Just venting

I was the "fat kid" that everyone made fun of in elementary and junior high. Needless to say it destroyed my self esteem. So when I finally grew into my body in high school I have seeked validation for the way I looked from others. Yet even in high school I never found it, I was too this, or too that... (I went to 4 different high schools *army brat*). I was always gaining weight, every year 5lbs here and there till one day I stepped on the scale and it read 185. I was horrified, this has been the heaviest I have ever weighted and I was scared. Since then I have lost 6% body fat, and gained 11lbs of muscle.... yes gained. I learned through body composition that your weight does not define you. Your composition does. You can be 130 and all fat or 170 and all muscle.
Even though I am at my fittest, I still struggle from self esteem issues. I can leg press 360lbs and dead lift 200lbs, yet it is not socially attractive. BUT I am working past it. So what if I am not a size 2! I don't want to be, I am learning to love myself for the full body figure that I have. I have a chest and bum, with hips. Yet I'm fit. My biggest self esteem boost came from watching the olympics in RIO. No one has the same body, gymnast are short and muscular. A marathon runner doesn't look like a sprinter, who doesn't look like a shock put person, who doesn't look like a swimmer, who doesn't look like a water Polo player and so on... Yet the are all elite athletes! So why do I need to compare myself to anyone else. Fitness comes in many shapes and sizes.. so my motto is to not let other people's image of fitness define my fitness or me.
Ok I'm done lol