Feeling defeated

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  • archermfp87
    archermfp87 Posts: 8 Member
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    It's actually pretty refreshing to see someone say they think they look fine at their current size. Women are constantly being sold this unattainable standard that even women who come close to it still don't feel quite good enough.

    That said, there's nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight. But wanting to lose weight just to be "skinny" is kind of meaningless. "Skinny" is relative. It can also have its own health implications if it's taken too far.

    Focus on health. Continue appreciating your body as it is, continue looking at yourself and seeing a perfectly good, reasonable, acceptable body - better yet, see something beautiful - but treat your body as best you can. Eat appropriately, work out if you can, don't just aim for "skinny" - if you want to be thin, be thin and healthy too.

    But also, consider why it is you want to be thin in the first place. Maybe if you can pin point what the motivation is, you might find that you're actually aiming for a warped, distorted idea of "perfect".
  • Wheelhouse15
    Wheelhouse15 Posts: 5,575 Member
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    soyflo84 wrote: »
    I hate the term morbidly obese, people Love throwing it around reguardless of the fact that the BMI is an archaic metrics that wasnt even developed by doctors who know anatomy & physiology and have completely disregarded evolutionary body types according to environments. It's stupid and therefore irrelevant... Shaqule Oniel (butchered that spelling) was "morbidly obese" throughout his entire pro career... bottom line is: you can be healthy a genetically built bigger. Don't feel bad, your working on it. Slow and steady wins the race!

    BMI is more of a population measurement but BF% is the key and the term carries a medical fact: that if you do not address the high BF% then you will end up with certain health issues linked to that condition. Shaq O'Neil was not morbidly obese considering his height and weight but he was class I obese by BMI (morbidly obese is class III), but at his height 325 would not really be considered an issue but how can a population standard be applied to a person who is such an outlier? Also, the vast majority of people with a 30+ BMI are not there by muscle but by fat so taking an extreme example isn't really disproving the health issues known to be associated with a high BF%.


  • Kelley0519
    Kelley0519 Posts: 254 Member
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    EricaKemp44 wrote: »
    Why is it that I want to lose weight so bad , but I also look at my self and say "you look fine the way you are" I'm 290lbs and 5.7 , everywhere I look I see people saying being plus size is beautiful, but I want to be skinny so bad

    You love yourself for where you are right now so that's a great thing! When I first started, I liked the way I looked, too. I'm 5'7 also and my starting weight was 272, I looked great in my opinion, BUT I felt miserable. I had to start thinking differently. Being healthy isn't determined by the way I look, but the way I feel. Plus size women are beautiful just like skinny women are beautiful. I didn't have any energy and I felt limited to what I could do at 272 lbs. I've lost 80 lbs since then but also gained 60 lbs back....I'm working towards getting the weight back off because I remember feeling better and healthier....the way I looked 80 lbs less was just a plus! :)
  • Wheelhouse15
    Wheelhouse15 Posts: 5,575 Member
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    PinkPixiexox wrote: »
    There is more to life than 'Being Skinny'.

    A year ago, all I wanted from my life was to be skinny. I had no other aspirations - only to see that number on the scale below 120 lbs. I got there and you know what changed for me? I had bags under my eyes every single day. I lost so many friends due to cancelling events that involved food. My relationship almost ended and I almost lost my job due to skipping it for work-out's instead. Being Skinny, for me, was NOT what it's all cracked up to be. Being Skinny didn't make me happy. There is more to life than weighing less.

    I guess the bottom line is that giving yourself an eating disorder, or at least unhealthy eating pattern, isn't really the way to go. There are healthy and unhealthy ways to lose weight and you need to find that balance.
  • AJF230
    AJF230 Posts: 81 Member
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    soyflo84 wrote: »
    I hate the term morbidly obese, people Love throwing it around reguardless of the fact that the BMI is an archaic metrics that wasnt even developed by doctors who know anatomy & physiology and have completely disregarded evolutionary body types according to environments. It's stupid and therefore irrelevant... Shaqule Oniel (butchered that spelling) was "morbidly obese" throughout his entire pro career... bottom line is: you can be healthy a genetically built bigger. Don't feel bad, your working on it. Slow and steady wins the race!

    BMI is actually quite accurate for like 90% of people. That's why its used so often. Just assuming you're not in the 90%+ that BMI is accurate for is silly, unless you have a body composition analysis to prove otherwise. If you're Shaq, you already know its not accurate for you.

    Personally, I'm in the opposite camp. My BMI is now green, but I'm 23% body fat. So I have to take a different approach. Recomposition. I had DEXA and BMR testing done. Only way to be sure.

