Need advice on teen daughters eating habits.

shelld70 · July 2011

I wasn't sure which category to put this issue in. But here goes. My 14 y/o daughter is not eating. She is at a healthy weight and exercises often. She weighs herself constantly and says she is a "fatty" even though she looks great. She hardly eats at all. Just a little here and there during the day and usually a good dinner.

I know I have been a bad example in the eating/weight area and am guilty of saying how fat I am, etc in front of her. Is this just a typical teen stage or an eating disorder? We have plenty of healthy food stocked and I have tried bugging her and ignoring it. It doesn't seem to make a difference.

I thought of setting an account up on MFP for her, but will that fuel the fire? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I know this is a sensitive area for some, so feel free to message me.

Shell :ohwell:

Atlantique · July 2011

Can you get an understanding of what's driving her sense that she's 'fat' and her desire to eat very little? At 14, it could be almost anything. She may not be dealing well with her body becoming more womanly or the attention it brings; she may be about to go from middle school to high school and feeling pressure to look 'better' or get her weight down to make the cut on a sports team; she may have a circle of girlfriends who constantly talk this way and it's a way to fit in; etc.

Whether it's a phase or truly dangerous would be largely dependent on her motivation.

MuchMovement · July 2011

Make an appointment for the two of you to go to a nutritionist. Have a professional make the assessments, and work as a mother daughter team to be healthy as opposed to skinny.... If you guys can switch to super wholesome foods, she'll get what she needs from less. An example is with chunky almond butter.... certain brands are almost an extra 100 calories more than regular peanut butter per teaspoon!

daniface · July 2011

take her to a nutrionist, she needs to understand that food is fuel.

Louiselesley · July 2011

I suppose the MFP account could go two ways;

Either she will come on to the forums and actually get educated or she'll ignore the advice and use it in a bad way. But I suppose you won't know until you do it.

I went through a stage like this in my teenage years (give the fact i'm 22 this wasn't so long ago) and i simply grew out of it. I knew that after a while I didn't feel right.

I think as long as she is eating a good dinner and she isn't looking sick/drastically thin it probably is a phase, although if it gets worse the only thing I can think of is actually showing her the affects (probably pictures would be the best) that unhealthy eating or non-eating can produce.

Slightly harsh wake-up call but some people just don't get it until they are faced with it.

(Back when I went through my phase - if someone tried to take me to a doctor I'd of down right refused - unless she's open to the idea of being healthy, I doubt she'll be receptive towards a health professional telling her what to eat)

UnpredictablyPretty21 · July 2011

Hey Shell, just keep an eye on her. let her know you love her and that you are there for her no matter what. I went thru a similar senario at that age and still go thru it at times. When you get to that age its about body image and massive changes as we are all aware and unfortunatly peer pressure is a '*****'.

Compliment her and tell her she looks great, dont try to force her at this point because she will back into a corner and not want anything to do with you. Encourage a healthy lifestyle and dont ever put yourself down... not in front of her and for your own sake change that thinking process!

I hope it helps xx

JulieMD · July 2011

Hmm.. being a teenage girl, I understand what she's going through. I've felt "fat" for a long time, even though I'm in the right weight range for my height/age (though I could still stand to lose a few pounds and tone up).

What helped me with not wanting to eat was my mom educating me on starvation mode, and how eating under a certain amount of calories will actually build fat and take away from muscle. Which is exactly opposite of what I wanted! That's why I'm here in the first place, really. So I can keep track of a healthy amount of calories and ensure I'm not just eating junk.

I'd suggest talking to her about starvation mode and maybe setting her up an account?

Of course, if it IS an actual eating disorder, more help would be needed! It doesn't sound like a full on disorder to me, though. Just a self-conscious teen.

