are you divorced?

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Replies

  • pmorgan813
    pmorgan813 Posts: 135 Member
    Any man who is willing to walk from his family, because his wife has gained weight, has no concept of commitment. Not in my eyes. His approach is certainly not helping the issue - I'm fairly certain it's making things worse for you. A divorce is hard on children. Living in an unhappy, confused home where seeing their mother hurt regularily - be it verbal or otherwise - is far more damaging. You're their role model. So is he. If he's not the best one, then you need to be.

    The only thing I could or would change in that statement is the 'man' part. It's not a gender thing. My wife left April 2nd of this year...and moved 821 miles away (even though I kept the kids), for even less reason than that.

    Other than that...I couldn't agree with you more hun. Honestly.

    Totally agree that there are some pretty pitiful women out there too! Any PARENT who can walk away from children they've actively raised for any period of time, has some serious issues to sort through, especially if the children are young.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    Any man who is willing to walk from his family, because his wife has gained weight, has no concept of commitment. Not in my eyes. His approach is certainly not helping the issue - I'm fairly certain it's making things worse for you. A divorce is hard on children. Living in an unhappy, confused home where seeing their mother hurt regularily - be it verbal or otherwise - is far more damaging. You're their role model. So is he. If he's not the best one, then you need to be.

    The only thing I could or would change in that statement is the 'man' part. It's not a gender thing. My wife left April 2nd of this year...and moved 821 miles away (even though I kept the kids), for even less reason than that.

    Other than that...I couldn't agree with you more hun. Honestly.

    Totally agree that there are some pretty pitiful women out there too! Any PARENT who can walk away from children they've actively raised for any period of time, has some serious issues to sort through, especially if the children are young.

    Amen...

    Ours are 4 and 5...and she's been the mother to my 13yr old daughter since she was barely 7. There are circumstances...emotional/mental issues from her childhood...but even still, the person I loved could never have done that.

    I don't know who this person is anymore.
  • hill2302
    hill2302 Posts: 139 Member
    There are circumstances...emotional/mental issues from her childhood...but even still, the person I loved could never have done that.

    I don't know who this person is anymore.

    Cris, you and I must be living parallel lives. I don't know who the hell this person is who is my children's mother. Either I was bilnd as a bat, or she was a really good liar. or maybe a little of both.

    Any guy can be a father. It takes a REAL MAN to be a dad!!
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    There are circumstances...emotional/mental issues from her childhood...but even still, the person I loved could never have done that.

    I don't know who this person is anymore.

    Cris, you and I must be living parallel lives. I don't know who the hell this person is who is my children's mother. Either I was bilnd as a bat, or she was a really good liar. or maybe a little of both.

    Any guy can be a father. It takes a REAL MAN to be a dad!!

    I couldn't agree more man...I couldn't agree more.
  • cklbrown
    cklbrown Posts: 4,696 Member
    I'm reading all of this and sitting here crying. March 1st my husband told me he wanted a divorce. He had already been to a lawyer. We had been together 25 years, 17 of them married. We have 4 kids ages 7-16. I knew he was unhappy. He stayed out of the house as much as possible. When he was home he hid in the bedroom playing on the computer and drinking. For the past year or more he virtually ignored the kids. Suddenly he has tried to become "superdad". He has tried to establish a relationship with the kids. When he moved out in April, he broke my youngest son's heart. Had he continued his non relationship with him, I think my son wouldn't be in therapy now. I found MFP in March. I was 193 lbs. I couldn't eat anyway so I began losing weight. It had been 15 years since I worked and I am terrified of having to get a job being overweight. This site has helped me shed pounds, but it has also helped me have a place to go, to occupy my time, keep me from calling him and begging. I still don't have a job, but it's not quite as scary looking for one. When my husband recently lost his job, he suggested moving back in. I was proud when I told him I wouldn't do that to myself or our kids. I know things are hard at first and as time goes on, but you become a stronger person.
  • Scarletblue
    Scarletblue Posts: 255
    Divorcee here and never been better, I am the exact opposite from most I guess I loved my divorce through all the horror, tears, stalkings, attacks, ambushes even my coworkers were in the line of fire from the *kitten* I had three children with, they transfered me to the airport so he would actually have to buy a plane ticket to get to me (I love my job), but I knew there was going to be an end I just had to survive the process. So as I said divorcing him was the best thing ever and here it is 1 yr later divorced, 3 years seperated and now I only have to deal with him for five mins. every Sunday when I pick the kids back up from their weekend visit with him. Things get better you have to get stronger we all have to deal with heartache, setbacks, and personal demons, you came to a great place for help with wieghtloss that is a beginning and when you start to feel better about yourself you will start to feel better about your life. Hang in there I know it is hard but you will have a great network of help here so don't be afraid to rant or vent.
  • jewelryholic
    jewelryholic Posts: 11
    Divorce was the best and worst diet I have ever been on! God hates divorce and I do feel that is why it is so hard, it's not meant to happen. I am divorced and was heartbroken and miserable for quite some time. Like grief, divorce goes thru stages and the saying time heals everything isn't true but it does take away the sting. I have felt every emotion known to man, just know you are not alone. I'm completely single and have enjoyed dating throughout the years, been seperated 3, divorced over 2, but I also really enjoy being single. I question if I will ever trust someone again with my whole heart, I had a really close call but not my whole heart =) WHEW.
  • ShrinkinMel
    ShrinkinMel Posts: 982 Member
    I've been separated for about 4 years. We have a daughter but its pretty much me with all responsibility which sadly has been shared with family since her father doesn't do as much as he should financially.

