BBQ Cookout Etiquette??
Wanted an opinion from others--
So a friend of mine hosts a big BBQ every year for 30+ people that will be tomorrow and he requested people bring side dishes. There are two people that I talked to on separate occasions and it kind of blew my mind when they said that if they brought a side dish to share, if there were any leftover by the end of the night that they would bring it back home with them. One tried arguing "well what if it was in a nice Tupperware?" I responded "well you either ask the host to transfer the food to one of their own, stop by another time to pick it up, or buy a cheap container that you don't care about." They said that was too much of a pain in the *kitten*. Last year I witnessed one of the two actually wrap up their side dish and bring it home by the end of the night before it even ended. Do you agree with this or no?
I personally believe that if you contribute (which you should, to help relieve the burden and financial stress off of the host) that you should absolutely leave them if there is any left over. Now if the host offered for people to bring home a plate of whatever they choose, then that's a different story. I tried explaining it that its like giving a gift and then taking it back, you just don't do it.
So a friend of mine hosts a big BBQ every year for 30+ people that will be tomorrow and he requested people bring side dishes. There are two people that I talked to on separate occasions and it kind of blew my mind when they said that if they brought a side dish to share, if there were any leftover by the end of the night that they would bring it back home with them. One tried arguing "well what if it was in a nice Tupperware?" I responded "well you either ask the host to transfer the food to one of their own, stop by another time to pick it up, or buy a cheap container that you don't care about." They said that was too much of a pain in the *kitten*. Last year I witnessed one of the two actually wrap up their side dish and bring it home by the end of the night before it even ended. Do you agree with this or no?
I personally believe that if you contribute (which you should, to help relieve the burden and financial stress off of the host) that you should absolutely leave them if there is any left over. Now if the host offered for people to bring home a plate of whatever they choose, then that's a different story. I tried explaining it that its like giving a gift and then taking it back, you just don't do it.
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Replies
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I've seen it done all the ways you mentioned above.
But I'm not going to lie, if I host an event like a BBQ, I don't want people leaving their stuff behind. Who has to wash all these extra containers after? Me. Maybe ask, but don't assume they want all these food. They also may have no where to put it.14 -
You bring it, you leave it. If you insist on taking your left overs or the remainder of the bottle or beer you brought that's not ok IMO. If the host asks you to take whats left as they would rather not keep it then that's different. But some people definitely don't get it.2
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I'm usually the host and I feel like if you bring something in a crock pot (cocktail weenies) please take it home. I am not washing your dishes. If you bring something in another dish, you should leave it. Don't bring a nice dish to leave or for the host to wash.4
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I personally believe that if you contribute (which you should, to help relieve the burden and financial stress off of the host) that you should absolutely leave them if there is any left over.
I do a lot of BBQs with BYO dish stuff. I really don't care either way if they take their leftovers home or not. We always offer for people to take plates of food home so there is rarely anything left.
I dunno. Kinda moot for me.
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I would imagine that the host isn't going to eat 30+ dishes of leftovers...8
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The BBQ's I attend there is an understanding that it's going to be a free-for-all when it comes to the leftovers. Everybody is trying to take a plate home and you better get in there and throw some 'bows if you need to. All the hosts want is for the food to be gone.
LOL @ someone leaving early and taking their dish with them. Special place in hell.
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I always bring my contribution in something disposable, as I would much rather leave it behind, but generally the host will insist everyone bring leftovers home. I understand though, because when I host I dont really want the leftovers taking up my entire fridge either.
Edit to add: I don't think it is every appropriate to take your leftover alcohol though, that should stay with the host unless they specifically request otherwise.1 -
If I'm the host, please take your stuff back where it came from. Part of alleviating stress for hosts is reducing the amount of dishes to wash.4
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I personally believe that if you contribute (which you should, to help relieve the burden and financial stress off of the host) that you should absolutely leave them if there is any left over.
I do a lot of BBQs with BYO dish stuff. I really don't care either way if they take their leftovers home or not. We always offer for people to take plates of food home so there is rarely anything left.
I dunno. Kinda moot for me.
I agree. We normally don't save the food anyway because people have been "picking through it". We host a lot of big BBQ's too. Sometimes I make extra for my family but I always pack that up immediately. We don't count on the leftovers for extra food.0 -
Use disposable wares2
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If it comes in a fancy dish/crock pot/non disposable dish, take it home. Otherwise it stays. That seems weird to take a dish home after 30 hands were in it.1
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We usually bring disposable wares too, but honestly, if you host an affair of 30 people (especially BBQ's where many people bring salads of different sorts) and everyone brings a dish to pass... how many different iterations of potato salad do you want? I'd think it would be more of a hassle for the host to have to clear out their fridge to store all that stuff, but that's just me. If I was hosting and there was leftovers, I wouldn't want six different pasta salads to have to work my way through before they went bad, you know?
