Offering Too Big Clothes to Family/Friends

smiles4jo
smiles4jo Posts: 202 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I have a bunch of clothes that are too big for me. I’ve boxed them all up for Goodwill, but would really rather give them to someone who I know and could use them. However, I don’t know how to offer them to someone without being insulting.

For instance, my sister-in-law (who I’m not all that close to) just had a baby and I’m pretty sure she’s about the size I used to be. I would like to ask if she would like to go through the box before I give them to Goodwill and see if there’s anything she would like. I don’t want it to come across though as if I’m rubbing it in her face that I’m thinner or that she doesn’t dress well now. That’s the furthest thing from what I’m thinking – I’m really just trying to be helpful to a new momma who is probably spending more money on the baby than herself and who’s not quite back to her pre-baby size yet.

Am I overthinking this or should I really be walking on eggshells in making the offer?

Replies

  • chunky_pinup
    chunky_pinup Posts: 758 Member
    Are your friends/family/in-laws that you're wanting to give them to on FB or anything? You could make a "general" post that you are going to donate items, but if anyone wants to go through them beforehand they can. That way, it's generalized and not directed at any one person. I've done this with many things - clothes, baby items, housewares, etc.
  • acheben
    acheben Posts: 476 Member
    I see two ways to avoid being potentially insulting:
    - Make a facebook post about getting rid of size __ clothing and see if anyone wants them.
    - Tell your SIL that you're downsizing your wardrobe and you wanted to know if she wanted any of your clothes before you get rid of them.
  • StaciMarie1974
    StaciMarie1974 Posts: 4,138 Member
    Post a general message to your Facebook friends/family, not pointed at anyone in particular - that you have a bunch of good quality clothes from cleaning out your closets. Say if anyone is interested let you know, otherwise you'll donate to Goodwill.
  • StaciMarie1974
    StaciMarie1974 Posts: 4,138 Member
    I think we were both replying at the same time. Great minds think alike!
    chunky_pinup wrote: »
    Are your friends/family/in-laws that you're wanting to give them to on FB or anything? You could make a "general" post that you are going to donate items, but if anyone wants to go through them beforehand they can. That way, it's generalized and not directed at any one person. I've done this with many things - clothes, baby items, housewares, etc.

  • bemyyfriend0918
    bemyyfriend0918 Posts: 241 Member
    I always offer to my friends and family first. Actually I just gave three garbage bags full of clothes to my cousin, who is about the same size as I am. She has a newborn, so she cant really shop for herself right now and she was really grateful. I let her go through the bags and whatever she didn't want, I offered to another friend I have. I never thought it might be insulting, but then again, my friends and I always acknowledged we were probably around the same size in heaviness, and they always commented on how nice my wardrobe was even when i was big, so I knew they'd be happy.
  • ummijaaz560
    ummijaaz560 Posts: 228 Member
    I wouldn't offer them unless you had that kind of relationship. I have been burned before doing this exact thing and it didn't go well.

    Find a women's shelter, donate them there and get the tax credit.
  • jessicarobinson00
    jessicarobinson00 Posts: 414 Member
    Keep it simple: I have some donation items: interested in rifling through them first!?!? My mom/sisters/I have swapped many an item over the years..and I love it...even when I was bigger than them. :)
  • SuzySunshine99
    SuzySunshine99 Posts: 2,989 Member
    Even if your intentions are good, prepare for the offer to be unwelcome by your family and friends. No matter how you phrase it, they may see it as shoving your success in their face.

    If you really think it could help someone, you could just casually say, "oh, I need to drop some clothes off at Goodwill today" and see if your sister-in-law expresses any interest in seeing the clothes first. If not, don't push the issue beyond that, just donate it.
  • Rachel0778
    Rachel0778 Posts: 1,701 Member
    I love it when I get hand-me-downs from friends! I think the suggestions above are perfect. Just keep it simple that you're cleaning out your closets and wondered if she'd want to go through it first before you donate.
  • Mrsmonas
    Mrsmonas Posts: 37 Member
    I always give to family and friends first. I gave my sister a big bag of clothes and simply asked her what size she was. When she told me 10, I asked if she wanted the clothes.
  • smiles4jo
    smiles4jo Posts: 202 Member
    Thanks everyone - I'll make a general FB post and see what happens! :)
  • afatpersonwholikesfood
    afatpersonwholikesfood Posts: 577 Member
    I gave away stuff to my SIL, and I figured she might be a little offended, but the items were really nice, expensive, and youthful as well as barely worn - clothes that I loved and had bought as rewards after losing a little bit. Also, she gave me her "fat" clothes in the past, so even though I know we're different people (I was completely thrilled with her too-big jeans), I figured fair was fair, and if she got upset, it wasn't my issue to deal with. She did make a comment to my husband, but they were still clothes that I know she needed and liked. So, oh well. YMMV.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    smiles4jo wrote: »
    I have a bunch of clothes that are too big for me. I’ve boxed them all up for Goodwill, but would really rather give them to someone who I know and could use them. However, I don’t know how to offer them to someone without being insulting.

