Feeling defeated
EricaKemp44
Posts: 9 Member
Why is it that I want to lose weight so bad , but I also look at my self and say "you look fine the way you are" I'm 290lbs and 5.7 , everywhere I look I see people saying being plus size is beautiful, but I want to be skinny so bad
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Replies
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You need to do it because you want to have a healthy lifestyle. No diabetes, no cholesterol problems, no joint pains. no shortness of breath. You need to do it because you want to live longer and you really want it! I can tell by the first sentence in your post. Good luck!7
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I wouldn't worry about what others say but what you feel is right for you. Why do you feel defeated? What do you want to get down to and what are your plans to get there?4
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EricaKemp44 wrote: »Why is it that I want to lose weight so bad , but I also look at my self and say "you look fine the way you are" I'm 290lbs and 5.7 , everywhere I look I see people saying being plus size is beautiful, but I want to be skinny so bad
290 at 5'7" is morbidly obese. It's not healthy - beauty and health do not go hand and hand. "Skinny" can be unhealthy too, before someone goes there.6 -
EricaKemp44 wrote: »Why is it that I want to lose weight so bad , but I also look at my self and say "you look fine the way you are" I'm 290lbs and 5.7 , everywhere I look I see people saying being plus size is beautiful, but I want to be skinny so bad
Sounds like you've got too many conflicting conversations going on with yourself.
Bottom line - in spite of the current attitude that being plus size is beautiful - perception of beauty and being healthy are not necessarily one and the same. At 5'7 and 290 lbs you are morbidly obese, which comes with many medical risks. Losing weight decreases those risks.
Perhaps focussing on simply getting down to a healthier weight to begin with (instead of wanting to be 'skinny') would be a better way to start. Once you're down into the normal BMI range for your height, then you'll be in a better position to decide where to go from there.
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EricaKemp44 wrote: »Why is it that I want to lose weight so bad , but I also look at my self and say "you look fine the way you are" I'm 290lbs and 5.7 , everywhere I look I see people saying being plus size is beautiful, but I want to be skinny so bad
You can be beautiful at any size. In fact, when I stopped hating myself for the way I looked and started finding things I like about my appearance, losing weight became easier. Because I want to be healthy. Even though I currently have no health problems due to obesity, I know they would show up eventually. Because being morbidly obese (like my BMI classifies me as) is not healthy.9 -
In your other thread you mentioned that you can't ever seem to lose any weight and today you are feeling defeated. That thread discussed a lot about what you needed to do.
It is certainly ok to aspire to have a certain body or look, but a person has to ask themselves is that realistic and is it achievable? Stop holding your self back and do all that you can do to be a better version of yourself, feel good in your own skin, and wear it proud.
If want to lose weight, if you want to be a better version of who you are, starting planning a strategy to get you there and it does take work. Once you stop dreaming, and make an action plan the sooner you can get there. 1 -
EricaKemp44 wrote: »Why is it that I want to lose weight so bad , but I also look at my self and say "you look fine the way you are" I'm 290lbs and 5.7 , everywhere I look I see people saying being plus size is beautiful, but I want to be skinny so bad
Why do you want to lose weight? Is it strictly appearance and what others about weight? Something about your current size must make you unhappy. What about focusing on the health aspects of being overweight/obese vs. a healthy weight?
I wanted to lose weight because I was in pain a lot of the time. I couldn't walk a couple of blocks without wanting to sit down. I couldn't keep up with my family. I didn't have much energy. I got out of breath climbing stairs in my house. I wasn't sleeping well. Clothes didn't fit well. I saw a future of me stuck in a chair or a bed with increasing medical problems missing out on everything. That isn't the life I wanted. I deserve better.
I didn't really think I looked that bad at my highest weight- which took me just over the line into obese. My motivation to lose weight had very little to do with appearance.