Bear in mind though, most of my experience with covered dish affairs is through the church and there we never left the food behind at the end of the evening. The church had no place to store it and no one to eat it after the party is done. If you left it, it would just get thrown out. Might just as well bring it home and eat it.1 -
Lol at having leftovers at any of my family gatherings. Really though, it's not that hard for the guest to just ask the host at the end of the night if they want them to leave the dish or take it with them.0
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When I host a party or bbq, I always ask people to take their leftovers home with them. I personally don't have that much room in my refrigerator to keep a bunch of sides so they may get tossed if they leave them.1
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As long as no laws're being broken, I don't care what people do. Life is stressful enough, so why impose such arbitrary rules; upon anyone? It just creates unnecessary drama & will make people not desire to be there, which'd then defeat the purpose; of having the barbecue!3
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If you bring something as a gift or to share, my personal belief is that is unbelievably crass and rude of you to bring it back. Was it not a gift? Did you not intend to have people eat it? It's not like you're sharing your toys and need to bring them home; you brought an offering! What if someone drank half a bottle of the wine you bought? Would you cork it and bring the rest? Again, this is just my opinion, but it makes you look like a cheapskate and like you're bereft of social graces.
I agree with the OP when she says, if you want your nice tupperware back, ask the host to transfer your food to one of their own containers. That's when I, when I host, usually say something like, "Oh, did you not want the leftovers?" They say yes and take it home, but don't have to feel awkward about it. Anyway, default to the host; they're the reason you're at a party in the first place.0 -
FridayApril01st2016 wrote: »As long as no laws're being broken, I don't care what people do. Life is stressful enough, so why impose such arbitrary rules; upon anyone? It just creates unnecessary drama & will make people not desire to be there, which'd then defeat the purpose; of having the barbecue!
Are you saying you've been to parties where the host deliberately made you feel bad about taking your leftovers home? I think that's equally rude and a breach of etiquette on their part.1 -
If I brought my parent a bottle of wine for their anniversary and they open it and we have it with dinner, that's a gift and no, I'd never expect them to give it back so I can take it home. If I bring food to a wake, that's to help the family so they don't have to fight with cooking dinner on top of everything else and, it would be theirs to keep. Likewise a housewarming meal or treat. If I give a fruit basket I wouldn't take anything out of it for me unless the receiver offered. Those are gifts.
If I go to someone's house for a picnic and bring my tortellini salad, I'm not really expecting there to be much in the way of left overs but if eight other people bring various kinds of pasta salads, there may be and, would you as a host want nine different pasta salads to store in your fridge (along with the six potato salads, three types of baked beans, five macaroni salads, two green salads, that strange thing with the broccoli and bacon bits, three kinds of meatballs, etc, that everyone else brought.
As an attender of church suppers, a dish to pass is a dish to pass. People eat it and if it's gone at the end of the night it's gone. If it's not, unless the host has no food in their house, chances are good you can take it home. A gift is a nice bottle of wine. My tortellini salad is good but it's not a gift.2 -
If I brought my parent a bottle of wine for their anniversary and they open it and we have it with dinner, that's a gift and no, I'd never expect them to give it back so I can take it home. If I bring food to a wake, that's to help the family so they don't have to fight with cooking dinner on top of everything else and, it would be theirs to keep. Likewise a housewarming meal or treat. If I give a fruit basket I wouldn't take anything out of it for me unless the receiver offered. Those are gifts.
If I go to someone's house for a picnic and bring my tortellini salad, I'm not really expecting there to be much in the way of left overs but if eight other people bring various kinds of pasta salads, there may be and, would you as a host want nine different pasta salads to store in your fridge (along with the six potato salads, three types of baked beans, five macaroni salads, two green salads, that strange thing with the broccoli and bacon bits, three kinds of meatballs, etc, that everyone else brought.
As an attender of church suppers, a dish to pass is a dish to pass. People eat it and if it's gone at the end of the night it's gone. If it's not, unless the host has no food in their house, chances are good you can take it home. A gift is a nice bottle of wine. My tortellini salad is good but it's not a gift.
My point would be that you default to the host's wishes, not what you think is best. And, like most have said, the host will probably tell you to take it home (for myriad reasons, like not wanting 18 iterations of pasta salad, or whatever the reason). Personally, I wouldn't assume that I'm taking home whatever I brought, because I was raised to consider others' feelings and ask them, especially when they just invited me to their party. Warning: this advice does not apply to "church shindigs."0 -
JustinAnimal wrote: »FridayApril01st2016 wrote: »As long as no laws're being broken, I don't care what people do. Life is stressful enough, so why impose such arbitrary rules; upon anyone? It just creates unnecessary drama & will make people not desire to be there, which'd then defeat the purpose; of having the barbecue!
