Birthdays and holidays

2

Replies

  • malibu927
    malibu927 Posts: 17,562 Member
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.

    This is very concerning. It sounds like you should speak with someone about your self esteem.
  • cappri
    cappri Posts: 1,089 Member
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.

    You are most likely setting yourself up for failure then. Losing weight and getting healthy are not a punishment and do not have to mean "No fun stuff." It seems like you don't actually want the helpful ideas people in this thread are trying to give you? Perhaps you are not really ready to embrace this journey?
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.

    This is a terrible plan and will likely end in failure.

    You report that you have always been unkind to yourself. Step back and see where that has led you. Consider that it may be a good time to change course.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,600 Member
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    IDK how to do things in moderation. I either go all the way or nothing. There is no in between for me. I understand why I need to avoid this stuff because I let myself get fat but I also worry about being a killjoy at birthdays and family events now.
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    I am terribly self-conscious of what others think so the thought of me just sitting there not partaking of the food that my family is serving and the looks and comments I'm bound to get just freaks me out.

    And I'm just sad I even let myself get this far where I have to cut out so much. It's my own darn doing. I apologize if I'm whining, this is just one of those things that hit me and it just sucks.

    I'm with the "learn new skills for coping" crowd on all of this, with the "enjoy treats in moderation on special occasions contingent, and in the "occasional over-goal days don't destroy your whole weight loss" camp besides.

    Beyond that, if you're going to worry about this stuff in advance, then spend that worry time on something planning-focused, not something freak-out-focused!

    When you feel upset about the possibilities, use that energy productively. Brainstorm some ways to get around those obstacles (lots of ideas offered you so far, above). Then write a little script, and rehearse it in your head, like playing a little movie over and over internally.

    Example: Aunt Suzie says "I can't believe you're not eating apple pie and eggnog - I know how much you love it. And you're looking all skin & bones besides - eat, sweetie, eat - boys like a girl with some meat on her bones!" You say (with a relaxed laugh) "I'm just going to wait a while before dessert. Your green bean casserole was so delicious, I think I over-stuffed myself on that.", then you get up and help your 3-year-old nephew Colin work on his somersaults. Then play that script over and over until it feels real. (I'm exaggerating for fun here - pick something that you really think could work for you. Keep it simple.)

    Right now, you're rehearsing the "I can't ..." "I'm not capable of..." "everyone will stare and gossip and make me feel bad..." scripts over, and over, and over in your head. Work on stopping that. Work on new scripts.

    When the time comes, try some new strategies. Some will work more smoothly than you could've dreamed. A few may not work at all. Learn from this. Repeat the ones that work, come up with some alternatives for the ones that didn't.

    Granny sez: Change isn't easy. But you can do it. Gotta wanna, though.
  • divcara
    divcara Posts: 79 Member
    You really don't owe anyone an explanation for choosing to make healthy choices. It's hard, but it doesn't help to dwell, look back on how you got to where you are, or spend any energy beating yourself up about it. All we have is today. All any of us can do is move forward and work with what we have and focus on what we can do to change our situations.

    If YOU don't want to eat treats at the holidays, then you don't owe anyone an explanation. It's okay to put yourself first. But there are many ways to enjoy treats too. You don't have to go to a party and just sit there not eating. Yes, in general, it's good day to day to make healthy choices, watch portion sizes, and not go crazy. BUT - going out shouldn't be hard. You don't need to spend special occasions eating out of tupperware containers or sitting there with a plate of lettuce.

    If you eat well the majority of the time, you can enjoy the holidays without destroying your nutrition. And pick and choose the things you really want to do. If those things are important to you, then try to stay consistent the rest of the time when you are on your own, so you can enjoy the social things without beating yourself up over it.

    There are many, many reasons why every individual has reached the point we reach. They bring us to where we are, but you don't have to stay there or be hard on yourself. You can make changes and hit your goals with consistent changes. A few bad meals here and there won't hurt. Just like a few healthy meals won't change your body overnight, a few indulgent choices won't change it either.
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.

    This is sad and concerning. This is how eating disorders begin.
  • WinoGelato
    WinoGelato Posts: 13,454 Member
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.

