Feeling so low
tanny684
Posts: 196 Member
Okay, this post is random and not MFP related but I'm hoping to get some support as all my friends are at work. Some of you whom have read my previous posts may or may not know that I've been involved in an on/off relationship with this doctor for the best part of two years. After it initially being really nice he told me he didn't like my weight and "couldn't get used to it". I found it difficult to lose weight however as he would also say things like he didn't find me attractive (despite being very enthusiastic physically with me and asking for naughty photos if I couldn't be with him). In Feb this year I went on a date and he showed up, threatened my date and told me that he loved me. He then went quiet and I convinced myself he did love me but couldn't show it. He went quiet for a bit. He asked me to stop messaging him about intimate things. He said he wanted to "clear his head". In May I was involved in a car crash. I contacted him and asked if he'd met someone and he said he "thought he had but no" and "wasn't having a great time". I enquired further and he said it was just a girl he met in a bar, that they'd been out a few times and that was it.
I asked if he had slept with anyone else and he swore he hadn't. After not seeing him for four months I went to see him last night. He was drunk, so as alcohol is his truth serum I asked him repeatedly about what happened. He finally admitted that he'd met and liked this girl, they'd dated, slept together but he was too drunk to perform and she hadn't wanted to see him again. He said he'd been pretty cut up about it. I asked what he liked about her, he said she was really funny.
It cuts me up because I would and did do anything for that man. It finally hit me today that he does not care about me at all. He's only ever used me. I had been feeling pretty positive about losing weight. I'd managed to quit smoking. But now it feels like I'm worthless. And shouldn't even try. Should just sit with my chocolate and resign myself to never being loved :-(
I asked if he had slept with anyone else and he swore he hadn't. After not seeing him for four months I went to see him last night. He was drunk, so as alcohol is his truth serum I asked him repeatedly about what happened. He finally admitted that he'd met and liked this girl, they'd dated, slept together but he was too drunk to perform and she hadn't wanted to see him again. He said he'd been pretty cut up about it. I asked what he liked about her, he said she was really funny.
It cuts me up because I would and did do anything for that man. It finally hit me today that he does not care about me at all. He's only ever used me. I had been feeling pretty positive about losing weight. I'd managed to quit smoking. But now it feels like I'm worthless. And shouldn't even try. Should just sit with my chocolate and resign myself to never being loved :-(
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Replies
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Please don't let this person derail you. This journey is for you, not anyone else. Learn to love yourself and your thoughts will change. He is not worth the misery. Cut the ties and move on. Someone will love you for you someday. BTW, you look great in your profile pic, so I don't know what his problem is.
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The fact that he's a self-absorbed jerk who uses people doesn't reflect on you, darling. I'm glad you see that now and hope you won't waste your time on him anymore.
Head up. You're so worth it and you'll find someone when you least expect it. Hit the gym and not the chocolate.
Hugs.3 -
I might sound harsh but you need to work on your self esteem and not lower yourself to the point whereby you let men treat you like a doorstep.
All the signs were always there and if perhaps you werent so "into" this guy, you would have seen them very clearly.
Keep hitting the gym, buy a new wardrobe, pamper yourself, get out there with your friends abit more, do whatever you need to do to occupy yourself and make yourself happy but dont let a loser ****wit mess you around.
Cut him out, he's not even worth your time, your shoulder or your advice.
The fact that he knows you are into him and yet he has the audacity to talk to you about other women? Hello??!!! Insulting and cold much?3 -
Unless ofcourse you think he's the type of guy you will feel and happy and most loved with then by all means resign right now because I can assure you that a guy like that will never make you happy.
The whole notion of crying for love BS is purely that - BS.
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I might sound harsh but you need to work on your self esteem and not lower yourself to the point whereby you let men treat you like a doorstep.
All the signs were always there and if perhaps you werent so "into" this guy, you would have seen them very clearly.
Keep hitting the gym, buy a new wardrobe, pamper yourself, get out there with your friends abit more, do whatever you need to do to occupy yourself and make yourself happy but dont let a loser ****wit mess you around.
Cut him out, he's not even worth your time, your shoulder or your advice.
The fact that he knows you are into him and yet he has the audacity to talk to you about other women? Hello??!!! Insulting and cold much?I might sound harsh but you need to work on your self esteem and not lower yourself to the point whereby you let men treat you like a doorstep.
All the signs were always there and if perhaps you werent so "into" this guy, you would have seen them very clearly.
Keep hitting the gym, buy a new wardrobe, pamper yourself, get out there with your friends abit more, do whatever you need to do to occupy yourself and make yourself happy but dont let a loser ****wit mess you around.
