Unsupportive wife

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  • Aireyma
    Aireyma Posts: 55
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    well, on a lighter note..she's probably mad at you for wearing that Michigan sweatshirt!!! BOILER UP!! hahaha

    okay, but seriously, you're doing the right thing. If she can't support you... than there is some sort of underline issue going on with HER. Talk to her about it. Try something small and easy that you two can do together. Maybe she feels left out. Maybe go on walks together or bike rides. If she still can't support you... well you tried, right. You are doing this for you... she can't and shouldn't take that away from you.

    best of luck!!!
  • BFit40
    BFit40 Posts: 163 Member
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    It's a horrible situation to be in, but let's face it, we're all just speculating without all the facts.

    Yes the comments are hurtful, but when you can ask without an argument, you need to ask her why she feels that way.

    Then you need to listen and discuss. It may be irrational or well founded fears she has. Either way without talking and listening, you can't solve it.

    Good luck and I hope it all resolves itself.
  • Jellyphant
    Jellyphant Posts: 1,400 Member
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    From what I get from it, it sounds like she's jealous that you're working toward weightloss but she's not ready to start herself,
  • TK421NotAtPost
    TK421NotAtPost Posts: 512 Member
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    It's amazing how sympathetic everyone is when the wife isn't supportive.... yet, I've seen many responses along the line of "ditch him!", or "start flirting with other guys" when it's the husband that isn't supportive. Hehe, no biggie! It's the natural order of things.... Plus, guys are often a bit more pig-headed about their unsupportiveness.

    Also, he's wearing a Michigan State sweater.... Not Michigan :)
  • Bartleyk11
    Bartleyk11 Posts: 16 Member
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    It's amazing how sympathetic everyone is when the wife isn't supportive.... yet, I've seen many responses along the line of "ditch him!", or "start flirting with other guys" when it's the husband that isn't supportive. Hehe, no biggie! It's the natural order of things.... Plus, guys are often a bit more pig-headed about their unsupportiveness.

    Also, he's wearing a Michigan State sweater.... Not Michigan :)

    Yeah, I wouldn't be caught dead in maize and blue!
  • Bartleyk11
    Bartleyk11 Posts: 16 Member
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    I really appreciate all of your insight. I agree that I think she may be feeling conflicted....she wants me to be healthier, but she doesn't want things to change. She misses me suggesting going to neat restaurants and all you can eat buffets. We do eat out a lot.

    However, she is the kind of person that says exactly what she thinks. So, I do know that she truly believes that I am not eating well, and she is quite certain that I will relapse and go back to my old ways. I wish she would have kept that to herself, because it hurt my feelings. I am doing great - an I don't plan to ever go back. I eat when I'm hungry - and I am not starving myself.

    I will give it a couple of days, then have a discussion with her. This is very important to me, and I really need her on my side.
  • Hollycat
    Hollycat Posts: 372
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    Big factor: Is your wife overweight? If so...all the guesses about insecurity and wondering if you'll still love her could apply. If she is overweight, she needs YOUR reassurance that SHE's still attractive to you. In other words, this might not be about you...

    Hollycat
    :flowerforyou:
  • justavoice1989
    justavoice1989 Posts: 132 Member
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    I can't see your diary, so can't comment on your wife's statement, but perhaps it's time you reevaluate what you're doing. I'm not saying she's right, but she is your wife. Either she loves you and is legitimately worried about what you're doing to yourself or, your initial assumption is correct and she's just saying she's worried about you when it's really another emotion that's causing her behavior. It's difficult to know the answer without the facts. It's something you may need to decide for yourself.

    i agree with this 100%. i would also like to add: maybe have her sit down with you, show her exactly how the program works and explain to her that this is all natural and that she may want to give it a go? that way when you guys share a dinner, it wont be her having whatever she wants and you are the one restricted... if anything she might not see it as being restricted, just controlled. =]

    i hope it helps. i know how hard it can be to have family be not supportive (i tried that method with my mom and now shes a member too=]) i also got my bf to join, though hes loo king to gain weight so its still separate lives/meals lol :tongue:
  • Aireyma
    Aireyma Posts: 55
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    ahh sorry!! missed the giant word "state" at the bottom of the sweatshirt and didn't even look at the hat!!