Losing just 20 lbs made a big difference in how I felt and what I could do. My goal is to get to a healthy weight not be skinny. I'm about 5 lbs away from the healthy weight range now. I probably look much better.1 -
Also wanted to address this part of your post in more detail:
"everywhere I look I see people saying being plus size is beautiful"
The trend in marketing fashion to women has finally started to include models who are plus sized. This is a very positive step forward in making more women no longer feel invisible or excluded.
When I was 250 lbs, I was never deluded enough to think that the outfit that was being worn by a 'skinny' model would stand a snowball's chance in hell of looking anywhere near that good on me - even if it did actually come in a size that I could cram myself into.
So, including plus size models wearing clothing that plus sized women can actually wear is a refreshing change. And it has gone a long way in changing the attitude that only skinny people can look and feel beautiful. But this trend is really driven by the fact that the fashion industry wants to sell clothes. Period. And that they now realize they were ignoring a HUGE portion of their potential market by not catering to what the vast majority of real women actually look like.
So beautiful plus-sized women modelling wonderfully fashionable clothing designed specifically for them has given the fashion industry a real boost by including a much wider range of women into their target market. And that's a huge step forward in making all women feel accepted and beautiful, regardless of their dress size.
But, as I mentioned above, feeling beautiful and being healthy aren't necessarily the same thing. And therein lies the problem.8 -
At 290 pounds it must be getting harder to get around. One of the greatest benefits I got from losing weight is improved mobility. I'm not any where near skinny but I sure enjoy my lighter self.1
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EricaKemp44 wrote: »Why is it that I want to lose weight so bad , but I also look at my self and say "you look fine the way you are" I'm 290lbs and 5.7 , everywhere I look I see people saying being plus size is beautiful, but I want to be skinny so bad
Been there, done that. That kind of thinking is negative and stands in the way of becoming healthier.
Fat on any of us is not healthy. Skinny is a perception.
Do you want to have the best health that you can? If so, this likely will require losing quite a bit of weight.
Weight loss is not about racing to a goal of a certain number on the scale, it is a journey that requires attention to how much you eat, choosing a plan sustainable for you, and taking it one day at a time. Sometimes you will fall, but you need to get back up again and keep moving forward. As you go along, you will begin to feel better with less weight. By the time you reach a healthy goal weight, I have no doubt that you will feel fantastic.
So, the goal here is be honest with yourself about health, to chuck the "skinny" word, and start on a health care/weight loss journey....if that's what you want.
The truth is, you have to really want it, and until you do it's just not going to happen. 1 -
I hate the term morbidly obese, people Love throwing it around reguardless of the fact that the BMI is an archaic metrics that wasnt even developed by doctors who know anatomy & physiology and have completely disregarded evolutionary body types according to environments. It's stupid and therefore irrelevant... Shaqule Oniel (butchered that spelling) was "morbidly obese" throughout his entire pro career... bottom line is: you can be healthy a genetically built bigger. Don't feel bad, your working on it. Slow and steady wins the race!0
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I think I look great in the mirror no matter what; mirrors lie. Photographs seem to be a bit more accurate, but for the most part I have to base my goals on objective, measurable criteria such as BMI. Objectively speaking, I was obese when I started, I am overweight now, and in a few months I will be in a healthy weight range.
The benefits of having lost the weight I already have are fantastic. I can put my pants on standing up; I can swing my leg up onto the porch rail to tie my shoe; I can bend easily to shave my legs; I can get into a deep squat and hold it while I search through the bottom cupboards; I can almost keep up with my school aged children on hikes and I can definitely outrun them short distances; I can carry a 50 lb. bag of dog food without struggling. I just feel so capable and strong. Achieving my goals gives me confidence in other areas of life because if I can do this difficult thing then I can probably do other difficult things.
You can do this.5 -
I hate the term morbidly obese, people Love throwing it around reguardless of the fact that the BMI is an archaic metrics that wasnt even developed by doctors who know anatomy & physiology and have completely disregarded evolutionary body types according to environments. It's stupid and therefore irrelevant... Shaqule Oniel (butchered that spelling) was "morbidly obese" throughout his entire pro career... bottom line is: you can be healthy a genetically built bigger. Don't feel bad, your working on it. Slow and steady wins the race!
