RANDOM question about marriage in graduate school...

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stephnsuarez
stephnsuarez Posts: 68 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hi guys! Before you get the wrong idea...trust me I am 21 and going to graduate in May with a Bachelor's and have NO interest in getting married right now! But I was just wondering, my boyfriend is starting pharmacy school in the fall, and hopefully in Fall of 2013 I will be starting dental school. My question is, have any of you ever gotten married in rigorous grad school programs like pharm/dent/med schools? We don't like to make plans because life is incredibly unpredictable, but we were just discussing the possibility and I have friends who have done it around their last year of graduate school but my mother (of course, haha!) says I should wait until I graduate when I'm 27! And please don't say "don't plan on it because college sweethearts never work out" because I have heard this PLENTY of times before..I am asking this for people who will answer the simple question out of curiousity that I am asking :) Please be kind!

Replies

  • chiroGirl77
    chiroGirl77 Posts: 41
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    I am in chiropractic school and people get married all the time! If it is meant be..... it WILL be! Stay positive, focus on your studies and it will happen!!!!!! Good luck!
  • jpeebs88
    jpeebs88 Posts: 81
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    I'm working on my Ph.D. and a lot of my school friends are married, some even with kids. I'm with the poster before. If it's meant to work out, you can figure out the details when the time comes :)
  • heathersmilez
    heathersmilez Posts: 2,579 Member
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    High school sweet hearts here, dating since age 16 - Dec 8, 1998 (no breaks, same highs school and University), married since Aug 15, 2009 and since graduating university we've been taking graduate courses together. Albeit not full time, 1 course a semester and we love each other and our life, we’ve been very successful in life and in our relationship and I am thankful for that.

    Make plans but be flexible so that you can maintain both for years to come. Full time school and relationships can be hard b/c school is all consuming unlike many career choices which are just 9-5. University was stressful b/c we were are so ambitious and were always working hard but we made it through and are stronger than ever due to the experiences we've been though; all the major milestones in young adult/adult life.

    Best of luck!
  • Cadenpet
    Cadenpet Posts: 79
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    I personally am not the marrying sort. But...congrats to your bf for getting in pharmacy school. I start in the fall as well. And good luck to you with dental.

    One of the pharmacists I'm really great friends with told me about her orientation once, and they flat out said most of the relationships they were in now wouldn't last. The partner wouldn't understand the complete focus it takes for school. And she said they were right, marriages and engagements broke up and so did other couples. So I would say...don't do it now. Not before either of you hit school.

    But if you guys get to his final year or most of the way through your dental school I would say go for it. If you two can deal with the pressure that long I think you've made it. Wish you the best.
  • HotMamaByVday
    HotMamaByVday Posts: 343 Member
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    You need to do what is best for you but . . . DH and I have been together since high school. We both have degrees and even made it through my second bachelors. We have been married for 14 years and together for 18. It can work. You have to know it will. Don't walk into the marriage with even the thought that you can always get a divorce if it doesn't work out. marriage is not a sitcom. Not every day ends with being chased up the stairs to the bedroom. You and your man will grow but many things will not change. For example, my DH leaves his clothes on the floor. Drives me crazy but he will not change and I tolerate it because I love him. I shop too much, he tolerates it b/c he loves me. Don't jump ship at the first sign of turmoil. Work things out, talk to each other.

    Good luck!
  • ShaeDetermined
    ShaeDetermined Posts: 1,525 Member
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    My husband and I got married just before he started graduate school for Occupational Therapy, and I went to graduate school for Speech Pathology just after he finished.
    If you are both dedicated to your schooling and your marriage (and assuming you don't have to go out of state for school) there should be no problem getting married before or during school.