SherryGirl · July 2011

I really don't know what to say. I have a teenage daughter too. However, she eats a lot of junk food. Often she look or comments to me or hears others comment on how good I look from loosing so much weight. I try to suggest better eating habits for her as I know she wants to be healthier, but it just makes things worse in my situation. :ohwell:

bella8282 · July 2011

I have Anorexia. DON'T get her MFP if she has a problem it will not help it will fuel it more..... and take her to a GP! If there is nothing to worry about- so be it, But you cant regreat trying to help your daughter. But you will regret leaving it to late if she does needs help. Good luck xxx

Rozziet · July 2011

I used to do the same thing when I was a teenager. I actually did not eat my lunch (but I was too busy talking to my friends) and during university I would actually not eat all day except have chuppa chup lollipops and water and hardly ate during dinner. I did get quite skinny for my size (my hip bones started to stick out) but I didn't not eat. I wanted to be slim cos all my other friends were size 6-8 and I was a size 10. When I got to 6-8 it did not suit me and I did realise after a while and eventually fattened up.

Just monitor it and if she still looks healthy then do not worry. If she is getting closer to skeletal then I would raise concern.

One thing my mother would do though is always make yummy food for dinner so I always had at least a good meal. Do not set up a MFP account for her. She'll start counting her calories and that's the last thing you want a teenager to do!

If she is also beginning to go boy crazy i would get her to watch some show or somethign where boys say they like girls that have more meat than bones.

k9fan4life · July 2011

I would say, just watch her. I have two teens, one eats ALL the time, and the other one like a bird. Both are very healthy. If she is working out, and not losing a bunch of weight, she might be eating more than you know.

Just watch her, and monitor the food levels in the house, if you can. I know I went through 4 boxes of Pop Tarts in one day, but no body ate them?!?!

elizamc · July 2011

So difficult!

My mum has always had food issues and I believe that's where mine came from. Becuase of this I never talked about dieting, about food being 'good' or 'bad' around the children as they grew up. When my son and daughter got to 11 and started at secondary school they both gained weight as they were now making their own choices and were choosing the chips and chocolate. I decided not to intervene and apart from an occasional remark about eating fruit and veg - I just continued to provide healthy meals at home for them and only made comments on how nice they looked etc..

Since and during Uni they have both gained and lost weight and gained! Do they have a healthy attitude to food? Yes! Do they have hang-ups about what they eat? No! Do they enjoy their food guilt free? Yes! I would have loved to have been free from my life-long angst about my weight and constant dieting and am so glad that my children haven't hooked in to it so far.

So my suggestion would be to continue to provide good nutritious meals but not overload her plate, I would avoid any use of 'good and bad' in relation to food types/groups, any use of the word 'diet', I wouldn't sign her up to MFP and I would just generally encourage all her her lovely qualities. And just watch. If it appears to be getting out of contol then see your GP/Nutritionist.

One final thing - your daughter may see you as 'competition', if she knows you are slimming - is she trying to mirror /compete with you? (Sorry if that's a bit deep!)

sae1316 · July 2011

As the parent of three grown children, if there's one thing I learned it's to listen to that little voice in your head that says something's not quite right. Trust your instints, if you think something is going on, it probably is. I would try to keep the lines of communication open with her. Pay attention to changes in opinions about food, weight and body image. Talk with her about how weight gain is a normal part of development and puberty. Try not to beat yourself up too much about your own weightloss battles. Just work on making positives steps to help show her how to make healthy choices. Mostly, pay attention, as you already are, and if things continue talk to a professional.

Here's a link that might be helpful.
http://www.webmd.com/healthy-beauty/features/helping-girls-with-body-image

shelld70 · July 2011

Wow! I am just overwhelmed (in a good way) at these responses.

Thanks so much for your concern and advice. It's time for her check up anyway, so I am going to get her in to see the doc.

I guess I really wanted to protect my daughter from having these horrible, negative body issues that we women have. When she was little, I remember thinking, that I always want her to feel confident and love herself. But, I guess it was inevitable. With the issues I have, my mother and sisters have, then comparing herself to her friends. She has hit her grown spurt and grown into her womanly curves, while some of her friends are quite there yet. So she wants to weight what they weigh. But they will get their curves soon.

You guys are awesome!

Need advice on teen daughters eating habits.

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