Birthdays and holidays
WanderingRivers
Posts: 612 Member
So I realized this morning that since I am trying to lose weight, I am now cut off from things like birthday cake, treats at holidays, and my favorite thing in the whole 'verse second only to pumpkin: eggnog.
This is gonna make the next 4 months absolute Hades. (I say 4 because this is also the start of birthday season in my family. For whatever reason, we have a ton of birthdays at the end of the year) The food at my family get togethers is almost always filled with gravy, sauces, dips, sweets, and all the things that are going to put lbs back on my butt instead of take it off.
How in the world can I get through this w/o being a bloody killjoy and touching nothing while I'm there?
This is gonna make the next 4 months absolute Hades. (I say 4 because this is also the start of birthday season in my family. For whatever reason, we have a ton of birthdays at the end of the year) The food at my family get togethers is almost always filled with gravy, sauces, dips, sweets, and all the things that are going to put lbs back on my butt instead of take it off.
How in the world can I get through this w/o being a bloody killjoy and touching nothing while I'm there?
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Replies
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I started with MFP in late February 2015.
My birthday is in early March.
Plus I had friends visit from Canada on one weekend, and friends visit from mainland Australia on another weekend.
Then there was Easter.
It just went on and on!
Thank goodness for lots and lots of exercise ... in my case, cycling.
On my birthday long weekend, I did three reasonably long rides (my birthday ride, for example was 60 km and I think the other two rides were slightly longer) which were enough to get me Mexican dinner one night and half a cheesecake on my actual birthday.
Same with all the other stuff. Long bicycle ride in the afternoon ... dinner with friends in the evening.
Worked for me! I lost the weight I wanted to lose.0 -
It's simple, unless you plan to give up those things for life I wouldn't totally avoid them. Eat less calorie dense meals if you want to fit them in.. have small portions. One piece of cake at a birthday party isn't going to be the end of the world .. I think it's valuable to learn how to still eat the things you want but fit them into your calorie goal and learn portion control. That being said .. if there is something you can't control yourself around then it probably is best to avoid it!7
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KurumiSophia wrote: »So I realized this morning that since I am trying to lose weight, I am now cut off from things like birthday cake, treats at holidays, and my favorite thing in the whole 'verse second only to pumpkin: eggnog.
This is gonna make the next 4 months absolute Hades. (I say 4 because this is also the start of birthday season in my family. For whatever reason, we have a ton of birthdays at the end of the year) The food at my family get togethers is almost always filled with gravy, sauces, dips, sweets, and all the things that are going to put lbs back on my butt instead of take it off.
How in the world can I get through this w/o being a bloody killjoy and touching nothing while I'm there?
Simple. Include some of these things in your calorie allotment. Enjoy everything but take smaller portions than you normally would. Life does not stop because you've decided to lose weight. And punishing yourself rarely works out in the long run. If you have a day here and there that you go over your calorie goal because you were celebrating with family and friends, remember that it's just a day and in the long-term marathon that is weight loss, it's pretty darned irrelevant.
Log what you consume on those days - just like on every other day - and move on. You can also add a bit more exercise on those days to help offset the extra calories, or cut back on what you eat earlier that day to compensate somewhat.
Basically, moderation over deprivation. For most people, it's the key to success. 3 -
Today is my daughter's birthday. I plan on having pizza and cake today. Not even worried about going over. One day here and there isn't going to make a huge difference in the long run. I didn't get in this to worry about not being able to celebrate with my friends and family.10
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Life is always going to happen. Learn how to incorporate the treats into your calorie count. And on days where you go over, realize it's just one day and don't beat yourself up.5
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IDK how to do things in moderation. I either go all the way or nothing. There is no in between for me. I understand why I need to avoid this stuff because I let myself get fat but I also worry about being a killjoy at birthdays and family events now.0
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KurumiSophia wrote: »IDK how to do things in moderation. I either go all the way or nothing. There is no in between for me. I understand why I need to avoid this stuff because I let myself get fat but I also worry about being a killjoy at birthdays and family events now.
