Keep Me Motivated

Hey all! I haven been on MFP for a while now, and have fallen off the wagon several times. This time last year I was logging and walking daily. I had my youngest daughter in May 2015 and weighed 212 lbs after I delivered. By July 2015 I was logging daily and walking between 30 and 60 minutes a day. By doing just that, I got myself back down to my pre-pregnancy weight of 185.....unhealthy, I know, but I still lost it. But after that, things went to crap. I was logging (logged for 200+ days) and I was still walking, but I stopped losing weight. I was getting frustrated and slightly depressed. Not to mention that my husband, who just buy cutting calories and walking (he can easily get 11k steps in at work) lost 40lbs in about 5 months and weighed about 10lbs less than me on his 6'2'' frame. So as I did in the past, I gave up. Now, 5'3" and 200lbs, I am my heaviest ever outside of being pregnant.

My weight just kept creeping up, week by week. And week by week I was more and more unhappy. I started thinking about taking those otc pills to help me lose weight even though I know they're crap and no good for you. Then, I came across a youtube video workout, went to the website for the program, and have decided to give it a try. I have found this 90 challenge to be motivating 1) because the woman in the video had just had a baby like 2 months prior and she has 30+ lbs to lose. 2) you keep track of the amount of repititions you do to see if you can do more everytime you do them in the workouts. 3) you see her loss in real time (im very late to the game and the 90 is almost up, but its real time for me still). She has a meal plan and book that you can buy and follow, but Im cheap and am just making sure I dont over my calories and drink lots of water, and 4) you get to see that she is struggling too and that its just as hard for her as it is for you. Im only on day 3 of this challenge, but this time I feel different. Im tired of feeling disgusting. Im tired of hating the way I look and feel. Im ashamed of myself. My 5 year old called me fat...she doesnt know that this hurts me, shes just saying what she sees. Im fed up with clothes not fitting like they are supposed to, and being ashamed to go to the pool. Im done, over it, fed up. I AM going to do this.

Right now I have an overall goal to get to 150lbs. Yes, I know this is still considered overweight for my height, but thats where id like to be, for now. My short term goal is to lose 10lbs and get to 190 by mid september, with me setting another 10lb goal after that. I have to set up small short term goals because just looking and seeing I have 50lbs to lose is hard and messes with my head, but if I say I only have 10 to lose, thats easier to see, hence less head messing. What I do plan on doing though, is once I reach 150, I would like to get another tattoo. My parents passed away 5 and 3 years ago, so I would like to get something to remember them by.

What I need though is a place to journal how my day has went. If I have somewhere to post where I know people will respond, that will keep me motivated to keep on going. I want this, I need this!

Thank you everyone whos read my rambling post. Feel free to add me if you like. Lets keep eachother motivated!