Birthdays and holidays

daniip_la · September 2016

I don't like birthday cake, and literally no one cares that I don't eat any at parties. If you're not moaning about how you want some but can't have it, I doubt anyone would comment.

On the other hand, it's my birthday next week and I love ice cream cake. I special order one from Cold Stone every year. I'm going to eat that cake and enjoy every bite because I literally only get it once a year. (also going to enjoy the steak and lobster I'm taking myself out to get, but that's another story)

cappri · September 2016

What works for me is to pre-track what I'm going to have. That way I can play around with the portion sizes to be able to fit in the foods that I really want to enjoy. If you really want eggnog figure out how many calories you are willing to allot for it and have that size portion.

hoppymommy · September 2016

I'm having the same issue. I have no self control around party food. So today I'm gna try to drink a *kitten* load of water before I get to the bday party. Hopefully that helps.

kgirlhart · September 2016

That is actually a skill it is possible to learn. When I started out there were some things I could not have in the house. But now I can have Oreos in the house and not eat them all in one sitting. Learning moderation doesn't happen immediately, but holidays are actually a good time to practice it. Since a lot of those treats are seasonal it is not like you are tempted by them everyday. And even if you skip certain items, you can decide not to be a killjoy about it.

sunnybeaches105 · September 2016

Be strict now and earn some time off. Then, go to maintenance during the holidays or even slightly above. Then go back to a strict diet. Do take time off but don't use it as an excuse to continue the behavior on non-holidays.

divcara · September 2016

I have a hard time doing things in moderation as well. I'm very all or nothing. That said, life does happen. You can't worry about being a killjoy at birthdays or family events though. You have to do what's best for you. It's one thing if YOU want to indulge, but don't feel pressure or obligation because of anyone else. I call this my Starbucks moment. When I was on my mission to drop weight (60+ lbs) I used to feel very self-conscious about making annoying restaurant orders - no added seasonings, butter, oils, etc. Or going to a bar and not drinking. Then one day a friend was visiting and we went to Starbucks. She ordered about the world's most annoying, detailed, precise Starbucks order...then actually handed it back because she didn't like how they did it. I was like, Omg and *I'm* worried about what I eat around other people??? She didn't care what I thought, the barista thought, or anyone else. That's the way she liked her coffee, she made no apologies for it, wasn't the slightest bit phased, and I realized I needed a little more of that in myself.

You gotta do what's best for you. It's hard though when of course you want it too! When I indulge, I try to always eat my regular meal before I go out so I'm not starving. I make a point to get my workout in that morning too. And the times you do want to indulge, plan around it. Eat well the rest of the time so when you indulge, just enjoy it without guilt. Skip the alcohol if you can, both for the calories and also because it's easier to keep control that way. Eat all the rest of you regular meals on track, then go to the party or dinner and eat what you want without going nuts, don't sweat it, and then get right back on it the very next meal. As long as you don't let one day turn into two or three or more, you can still continue to lose without living in social isolation and no celebrations or treats.

Also, consider bringing a healthy, low calorie dish to share so you know you at least have something you like to eat. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks, you are doing this for you.

WanderingRivers · September 2016

I am terribly self-conscious of what others think so the thought of me just sitting there not partaking of the food that my family is serving and the looks and comments I'm bound to get just freaks me out.

And I'm just sad I even let myself get this far where I have to cut out so much. It's my own darn doing. I apologize if I'm whining, this is just one of those things that hit me and it just sucks.

WinoGelato · September 2016

Did you consider any of the helpful tips on this thread to learn to moderate those foods and not have to completely cut them out at special events?

Gena575 · September 2016

I started this journey at 248lbs. I've literally cut nothing out of my life. Nothing. I've severely cut down on soda. I've cut my portion sizes down. I've reduced frequency of things like snack cakes and take out meals. I've increased frequency of salads and veggies, fresh fruits and yogurt. I have birthday cake, chips, gravy, steak, chicken nuggets, fries, ice cream and candy. As of this morning I'm down 34lbs.

Your posts very much sound like you feel the need to punish yourself for being a fatty. Nope. This is the time you need to be kind to you the most. Give your body lots of healthy, nutrient rich foods. Give your mind those calorie dense, but super yummy, treats. I try to follow an 80/20 approach. I'm not punishing myself for being a fat *kitten*. I'm loving myself and being kind to my body by getting some of the excess off.

WanderingRivers · September 2016

I'm not kind to myself. I don't recall a time that I have *ever* been kind to myself.