    Well that doesn't sound very sustainable at all. You need to get your head in the right place before you can get your body there.

  • daniip_la
    daniip_la Posts: 678 Member
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.

    That sounds the opposite of healthy and sustainable, which is what you need if you're planning on sticking with anything.

    I'm not punishing myself for my weight. I'm taking care of my body because I love it and I want it to last longer than it would if I didn't lose weight.
  • WanderingRivers
    WanderingRivers Posts: 612 Member
    cappri wrote: »
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.

    You are most likely setting yourself up for failure then. Losing weight and getting healthy are not a punishment and do not have to mean "No fun stuff." It seems like you don't actually want the helpful ideas people in this thread are trying to give you? Perhaps you are not really ready to embrace this journey?

    I have to be. I am at an unacceptable weight and I won't let it stand. This means only healthy stuff, no treats. Treats will come when I hit goal. That will be my reward.
  • kgirlhart
    kgirlhart Posts: 5,185 Member
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.

    This makes me sad. And honestly this is where you need to start. You've received a lot of good advice in this thread. I hope you will take it to heart. You have to be kind to yourself. Eat things you like in moderation. Don't force yourself to eat "healthy" things you don't like especially as a punishment. You will find healthy things you like. Get a food scale so you can weigh your food as often as possible and know that you can learn to enjoy the holidays and special occasions because even if you go over on those days it is what you do most if the time that matters most.
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    cappri wrote: »
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.

    You are most likely setting yourself up for failure then. Losing weight and getting healthy are not a punishment and do not have to mean "No fun stuff." It seems like you don't actually want the helpful ideas people in this thread are trying to give you? Perhaps you are not really ready to embrace this journey?

    I have to be. I am at an unacceptable weight and I won't let it stand. This means only healthy stuff, no treats. Treats will come when I hit goal. That will be my reward.

    So will a unhealthy mindset about food.
  • amyepdx
    amyepdx Posts: 750 Member
    I have to be. I am at an unacceptable weight and I won't let it stand. This means only healthy stuff, no treats. Treats will come when I hit goal. That will be my reward. [/quote]

    You are setting yourself up for failure. People who have been very successful have given you excellent advice - if you choose not to take it (or even acknowledge it) then that's on you.
  • singingflutelady
    singingflutelady Posts: 8,736 Member
    You're setting yourself up for massive binging in the vet near future.
  • malibu927
    malibu927 Posts: 17,562 Member
    edited September 2016
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    cappri wrote: »
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.

    You are most likely setting yourself up for failure then. Losing weight and getting healthy are not a punishment and do not have to mean "No fun stuff." It seems like you don't actually want the helpful ideas people in this thread are trying to give you? Perhaps you are not really ready to embrace this journey?

    I have to be. I am at an unacceptable weight and I won't let it stand. This means only healthy stuff, no treats. Treats will come when I hit goal. That will be my reward.

    I don't know what your stats are, but I started out with 115 pounds to lose and never deprived myself of treats. Otherwise I'd end up bingeing on them. Even if I was low on calories, I'd have a 70-calorie square of dark chocolate. I still eat fast food every Thursday night and pizza nearly every Friday night, just smaller portions and better choices than before.

    Losing weight doesn't mean you can't enjoy food.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    What helped me learn to be a more moderate eater was to log everything and to remind myself that none of these foods are rare. I can eat them any time I want. Then I did eat them whenever I felt like it in appropriate quantities for my goal. No guilt. No drama.

    I don't think extreme restriction and avoidance is going to help you learn to lose weight and keep it off. Someday you are going to have these things again and it is going to be hard if you put them in that restricted category.
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    OP, please seek some counselling. Your self-loathing is very worrisome.
  • AnabolicMind2011
    AnabolicMind2011 Posts: 211 Member
    snickerscharlie wrote: »
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    So I realized this morning that since I am trying to lose weight, I am now cut off from things like birthday cake, treats at holidays, and my favorite thing in the whole 'verse second only to pumpkin: eggnog.