Are you saying you've been to parties where the host deliberately made you feel bad about taking your leftovers home? I think that's equally rude and a breach of etiquette on their part.
No I've never been to such a party yet but to me leftovers're like wrapping paper. Some times the person giving the gift'll pick up the wrapping paper & do as they wish with it, whether it be throwing it away or my late Grandfather'd collect the large/good pieces to reuse. No 1 ever had an issue with either ways of disposing the wrapping paper. I agree that it'd be awful to take something, that people're actively consuming because in that phase of the event, it's a gift but once people have had & aren't continuing to take from it, it's then a leftover & thus is disposable like wrapping paper/packaging because the gift, has already been removed; from it.
I believe that it's the host's responsibility to announce their preference to their guests, upon arrival; to eliminate any guessing or potential confusion of the host's preferences but it not be an expectation/order. My late Grandfather'd ask us to not throw away our wrapping paper because he wanted to reuse it. That was his only request, he didn't ask us to carefully open our gifts, etc. but we chose to, to help give him more; of it to reuse.1 -
Honestly, I think it's kind of strange that people are so picky about BBQ etiquette... These "etiquette focused" BBQs sound no fun
If I plan a BBQ, it's bc I want to hang out with my friends. I'll prolly ask people to bring stuff to make my hosting gig easier, but mostly, I just want people to come and have a good time. They can bring too much food, not bring any food, take their dish with them, leave stuff behind....I couldn't care less. My concern is having fun with my friends.
I would say, the only thing is, don't leave me your dish to wash.4 -
I've never heard of someone leaving their food. My boyfriend and I host a 4th of July party every year and I would never expect someone to leave their food. I also don't WANT them to leave their food. I don't need the mess or tons of food. It looks like I'm in the minority though.2
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I'm pretty sure Dear Abby says you're supposed to leave leftovers that you bring. It would make sense to bring it in a disposable container. But if I was having 30 people over I would just hope they bring it home. In a small setting it would probably be especially rude of your friends, but at such a large party it doesn't really matter that much.1
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We had a cookout in May. Most people brought their leftovers home at the end, which is what I expected, honestly (I mean, it's their dishes after all too!).
But yeah, if you're planning to leave early... Bring your dishes in disposable containers and leave them there. Or that's just odd.0 -
I've never taken back food, whether I left early or not. However, I also take it in the inexpensive dishes that the host can just recycle afterwards. If I was hosting and someone took their particular thing, it's not like I would be upset though.1
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I think it's more rude to take back home than to leave it.
Maybe come back the next day for the dirty dish. Make sure you bring a lid
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JustinAnimal wrote: »If I brought my parent a bottle of wine for their anniversary and they open it and we have it with dinner, that's a gift and no, I'd never expect them to give it back so I can take it home. If I bring food to a wake, that's to help the family so they don't have to fight with cooking dinner on top of everything else and, it would be theirs to keep. Likewise a housewarming meal or treat. If I give a fruit basket I wouldn't take anything out of it for me unless the receiver offered. Those are gifts.
If I go to someone's house for a picnic and bring my tortellini salad, I'm not really expecting there to be much in the way of left overs but if eight other people bring various kinds of pasta salads, there may be and, would you as a host want nine different pasta salads to store in your fridge (along with the six potato salads, three types of baked beans, five macaroni salads, two green salads, that strange thing with the broccoli and bacon bits, three kinds of meatballs, etc, that everyone else brought.
As an attender of church suppers, a dish to pass is a dish to pass. People eat it and if it's gone at the end of the night it's gone. If it's not, unless the host has no food in their house, chances are good you can take it home. A gift is a nice bottle of wine. My tortellini salad is good but it's not a gift.
My point would be that you default to the host's wishes, not what you think is best. And, like most have said, the host will probably tell you to take it home (for myriad reasons, like not wanting 18 iterations of pasta salad, or whatever the reason). Personally, I wouldn't assume that I'm taking home whatever I brought, because I was raised to consider others' feelings and ask them, especially when they just invited me to their party. Warning: this advice does not apply to "church shindigs."
Yea, I would figure if the host did not want to have the leftovers or clean the dishes that they would voice it. I view bringing food to share is something gifted.0 -
eat all their food so they dont have to take anything home
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JeffreyMGiron wrote: »eat all their food so they dont have to take anything home
but what if it doesn't fit your macros?!
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Do you like apples?1
This discussion has been closed.
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