So yes I am punishing myself for being fat and disgusting. This is my punishment for getting to where I am now. No fun stuff.

malibu927 · September 2016

This is very concerning. It sounds like you should speak with someone about your self esteem.

cappri · September 2016

You are most likely setting yourself up for failure then. Losing weight and getting healthy are not a punishment and do not have to mean "No fun stuff." It seems like you don't actually want the helpful ideas people in this thread are trying to give you? Perhaps you are not really ready to embrace this journey?

jemhh · September 2016

This is a terrible plan and will likely end in failure.

You report that you have always been unkind to yourself. Step back and see where that has led you. Consider that it may be a good time to change course.

AnnPT77 · September 2016

I'm with the "learn new skills for coping" crowd on all of this, with the "enjoy treats in moderation on special occasions contingent, and in the "occasional over-goal days don't destroy your whole weight loss" camp besides.

Beyond that, if you're going to worry about this stuff in advance, then spend that worry time on something planning-focused, not something freak-out-focused!

When you feel upset about the possibilities, use that energy productively. Brainstorm some ways to get around those obstacles (lots of ideas offered you so far, above). Then write a little script, and rehearse it in your head, like playing a little movie over and over internally.

Example: Aunt Suzie says "I can't believe you're not eating apple pie and eggnog - I know how much you love it. And you're looking all skin & bones besides - eat, sweetie, eat - boys like a girl with some meat on her bones!" You say (with a relaxed laugh) "I'm just going to wait a while before dessert. Your green bean casserole was so delicious, I think I over-stuffed myself on that.", then you get up and help your 3-year-old nephew Colin work on his somersaults. Then play that script over and over until it feels real. (I'm exaggerating for fun here - pick something that you really think could work for you. Keep it simple.)

Right now, you're rehearsing the "I can't ..." "I'm not capable of..." "everyone will stare and gossip and make me feel bad..." scripts over, and over, and over in your head. Work on stopping that. Work on new scripts.

When the time comes, try some new strategies. Some will work more smoothly than you could've dreamed. A few may not work at all. Learn from this. Repeat the ones that work, come up with some alternatives for the ones that didn't.

Granny sez: Change isn't easy. But you can do it. Gotta wanna, though.

divcara · September 2016

You really don't owe anyone an explanation for choosing to make healthy choices. It's hard, but it doesn't help to dwell, look back on how you got to where you are, or spend any energy beating yourself up about it. All we have is today. All any of us can do is move forward and work with what we have and focus on what we can do to change our situations.

If YOU don't want to eat treats at the holidays, then you don't owe anyone an explanation. It's okay to put yourself first. But there are many ways to enjoy treats too. You don't have to go to a party and just sit there not eating. Yes, in general, it's good day to day to make healthy choices, watch portion sizes, and not go crazy. BUT - going out shouldn't be hard. You don't need to spend special occasions eating out of tupperware containers or sitting there with a plate of lettuce.

If you eat well the majority of the time, you can enjoy the holidays without destroying your nutrition. And pick and choose the things you really want to do. If those things are important to you, then try to stay consistent the rest of the time when you are on your own, so you can enjoy the social things without beating yourself up over it.

There are many, many reasons why every individual has reached the point we reach. They bring us to where we are, but you don't have to stay there or be hard on yourself. You can make changes and hit your goals with consistent changes. A few bad meals here and there won't hurt. Just like a few healthy meals won't change your body overnight, a few indulgent choices won't change it either.

Chef_Barbell · September 2016

This is sad and concerning. This is how eating disorders begin.

WinoGelato · September 2016

Well that doesn't sound very sustainable at all. You need to get your head in the right place before you can get your body there.

daniip_la · September 2016

That sounds the opposite of healthy and sustainable, which is what you need if you're planning on sticking with anything.

I'm not punishing myself for my weight. I'm taking care of my body because I love it and I want it to last longer than it would if I didn't lose weight.

WanderingRivers · September 2016

I have to be. I am at an unacceptable weight and I won't let it stand. This means only healthy stuff, no treats. Treats will come when I hit goal. That will be my reward.

kgirlhart · September 2016

This makes me sad. And honestly this is where you need to start. You've received a lot of good advice in this thread. I hope you will take it to heart. You have to be kind to yourself. Eat things you like in moderation. Don't force yourself to eat "healthy" things you don't like especially as a punishment. You will find healthy things you like. Get a food scale so you can weigh your food as often as possible and know that you can learn to enjoy the holidays and special occasions because even if you go over on those days it is what you do most if the time that matters most.

Birthdays and holidays

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