saw how much weight I'd lost, she felt like she'd lost her excuse to not lose weight because I managed to do it. She said how this made her feel jealous and resentful. I thanked her for being so honest and I truly appreciated it. She hasn't yet been motivated enough to start losing weight but she has pretty much stopped contacting me except for one message to tell me she bought a brand new car. She knows that despite working, I could never afford a new car so I think it was kind of her way of showing how she too can achieve something that I can't lol. Fair enough. The others haven't been anywhere near as honest. They've just withdrawn from me. I've always been a loner for the most part so I'm okay with being friendless, but it sucks to know that others would view me as being responsible for how they choose to feel.

That's just shytti, plain and simple. Maybe they'll come around after the jealousy wears off? That is, if you even care that they come around. You've better'd yourself...and good for you!