Then learn how to moderate.5 -
Birthdays, holidays, special events, nice meals with family, unplanned work outings... These are all part of normal every day life. If you are going to be successful in the long term I suggest you find a way to continue to enjoy these events, and the foods that go along with them. There are a number of strategies for doing that including:
Saving room in your calories for a small indulgence that you really enjoy while forgoing the things that aren't as important to you.
Banking calories in the days leading up to the event so that you have a buffer in your calories.
Eating at maintenance calories that day but still at a deficit for the rest of the week.
Pre logging the cals of the foods you plan to eat and then stopping once you've eaten them.
Coming up with healthy substitutes that are more calorie friendly so that you can still enjoy the event.
Focusing on the social aspect of the holidays/events rather than the food aspect.
You may find that one or a combination of several of these helps you overcome that "all or nothing" mentality...10 -
Same here, but you aren't cut off. You just have to limit how much you have. If you used to drink 2 glasses of egg nog, try one small cup. If you used to go crazy and eat everything on Christmas (like me haha) then just try to choose one dessert to have on this day. Also, I wouldn't let the last months go to waste. If it's someone's birthday enjoy it (with portions) and track calories ect. On the days when there's no celebration. I did this and still met my goal.0
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Grazing and overeating home alone was the reason I was fat. I always lost weight on holiday. I feared birthdays, parties, unforeseen events, oh and the "saboteurs".
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KurumiSophia wrote: »IDK how to do things in moderation. I either go all the way or nothing. There is no in between for me. I understand why I need to avoid this stuff because I let myself get fat but I also worry about being a killjoy at birthdays and family events now.
Why would you not eating cake affect anybody else's enjoyment of an event? Eat or don't eat. But don't whine about it.5 -
KurumiSophia wrote: »IDK how to do things in moderation. I either go all the way or nothing. There is no in between for me. I understand why I need to avoid this stuff because I let myself get fat but I also worry about being a killjoy at birthdays and family events now.
When I started this 3 years ago, I didn't know how to moderate either. It sounded hopeless and impossible. But it doesn't have to be..
Giving up holidays, birthdays, special occasions just to lose weight sounds like a miserable life, not to mention unsustainable. How long are you going to feel like sitting at home whole everyone else is enjoying their life?
This doesn't have to be a miserable process. You have a choice...do you want the extra food more, or do you want to lose weight? That's what I told myself everytime I started to go for a second helping, and it made the choices easier. I stopped having seconds all together befote long. You have to teach yourself how to do this..it's a learning process. Learning the right techniques for moderating is how you'll be successful.
Bring lower calorie dishes to carry in as an option for yourself. Have one piece of cake, smaller than you'd normally have, and eat it slowly. Spend that time socializing instead, and learn how to worry less about the food. It's tough at first, but it will come. It's not impossible. ..I promise.
There are always holidays, parties, and special occasions. You cannot avoid these things forever. It's not a realistic strategy.3 -
KurumiSophia wrote: »IDK how to do things in moderation. I either go all the way or nothing. There is no in between for me. I understand why I need to avoid this stuff because I let myself get fat but I also worry about being a killjoy at birthdays and family events now.
Like anything else, it's a learning process. If you are determined enough, you will figure it out.
And if you truly *are* one of those for whom moderation isn't an option, why would what you choose to eat (or in this case, not eat) at parties and celebrations make you a "killjoy?" It's no one's business but your own what you choose to consume. Unless you plan to go to these events and sit there with a sour look and complain about all the things you can't eat to all those around you in classic "poor me" style. Because, yes, that would make you a killjoy.
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Birthdays and holidays and other special occasions are just that...they are occasions...none of this is predicated on occasions...all of this is predicated on what you're doing most of the time.1
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KurumiSophia wrote: »So I realized this morning that since I am trying to lose weight, I am now cut off from things like birthday cake, treats at holidays, and my favorite thing in the whole 'verse second only to pumpkin: eggnog.
This is gonna make the next 4 months absolute Hades. (I say 4 because this is also the start of birthday season in my family. For whatever reason, we have a ton of birthdays at the end of the year) The food at my family get togethers is almost always filled with gravy, sauces, dips, sweets, and all the things that are going to put lbs back on my butt instead of take it off.