    This is gonna make the next 4 months absolute Hades. (I say 4 because this is also the start of birthday season in my family. For whatever reason, we have a ton of birthdays at the end of the year) The food at my family get togethers is almost always filled with gravy, sauces, dips, sweets, and all the things that are going to put lbs back on my butt instead of take it off.

    How in the world can I get through this w/o being a bloody killjoy and touching nothing while I'm there?

    Simple. Include some of these things in your calorie allotment. Enjoy everything but take smaller portions than you normally would. Life does not stop because you've decided to lose weight. And punishing yourself rarely works out in the long run. If you have a day here and there that you go over your calorie goal because you were celebrating with family and friends, remember that it's just a day and in the long-term marathon that is weight loss, it's pretty darned irrelevant.

    Log what you consume on those days - just like on every other day - and move on. You can also add a bit more exercise on those days to help offset the extra calories, or cut back on what you eat earlier that day to compensate somewhat.

    Basically, moderation over deprivation. For most people, it's the key to success. :)

    Qft
  • TonyB0588
    TonyB0588 Posts: 9,520 Member
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    So I realized this morning that since I am trying to lose weight, I am now cut off from things like birthday cake, treats at holidays, and my favorite thing in the whole 'verse second only to pumpkin: eggnog.

    This is gonna make the next 4 months absolute Hades. (I say 4 because this is also the start of birthday season in my family. For whatever reason, we have a ton of birthdays at the end of the year) The food at my family get togethers is almost always filled with gravy, sauces, dips, sweets, and all the things that are going to put lbs back on my butt instead of take it off.

    How in the world can I get through this w/o being a bloody killjoy and touching nothing while I'm there?

    MFP works on a balance of Calories in and Calories Out. If you're putting in extra calories by eating and drinking, you'll have to burn out some extra calories by additional exercise.

    Also, you can eat and drink in smaller portions. That way you still taste the stuff without going too excessive on the calorie build-up.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,345 Member
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    cappri wrote: »
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.

    You are most likely setting yourself up for failure then. Losing weight and getting healthy are not a punishment and do not have to mean "No fun stuff." It seems like you don't actually want the helpful ideas people in this thread are trying to give you? Perhaps you are not really ready to embrace this journey?

    I have to be. I am at an unacceptable weight and I won't let it stand. This means only healthy stuff, no treats. Treats will come when I hit goal. That will be my reward.

    That's how you set yourself up for failure and gain it all back. Food is not a reward, you are not a dog. If you restrict severely to lose with the idea that you'll be able to go back to 'normal' once you hit goal, you'll be at step one again in no time. Learn to moderate and learn sustainable healthy habits that you can keep for life.

    And get some counselling about tying your self worth to your weight.
  • Bearbo27
    Bearbo27 Posts: 339 Member
    edited September 2016
    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    cappri wrote: »
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.

    You are most likely setting yourself up for failure then. Losing weight and getting healthy are not a punishment and do not have to mean "No fun stuff." It seems like you don't actually want the helpful ideas people in this thread are trying to give you? Perhaps you are not really ready to embrace this journey?

    I have to be. I am at an unacceptable weight and I won't let it stand. This means only healthy stuff, no treats. Treats will come when I hit goal. That will be my reward.

    That's how you set yourself up for failure and gain it all back. Food is not a reward, you are not a dog. If you restrict severely to lose with the idea that you'll be able to go back to 'normal' once you hit goal, you'll be at step one again in no time. Learn to moderate and learn sustainable healthy habits that you can keep for life.

    And get some counselling about tying your self worth to your weight.

    ^^^ This x 100
    You should NEVER reward yourself with food. What do you think is going to happen after months of restricting your favorite foods? When you finally get your "reward", you are going to go crazy and way over do it. You will have taught yourself nothing about self control or moderation and you will end up gaining weight back. Your best bet is to work on learning how to eat foods in moderation. I love ice cream, but because I know I always way over do it, I buy those mini Magnum ice cream bars. For like 160-190 calories, I get my ice cream fix. Do I want more sometimes, sure, but I look back at all the hard work I've done so far and think about how much I like seeing results. I know that if I eat more than my calorie goal, I will not get to see those results. I am doing this for more than a scale number though. I love that none of my clothes fit because they are all too big now. You have to find what motivates YOU and use that to help control cravings and such. Another quote that helps me is "Losing weight is hard. Being overweight is hard. Choose your hard."

