Getting fed up with the "You've lost to much weight comments"
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The only people allowed to tell me that I'm losing too much weight are the ones that were brave enough to tell me when I was too fat. That count is a grand total of two people...my midwife and my doctor.14
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Oh my goodness, based on thrse posts I'm not likely to compliment people who lost weight anymore. I had no idea that others don't like it! Interpreted harmlessly it means, "You look awesome." I never mean it to infer that the person didn't look good before they lost weight. My friends who lost 40 or 50 pounds looked pretty even before they lost weight. The clothing options increase but mostly attractiveness is exuded from confidence, presence, and grooming IMO.3
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Oh my goodness, based on thrse posts I'm not likely to compliment people who lost weight anymore. I had no idea that others don't like it! Interpreted harmlessly it means, "You look awesome." I never mean it to infer that the person didn't look good before they lost weight. My friends who lost 40 or 50 pounds looked pretty even before they lost weight. The clothing options increase but mostly attractiveness is exuded from confidence, presence, and grooming IMO.
There's a world of difference, though, between "Did you lose weight? You look great!" and "You're so skinny now, stop dieting!"
Some people don't really like any comments at all on their weight, regardless of how flattering they might be, but a lot of these threads I see are people complaining about the second kind of comment.
I think some of it is, as others mentioned, a combination of skewed perceptions these days of what a healthy weight looks like plus concern that weight loss can be an indicator of illness. And also, if someone does lose a lot of weight in a short space of time then it tends to be more noticeable if people around them haven't had time to adjust to their new appearance. Especially if they haven't invested in new clothes yet, they can look lost in their larger clothes and appear much thinner than they actually are!
But yeah... OP, if your doctor tells you you've lost too much then take notice of him/her. Other people you can ignore or not as you wish.
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I lost weight from my chubby face, but not from my chubby gut, so I "look" thinner than I am. When people tell me I have lost too much weight, I simply point to that overhanging gut and suggest that when they see me in a Speedo, they will think I have not lost enough!5
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Oh my goodness, based on thrse posts I'm not likely to compliment people who lost weight anymore. I had no idea that others don't like it! Interpreted harmlessly it means, "You look awesome." I never mean it to infer that the person didn't look good before they lost weight. My friends who lost 40 or 50 pounds looked pretty even before they lost weight. The clothing options increase but mostly attractiveness is exuded from confidence, presence, and grooming IMO.
I had someone tell me recently not to lose any more weight because "you looked better with your weight on". I don't think that meant I look awesome. If she wanted to compliment me she could have told me I looked good, not that I looked better before. For the record, I am in the middle of a healthy weight range, not too thin. Most of the comments I have received have been positive but I have had a few of the "you're too thin" comments and they are hurtful.1 -
Oh, thanks for explaining.1
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Oh my goodness, based on thrse posts I'm not likely to compliment people who lost weight anymore. I had no idea that others don't like it! Interpreted harmlessly it means, "You look awesome." I never mean it to infer that the person didn't look good before they lost weight. My friends who lost 40 or 50 pounds looked pretty even before they lost weight. The clothing options increase but mostly attractiveness is exuded from confidence, presence, and grooming IMO.
Protip: Don't ever tell a guy "You've gotten so skinny!". "Skinny" may be considered a compliment by most women, but it's considered an insult by a lot of guys. You might as well have just said "You're looking pretty wimpy these days", because that's about how it will probably be interpreted.6 -
I think there's also a potential for people to be used to us looking a particular way, and it just somehow vaguely "looks wrong" when we change quickly. Also, I agree with whoever said we can look a bit drawn at first, especially if we lost weight quickly. I had someone (a fit person whose opinion I respect) say "you looked really skinny to me at first, but now you look really strong & lean" . . . I think the difference was mainly things like loose skin shrinking back a bit, as I haven't added muscle in the few months between.
For the "too skinny" worriers, I found "I feel great and my doctor considers this a healthy weight for me" (both of which were actually true) to be a shut-'em-down but polite answer, and beyond that I just let it go in one ear & out the other. Shrug it off . . . unless they're right.4 -
It is a bit rude to tell anyone what to do actually unless someone asks. People must feel annoyed sometimes when loved ones make comments about weight. Losing weight is a personal decision, and goals should be where the dieter decides and not by outside observers.1
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Oh my goodness, based on thrse posts I'm not likely to compliment people who lost weight anymore. I had no idea that others don't like it! Interpreted harmlessly it means, "You look awesome." I never mean it to infer that the person didn't look good before they lost weight. My friends who lost 40 or 50 pounds looked pretty even before they lost weight. The clothing options increase but mostly attractiveness is exuded from confidence, presence, and grooming IMO.
Protip: Don't ever tell a guy "You've gotten so skinny!". "Skinny" may be considered a compliment by most women, but it's considered an insult by a lot of guys. You might as well have just said "You're looking pretty wimpy these days", because that's about how it will probably be interpreted.
