Help: Does this comment mean he thinks I'm fat?

TortoiseAndGorillas
TortoiseAndGorillas Posts: 3 Member
edited December 4 in Motivation and Support
I hope it's okay for me to be on this site although I'm not trying to lose weight but I figured it would be a good place to ask objective people, and I don't have my therapy appointment for another 2 weeks.

I have anorexia, I believe it developed as a response to PTSD, it made me feel safe. Very very recently I have decided to get to a healthier weight because of the long term impacts on my health and rationally, I know that being smaller won't really make people feel sorry for me and not attack me, even though it sure does make me feel safer. This has been very stressful for me mentally but I know this is the right thing to do.

However a situation this morning made me feel very confused and I'd appreciate your take on it.

There is a new personal trainer at my gym who has been there for about a month. This whole time, my weight has been pretty consistent at 15 lb underweight. This morning, when I was browsing through my bag to get my gym card to check in, I put my breakfast on the counter (a bag of M&Ms and a small bag of mini cookies which was 140 calories). He asked me, is that your breakfast? I said yes. He said that's a lot. Then he took the M&Ms and said Wow that's 250 calories you know. I said, I don't count calories (because I don't tell people about my eating disorder).

I am very confused because first of all, I don't think a normal size M&Ms and a tiny bag of small cookies is a big breakfast. Also, is 390 calories really such a big breakfast? Also, since he's a personal trainer I'm assuming he doesn't have disordered eating.....so do normal people think I'm fat? This doesn't make sense...I've been pretty isolated for a long time due to the PTSD and eating disorder itself but the few times I interact with people in passing, 90% of the time they tell me I should eat more and gain weight. I am currently eating 1200-1500 calories a day and I want to gain 3 lb to start with and am not going to change this based on what 1 person said, but I'm mentally feeling very confused and uncomfortable. Would you say that this comment meant the personal trainer thinks I need to lose weight? Sorry for the long post......

Replies

  • StealthHealth
    StealthHealth Posts: 2,417 Member
    My opinion, 390 cals is not a big meal, whether that is breakfast, lunch or dinner. It doesn't seem like he was commenting on your weight but more on the calories in the meal - he may have been (incorrectly) surprised that someone at lower end of weight range could eat 390 cals of M&Ms and cookies and not pile on fat.

    TortoiseAndGorillas wrote: »
    Also, since he's a personal trainer I'm assuming he doesn't have disordered eating.....

    in my experience, eating disorders seem to be quite common in the health and fitness industry. I've seen it first hand several times.

  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,371 Member
    No it doesn't mean you are overweight at all and no it doesn't mean he thinks you need to lose weight.

    It may be beneficial for you to talk this out with your counsellor if you have one, it may help with your feeling of confusion and being uncomfortable.


  • rainbowbow
    rainbowbow Posts: 7,490 Member
    niblue wrote: »
    I suspect he was just suggesting that M&M's and cookies wasn't the healthiest of breakfasts!

    I would agree with this. They are very calorie dense foods which offer little nutrition.

    That said, personal trainers often only get to see you for 1 specific time of the day. Luckily as I've suffered disordered eating, i've tracked for years, and i know what is/is not healthy mentality i wont be so quick to judge someone based off of ONE tiny meal i see them consume. If however, i see a client who is overweight who consistently complains about their inability to lose weight, and everytime i see them they have a snickers bar in-hand i'm probably a little more likely to think the rest of their diet reflects that. If that makes sense.


    Anyways, i think the trainer made a harmless comment. As someone still suffering from an ED all comments like this will seem malicious/judgmental. I doubt very seriously he was implying you are fat. I suggest you seek out some help for your disorder as soon as you can!
  • TortoiseAndGorillas
    TortoiseAndGorillas Posts: 3 Member
    Thanks for the opinions. I guess I will try not to think more about this too much xD By the way...I normally don't eat this for breakfast but I was in a bad mood and I wanted sugar xD
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    Joanna2012B wrote: »
    He could have been looking at you breakfast as being "unhealthy" or under calories. If you want to gain weight I believe you need to up your calories! That is a typical calorie amount for a deficit.

    this. aren't you hungry about 10 minutes after eating it!?
  • TeaCurls
    TeaCurls Posts: 32 Member
    I agree that he was most likely saying that M&Ms and cookies are not healthy choices. In no way do I think he was saying that you were fat. I think he was saying you were lacking nutrient rich food, which in your case works for you. One step at a time, right? I think you are on the right track about the calorie dense food but he is used to telling people less sugar more healthy fats, lean protein, whole grains are better for your body. Seeing M&Ms for breakfast could have been an automatic response (think of all the over weight people he is dealing with on a daily basis)