    You can do this and it doesn't have to be miserable. Friend request me if you want. I keep my diary open to friends only.

    ETA: I do limit what friends I have on here since I do keep my diary open to them.
  • TonyB0588
    TonyB0588 Posts: 9,520 Member
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.

    What numbers exactly are we talking about here? What is your current weight, and how much are you trying to lose? What amount of daily calories did MFP suggest after you put your profile information in?

    The usual recommendation is to lose approximately 1 lb per week, but certainly not more than 2 lbs each week. This does not involve starving or depriving yourself, but includes eating an adequate amount of food to fuel the body's needs.

    Exercise is also important for healthy muscle function. The right balance of food and exercise will lead to gradual weight loss without any sense of punishment or penalty.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    That's life, and life is about living. Work those things into your calories goals. Moderation is your friend.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    edited September 2016
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.

    This makes me very sad. This kind of negative talk will get you nowhere fast.

    So, where do you end up when you're going nowhere fast?

    Nowhere.

    Forward movement requires you to stop being so mean to yourself and making a plan that you can stick with.
  • Alyssa_Is_LosingIt
    Alyssa_Is_LosingIt Posts: 4,696 Member
    Gena575 wrote: »
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    cappri wrote: »
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.

    You are most likely setting yourself up for failure then. Losing weight and getting healthy are not a punishment and do not have to mean "No fun stuff." It seems like you don't actually want the helpful ideas people in this thread are trying to give you? Perhaps you are not really ready to embrace this journey?

    I have to be. I am at an unacceptable weight and I won't let it stand. This means only healthy stuff, no treats. Treats will come when I hit goal. That will be my reward.

    And thus begins another yo-yo dieters life...

    For real. You're either trolling or think every person responding is stupid. Enjoy your Hades, treat binges at goal weight, Hades, binges, Hades cycle for the rest of your life. Martyr it up at family gatherings. It'll be great.

    This^^^

    OP, you'll never succeed with your attitude. The most successful people on these boards have a healthy outlook on weight loss, don't see foods as good or bad, and have learned to be healthy while still, you know, living their lives. And several of them have given you great advice on this thread, which you're choosing to ignore.

    Please feel free to come back for advice when you give up this go around and decide to try another approach. We will be here, and we will try not to say "I told you so."
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,687 Member
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    cappri wrote: »
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.

    You are most likely setting yourself up for failure then. Losing weight and getting healthy are not a punishment and do not have to mean "No fun stuff." It seems like you don't actually want the helpful ideas people in this thread are trying to give you? Perhaps you are not really ready to embrace this journey?

    I have to be. I am at an unacceptable weight and I won't let it stand. This means only healthy stuff, no treats. Treats will come when I hit goal. That will be my reward.

    I would never have successfully lost the weight I wanted to lose if I had gone into it with that attitude.

    I approached it like this ...

    I have a limited number of calories to work with ... therefore I am going to eat the foods I like. I'm not going to waste calories on foods I don't like.

    And so, I enjoy what I eat. :)
  • auddii
    auddii Posts: 15,357 Member
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    cappri wrote: »
    KurumiSophia wrote: »
    I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

    So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.

    You are most likely setting yourself up for failure then. Losing weight and getting healthy are not a punishment and do not have to mean "No fun stuff." It seems like you don't actually want the helpful ideas people in this thread are trying to give you? Perhaps you are not really ready to embrace this journey?

    I have to be. I am at an unacceptable weight and I won't let it stand. This means only healthy stuff, no treats. Treats will come when I hit goal. That will be my reward.

    Good luck with that. I find that personally, that mentality leads to binges. If I declare something off limits, I start obsessing over it and then going way overboard. I find moderation easier, but I do not keep a lot of treats around the house. Moderation is easier for me to enforce if I can go out and order a single serving of a desert or whatever the case may be. Large quantities around the house can be too much temptation at times. I'm slowly working on increasing willpower, but sometimes, I just have to clear everything out!

    Hopefully eliminating treats works better for you!
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