Stranger's remarks

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13

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  • Daenae18
    Daenae18 Posts: 29 Member
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    rorymason wrote: »
    After losing 34 pounds, I got more negative comments about my weight as opposed to when I was 34 pounds heavier.

    From a clerk in a store. When trying on a dress and debating between 2 sizes, she told me loudly ( it felt like she announced it to the store) that I should get the bigger size because the underlay of the smaller one showed all my " nooks and crannies" and the back lower zipper made me " look like I had a tail".
    When checking out with the bigger size dress, she told me I needed to
    " get the girls up" . Finally, disgusted I told her that the " girls" haven't been up for 35 years and I didnt have 15 K to get them up....her response..get a different bra.

    Gotta love it

    That's terrible!
  • Daenae18
    Daenae18 Posts: 29 Member
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    louann_jude wrote: »
    I hate when people do stuff like that. Last summer I was visiting my mom and she needed me to go to the store for her. There were some guys there gawking at women asking the would you do her question. I seen the guy point to me and the other one looked and said it would take a whole lot of dope, then he shuddered like I was so disgusting. These guys where nasty looking any way. Duck dynasty looking guys that hadn't bathed in a while. Unkept hair and beards.

    Besides me being morbidly obese at the time, my face has dark spots from my last pregnancy. It really bothers me still thinking about it. But the sad thing is I would never give them the time of day other wise.

    I'm sorry that happened to you
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,646 Member
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    Daenae18 wrote: »
    Chef_Barbell wrote: »
    I get this now when I am pregnant.

    I never really received comments when I was in fit mode, however, I receive more comments now that I am pregnant than ever. Somehow it has become ok as a society to comment on a pregnant woman's body like it's open season. Complete strangers feel the need to tell you that you look like you're carrying two. (No. I am not.) Or that no way you are going to last another X amount of months. (Gee, thanks for wishing a premature birth on me.). Or my personal favorite, "You're BIG for X amount of months." (YAY, just what every pregnant woman wants to hear... how BIG they have gotten when they are most likely feeling fairly self-conscience about their size.)

    Then there are stares like no one has ever seen a pregnant woman before in their lives. Sigh...

    That's terrible. I hope you haven't had random strangers try to rub your stomach. I went out with my pregnant friend and rhe amount of people who thought they could just touch it was boggling.

    Thank goodness I haven't had anyone randomly try to touch me. I would probably haul off and punch them in the face. I live in NYC and we don't play that.
  • shandy4487
    shandy4487 Posts: 72 Member
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    Ohhhh I've had so many awful comments from strangers! Everything from asking when I'm due (not pregnant!) to this one lady who said her "heart was aching" for me, because I was so obese, I must have been in constant pain. My go-to response is utter profanity lol. As in "what the f**k did you just say to me?!" Or "mind your own g**damn business!" It really gets the point across, I must say. It might be immature, but these people have no right to say those things, and I would rather have them run away and think I'm a psycho, than deal with any more of their cruelty. But those comments still hurt, a lot. I usually try and think about it during workouts and that helps get some of the rage out lol :smile:
  • lauracups
    lauracups Posts: 533 Member
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    I look at this way, for the most part we live in this p.c. society where everything is taboo, you can't have a conversation without offending someone's "safe place ". Conversely, weight, whether too big or too thin seems to be the one left to chew on like rabid dogs. Proceed on with your day with the knowledge that person who just said something out of line has their own issues and has nothing of value to offer the conversation.
  • MoveitlikeManda
    MoveitlikeManda Posts: 846 Member
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    to be honest the British public are lucky non of them have said anything like this to me because I wouldnt be able to hold back, Id very rude in return and poss even give then a smack up side their head
  • mickeygirliegirl
    mickeygirliegirl Posts: 302 Member
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    I've had my own mother say to me the very things those strangers said to you... Not. Even. Lying. She even went so far at one point as to rub my stomach and say "looks like you're eating just fine". I also had an ex who would make fun of me - after a year or so of us dating, I had put on about 20 lbs or so and he would make coments about "oh so you think you can just be comfortable and eat whatever you want?" and how I needed to lose weight or he wouldn't show any more affection toward me... Luckily I have never had a stranger say anything to me. But I think I would take it better than from those who are supposed to love me no matter what.
  • hypodonthaveme
    hypodonthaveme Posts: 215 Member
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    If this strangers, just ignore it. When people have bad days they tend to pick on others. Family or friends I just say, I did an hour on elliptical today. It's a start. Every bit helps. No more comments. But I don't publicly talk to many about my weight loss. I want it to be my journey not theirs through me. I have 1 close friend, my awesome supportive husband, and my mom. Those are the only ones who know my battle and know how far I have come. I also have some fantastic MFP friends who cheer me on. They are the only online people that know. The rest of the worlds opinion of me has no affect on me. I am doing this for me. Not to get approval from anyone but me.
  • Sara1791
    Sara1791 Posts: 760 Member
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    Mean people suck.
  • LoraMartyn
    LoraMartyn Posts: 41 Member
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    I had an uncle ask me once "so what have you been up to other than eating". :/ I too have been asked when my baby was due......
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
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    Daenae18 wrote: »
    mrflipmode wrote: »
    Are you in the U.S. ?