How in the world can I get through this w/o being a bloody killjoy and touching nothing while I'm there?
Not cut off.
Just watch your portion sizes and take reasonable amounts.
Eat at maintenance for the day.
If people always bring the same foods you can plan what you will eat fairly easily. You know you want eggnog so plan for it.
Bring lower calorie food to share.
Vegetables/salad are low calorie ways to fill up your plate. Get protein foods. Take smaller portions of bread, cheese, sauces, gravies.
Go easy on alcohol, sweetened drinks or skip those and save calories for food.
Eat a bit lighter the rest of the day or the days before/after.
Exercise more.
One day over your calorie goal does not doom you. If you eat at a deficit every single other day you will be fine.
Can you have a perfectly decent holiday/birthday celebration for less than 4,000- 5,000 calories? Yes.
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KurumiSophia wrote: »So I realized this morning that since I am trying to lose weight, I am now cut off from things like birthday cake, treats at holidays, and my favorite thing in the whole 'verse second only to pumpkin: eggnog.
This is gonna make the next 4 months absolute Hades. (I say 4 because this is also the start of birthday season in my family. For whatever reason, we have a ton of birthdays at the end of the year) The food at my family get togethers is almost always filled with gravy, sauces, dips, sweets, and all the things that are going to put lbs back on my butt instead of take it off.
How in the world can I get through this w/o being a bloody killjoy and touching nothing while I'm there?
No you are not. Learn to moderate treats and you will be fine. Realize that there will be occasional days that you go over. As long as you don't go over every day you will be fine. Have a small piece of cake at a birthday party if you wish. During the holidays decide which treats you want and maybe pass on some you don't care as much about. Making your diet too restrictive is a sure way to fail.4 -
KurumiSophia wrote: »So I realized this morning that since I am trying to lose weight, I am now cut off from things like birthday cake, treats at holidays, and my favorite thing in the whole 'verse second only to pumpkin: eggnog.
You're not cut off from anything unless you choose to be. I limit calories on weekdays specifically so that I can eat whatever I want - pizza, beer, cake, whatever -- on the weekends.
If your eating plan isn't sustainable for your whole life, then it's a terrible plan that you should change.
Stop dieting and start living a healthy lifestyle.
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I take a diet break the weeks of my birthday (the end of this month, so I'm really looking forward to it) and Christmas. Just the mental aspect of not counting those two weeks, along with 1-2 other weeks in the year, helps a lot. If I encounter other family members' birthdays, I save calories for cake. And I spend the morning of Thanksgiving at work to help burn additional calories for that evening.3
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KurumiSophia wrote: »IDK how to do things in moderation. I either go all the way or nothing. There is no in between for me. I understand why I need to avoid this stuff because I let myself get fat but I also worry about being a killjoy at birthdays and family events now.
What helps me moderate foods like birthday cake is to fill up on protein and fiber beforehand, take a small portion of dessert, and eat it slowly and mindfully.
If there are no veggie trays at your family gatherings, bring one.1 -
Eat at maintenance on those days and enjoy yourself. Tonight is my FSIL birthday. And I'm going to enjoy the he'll out of the cupcakes I'm making for her.
June is our birthday season. We have 8 birthdays to do. This last year we just threw one big one for everyone.1 -
I don't like birthday cake, and literally no one cares that I don't eat any at parties. If you're not moaning about how you want some but can't have it, I doubt anyone would comment.
On the other hand, it's my birthday next week and I love ice cream cake. I special order one from Cold Stone every year. I'm going to eat that cake and enjoy every bite because I literally only get it once a year. (also going to enjoy the steak and lobster I'm taking myself out to get, but that's another story)4 -
What works for me is to pre-track what I'm going to have. That way I can play around with the portion sizes to be able to fit in the foods that I really want to enjoy. If you really want eggnog figure out how many calories you are willing to allot for it and have that size portion.1
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I'm having the same issue. I have no self control around party food. So today I'm gna try to drink a *kitten* load of water before I get to the bday party. Hopefully that helps.1
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KurumiSophia wrote: »IDK how to do things in moderation. I either go all the way or nothing. There is no in between for me. I understand why I need to avoid this stuff because I let myself get fat but I also worry about being a killjoy at birthdays and family events now.