    kinda ruins the joke when it's wrong!! oh well!!! hahaha
  • Sauchie
    Sauchie Posts: 357 Member
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    she thinks your gonna get looking good and leave her

    This is true women have insecurities about the way we look. She might think your doing it for someone else and not her. I printed out my info for my significant other. And told him he's stuck with me the kids and my bills.
  • MrPunem
    MrPunem Posts: 8 Member
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    My wife is the same way so I know where your coming from. My wife is very insecure with her own appearance and thinks what I am doing is unhealthy. She is afraid I will be smaller then her and wont be attracted to her any longer. But, this is an ongoing argument we constantly have. She can't get over the superficial and understand that I see past all of that and still find her very attractive.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    I wanted to say that I'm getting this a little bit from my husband. He's very proud of me but a little conflicted. He loves me, he thinks I'm HOTTT since I've lost 25 pound and have a six pack, and he's feeling insecure particularly about his keg. He works out way more than I do, but refuses to change his eating habits. He won't even open a page, even though he wants to improve. I've had issues with anorexia and bulimia as a teenager and he's not comfortable trusting me be responsible 15 years later and 100% more stable. I've had to talk to him, with love and reason, about the fact that I think he's HOTTT, and now he sees that I have reasonable goals set he is more comfortable with getting on board with my new lifestyle.
  • whisperingdragon
    whisperingdragon Posts: 334
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    Oh, so sorry to hear that.
    At the same time, you need support. :smile:
  • zonah
    zonah Posts: 216 Member
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    My mother was like this with my father. Even though they had been married for 25 years, she was afraid that if he lost all that weight, she would no longer be good enough for him. It sounds petty but it was a real concern to her. Make sure your wife knows you are 100 committed to her and your family, and that weight will never change any of that..


    Love this post. My hubby is on the larger side and 100% faithful but I have to admit I'm a bit jealous. To me he's such a hunk I feel women will throw themselves at him. I'm so grateful he's a bit anti social. ;) Your wife probably feels the same way just let her know she's #1.
  • obliviousx3
    obliviousx3 Posts: 36
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    For a while now, I've thought it was odd that my wife has not really acknowledged my weight loss. I was sort of starting to think that she may resent the fact that I was getting more healthy, and she was not. Tonight, she told me what she really thinks... she said that she thinks I am being too restrictive on my diet, and she cannot support what I am doing. :(

    I am very upset. I don't know what to think right now. I tried to explain it to her, but she isn't receptive.

    I know that I am doing the right thing, and I thought I was doing it for her as well as for me. But, I guess just doing it for me will have to be good enough.

    wow it saddens me to read that. please please dont let her bring down you or your motivation. honestly she probably doesnt wanna see someone else succed as something she isnt currently able to do, or she could have fear of you you losing weight and other people catching your attention. girls are crazy sometimes lol. shell come around eventually. if anything slowly try to persuade her to join you. she probably will want to on her own she may just need encouragement. just stick to it and ignore the negativity.
  • BFit40
    BFit40 Posts: 163 Member
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    I will give it a couple of days, then have a discussion with her. This is very important to me, and I really need her on my side.

    Good for you. Best wishes and good luck. You just need to talk to and listen to each other.

    I wish you well.
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
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    two reasons that came to mind:

    1. she prefers how you look when you are overweight. maybe that is a turn-on for her (I have a thing for guys with dark hair/dark eyes...if the guy I were dating bleached his hair and got light-colored contacts, I wouldn't be too happy).

    2. she is intimidated, and scared that when you lose the weight you will leave her for someone else. She probably really loves you and feels you are an amazing catch.

    Either way, do this for yourself..i am guessing 2. is more probable than 1. Just remind her how much you love her. :)
  • Felesina1
    Felesina1 Posts: 142
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    You absolutely need to have a frank conversation with her. Not only about your feelings of hurt/anger due to the lack of support; but also the possible dicotomy of what she thinks is dieting and what you do. It may be something simple like she wants to be an active part of your diet, but what you eat cuts her out. It may be that she doesn't understand your ideas of dieting, or goals, or motivations for this change. But without allowing her to have the opportunity to understand the "why" on your part and express her fears, she wont hear you. It is very hard to deal with an unsupportive spouse.... my ex is an ex because of lack of support of my dieting and self-growth.

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