not sure where to post this

addysmom1
addysmom1 Posts: 22
edited September 29 in Motivation and Support
Ok so i have no one at all to talk to about this
i posted my before and after photos on facebook and got a lot of compliments :)
it was exciting for me because the people i am around havent really noticed the change, i guess because they see me so often and i guess in a way i wanted people (even people i see) to see the difference. now my boyfriend of course had to comment after other people did and when he got off work he said "whyd u post those pictures? got people like *a guys name* posting that you look good"......i really wanted to tell him that maybe if he told me 1x in the past 4 months that i was attractive or looked better or just some type of compliment that i wouldnt have to get it from other people.....it really made me mad that he said that! should i feel this way? i feel like he was mad that people were telling me how much different i looked and that they were proud of me. the guy he was referring to i have known for 28 years. i dont know how i should feel about this. is he jealous or feeling a little insecure or what???? i know this is rambling but please someone tell me what you think?

Replies

  • acinomsteelfox
    acinomsteelfox Posts: 2
    Personally, I would be pissed too. I've struggled with weight all my life and my husband loves it when other people compliment me in it because he knows it makes me feel better. Your boyfriend may just be jealous though that others also find you attractive and maybe he is insecure about it. I would try and talk to him about it and let him know that it upset you that he did that. Keep up the great work and remember that you are beautiful even if some guy wont say it to you.
  • frugalmomsrock
    frugalmomsrock Posts: 1,123
    I'd be upset too. My husband and I are separated, so I guess I'll stop right there. I have no advice. I failed. But I'd be upset...
  • totustuusmaria
    totustuusmaria Posts: 182 Member
    He sounds a bit jealous!
  • AHealthierRhonda
    AHealthierRhonda Posts: 881 Member
    Personally, I would be pissed too. I've struggled with weight all my life and my husband loves it when other people compliment me in it because he knows it makes me feel better. Your boyfriend may just be jealous though that others also find you attractive and maybe he is insecure about it. I would try and talk to him about it and let him know that it upset you that he did that. Keep up the great work and remember that you are beautiful even if some guy wont say it to you.

    DEFINITELY!!!!! I am fortunate where weight has never been a huge issue for me and my hubby is always amking comments here or there about me losing my butt or my looser fitting clothing,.....
    I say jealousy and keep up the awesome job youa re doing!!!!!!
  • Papillon22
    Papillon22 Posts: 1,160 Member
    You have every right to feel that way. I also think that you have the responsibility to be honest with him for your sake and that of your relationship. Tell him what you told us, I think it can improve your relationship.

    Good job on your loss!
  • dawnthibadeau
    dawnthibadeau Posts: 1 Member
    You go girl! I think your boyfriend might be a little insecure and jealous that others are commenting on the way you look. You should tell him that maybe if he sent you a compliment or two every once in a while, you wouldn't need to get it from other people. Although, compliments from others are always welcome! :) Keep up the good work!
  • Heatherbelle_87
    Heatherbelle_87 Posts: 1,078 Member
    Unfortunantly men who are already insecure feel more so when their partners are losing weight. His fear may be that you will leave him for someone better looking once you are feeling more confident about yourself. And YES you should tell him you dont feel as if he compliments you, you would appreciate if he celebrated the changes a little more with you. Given I dont know all aspects of your relationship, but if my partner didnt support me I would honestly end up failing or fighting with him constantly. If your relationship HAS been suffering in the physical intimacy department that may be something to work on as well. If you havent been dating since having addy you may need some time without baby to reconnect as a couple.