Cut him out, he's not even worth your time, your shoulder or your advice.
The fact that he knows you are into him and yet he has the audacity to talk to you about other women? Hello??!!! Insulting and cold much?
Thankyou. Yeah he'd even talk about exes and say to me "you'd have loved her, she was so cool" and I did think it was a bit harsh. But he had this little boy lost type thing going on and I thought he perhaps just didn't realise. Last night he swore on his mothers life that he hadn't slept with anyone before admitting he had slept with that girl. That was when I knew I had to end it. Anyone that swears on their mothers life knowing they're lying is clearly not a good person. I left, hopefully with my dignity intact. I just left without saying a word and blocked and deleted as I was walking out of the building. It just hurts so much that he's sat being upset over some girl and yet muggins here that has been devoted to him for amidst two years doesn't even get a thought.1 -
The fact that he's a self-absorbed jerk who uses people doesn't reflect on you, darling. I'm glad you see that now and hope you won't waste your time on him anymore.
Head up. You're so worth it and you'll find someone when you least expect it. Hit the gym and not the chocolate.
Hugs.
Thankyou. I'm gonna join the gym today
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Please don't let this person derail you. This journey is for you, not anyone else. Learn to love yourself and your thoughts will change. He is not worth the misery. Cut the ties and move on. Someone will love you for you someday. BTW, you look great in your profile pic, so I don't know what his problem is.
Thankyou. That's also what hurts. People tell me I'm pretty/beautiful a lot and the girl he dated was just average looking, but she was thin. So cut like a knife
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Why are you still torturing yourself with this guy?2
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Unless ofcourse you think he's the type of guy you will feel and happy and most loved with then by all means resign right now because I can assure you that a guy like that will never make you happy.
The whole notion of crying for love BS is purely that - BS.
Thanks. I think I'm just hurt. If he had told me he didn't love me, or that he had seen other people, I would have left it there and then. But he lied through his teeth. Said he and never slept with anyone else, he said he loved me on occasion.... All making me think he deep down did love me. And now I realise that's what he warned me to think. So I was an easy phone call away when he was feeling lonely and the real girls hadn't worked out. Feel so degraded ;(
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queenliz99 wrote: »Why are you still torturing yourself with this guy?
Not anymore. Blocked and deleted. Everyone on here was right in such a stupid idiot for not seeing it1 -
[/quote] Not anymore. Blocked and deleted. Everyone on here was right in such a stupid idiot for not seeing it [/quote]
You aren't a stupid idiot, you just want someone to love you and you were hoping he was the one. It's true, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince, and you will find him.
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I might sound harsh but you need to work on your self esteem and not lower yourself to the point whereby you let men treat you like a doorstep.
All the signs were always there and if perhaps you werent so "into" this guy, you would have seen them very clearly.
Keep hitting the gym, buy a new wardrobe, pamper yourself, get out there with your friends abit more, do whatever you need to do to occupy yourself and make yourself happy but dont let a loser ****wit mess you around.
Cut him out, he's not even worth your time, your shoulder or your advice.
The fact that he knows you are into him and yet he has the audacity to talk to you about other women? Hello??!!! Insulting and cold much?I might sound harsh but you need to work on your self esteem and not lower yourself to the point whereby you let men treat you like a doorstep.
All the signs were always there and if perhaps you werent so "into" this guy, you would have seen them very clearly.
Keep hitting the gym, buy a new wardrobe, pamper yourself, get out there with your friends abit more, do whatever you need to do to occupy yourself and make yourself happy but dont let a loser ****wit mess you around.
Cut him out, he's not even worth your time, your shoulder or your advice.
The fact that he knows you are into him and yet he has the audacity to talk to you about other women? Hello??!!! Insulting and cold much?
Thankyou. Yeah he'd even talk about exes and say to me "you'd have loved her, she was so cool" and I did think it was a bit harsh. But he had this little boy lost type thing going on and I thought he perhaps just didn't realise. Last night he swore on his mothers life that he hadn't slept with anyone before admitting he had slept with that girl. That was when I knew I had to end it. Anyone that swears on their mothers life knowing they're lying is clearly not a good person. I left, hopefully with my dignity intact. I just left without saying a word and blocked and deleted as I was walking out of the building. It just hurts so much that he's sat being upset over some girl and yet muggins here that has been devoted to him for amidst two years doesn't even get a thought.
Exactly. You already know what to do and clearly can see hes a *********, but the heart likes what the heart likes eh? I get it. Most of us (even those that will try to deny it) have been there. You have to take control and now the biggest test is to keep him out of your life, even if he tries to crawl back in!