    On BBC UK this morning it reported on a girl walking down the high street in the U.S.
    She got hassled18 times within a 5 minute walk from guys making comments about her.
    Both negative, and some, which in their eyes may seem positive ( which they weren't )

    In all honesty I don't see that as much in the UK.

    I can only assume the 3 people who commented on you aren't worth knowing.
    The comments sound very shallow and uncalled for.

    I'm sorry you had to experience these fools , just remember there's 1000's of us on here
    who are on your side

    I'm in Australia. It doesn't happen too often here usually but I just moved cities.

    I was about to guess Australia, lol.
  • Daenae18
    Daenae18 Posts: 29 Member
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    LoraMartyn wrote: »
    I had an uncle ask me once "so what have you been up to other than eating". :/ I too have been asked when my baby was due......

    Well that's horrible...
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    I've taken to asking people why they assume I should care about their opinion to begin with.
  • PinkPixiexox
    PinkPixiexox Posts: 4,142 Member
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    LoraMartyn wrote: »
    I had an uncle ask me once "so what have you been up to other than eating". :/ I too have been asked when my baby was due......

    What a disgusting thing to say...!
  • nitaaaaa
    nitaaaaa Posts: 19 Member
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    This is horrible. I'm sorry that this happened to you. I have always been amazed by how mean people can be (especially in NYC) but this is still surprising. I have been asked about (or just assumed to be) pregnant and the first few times I was horrified and crippled... now it's happened so many times that I've lost count!! The worst part is that these people aren't even trying to be mean, sometimes they're trying to be nice! When I was on a train people got up and let me have the seat and then later asked when I was due. One horrible time was when I was at the orthodontist lying back in the chair and he goes - so who did that to you?? and i was like what? he goes "who knocked you up??"... UGH. and then I had to still lie there in the chair afterwards as he inspected my teeth. I've been told that "the world is a tough place and no one will accept you the way that you are - i'm only telling you because I care and no one else will tell you... oh, gee. THANKS. If we ever figure out how to make these comments painless I would like to bottle that and sell it.
  • PennWalker
    PennWalker Posts: 554 Member
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    jennifer_417 wrote: »
    I've taken to asking people why they assume I should care about their opinion to begin with.

    LOL. Good one. I hope I can remember it.
  • Daenae18
    Daenae18 Posts: 29 Member
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    nitaaaaa wrote: »
    This is horrible. I'm sorry that this happened to you. I have always been amazed by how mean people can be (especially in NYC) but this is still surprising. I have been asked about (or just assumed to be) pregnant and the first few times I was horrified and crippled... now it's happened so many times that I've lost count!! The worst part is that these people aren't even trying to be mean, sometimes they're trying to be nice! When I was on a train people got up and let me have the seat and then later asked when I was due. One horrible time was when I was at the orthodontist lying back in the chair and he goes - so who did that to you?? and i was like what? he goes "who knocked you up??"... UGH. and then I had to still lie there in the chair afterwards as he inspected my teeth. I've been told that "the world is a tough place and no one will accept you the way that you are - i'm only telling you because I care and no one else will tell you... oh, gee. THANKS. If we ever figure out how to make these comments painless I would like to bottle that and sell it.