You can call it whatever you want. The BMI scale is merely a tool used to classify and differentiate between different body weights according to height and sex. There will always be outliers within any given parameter - regardless of what it is called. But even if you choose to ignore the definition or the label of what morbidly obese is defined as, that doesn't make that person any less at risk for serious health complications as a result of the excess weight they are carrying.11 -
What are you afraid of? Are you afraid of losing weight? What's holding you back? Baby steps--one foot in front of the other. Start by making healthy choices and cutting your portions back a bit. Try moving--gentle walking.
Your time of excuses has to be over. It's so easy to "dream" and say I want, but unless you do something about it, it stays a dream and a want. There are many here to support you. But no one can do it for you. You have to take that first step.
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I hate the term morbidly obese, people Love throwing it around reguardless of the fact that the BMI is an archaic metrics that wasnt even developed by doctors who know anatomy & physiology and have completely disregarded evolutionary body types according to environments. It's stupid and therefore irrelevant... Shaqule Oniel (butchered that spelling) was "morbidly obese" throughout his entire pro career... bottom line is: you can be healthy a genetically built bigger. Don't feel bad, your working on it. Slow and steady wins the race!
BMI is a tool. It needs to be used correctly. There are outliers for whom BMI is inaccurate, but those are the exceptions, not the rule. A person with a lot of muscle and low body fat would be an exception. As far as I know OP doesn't fit that description.
ETA: morbidly obese is a technical descriptor, not a moral judgement. It means that a person is at risk of serious medical issues from being fat.13 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »I hate the term morbidly obese, people Love throwing it around reguardless of the fact that the BMI is an archaic metrics that wasnt even developed by doctors who know anatomy & physiology and have completely disregarded evolutionary body types according to environments. It's stupid and therefore irrelevant... Shaqule Oniel (butchered that spelling) was "morbidly obese" throughout his entire pro career... bottom line is: you can be healthy a genetically built bigger. Don't feel bad, your working on it. Slow and steady wins the race!
You can call it whatever you want. The BMI scale is merely a tool used to classify and differentiate between different body weights according to height and sex. There will always be outliers within any given parameter - regardless of what it is called. But even if you choose to ignore the definition or the label of what morbidly obese is defined as, that doesn't make that person any less at risk for serious health complications as a result of the excess weight they are carrying.
And this. So much this.
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There is more to life than 'Being Skinny'.
A year ago, all I wanted from my life was to be skinny. I had no other aspirations - only to see that number on the scale below 120 lbs. I got there and you know what changed for me? I had bags under my eyes every single day. I lost so many friends due to cancelling events that involved food. My relationship almost ended and I almost lost my job due to skipping it for work-out's instead. Being Skinny, for me, was NOT what it's all cracked up to be. Being Skinny didn't make me happy. There is more to life than weighing less.4 -
I hate the term morbidly obese, people Love throwing it around reguardless of the fact that the BMI is an archaic metrics that wasnt even developed by doctors who know anatomy & physiology and have completely disregarded evolutionary body types according to environments. It's stupid and therefore irrelevant... Shaqule Oniel (butchered that spelling) was "morbidly obese" throughout his entire pro career... bottom line is: you can be healthy a genetically built bigger. Don't feel bad, your working on it. Slow and steady wins the race!
BMI is a tool. It needs to be used correctly. There are outliers for whom BMI is inaccurate, but those are the exceptions, not the rule. A person with a lot of muscle and low body fat would be an exception. As far as I know OP doesn't fit that description.
Yup. Shaquil is a 7'1' muscular athlete. Definitely an outlier. For the vast majority of the rest of us, BMI is an accurate indicator.4 -
EricaKemp44 wrote: »Why is it that I want to lose weight so bad , but I also look at my self and say "you look fine the way you are" I'm 290lbs and 5.7 , everywhere I look I see people saying being plus size is beautiful, but I want to be skinny so bad
290 at 5'7" is morbidly obese. It's not healthy - beauty and health do not go hand and hand. "Skinny" can be unhealthy too, before someone goes there.