    If you want to gain weight you are going to have to eat more then 1200-1400 calories as that is the recommended intake for those looking to lose weight (like me) I would double that, or at least 1800 per day not to lose. Talking to a nutritionist to get some professional advise may be something you should think about, as their job is to help you in a healthy way. I think there is a forum for those wishing to gain weight who may be able to offer better words of support and suggestions then I ever could. I truly wish you the best of luck with your struggles.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    Only by asking him what he meant would you know. I doubt anyone with an idea of normal healthy weight thinks you need to lose weight. If he thought you needed to lose weight he probably would have asked about that in discussing your goals. If it hasn't come up before then he probably doesn't think you need to lose weight.
    He could have just been surprised that you were eating so much candy and cookies since you are not big. Maybe he assumes health concious people are only eating yogurt and salad . He could have been surprised that it was so many calories if he doesn't often eat that stuff. Who knows without asking him?
    I would be thinking that isn't a great breakfast but I'm eating a pecan roll right now for breakfast so who am I to think that. Millions of people have sugary breakfasts 300 calories or more. Has nothing to do with your weight.

  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Not a lot of calories. Not much nutrition in those calories, but if you're getting that nutrition elsewhere and it's not leaving you feeling sick (it would me!), then no big deal.

    Some PTs are idiots. Few of them have any actual training on nutrition. Don't listen to him. He had no business remarking on your breakfast. He was rude and out of line.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    TeaCurls wrote: »
    I agree that he was most likely saying that M&Ms and cookies are not healthy choices. In no way do I think he was saying that you were fat. I think he was saying you were lacking nutrient rich food, which in your case works for you. One step at a time, right? I think you are on the right track about the calorie dense food but he is used to telling people less sugar more healthy fats, lean protein, whole grains are better for your body. Seeing M&Ms for breakfast could have been an automatic response (think of all the over weight people he is dealing with on a daily basis)

    If you want to gain weight you are going to have to eat more then 1200-1400 calories as that is the recommended intake for those looking to lose weight (like me) I would double that, or at least 1800 per day not to lose. Talking to a nutritionist to get some professional advise may be something you should think about, as their job is to help you in a healthy way. I think there is a forum for those wishing to gain weight who may be able to offer better words of support and suggestions then I ever could. I truly wish you the best of luck with your struggles.

    I would advise you talk to a dietician, not a nutritionist. I know that's probably what was meant by this post and it sounds like picky semantics, but it matters. ANYONE can call him or herself a nutritionist and hang a shingle with very little training or knowledge. Dieticians have to have specific education and certification and are much more knowledgeable. The terms aren't interchangeable and it matters.
  • TortoiseAndGorillas
    TortoiseAndGorillas Posts: 3 Member
    Lounmoun wrote: »
    Only by asking him what he meant would you know. I doubt anyone with an idea of normal healthy weight thinks you need to lose weight. If he thought you needed to lose weight he probably would have asked about that in discussing your goals. If it hasn't come up before then he probably doesn't think you need to lose weight.
    He could have just been surprised that you were eating so much candy and cookies since you are not big. Maybe he assumes health concious people are only eating yogurt and salad . He could have been surprised that it was so many calories if he doesn't often eat that stuff. Who knows without asking him?
    I would be thinking that isn't a great breakfast but I'm eating a pecan roll right now for breakfast so who am I to think that. Millions of people have sugary breakfasts 300 calories or more. Has nothing to do with your weight.

    "Millions of people have sugary breakfasts" made me laugh out loud :)

    What you guys are saying makes me feel better.

    I know long term to gain weight I need to eat above 1200-1500 calories per day but it's hard mentally so it's something I'm easing into and increasing very gradually.

    Thank you for the advice on seeing a dietician. I have been wanting to do that for awhile to figure out what is essential to have nutritionwise so thanks for the virtual kick in the butt xD
  • adriennevy
    adriennevy Posts: 53 Member
    I've finally gotten the hang of making healthier choices as far as calorie counting, watching sugar, carbs, protein, etc. If I were to pick up a bag of M&Ms in a store because I wanted to eat some, I would see the 250 calories (and mostly the 34g sugar,) and think to myself, "wow, that's a lot!" Not because 250 is a lot of calories, but because I could have something way more filling/nutritious that will leave me feeling full for an entire morning that is also 250 calories. It seems like "spending" 250 of my precious 1200 calories (1500 on workout days) on chocolate is such a waste because it won't actually make me feel full. I assume this is also where the trainer's reaction came from.
  • Sira125
    Sira125 Posts: 152 Member
    I think MFP is about getting healthier, not weight loss per se. So I think you belong here if you want to.
  • SylviazSpirit
    SylviazSpirit Posts: 694 Member
    Simply, what he said was his own projection, his own consciousness and self.... He probably second guesses everything he eats. People mostly say things because of an insecurity they have themselves. Just like you, everyone else is worried about what they are or aren't eating, what someone else is thinking, etc etc. Just shake it off hun. It wasn't about you at all. And good for you for starting your journey to a healthier mind and body. You got this.
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