    I know my boyfriend wouldnt be as comfortable with me posting bra/underwear pics on facebook is A) he actually used his profile B) his male friends or family were on my page. I have had exes that once their family is on my page it destroys us because all he hears is opinions about even super old pictures on there that include another guy (like I never dated before your son? come on!)
  • clarech
    clarech Posts: 157 Member
    My fiance would be the same but he's told me that me losing weight makes him insecure and that he doesn't like the idea of anyone else looking at me. It's his problem not yours and you have every right to be proud of yourself.
  • cruiseking
    cruiseking Posts: 338 Member
    From a guy's perspective: Screw him! Sounds like he has control issues. I'm glad he's your BF and not your husband. In his little mind, how is you, posting pics of your accomplishments, and having ANYBODY comment on them, any of his business? Sounds like he want's to keep you down. Be proud of yourself, you EARNED it!
  • jenstanley13
    jenstanley13 Posts: 193 Member
    I would ask him directly why it bothers him that you post pics of yourself online; it sounds like insecurity to me. I know that even in a strong marriage I still have to assure my hubby that he is the one for me because he does get irritated if guys make comments on how I look. If he tries to be overly controlling and tells you not to post anymore then I would be taking a step back and determining if that was the type of relationship I want to spend the rest of my life in.
  • melsinct
    melsinct Posts: 3,512 Member
    I agree with others...sounds like his insecurity is showing. It is HIS problem, not yours. You have every right to be proud!
  • cruiseking
    cruiseking Posts: 338 Member
    It's not about insecurity; it's about CONTROL! Big difference.
  • Amandanoralynn
    Amandanoralynn Posts: 231 Member
    My partner never gives compliments. Usually I know when I am looking extra good because I get snide remarks. A long the line of you must be going some where you are dressed up. I said I always try to look nice. Which means putting makeup on and my blue jean skirt. He is highly jealous and very insecure. But a kind, nice word now and then would be very refreshing.
    Try to stay positive and take care of you. Don't let it control your life like I let it mine.
  • addysmom1
    addysmom1 Posts: 22
    maybe i worded it wrong, but i know it isnt a control issue.......my guy is a really really great guy, and i think i may have just made him look like a jerk when that was not my intention. thank you all for the replies.......i know what i need to do and that is take some advice and talk to him about it and see what made him feel that way and why. maybe i am just so awesome that he is afraid of losing me to some hunka hunka :) thanks guys! always feel a little better when i come to mfp :)
  • redhead91
    redhead91 Posts: 251
    Honestly I would question the types of pictures. If you posted pictures in a bikini or your underwear, then yeah I totally agree 100% with him being upset. However, if it's just normal pictures then he has no right! You DO look good and it doesn't matter who says it! It's not like a guy said "you look so hot I want to jump your bones!". He simply said you look good. Your BF needs to appreaciate you more.
  • redhead91
    redhead91 Posts: 251
    Honestly I would question the types of pictures. If you posted pictures in a bikini or your underwear, then yeah I totally agree 100% with him being upset. However, if it's just normal pictures then he has no right! You DO look good and it doesn't matter who says it! It's not like a guy said "you look so hot I want to jump your bones!". He simply said you look good. Your BF needs to appreaciate you more.
  • melaniecheeks
    melaniecheeks Posts: 6,349 Member
    It's opened up the topic for discussion - find some time together where you can talk freely about issues that bother you - set a time limit where each of you can say their piece without interruption (say 5-10 mins), and then try to see the other's point of view - tell them "So what you're saying is....".

    We like to have at least one night a week bath night, where we share the tub, and that's our time to do "i really liked it when you..." as well as "I'm a bit uncomfortable about this..."
  • anthony438
    anthony438 Posts: 578 Member
    His problem, not yours.

    You've done well, you're proud, and you wanted to show it. There's nothing wrong with that.
  • ChantalGG
    ChantalGG Posts: 2,404 Member
    How is your boyfriends body image? Is he one of those guys that dont gain weight or is he a big boy and is he also working out with you? I find when one partner changes and the other one doesnt it sometimes leaves a gap between them.
  • addysmom1
    addysmom1 Posts: 22
    good ideas here guys.....we shower daily together and it may be the only peaceful time we have without the kids :) so maybe a good talk in the shower will do :)
  • addysmom1
    addysmom1 Posts: 22
    yes he is def the kind that can eat a horse and not gain a pound......he is a healthy weight so he really doesnt enjoy my dieting, but accepts and supports it. he isnt really involved, but i kinda like it that way (although he is my scale reader and does acknowledge if he thinks i am doing good) the photos were the same photos i post on here and they are fully clothed. (my big ol butt isnt going anywhere near a bra or undie pic) i luv him and it just really hurt my feelings that he seemed annoyed that i had people telling me i look great. maybe i took it wrong or read to deep into it, i dont know. def gonna have a chat about it and find out what the issue was if any.
    as always thanks for all the replys
    you guys are great!
  • addysmom1
    addysmom1 Posts: 22
    My partner never gives compliments. Usually I know when I am looking extra good because I get snide remarks. A long the line of you must be going some where you are dressed up. I said I always try to look nice. Which means putting makeup on and my blue jean skirt. He is highly jealous and very insecure. But a kind, nice word now and then would be very refreshing.
    Try to stay positive and take care of you. Don't let it control your life like I let it mine.

    i totally understand the no compliments, my guy has told me a few times in 4 years that i looked nice, i blame it on his upbringing. he isnt an affectionate or compassionate guy and neither are his parents (they were never the type to tell their kids "i love you" or things like that) , but i knew this when i met him, so i cant really complain about it. and i do sometimes let it control me, its frustrating becuz i always feel "well if i were thinner he would do this or that" when that may not even be true. i have my own issues i suppose that i have to deal with on my own on that.
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