Anybody know how to give an intervention?

actualbettycrocker
actualbettycrocker Posts: 195 Member
in Chit-Chat
Something scary just happened in my family and I might have to get everybody together to try to intervene.

Is there a good way of doing this? I don't know anybody that has done one and I don't know what to do anymore.

Replies

  • AskTracyAnnK28
    AskTracyAnnK28 Posts: 2,817 Member
    try googling "staging an intervention". There's tons of information out there on the subject.
  • fanceegirl75
    fanceegirl75 Posts: 620 Member
    Wishing you the best outcome with this. My gf owns a business in drug & alcohol treatment. Not sure if it relates to either of those but I will ask her advice on it and check back to the post later.
  • actualbettycrocker
    actualbettycrocker Posts: 195 Member
    AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »
    try googling "staging an intervention". There's tons of information out there on the subject.

    I know but like I wanted to know people's outlook on it? Do people think it's bad or good to do from their experiences?

    I'm sorry I've been awake for two days I don't make any sense.
  • enterdanger
    enterdanger Posts: 2,447 Member
    some of my coworkers decided another coworker was on drugs and staged an intervention. They asked her out to lunch and basically kidnapped her and told her if she didn't get help that they would tell our boss she was on drugs.

    Now, this is probably not your situation, but the funny thing was that the coworker in question actually turned out she had H1N1 flu and just kept falling asleep since she was a really sick and a new mom to boot. She told me about the whole thing like 6 months after it happened and was still mortified. I thought the whole things was hilarious.

    That's not real helpful, but I hope it made you laugh a little.
  • CincyNeid
    CincyNeid Posts: 1,249 Member
    Just plan a Cook Out [Family] dinner. Tell everyone to not say a word about [Fill in the Blank] and when when you're done with dinner and enjoying an adult beverage/dessert drop the proverbial bomb.

    I had to intervene with one of my friends a number of years ago and that's exactly what we did.....

    I hope you the best of luck in your journey .
  • actualbettycrocker
    actualbettycrocker Posts: 195 Member
    enterdanger wrote: »
    some of my coworkers decided another coworker was on drugs and staged an intervention. They asked her out to lunch and basically kidnapped her and told her if she didn't get help that they would tell our boss she was on drugs.

    Now, this is probably not your situation, but the funny thing was that the coworker in question actually turned out she had H1N1 flu and just kept falling asleep since she was a really sick and a new mom to boot. She told me about the whole thing like 6 months after it happened and was still mortified. I thought the whole things was hilarious.

    That's not real helpful, but I hope it made you laugh a little.

    Oh my god that's horrifying :o I can't believe they did that
  • actualbettycrocker
    actualbettycrocker Posts: 195 Member
    CincyNeid wrote: »
    Just plan a Cook Out [Family] dinner. Tell everyone to not say a word about [Fill in the Blank] and when when you're done with dinner and enjoying an adult beverage/dessert drop the proverbial bomb.

    I had to intervene with one of my friends a number of years ago and that's exactly what we did.....

    I hope you the best of luck in your journey .

    We will probably do something to that extent I'm trying to figure out the least confrontational way of doing this. They have a very bad temper.
  • NorthCascades
    NorthCascades Posts: 10,968 Member
    Whatever you do, try not to humiliate the person in front of a bunch of other people and try not to make them feel defensive, because both of those things usually go with interventions, and both of them usually work against whatever it is you're trying to achieve. You don't want to isolate this person and make them dig their heels in.
  • _birdie__
    _birdie__ Posts: 308 Member
    imo interventions dont really work

  • enterdanger
    enterdanger Posts: 2,447 Member
    actualbettycrocker wrote: »
    enterdanger wrote: »
    some of my coworkers decided another coworker was on drugs and staged an intervention. They asked her out to lunch and basically kidnapped her and told her if she didn't get help that they would tell our boss she was on drugs.

    Now, this is probably not your situation, but the funny thing was that the coworker in question actually turned out she had H1N1 flu and just kept falling asleep since she was a really sick and a new mom to boot. She told me about the whole thing like 6 months after it happened and was still mortified. I thought the whole things was hilarious.

    That's not real helpful, but I hope it made you laugh a little.