    For instance, my sister-in-law (who I’m not all that close to) just had a baby and I’m pretty sure she’s about the size I used to be. I would like to ask if she would like to go through the box before I give them to Goodwill and see if there’s anything she would like. I don’t want it to come across though as if I’m rubbing it in her face that I’m thinner or that she doesn’t dress well now. That’s the furthest thing from what I’m thinking – I’m really just trying to be helpful to a new momma who is probably spending more money on the baby than herself and who’s not quite back to her pre-baby size yet.

    Am I overthinking this or should I really be walking on eggshells in making the offer?

    Don't mention weight at all just say you are cleaning out your closet. Ask if she would like to look before you donate to see if there is something she'd like to have.
    Or post to facebook in general and list the clothing sizes and ask if anyone is interested.
  • kgirlhart
    kgirlhart Posts: 5,162 Member
    I would just tell her you have a box of things you are going to take to Goodwill and ask if she wanted to look through them before you do.
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,626 Member
    im good friends with my neighbor who is larger than i am. Now if i outgrow something it would be too small, but when i first started losing weight she took a BUNCH of stuff i was going to donate. i always offer friends and family first.
  • ponycyndi
    ponycyndi Posts: 858 Member
    Mrsmonas wrote: »
    I always give to family and friends first. I gave my sister a big bag of clothes and simply asked her what size she was. When she told me 10, I asked if she wanted the clothes.

    I've done this, as I've got 4 sisters, except i would be more likely to say "I've got some clothes in size xyz, if you want to look" but now I've grown smaller and my sisters are bigger, so i don't even ask anymore. I just donate them.
  • leanjogreen18
    leanjogreen18 Posts: 2,492 Member
    Don't offer them, just mention you are getting rid of them. Ask her if she knows anyone that may want them. Let her decide to speak up if she wants them.
  • laur357
    laur357 Posts: 896 Member
    Alternate idea: have some friends/family over for a clothing swap - everyone cleans out their closet and brings some things they don't wear anymore. Then dump everything together, people take what they want, donate the rest. You might pick up a few new things for yourself in smaller sizes as well. . .
  • 44to44
    44to44 Posts: 896 Member
    I usually just have to mention casually that I'm cleaning out my closet and I've got a list of about 5 people who want to go through my stuff!
  • jhmomofmany
    jhmomofmany Posts: 571 Member
    You could give them to a local women's shelter. They would be especially interested in nice professional clothing.
  • indiacaitlin
    indiacaitlin Posts: 691 Member
    I don't think anyone would take offence to it! I love a good clothing freebie :smile: I wouldn't overthink it too much, the worst she can do is just say no thanks.
  • meritage4
    meritage4 Posts: 1,441 Member
    I had fun. When I first started losing I donated a box of clothes to my mom and older sister. They were pleased and could just ft into them.

    Some nice hardly worn outfits went to another friend-who is tall. Perfect fit I did ask this friend first.

    Last box just went to a friend who is here from England for 6 months. 'Take the box and any you don't want, just take to thrift store'. She was pleased.

    I always welcome hand me downs-we got lots as children.
  • tomteboda
    tomteboda Posts: 2,171 Member
    My sister and i trade clothing this way. I pretty much only offer her the nicest stuff though.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    It really depends on the person. Some people will be glad, others will be sensitive in that area. I'd ask someone closer to her who might know better.
  • Duchy82
    Duchy82 Posts: 560 Member
    edited August 2016
    I gave some of my old work trousers that were hardly worn and a size or two too big to my mum recently, she's losing weight too but is a good 2 sizes bigger than me now. She'd said she needed new work trousers as she is shrinking out of hers so I let her have first pick before taking them to the charity shop. She was happy saving money on new clothes and I didn't feel like I'd wasted my money.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    Lots of good suggestions above.

    I don't have any bigger friends/family members locally so just list things on freecycle.org. That's more satisfying to me than just giving it to Goodwill.

    I recently got a Malala bag https://www.schoola.com/fundraiser-for-malala and next time I clean out my closet and going to get rid of some clothes that way.
  • lauracups
    lauracups Posts: 533 Member
    I've recently gathered up my clothes that were too big, and asked my sister in law "hey anything you would like to take a look at before I give away?" She was happy to incorporate stuff into her wardrobe. I think most people would be happy with "new to them " items. Don't stress it.

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