That is actually a skill it is possible to learn. When I started out there were some things I could not have in the house. But now I can have Oreos in the house and not eat them all in one sitting. Learning moderation doesn't happen immediately, but holidays are actually a good time to practice it. Since a lot of those treats are seasonal it is not like you are tempted by them everyday. And even if you skip certain items, you can decide not to be a killjoy about it.1 -
Be strict now and earn some time off. Then, go to maintenance during the holidays or even slightly above. Then go back to a strict diet. Do take time off but don't use it as an excuse to continue the behavior on non-holidays.0
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I have a hard time doing things in moderation as well. I'm very all or nothing. That said, life does happen. You can't worry about being a killjoy at birthdays or family events though. You have to do what's best for you. It's one thing if YOU want to indulge, but don't feel pressure or obligation because of anyone else. I call this my Starbucks moment. When I was on my mission to drop weight (60+ lbs) I used to feel very self-conscious about making annoying restaurant orders - no added seasonings, butter, oils, etc. Or going to a bar and not drinking. Then one day a friend was visiting and we went to Starbucks. She ordered about the world's most annoying, detailed, precise Starbucks order...then actually handed it back because she didn't like how they did it. I was like, Omg and *I'm* worried about what I eat around other people??? She didn't care what I thought, the barista thought, or anyone else. That's the way she liked her coffee, she made no apologies for it, wasn't the slightest bit phased, and I realized I needed a little more of that in myself.
You gotta do what's best for you. It's hard though when of course you want it too! When I indulge, I try to always eat my regular meal before I go out so I'm not starving. I make a point to get my workout in that morning too. And the times you do want to indulge, plan around it. Eat well the rest of the time so when you indulge, just enjoy it without guilt. Skip the alcohol if you can, both for the calories and also because it's easier to keep control that way. Eat all the rest of you regular meals on track, then go to the party or dinner and eat what you want without going nuts, don't sweat it, and then get right back on it the very next meal. As long as you don't let one day turn into two or three or more, you can still continue to lose without living in social isolation and no celebrations or treats.
Also, consider bringing a healthy, low calorie dish to share so you know you at least have something you like to eat. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks, you are doing this for you.1 -
I am terribly self-conscious of what others think so the thought of me just sitting there not partaking of the food that my family is serving and the looks and comments I'm bound to get just freaks me out.
And I'm just sad I even let myself get this far where I have to cut out so much. It's my own darn doing. I apologize if I'm whining, this is just one of those things that hit me and it just sucks.0 -
KurumiSophia wrote: »I am terribly self-conscious of what others think so the thought of me just sitting there not partaking of the food that my family is serving and the looks and comments I'm bound to get just freaks me out.
And I'm just sad I even let myself get this far where I have to cut out so much. It's my own darn doing. I apologize if I'm whining, this is just one of those things that hit me and it just sucks.
Did you consider any of the helpful tips on this thread to learn to moderate those foods and not have to completely cut them out at special events?2 -
I started this journey at 248lbs. I've literally cut nothing out of my life. Nothing. I've severely cut down on soda. I've cut my portion sizes down. I've reduced frequency of things like snack cakes and take out meals. I've increased frequency of salads and veggies, fresh fruits and yogurt. I have birthday cake, chips, gravy, steak, chicken nuggets, fries, ice cream and candy. As of this morning I'm down 34lbs.
Your posts very much sound like you feel the need to punish yourself for being a fatty. Nope. This is the time you need to be kind to you the most. Give your body lots of healthy, nutrient rich foods. Give your mind those calorie dense, but super yummy, treats. I try to follow an 80/20 approach. I'm not punishing myself for being a fat *kitten*. I'm loving myself and being kind to my body by getting some of the excess off.4 -
I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.
So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.0
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