    Having children on the other hand is a whole different conversation......
  • CelticDestiny
    CelticDestiny Posts: 61 Member
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    I have not gone through any of the rigorous grad school programs, although at one time I was considering on applying for veterinary school. Anyway, my thoughts are if you know the stressors that you both face and can handle them together with love and support then you will know when the right time to get married is. Don't let anyone else dictate your life. You are the one who has to deal with your decisions. I'm sure there are many items under both the Pro's and the Con's and it can be argued well for both sides, but I'm of the belief that you will just Know when the right time is. Good luck and Congrats on the schooling for both you and your boyfriend!
  • Hernandezedw
    Hernandezedw Posts: 284
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    There's pretty much no reason for you to get married. At this point, marriage is for taxes and medical benefits. If you think it will keep the two of you committed to just each other, you are quite possibly wrong.
  • mkingraham
    mkingraham Posts: 445 Member
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    my husband and I started dating in high school- went to seperate undergraduate schools, he got a job, I went to grad school, we got married during my first semester of grad school, we continued to live in different cities for my first two years of grad school (they were only 2 hrs apart though), he got a transfer to where I went to grad school for my third year, then I got a job in DC he found a job and started it 3 months later also in DC and now we actually live together!

    So we have been together for almost 10 yrs, married for almost 4 and we have only been in the same place for almost 4 of them, 2 dating in HS, 2 married.

    It can work if you both want to make it work and if you have the right personalities to make it work. I strongly believe every relationship is different and therefore works differently for different people. GOOD LUCK!
  • megiemaus
    megiemaus Posts: 3
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    I knew someone who got married at the end of a graduate program and I watched her have nervous breakdowns pretty much every day as a result - too much stress. I couldn't imagine having tried to plan a wedding while I was finishing grad school and I was in a less stressful program than most.

    Most people I know in intense programs either get married beforehand or wait until after. Just as a side comment, my fiance and I waited until we'd been dating 6 years to get engaged and will have been dating for 7 by the time we get married. While it was irritating having people constantly ask why we weren't married yet, I think our relationship is very solid going into our marriage because we waited so long. Really there's no reason to rush into a wedding. If it's meant to be, you'll stay together. But compounding tons of stressful things on top of each other is a sure fire way to kill a relationship.
  • beastlye
    beastlye Posts: 37
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    You can absolutely have a lasting relationship while pursuing your education! I got married in 2007 (at the young age of 22) and have been through a deployment and the physical distance that followed as I pursued my Masters in Public Health. I currently live about 3 hours away from my husband now, but we stay emotionally connected through phone calls, weekend visits, and a deep rooted sense of loyalty and respect for one another. This is definitely not the lifestyle for everyone, but it's possible for a relationship to endure quite a lot if you're willing to put forth the effort to be committed.
  • McghanK
    McghanK Posts: 120
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    I think that if you both have the understanding that it will be tough and know that you love and support each other, then don't lose sight of that Marriage has a lot of stress whether you are in grad school or a stay home parent. Nobody can say for sure the your marriage/engagement will or will not last. The military has a high divorce rate however, I have met couples that have been married for over 20 years. Just because the statistics say one thing it doesn't mean that's what IS going to happen. Just make before you get married you both have a CLEAR understanding of what YOU BOTH WANT and how you will GET THERE.
  • stephnsuarez
    stephnsuarez Posts: 68 Member
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    Hernandezedw, I definitely don't want to just get married because I think it is the only way we are truly committed to each other...My PERSONAL belief is traditional, and I want to get married because I want to. Simple as that? Thank you for the advice, but it is how we believe and we always talk about it in our future and that we both agree that we don't want to do the whole "life partner" thing, which is completely okay! I just personally don't have the "marriage is a piece of paper" mentality. And thank you all for your sweet replies and wonderful stories! :) I was just curious! I believe we might wait until after I'm done with school because of the stress, money, planning, etc! Thank you all so much and excuse my extremely random question! According to my family I ask those a lot haha!
  • adhillman01
    adhillman01 Posts: 206
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    I am in a three year pharmacy school right now and got married in my first year. Planning the wedding was the most difficult, especially because I live in the South and my wedding was in Arizona. It was definitely nice to have my mother to help out with that one, she did a lot of the hands-on work in Arizona for me. It has been difficult, my husband is in the service and is also busy and moving around a lot. It has been great so far, we've been married a year and a half now. I think it works because we're both incredibly busy and have our own stuff to take care of. What the other girl said about your significant other not understanding the focus won't really apply to you because you'll both be in graduate school. You'll both have to study and work all the time. It is possible, I'm very happy in my marriage. We haven't even lived in the same house since we've been married due to my husband being stationed in a state other than where I'm going to school, but he's only been two hours away for most of the time. I finally get to move in with him this fall when I go out on rotations! Kinda got distracted there, but yes, it is doable!
    Edit: I just read your post. Money is totally a factor. Weddings are incredibly expensive (we spent about double what we had planned on) so it would be difficult to do during any grad school when you're living off of loan and stipend (if you get it).
  • Dnsnyder
    Dnsnyder Posts: 263 Member
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    I honestly think this is going to be a personal desicion, but there are some things to consider. Just FYI, I was working on my Masters of Science in Chemistry when my husband and I got married. That's not quite as demanding as doing a pharm/dental/med program, but I guess I can relate a little bit. I think that it is very possible to get married while in a rigorous graduate program, and you have to make a decision that is in your best interest. Here are some things your should consider:

    1) What kind of wedding do you want and how much time will it require to arrange?
    If you and your fiance want a big, traditional wedding, there will be a lot of planning to do. You have to decide if you think that planning a wedding is something that you can tackle whilst completing a rigorous school program that occupies a significant portion of your time. You do not want to put unneccessary stress on yourself. (As a personal point of reference, my husband and I chose a simpler, quieter approach. We got married on a beach. My parents, sister, and grandma were present. There was little planning, worrying, and stressing to do because there was no reception, no catering, no hall, no invitations, no bridal registration, etc. We just had to secure a person to conduct the ceremony, a photographer, and a national park event permit)

    2) How will being married affect your school plans?
    Do you plan to go the the same school? Where do you plan to live, on or off campus, together? I think it's important to put your education first and not allow getting or being married to affect your plans for school, so you need to consider what will happen if you were to get married while working on a rigorous graduate program.


    Good luck and best wishes!
  • stacygowler
    stacygowler Posts: 4 Member
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    I'm in an Architecture program right now, which is a bachelor's degree, but I still have plenty of 12+ hr days. I got married 2 years ago. There are definitely challenges to being married and pursuing a challenging program. There are lots of times when I feel like I am trying to split my time between too many different things. But at the end of the day, the hard work is totally worth it, and although it can be hard, you also have someone there to support you. If its what you want, it is very possible to make it happen.
  • stephnsuarez
    stephnsuarez Posts: 68 Member
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    I honestly think this is going to be a personal desicion, but there are some things to consider. Just FYI, I was working on my Masters of Science in Chemistry when my husband and I got married. That's not quite as demanding as doing a pharm/dental/med program, but I guess I can relate a little bit. I think that it is very possible to get married while in a rigorous graduate program, and you have to make a decision that is in your best interest. Here are some things your should consider:

    1) What kind of wedding do you want and how much time will it require to arrange?
    If you and your fiance want a big, traditional wedding, there will be a lot of planning to do. You have to decide if you think that planning a wedding is something that you can tackle whilst completing a rigorous school program that occupies a significant portion of your time. You do not want to put unneccessary stress on yourself. (As a personal point of reference, my husband and I chose a simpler, quieter approach. We got married on a beach. My parents, sister, and grandma were present. There was little planning, worrying, and stressing to do because there was no reception, no catering, no hall, no invitations, no bridal registration, etc. We just had to secure a person to conduct the ceremony, a photographer, and a national park event permit)

    2) How will being married affect your school plans?
    Do you plan to go the the same school? Where do you plan to live, on or off campus, together? I think it's important to put your education first and not allow getting or being married to affect your plans for school, so you need to consider what will happen if you were to get married while working on a rigorous graduate program.


    Good luck and best wishes!

    You're spot on with your questions! In regards to the second one, He is actually going to the pharmacy school at our undergrad university so it works out! And I am planning on going to dental school here as well, and if not, there are two others in our state that I can go to which are either 2 or 5 hours away. So we'll see! But I am definitely hoping to get into our current university's dental school!
  • kdet07
    kdet07 Posts: 117
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    My college sweetheart worked out just fine, thank you :o)
    but on to your question. I think that if you plan for it, you would be just fine getting married during school. I would plan to have the wedding during a break from classes (I'm not sure if your program goes go year round)
    Really what is most important when planning a wedding is doing what you and your future husband want, and listening to advice from family and friends while making YOUR OWN final decisions. When it's all over, you'll have your husband, your photos and your wedding rings. The rest of it is just a great party.
    If you are both driven enough to go into those programs to begin with, you've obviously made the time for each other, and you just need to keep the balance between professional life and personal life.
    good luck. ;)

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