    Life will go on and get better. You will be happy again, probably even more so. Any man that would try to even say it was your weight is a ahole that doesn't deserve you. Concentrate on YOU and move on. It will be hard but one day at a time then you just wake up one day and realize you are just fine. My separation wasn't that hard to face. But I had a relationship that ended almost 2 years ago that really knocked me off socks. It was far worse than the split with my husband.
  • aegira
    aegira Posts: 201 Member
    The no job thing is scary, when you become a single parent.
    When it happened to me all those years ago I sat down and made a list:

    a) What I am qualified at (short list back then)
    I went to unemployment and luckily they had assistance for single parents, I was able to update my bookkeeping skills to computer bookkeeping and have been able to gain work. It's not what I want to do for the rest of my life but I am thankful it has put a roof over our head and food on the table.

    b) Is there something I do as a hobby that I could sell
    I started with a little market stall selling the teddy bears, toys and needlework I've always loved doing. It bridged the gap (a little) whilst I retrained.

    c) What would I like to do
    Okay I'm still working on this...I want to be able to "love' my work not just tolerate it as I currently do, with bookkeeping.

    So, get a pen and paper out start thinking, make a list and see where it leads you...good luck :flowerforyou:
  • aegira
    aegira Posts: 201 Member
    I'm reading all of this and sitting here crying. March 1st my husband told me he wanted a divorce. He had already been to a lawyer. We had been together 25 years, 17 of them married. We have 4 kids ages 7-16. I knew he was unhappy. He stayed out of the house as much as possible. When he was home he hid in the bedroom playing on the computer and drinking. For the past year or more he virtually ignored the kids. Suddenly he has tried to become "superdad". He has tried to establish a relationship with the kids. When he moved out in April, he broke my youngest son's heart. Had he continued his non relationship with him, I think my son wouldn't be in therapy now. I found MFP in March. I was 193 lbs. I couldn't eat anyway so I began losing weight. It had been 15 years since I worked and I am terrified of having to get a job being overweight. This site has helped me shed pounds, but it has also helped me have a place to go, to occupy my time, keep me from calling him and begging. I still don't have a job, but it's not quite as scary looking for one. When my husband recently lost his job, he suggested moving back in. I was proud when I told him I wouldn't do that to myself or our kids. I know things are hard at first and as time goes on, but you become a stronger person.

    Oops pressed reply instead of this, so am reposting, a real blonde moment :laugh: .
    The no job thing is scary, when you become a single parent.
    When it happened to me all those years ago I sat down and made a list:

    a) What I am qualified at (short list back then)
    I went to unemployment and luckily they had assistance for single parents, I was able to update my bookkeeping skills to computer bookkeeping and have been able to gain work. It's not what I want to do for the rest of my life but I am thankful it has put a roof over our head and food on the table.

    b) Is there something I do as a hobby that I could sell
    I started with a little market stall selling the teddy bears, toys and needlework I've always loved doing. It bridged the gap (a little) whilst I retrained.

    c) What would I like to do
    Okay I'm still working on this...I want to be able to "love' my work not just tolerate it as I currently do, with bookkeeping.

    So, get a pen and paper out start thinking, make a list and see where it leads you...good luck
  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,423 Member
    Um you could be a blind; suffer from a mental disability; or be a young child suffering from an incurable disease in a Childrens Hospital. Im sure they would all be grateful to trade places with you.

    I always think of those things when start to feel down and needless to say I dont feel down for long.

    So you think a blind person or someone with an intellectual disability will ALWAYS have such a poor quality of life that they would choose to be overweight, depressed and in a failing relationship? It's hard to know how to respond to this, so I won't, except to say that I think it's pretty insulting to the many people in the world who have a disability and live happy and fulfilled lives .

    To the OP - I've been divorced and it is a really tough place to be in. I think my best advice is to try to take some time to think through what you truly want. If you think the relationship is beyond repair, then start thinking about what you can do for YOU. You and your children are the most important thing here. If losing weight will help you feel better for YOU, then go for it. If you are doing it for him, then don't worry about it right now, wait until you are ready to do it for you.

    There is lots of help and support out there, I hope you can find some - both informal l(ike friends and family who can be there and provide a shoulder to cry on when you need it) and formal (like counsellors who can help you find a path through a really hard place)

    Good luck.
  • NikkisNewStart
    NikkisNewStart Posts: 1,075 Member
    I had a horrible first marriage, as did my now husband. He had 1 daughter, age 4... I had 2 daughters, age 4 and 1. It was HARD, horrible, and I didn't know if I could make it. But I healed and when I least expected it, I met the man of my dreams who loves me for me. We now have a 2 year old son and another daughter that just turned 1 today. I never thought I'd have 5 kids and clearly, never did he! But sometimes, in all honesty, the grass IS greener on the other side. My divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me and our kids. Everyone is now happy and that's the best way to live life. Best wishes.
  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,423 Member
    .....]you got exactly how i feel,,,,, i am considering help from work, i guess we have a counselling line for problems, and ****,,,, maybe i should comsider,, i ve been depressed for 10 year, since i lost my dad from 1 day to the other, and this, well this is the last drop i can handle,,,

    Yes, do this. It's HARD to go to a counsellor and have to talk about all the difficult stuff but it can really help.
    Please make the most of this service, it sounds like things have been tough for some time and getting someone on your side who can help is a great idea.
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