Oh gosh, this is so true. When I was 220 pounds, I tried to convince myself that I wasn't that overweight, even though pictures showed the opposite and people talked to me about their concerns regarding my health. I had a hard time admitting that I was obese and needed to lose weight because at that time I was struggling with the after-effects of an eating disorder. Once I got help for that, I had slow forward movement.
We can paint our situation however we like, but the truth is the truth no matter how you color it.2 -
I hate the term morbidly obese, people Love throwing it around reguardless of the fact that the BMI is an archaic metrics that wasnt even developed by doctors who know anatomy & physiology and have completely disregarded evolutionary body types according to environments. It's stupid and therefore irrelevant... Shaqule Oniel (butchered that spelling) was "morbidly obese" throughout his entire pro career... bottom line is: you can be healthy a genetically built bigger. Don't feel bad, your working on it. Slow and steady wins the race!
No. Shaq is an athlete who has worked long and hard and built lean mass. BMI is an accurate measurement for the majority of the population, OP included. 290 is morbidly obese at 5'7" even if OP had tons of muscle - there is no healthy way to fit 290 on any person of that height.
At 5'8" my health markers take a nose dive if my body is at 190, and I have far more lean mass than OP who is 100 lbs heavier than that. Surpisingly at a healthy BMI in the 150-160s, my markers are good. Dismissing the truth to feel better about yourself is only hurting yourself.6 -
It's actually pretty refreshing to see someone say they think they look fine at their current size. Women are constantly being sold this unattainable standard that even women who come close to it still don't feel quite good enough.
That said, there's nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight. But wanting to lose weight just to be "skinny" is kind of meaningless. "Skinny" is relative. It can also have its own health implications if it's taken too far.
Focus on health. Continue appreciating your body as it is, continue looking at yourself and seeing a perfectly good, reasonable, acceptable body - better yet, see something beautiful - but treat your body as best you can. Eat appropriately, work out if you can, don't just aim for "skinny" - if you want to be thin, be thin and healthy too.
But also, consider why it is you want to be thin in the first place. Maybe if you can pin point what the motivation is, you might find that you're actually aiming for a warped, distorted idea of "perfect".4 -
I hate the term morbidly obese, people Love throwing it around reguardless of the fact that the BMI is an archaic metrics that wasnt even developed by doctors who know anatomy & physiology and have completely disregarded evolutionary body types according to environments. It's stupid and therefore irrelevant... Shaqule Oniel (butchered that spelling) was "morbidly obese" throughout his entire pro career... bottom line is: you can be healthy a genetically built bigger. Don't feel bad, your working on it. Slow and steady wins the race!
BMI is more of a population measurement but BF% is the key and the term carries a medical fact: that if you do not address the high BF% then you will end up with certain health issues linked to that condition. Shaq O'Neil was not morbidly obese considering his height and weight but he was class I obese by BMI (morbidly obese is class III), but at his height 325 would not really be considered an issue but how can a population standard be applied to a person who is such an outlier? Also, the vast majority of people with a 30+ BMI are not there by muscle but by fat so taking an extreme example isn't really disproving the health issues known to be associated with a high BF%.
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EricaKemp44 wrote: »Why is it that I want to lose weight so bad , but I also look at my self and say "you look fine the way you are" I'm 290lbs and 5.7 , everywhere I look I see people saying being plus size is beautiful, but I want to be skinny so bad
You love yourself for where you are right now so that's a great thing! When I first started, I liked the way I looked, too. I'm 5'7 also and my starting weight was 272, I looked great in my opinion, BUT I felt miserable. I had to start thinking differently. Being healthy isn't determined by the way I look, but the way I feel. Plus size women are beautiful just like skinny women are beautiful. I didn't have any energy and I felt limited to what I could do at 272 lbs. I've lost 80 lbs since then but also gained 60 lbs back....I'm working towards getting the weight back off because I remember feeling better and healthier....the way I looked 80 lbs less was just a plus! 0 -
PinkPixiexox wrote: »There is more to life than 'Being Skinny'.
