Need friends to yell at me

ammo7 wrote: »

sassyfeather wrote: »

I need friends to hold me accountable for not behaving.

No, you need to take responsibility for your actions and hold yourself accountable for your choices. If you want something, have the dedication and determination to see it through. If you don't have the motivation, then maybe you don't want it badly enough.

Not sure about OP but sometimes, at a higher weight, feeling motivated to change (on a consistent basis) is very difficult--especially when depression, anxiety and lack of self-confidence/worth have taken their toll (your neurotransmitters are running on low) and your weight is just too damn high... all of these feelings/states interweave throughout your day causing you to feel stuck and more likely to compulsively overeat the wrong foods/drinks as a form of relief (which for many feels very pleasurable and comforting in the moment--but ultimately perpetuates the cycle, leaving you feeling even more stuck).

Personally, it wasn't until I was prescribed a very potent drug (the amphetamine Vyvanse) along with an anti-depressant (that I never skipped a day on) to give me a strong boost/help control my impulsive relationship with food and aid me in the beginning of my journey (in my case, from 250lbs to the 190's) that I saw consistent results and was really able to pull through.

Reaching a much healthier bmi (even if it's still considered "overweight" for your height) is more likely to keep you moving forward because you don't feel as overwhelmed and you're less stuck/defeated and it's hard to imagine being where you once were and how you felt again--that serves as a strong motivating factor. And even though I am off these prescribed drugs, I am still able to stick with the right routine and maintain a healthy weight (180lbs at 5'10''/wider-framed) and have days where I eat crappy, delicious stuff (but not overdo it) because I'm a lot more comfortable in my skin/much less fearful about the future/sad.

I'm your huckleberry!

sassyfeather wrote: »

It seems with a few of the responses I have joined the wrong site. I feel truly bad for anyone on here that is truly struggling with depression and obesity if this is what the members are writing to them. Seems like a lot of judgemental bullies who take things out on context.

sassyfeather wrote: »

I did not ask people to judge me for seeking motivation and help. I asked to find friends on this site that yes will be honest when I don't meet my goals in my diary. So yes when I don't excercise feel free to call me out on it. But unless I accept you as a friend on this site you are just a stranger attacking me for a small paragraph I wrote. How is that helpful? So maybe I should be more clear. If you want to be negative please just move on. Find someone else to harass to make you feel better about yourself.

I think you are directing this at me, which I feel is unfair. I don't believe that telling someone to take responsibility for themselves is judgemental; I personally find it motivating to know that the outcome I earn depends on the effort I put in.
Your post is titled "Need friends to yell at me". I believe I was more polite than you were asking for.

You don't want friends. You want someone to blame for your failure.

You must be new if you didn't know how this was going to go. To be honest, when I first joined, I would have felt the same way you do. But now, I read your post and I thought the same thing that everyone told you. You may not like how people say things, and yes, sometimes they can be buttholes, but they speak the truth. I've only just started getting friends now, I'm 55 lbs down. I had friends when I first started but then I deleted them all because I realized that I have to do this for me and by myself if I want it last. Even when my husband tries to be "helpful" and give me advise, I tell him to stop. Even now that I have friends on here, I don't open my diary to them. I'm accountable to me only. Friends are great to tell you good job and keep it up. But if you are looking for someone to tell you you are doing it wrong, it's not going to work long-term. I'm sorry if you feel like I'm being mean but I really mean the best for you. If you have questions and want honest answers, ask on here. But be prepared for a mob of people who've had long-term success to be brutally honest with you, they don't sugarcoat anything. And it may hurt your feelings but in the end, down the line, you will understand they were right. They were right in their advice and in how they were brutally honest in giving it.

sassyfeather wrote: »

Well when I said friends I didn't mean friends in my everyday life so much as I meant friends on this fitness pal that are with me. My point being I needed to find friends to add onto this site that are prone to being successful and don't mind being honest with me no matter how it hurts my feelings. Of course I want this for myself or I would not have joined. I joined for motivation and there is nothing wrong with that. It seems with a few of the responses I have joined the wrong site. I feel truly bad for anyone on here that is truly struggling with depression and obesity if this is what the members are writing to them. Seems like a lot of judgemental bullies who take things out on context.

Really? You're serious....? Please look at what you wrote.

The first line of your posting is that your family and friends are too nice to you, and then you go on about how you want them to yell at you and hold you accountable. To me, it sounds like you are blaming them for you not being able to lose weight. You don't say anything about asking for support at MFP.

There are no judgemental bullies in this thread, just a bunch of people telling you the truth. I am sorry you are offended, but I stand by my words. I've been there, done that, and it's 100% beneficial to take responsibility for your own weight loss. Good supportive friends and family give you verbal motivation, not scold you or tell you what you can and cannot eat.

sassyfeather wrote: »

My friends and family are too nice. I need friends to hold me accountable for not behaving. They don't behave and then I don't feel guilty for eating junk and not exercising daily. Because after all I can start my diet tomorrow which has been going on for the last 3 years. I need help with motivation.

It's not motivation that matters--that will always wax and wane, and if you don't want to do something you are likely to just avoid the voices that would remind you you are failing to live up to your own expectations, which is why so many people quit the site without achieving their goals.

My advice, for what it's worth, focuses on the "I can just do it tomorrow" as I think this is a major reason people don't get started. It certainly was for me before I lost weight and, if I'm honest, is something I've been struggling with in trying to get back to losing after maintaining for a while (although at a healthy weight, at least).

What helped me originally in getting past this, and with determination (better than "motivation" as you have more control over it), was making the reasons I am doing this crystal clear. Humans have a really hard time often when the benefits of an action are in the present and the benefits of not taking the action/negatives of taking it are in the future, especially far in the future. Easy to say "what difference will this cookie make in the scheme of things" or even "this one more day of overeating."

So to deal with that, what I did was have concrete goals. Some, for me, were weight related (as I knew I'd be fine if I didn't make them exactly). For example, if you have enough to lose that a goal of 50 lbs in 6 months or 9 months is realistic, think about what that date is, what you will be doing, and how great it will be to have lost substantial weight -- what you will be able to wear, stuff like that.

Beyond that, I also had non-weight related goals -- stuff I wanted to do in 6 months or a year, like a big race or biking event to train for. More important than that for the non weight stuff was having shorter term goals -- I wanted to get back into running and biking, so set realistic short term goals for 1 month or 3 months and then used that for motivation weekly. I also set daily and weekly goals like "keeping within my calories" or "exercising 30 min/3x per week and stuff like that -- kept it really easy and doable at first so I could have successes and build up the habits.

I think focusing on why you are doing it, concrete achievements, and regular daily and weekly goals that connect to a bigger overall goal (and that you can believe in) make more difference than motivation, and bring about the determination that is needed.