    I agree. It's all well and good to have a fantastic comeback, but I'd still love to find a way to not feel upset by it. Still, at least my response base has increased! Thanks to this thread I have so many more things to say! I can't believe the nerve of the person who told you they were saying that because no one else would though! I once had a friend tell me that everyone in high school thought I was an ugly, pathetic person and she was only telling me so that as I got older I could fix it. Some people hate themselves and take it out on the easiest target I think.
  • divcara
    divcara Posts: 79 Member
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    Ugh, once when I was around my highest weight after a very stressful time period, a great "friend" of mine nicely told me out of nowhere, "I was telling all my friends at work how much weight you have gained and they said you should really get your gallbladder checked." Thanks.
  • louann_jude
    louann_jude Posts: 307 Member
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    Daenae18 wrote: »
    nitaaaaa wrote: »
    This is horrible. I'm sorry that this happened to you. I have always been amazed by how mean people can be (especially in NYC) but this is still surprising. I have been asked about (or just assumed to be) pregnant and the first few times I was horrified and crippled... now it's happened so many times that I've lost count!! The worst part is that these people aren't even trying to be mean, sometimes they're trying to be nice! When I was on a train people got up and let me have the seat and then later asked when I was due. One horrible time was when I was at the orthodontist lying back in the chair and he goes - so who did that to you?? and i was like what? he goes "who knocked you up??"... UGH. and then I had to still lie there in the chair afterwards as he inspected my teeth. I've been told that "the world is a tough place and no one will accept you the way that you are - i'm only telling you because I care and no one else will tell you... oh, gee. THANKS. If we ever figure out how to make these comments painless I would like to bottle that and sell it.

    I agree. It's all well and good to have a fantastic comeback, but I'd still love to find a way to not feel upset by it. Still, at least my response base has increased! Thanks to this thread I have so many more things to say! I can't believe the nerve of the person who told you they were saying that because no one else would though! I once had a friend tell me that everyone in high school thought I was an ugly, pathetic person and she was only telling me so that as I got older I could fix it. Some people hate themselves and take it out on the easiest target I think.

    What a terrible thing for a friend to say. In middle school I developed a nick name. Almost 30 years later it still bothers me. In 6th or 7th grade they called me Pretty Ugly. It broke my heart. Now that I am almost 40 I think about it and wonder why kids are so mean.

    I remembered a time after I had my oldest son, he was a few months old and I went to visit my grandmother. While there she looked at me and said well Louann when did you get fat? Lol I know some of you would be like gasp. But I just laughed and said about 9 months ago Maw. See my grandmother is one of those people that have no filter. And that is one of the many things we love about her. She is almost 90 now so she was about 75 then.

  • Dano74
    Dano74 Posts: 503 Member
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    If it makes you feel any better, it's same crap different body type. No matter where you are, people are going to comment. It comes at you no matter where you're at- Good looking, fit, fat, plain, whatever.

    This is film geekery quotage at its finest but there's an old movie (Lawrence of Arabia) where this dude is snuffing out matches with his fingers. His buddies are amazed and want to have at it:

    Potter: [trying to copy Lawrence's snuffing a match with his fingers and burning himself] Oooh! It damn well hurts.
    Lawrence: Certainly it hurts.
    Potter: Well, what's the trick, then?
    Lawrence: The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it hurts.

    Cliche, yeah. But perception is reality and all that. Their perception doesn't have to be yours and if your reality is solid, then it becomes less "Oh, that hurts" and more "Why the crap wouldn't you like me? I'm awesome!"

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