A year ago, all I wanted from my life was to be skinny. I had no other aspirations - only to see that number on the scale below 120 lbs. I got there and you know what changed for me? I had bags under my eyes every single day. I lost so many friends due to cancelling events that involved food. My relationship almost ended and I almost lost my job due to skipping it for work-out's instead. Being Skinny, for me, was NOT what it's all cracked up to be. Being Skinny didn't make me happy. There is more to life than weighing less.
I guess the bottom line is that giving yourself an eating disorder, or at least unhealthy eating pattern, isn't really the way to go. There are healthy and unhealthy ways to lose weight and you need to find that balance.4 -
I hate the term morbidly obese, people Love throwing it around reguardless of the fact that the BMI is an archaic metrics that wasnt even developed by doctors who know anatomy & physiology and have completely disregarded evolutionary body types according to environments. It's stupid and therefore irrelevant... Shaqule Oniel (butchered that spelling) was "morbidly obese" throughout his entire pro career... bottom line is: you can be healthy a genetically built bigger. Don't feel bad, your working on it. Slow and steady wins the race!
BMI is actually quite accurate for like 90% of people. That's why its used so often. Just assuming you're not in the 90%+ that BMI is accurate for is silly, unless you have a body composition analysis to prove otherwise. If you're Shaq, you already know its not accurate for you.
Personally, I'm in the opposite camp. My BMI is now green, but I'm 23% body fat. So I have to take a different approach. Recomposition. I had DEXA and BMR testing done. Only way to be sure.
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You've got to love yourself where you are to begin. Then you need to love yourself enough to want more for you. It's not about being labeled 'skinny' it's about being healthy and doing the things you want to do without wondering if you're going to fit...in the chair, in the ride, in the booth, if you can go the distance without killing yourself. Maybe at this point you can because you've got youth on your side. But time passes and then you can't. You find yourself on the sidelines or finding reasons why you can't go with your family or friends. I wish you the best and hope you can find your 'why' so you can do this. Do it for you sweetie!1
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You don't have to be *skinny* but being a healthy moderate size is a worthy goal. Staying fat will ruin your health.4
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Before you can fix your body, you have to fix your mind. There's an old saying "if you want it bad, you'll get it bad." Its about respecting yourself as a person, and still setting healthy goals and recognizing obesity is an unhealthy lifestyle. "what one man can do, another can do" or woman.1
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Before you can fix your body, you have to fix your mind. There's an old saying "if you want it bad, you'll get it bad." Its about respecting yourself as a person, and still setting healthy goals and recognizing obesity is an unhealthy lifestyle. "what one man can do, another can do" or woman.
This. ^^^^^
I would recommend going through the book The Beck Diet Solution maybe now before you get started to see if it helps with the mind thing. I've had to work on my mind way more then I ever imagined in order to work on my body.1 -
I hate the term morbidly obese, people Love throwing it around reguardless of the fact that the BMI is an archaic metrics that wasnt even developed by doctors who know anatomy & physiology and have completely disregarded evolutionary body types according to environments. It's stupid and therefore irrelevant... Shaqule Oniel (butchered that spelling) was "morbidly obese" throughout his entire pro career... bottom line is: you can be healthy a genetically built bigger. Don't feel bad, your working on it. Slow and steady wins the race!
I'm 6'0" and 300lbs. I don't have any mobility issues at all, I'm completely healthy. But that doesn't make my weight healthy. You can't look at someone my size and say that I'm fine the way I am, because give me another 20 years and I'd probably be in a wheelchair because joints just aren't made to hold that weight up. I don't have a problem with the term morbidly obese, because it's the truth. Maybe it's not killing me right now, but it probably would one day.8
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