I personally don't trust guys like that and if I were you and he was coming back to me with his millions of apologies and "newfound" epiphanies, I'd think he's back because Im an easy fall back for him. At the very least, he can potentially get some (you know, jiggy) from me.
You deserve better - take a good look at yourself. Youve lost so much weight, youve changed your lifestyle and you look great. AND you wanna settle for that?
Purleez girl! Walk away with your head high!
Good luck xxxx1 -
None of this is about your weight. It's all about him being awful. Remember that.
Console yourself with one piece of chocolate if you must but then think about the fact that the best revenge is living well. Get out there, diet, exercise & do what you have to do to make yourself happy.
When you are in a better emotional space -- having healed from this toxic relationship -- love will find you. In the interim check out the break up section of a message board called www.loveshack.org It is to love what MFP is to weight loss.0 -
Mistakes can become learning experiences. Don't kiss the frogs, learn how to spot them and avoid them like the plague.
madamenoire.com/470321/15-ways-can-abusive-relationship-know/
instantcheckmate.com/crimewire/2013/03/11/how-to-spot-an-abusive-man-on-the-first-date/
huffingtonpost.com/pamela-jacobs/early-warning-signs-of-an_b_6009076.html
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You remind me of one episode of How I Met Your Mother, "Hooked". Here's a tiny clip.
https://youtu.be/TdU5m0uJlZk 0 -
On again, off again? Been there, done that. It didn't work out well for me and I wish that the first time it was off, I had left it off. Please, please, please stay away from this man. It might not be easy but you know you deserve better than this.0
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Don't beat yourself up over this @tanny684. Feelings aren't rational. Yes, your head knew this guy was turdly, but your heart felt differently. You can't dictate feelings. It's never wrong to love someone. It can be wrong to stay with someone you love if they hurt you all the time.
Please don't feel ashamed or that you wasted your time on him. You tried to the best of your ability. It didn't work. Now, you've made the decision that is right for you. There will probably always be a part of you that loves a part of this guy...but you know now that the overall picture doesn't work for you.
Good luck. I think it's incredibly brave to post something like this when you know that people are going to question why you loved him, as if you can control that.1 -
enterdanger wrote: »Don't beat yourself up over this @tanny684. Feelings aren't rational. Yes, your head knew this guy was turdly, but your heart felt differently. You can't dictate feelings. It's never wrong to love someone. It can be wrong to stay with someone you love if they hurt you all the time.
Please don't feel ashamed or that you wasted your time on him. You tried to the best of your ability. It didn't work. Now, you've made the decision that is right for you. There will probably always be a part of you that loves a part of this guy...but you know now that the overall picture doesn't work for you.
Good luck. I think it's incredibly brave to post something like this when you know that people are going to question why you loved him, as if you can control that.
Thankyou. You're right I think part of me will always love him. He's Scottish and last night he kissed my hand and we sat listening to Gaelic music while he told me stories of the highland hills. He's known for being a gentleman with impeccable manners but for some reason he's always treated me as less than human. I adored him and nothing and no one compared so I continued to let it carry on, and rule my life.
The sad thing is I've lost so many good guys over this. Well, two. I dated two lovely guys, one in particular I see was the perfect man for me. But I was so obsessed with the idiot guy still that both guys eventually gave up.
And although the signs were there, because he never admitted it I never really believed he had seen other people etc. Last night he spent the entire night telling me he had slept with no people. There was a niggle he had though so I continued to question and he caught himself out. Once I know there was no going back. I'd heard it from his own mouth and was given the black and white that I am and have only ever been nothing to him.
Might be hard for people to understand but he never ever told me that. I was a source of company and intimacy and he did his best to ensure I was there still. When he met the girl he asked me to stop messaging him about sex but he didn't tell me he'd met someone. If he had i would have blocked there and then.
I think it's the hit to my self esteem. Same as the weight....I weigh now what I weighed when he met me. When he met me I weighed the same and that wasn't an issue. He pursued me. Then be decided he "didn't find me attractive". And no matter how nice etc I was to him other girls are always higher value to him. Even ones that people tell me aren't as attractive. It makes me feel like there must be something intrinsically wrong/unloveable about me. That I must be so truly hideous.
A normal man would have said I'm sorry but you love me and I don't love you. And that would be it. But he kept me hanging so that I would be the perfectly placed fall back. When he's drunk and horny I'm there. When he's depressed I'm there. When he's lonely I'm there.
I'm not there anymore. I wanted to smash his face in this morning but I simply took a deep breath and said I think our time has come to an end. I got my bag walked out, blocked deleted and vowed never to go back.
I was doing such a good job of holding it together. I went to get a coffee and settle my nerves. In the coffee shop two ladies said to me "God has blessed you, you've such a beautiful face". The poor ladies looked horrified as I burst into tears. I wish his opinion didn't matter to me, instead it's the only one that does.