Oh I totally agree on that term "skinny". I tend to think that is an unflattering term for men or women. A lot of people don't feel that way and throw the term skinny around even for a normal BMI descriptor. But to me "skinny" means someone is underweight with bones sticking out.
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Ha ha, my problem also.I lost weight from my chubby face, but not from my chubby gut, so I "look" thinner than I am. When people tell me I have lost too much weight, I simply point to that overhanging gut and suggest that when they see me in a Speedo, they will think I have not lost enough!
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I get this every time I go visit my grandparents, which is about once a week, lol. Plus, I'm now getting it from my dad too. I just smile and say "ok." It just makes things easier. Since it's close family, I know it's from a place of love and caring. I know they just want me to be happy and healthy.0
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Yes used to get it a lot. Was and am still in overweight range.
What really made me cross was when I put on 3 pounds at tom and got called fat.( by one of the worst offenders moaning I was too skinny,)
Think it takes more than three pounds to jump from underweight to overweight in three or four days.
Never seem to get it from those who are a healthy weight themselves though.0 -
I come from a family of big women (and the men who love them) and those are the ones I catch the comments from. I've recently been called "scrawny" but at 5'7" and 191, I am FAR from scrawny.1
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Up to my 40's i was always 45kg. Im 5'6. I ate whatever i wanted. People would say god your skinny and i didnt even know them. One day in a bad mood someone said it and i replied god your fat. Was a horrible thing to say. Now in my 50's ive stacked on the weight and have been working out like a crazy person with a pt since january. Its a slow process. But wish someone would notice my awesome girlie guns. Lol. Love them.1
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I can never understand the compulsion to comment on someone's appearance. Do people presume it's their place to pass judgement on another's body?
Certainly criticism is just plain rude, even coming from your own family. But do people really think compliments are universally welcomed, or even appropriate?
Personally, I'm sensitive about my appearance and painfully self conscious. I'm working on it, but the last thing I want is for someone to call attention to it, good or bad.3 -
My ex boss told me she could count my teeth through my cheeks. She also grabbed at the loose skin around my arm saying things like "look at you!". I've had friends tell me to stop losing, seriously, as well too. But I was 128 lbs at 5'4"...completely healthy weight. I didn't like those comments for sure...they made me feel ugly.1
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dave_in_ni wrote: »dave_in_ni wrote: »Does anyone else get this? Its all getting a bit sickening now. The problem is the folks saying it don't realise they are overweight.
Dave what are your stats? How quickly have you been losing, and how much have you lost?
I personally have never seen what you look like, so I don't know whether you look too skinny or not. I also don't know whether these other people commenting are really overweight or if it's your perception. How can someone not realize they are overweight?
If you are losing weight too quickly, people in your life might say you're losing too much weight out of concern. This can be especially true if you have a skinny-fat look (which, I don't know whether you do or not, I am just speculating at this point).
I've had people say I was getting too thin, and yet others who said I needed to lose more. I figure they have a rights to their opinions, just as I have the right to reject what they say.dave_in_ni wrote: »Does anyone else get this? Its all getting a bit sickening now. The problem is the folks saying it don't realise they are overweight.
Dave what are your stats? How quickly have you been losing, and how much have you lost?
I personally have never seen what you look like, so I don't know whether you look too skinny or not. I also don't know whether these other people commenting are really overweight or if it's your perception. How can someone not realize they are overweight?
If you are losing weight too quickly, people in your life might say you're losing too much weight out of concern. This can be especially true if you have a skinny-fat look (which, I don't know whether you do or not, I am just speculating at this point).
I've had people say I was getting too thin, and yet others who said I needed to lose more. I figure they have a rights to their opinions, just as I have the right to reject what they say.
Oh yes lost it to quick, 60 lbs in 6 months, I am skinny fat.
I did the same to win a weight loss competition. Lost 75 lbs in less than 6 months. The next year I maintained by weight lifting and diet. While the scale hasn't moved my biceps have gained 2 inches, lost another pant size and other things the scale won't tell you. I still have a long way to go, but maintaining that loss for a year is a good start.3 -
dave_in_ni wrote: »VintageFeline wrote: »I've had the opposite. I've been asked how I've lost so much weight and don't look sickly and gaunt like other people they know who have lost a lot of weight. In fact, one person said my skin looks amazing (and I had not a stitch of make-up on that particular day). Difference is I've lost relatively slowly and have strength trained throughout. I look fit and healthy because I am fit and healthy.
You cut with a huge deficit so I wouldn't be surprised if you look a bit drawn in the face which can lead to people extrapolating it to being too skinny as they perceive your weight to be lower than it is. Perils of losing too fast.
I had this yesterday. In the U.K. We work with stone rather than lbs. An older guy says " Dave don't loss any more weight please, how much do U weigh now" i told him 12 stone, No way are you 12 stone, more like 11 which is around 150lbs, He is 13 he told me and to me looks thinner than me.
Height being the important missing variable here.2
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