    Oh my god that's horrifying :o I can't believe they did that

    Yeah. But it still makes me laugh when I think about it.
  • upoffthemat
    upoffthemat Posts: 679 Member
    I would talk to a professional, sometimes it is better to have a very small amount of people talk to the person. No idea what has happened or been tried to this point, but an intervention should be a fair bit down the road of things you try to do to help someone. It can so easily come off as everyone ganging up and attacking one person.
  • MsAmandaNJ
    MsAmandaNJ Posts: 1,248 Member
    I had to intervene with my mother. The day after we had a fight about her drinking, we had an honest talk (she was sober that day). I told her matter-of-factly that if she continued to drink, she would not have me in her life. I let her know that she could have the life she's always wanted or she could drink, the choice was up to her. Thankfully, she was actually ready to seek help, just needed a dose of reality. The next day, we went to an open AA meeting together. If you do it, make sure it comes from a calm, loving place, but that you will hold to what you say (no bluffing!!) - I was willing to never see her again and she knew it. I think interventions fail because the person feels ganged up on, deceived, or that they simply are not ready. You cannot help someone that doesn't want to be helped, but you can change your relationship with them. I've seen Intervention on A&E and many times, the family members get help regardless of whether or not the person seeks or completes treatment. No matter the issue, look for support groups such as Al-Anon for yourself and the family.
  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,233 Member
    Al anon is great. listening to a father tom speaker tape right now. :)

    it really depends on the issue. you have to be careful that they don't feel attacked.
    they talk about using I feel statements.
    Whether or not it is drugs or alcohol, a rehab center or 12 office might have some good advice and or literature to help out.

    also, know, you cannot fix them
  • actualbettycrocker
    actualbettycrocker Posts: 195 Member
    benmullins4 wrote: »
    An intervention is an organized bullying tactic. You can't help those not willing to seek it...

    We don't know what else to do. They almost died and they're also the caretaker of my 91 year old great grandmother. They disappeared and she didn't know what to do. So not only were they in danger but so was her.
  • actualbettycrocker
    actualbettycrocker Posts: 195 Member
    MsAmandaNJ wrote: »
    I had to intervene with my mother. The day after we had a fight about her drinking, we had an honest talk (she was sober that day). I told her matter-of-factly that if she continued to drink, she would not have me in her life. I let her know that she could have the life she's always wanted or she could drink, the choice was up to her. Thankfully, she was actually ready to seek help, just needed a dose of reality. The next day, we went to an open AA meeting together. If you do it, make sure it comes from a calm, loving place, but that you will hold to what you say (no bluffing!!) - I was willing to never see her again and she knew it. I think interventions fail because the person feels ganged up on, deceived, or that they simply are not ready. You cannot help someone that doesn't want to be helped, but you can change your relationship with them. I've seen Intervention on A&E and many times, the family members get help regardless of whether or not the person seeks or completes treatment. No matter the issue, look for support groups such as Al-Anon for yourself and the family.

    That's very good advice thank you.
  • ncboiler89
    ncboiler89 Posts: 2,408 Member
    actualbettycrocker wrote: »
    AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »
    try googling "staging an intervention". There's tons of information out there on the subject.

    I know but like I wanted to know people's outlook on it? Do people think it's bad or good to do from their experiences?

    I'm sorry I've been awake for two days I don't make any sense.

    Does anyone on this forum have any credibility on this topic?
  • actualbettycrocker
    actualbettycrocker Posts: 195 Member
    newmeadow wrote: »
    actualbettycrocker wrote: »
    benmullins4 wrote: »
    An intervention is an organized bullying tactic. You can't help those not willing to seek it...

    We don't know what else to do. They almost died and they're also the caretaker of my 91 year old great grandmother. They disappeared and she didn't know what to do. So not only were they in danger but so was her.

    Sounds like the "intervention" should go something like this:

    Oh hi. Sorry for dropping by without calling. Did we wake you? Yeah, 2 p.m. is a fine time to be up and at 'em.

    Great news! You'll have more free time to enjoy yourself. Other arrangements have been made for Great Grandma. Our lawyers have re-assigned the Power of Attorney and Health Care Proxy roles to family members who would be more suited to the responsibility and all the papers have been signed.

    Thank you so much for your hard work over these months and of course, Great Grandma will miss you. Certainly you can visit her! When we're home though.

    Now you'll have to see about other living arrangements for yourself. We'll give you 30 days to find an apartment. In the meantime, we'll be moving in here to see that the transition is a smooth one. And during that time, there will be no intoxicating substances ingested in Great Grandma's home under any circumstances. And we'll be keeping a close eye.

    Thank you so much for understanding and again, we appreciate all you've done thus far.

    Um. Maybe I should have specified this is her son. My great-uncle. That's also his home.

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