  • SweetP27
    SweetP27 Posts: 217 Member
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    You've got to love yourself where you are to begin. Then you need to love yourself enough to want more for you. It's not about being labeled 'skinny' it's about being healthy and doing the things you want to do without wondering if you're going to fit...in the chair, in the ride, in the booth, if you can go the distance without killing yourself. Maybe at this point you can because you've got youth on your side. But time passes and then you can't. You find yourself on the sidelines or finding reasons why you can't go with your family or friends. I wish you the best and hope you can find your 'why' so you can do this. Do it for you sweetie!
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
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    You don't have to be *skinny* but being a healthy moderate size is a worthy goal. Staying fat will ruin your health.
  • AJF230
    AJF230 Posts: 81 Member
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    Before you can fix your body, you have to fix your mind. There's an old saying "if you want it bad, you'll get it bad." Its about respecting yourself as a person, and still setting healthy goals and recognizing obesity is an unhealthy lifestyle. "what one man can do, another can do" or woman.
  • ronjsteele1
    ronjsteele1 Posts: 1,064 Member
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    AJF230 wrote: »
    Before you can fix your body, you have to fix your mind. There's an old saying "if you want it bad, you'll get it bad." Its about respecting yourself as a person, and still setting healthy goals and recognizing obesity is an unhealthy lifestyle. "what one man can do, another can do" or woman.

    This. ^^^^^

    I would recommend going through the book The Beck Diet Solution maybe now before you get started to see if it helps with the mind thing. I've had to work on my mind way more then I ever imagined in order to work on my body.
  • cross2bear
    cross2bear Posts: 1,106 Member
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    It is true that there is beauty in everyone, regardless of their weight because that is only one dimension of their being. Being comfortable in your current skin, or size or shape is wonderful, but it does not exclude the possibility that you want to change it, to create a different size or shape or weight that you can be equally or even more so happy with. Basically, being overweight and ok with it doesnt preclude the fact that you can want to lose weight.

    And its all relative isnt it? At 290 lbs, you may be the envied size and shape of someone who is 350lbs. They may aspire to be as shapely as you are. Just as you look at those who weigh less than you and are differently shaped.

    Do what makes you happy.
  • zimazoom
    zimazoom Posts: 34 Member
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    Get your mind right...and the body will follow.
    Your mind is a very powerful thing and it can move mountains...or lbs!
  • cerise_noir
    cerise_noir Posts: 5,468 Member
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    Sara1791 wrote: »
    soyflo84 wrote: »
    I hate the term morbidly obese, people Love throwing it around reguardless of the fact that the BMI is an archaic metrics that wasnt even developed by doctors who know anatomy & physiology and have completely disregarded evolutionary body types according to environments. It's stupid and therefore irrelevant... Shaqule Oniel (butchered that spelling) was "morbidly obese" throughout his entire pro career... bottom line is: you can be healthy a genetically built bigger. Don't feel bad, your working on it. Slow and steady wins the race!

    BMI is a tool. It needs to be used correctly. There are outliers for whom BMI is inaccurate, but those are the exceptions, not the rule. A person with a lot of muscle and low body fat would be an exception. As far as I know OP doesn't fit that description.

    ETA: morbidly obese is a technical descriptor, not a moral judgement. It means that a person is at risk of serious medical issues from being fat.

    This.

    I was once morbidly obese.

    Even though I've lost almost 100lbs, I am still right at the bottom of the obese category. It is what it is, and I am working to improve it.
  • archermfp87
    archermfp87 Posts: 8 Member
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    I'm "morbidly obese" and the term doesn't bother me either, other than it being a reminder that my weight may one day impact my health to a dangerous level.

    I follow some body positive Twitter & Instagram accounts and for the most part I am fully on board with body positivity and fat acceptance. But the one issue I can't agree with is the refusal to accept being overweight has health implications. Yes, there are loads of fat people who are healthy and thriving and haven't a single health issue related to their weight, but there aren't many who are 50+ years old, fat, without a single weight related issue. There seems to be some refusal to admit that amongst body positivity advocates and IMO it's actually damaging when it's overlooked/ignored/outright refuted because it tends to play into the message that we should respect fat people when they're healthy and fat, rather than just because respecting people regardless of their size is the right thing to do. But that's a whole different issue really.

    The point is, you need to be happy in yourself no matter what. There's nothing wrong with striving for improvement, whether your idea of improvement is weight loss or a healthier diet or increased fitness or whatever. It's very personal. For me, my improvement is getting down to a weight where I am more physically able to move around without it starting to hurt. My ultimate weight goal isn't thin by any means, I have no desire to be thin, it's not important to *me* to fit into a certain size of clothing or be a certain BMI or meet certain beauty standards/expectations. We all have our different goals and reasons for wanting to meet them. Fat is as beautiful as thin - just aim for what YOU want, not what others influence you into thinking you should be.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,988 Member
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    EricaKemp44 wrote: »
    Why is it that I want to lose weight so bad , but I also look at my self and say "you look fine the way you are" I'm 290lbs and 5.7 , everywhere I look I see people saying being plus size is beautiful, but I want to be skinny so bad

    Do you FEEL fine? How are your knees and wind on multiple flights of stairs?

    I started feeling better and sleeping better as soon as I started making better food choices and exercising more. After a while, I became able to go on walks with my mother and brother without slowing them down.

    I have more energy in the afternoon and am more productive at work.

    The lower number on the scale is just one of many benefits.

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