Hopefully this pain will stop some day. Hopefully zero contact will make it easier to move forward. Regardless of my weight or what I look like I know I am a good person and I deserve better than this. Despite the fact this guy is a middle grade doctor on a very good salary I used to buy his groceries, make his food, clean his toilet, talk to him when he was low. I'm gonna take that care I have to him and try to show it to myself. Thanks for your replies everyone just talking about it is so cathartic x0 -
Sandra37405 wrote: »On again, off again? Been there, done that. It didn't work out well for me and I wish that the first time it was off, I had left it off. Please, please, please stay away from this man. It might not be easy but you know you deserve better than this.Sandra37405 wrote: »On again, off again? Been there, done that. It didn't work out well for me and I wish that the first time it was off, I had left it off. Please, please, please stay away from this man. It might not be easy but you know you deserve better than this.
Yep. It hurts that I've wasted two years already and a really good guy lost in the process. But we live and learn don't we. I will never make this mistake twice
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Lasmartchika wrote: »You remind me of one episode of How I Met Your Mother, "Hooked". Here's a tiny clip.https://youtu.be/TdU5m0uJlZk
Haha, thanks that made me laugh she's so special SHES THE DEVIL 
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tcunbeliever wrote: »Mistakes can become learning experiences. Don't kiss the frogs, learn how to spot them and avoid them like the plague.
madamenoire.com/470321/15-ways-can-abusive-relationship-know/
instantcheckmate.com/crimewire/2013/03/11/how-to-spot-an-abusive-man-on-the-first-date/
huffingtonpost.com/pamela-jacobs/early-warning-signs-of-an_b_6009076.html
Thankyou, this is really helpful xx0 -
None of this is about your weight. It's all about him being awful. Remember that.
Console yourself with one piece of chocolate if you must but then think about the fact that the best revenge is living well. Get out there, diet, exercise & do what you have to do to make yourself happy.
When you are in a better emotional space -- having healed from this toxic relationship -- love will find you. In the interim check out the break up section of a message board called www.loveshack.org It is to love what MFP is to weight loss.
No chocolate so far. And no cigarettes! Thanks for the link, I think I will have this little bit of wallowing and then put him out of my mind for good. He's had too much of my time already xxx1 -
It sounds a bit like you were caught up in the fantasy of the situation...a doctor AND (reputedly) a gentleman!
The reality is that you lost a selfish jerk, that's not the hard part. Letting go of the dream (never reality) of what could have been (but not really)...that is the real kicker.
When he "couldn't get used to your weight" even though you had not changed in weight, that was your clue...that is not a keeper, that is a person who will never be happy and will always be on the lookout for the next conquest.
Try to take some time and figure out what you deserve from a partner, you are worth it.
Don't be surprised if your feelings on this guy waver and at some point you feel like contacting him again, or he contacts you. Stay strong, he's never going to change.1 -
teetertatertango wrote: »It sounds a bit like you were caught up in the fantasy of the situation...a doctor AND (reputedly) a gentleman!
The reality is that you lost a selfish jerk, that's not the hard part. Letting go of the dream (never reality) of what could have been (but not really)...that is the real kicker.
When he "couldn't get used to your weight" even though you had not changed in weight, that was your clue...that is not a keeper, that is a person who will never be happy and will always be on the lookout for the next conquest.
Try to take some time and figure out what you deserve from a partner, you are worth it.
Don't be surprised if your feelings on this guy waver and at some point you feel like contacting him again, or he contacts you. Stay strong, he's never going to change.teetertatertango wrote: »It sounds a bit like you were caught up in the fantasy of the situation...a doctor AND (reputedly) a gentleman!
The reality is that you lost a selfish jerk, that's not the hard part. Letting go of the dream (never reality) of what could have been (but not really)...that is the real kicker.
When he "couldn't get used to your weight" even though you had not changed in weight, that was your clue...that is not a keeper, that is a person who will never be happy and will always be on the lookout for the next conquest.
Try to take some time and figure out what you deserve from a partner, you are worth it.
Don't be surprised if your feelings on this guy waver and at some point you feel like contacting him again, or he contacts you. Stay strong, he's never going to change.
He's already contacted me. Despite me just walking out and blocking him on whatsapp he sent a text to say hi what am I up to and he's off tomorrow. In other words do I want to go around and get him off. No mention of oh why did you just leave and say our time has come to an end. What a total idiot. Part of me is sad because I do still love him but I have to love myself more0 -
Stay strong, sister. The blinders are off now and you are seeing dude for how he really is.1
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