63 days back on MFP. Progress pics.

if I'm honest I'll admit to self-loathing based on my appearance. The way I condescend and judge ME blows me away because I'd NEVER do that to other people. Yet I'm such a dckhead to myself. Last night, on a whim and expecting to see about NO difference in the last 16lbs/63 days of tracking calories and working out 1-4 times per week, depending on schedules (single dad, daughter doesn't have her license yet, plus a date or two maybe? still looking for consistency in my weights). Work outs are 30 minutes weights, 30 minutes on the bike.

When I started I used 12.5kg dumbbells to do standing curls, seated incline curls and presses; did 35lbs on the triceps pull downs, and probably about 75lbs on the seated rows (machine).

Last time at the gym - few days ago; doing four sets 15kg dumb bells with one set of 17kg, using 65lbs on the pull downs and about 115lbs on the rows. I do other routines too - but those are my big three. Also - on the bike, heart rate would hover about 140 and peak over 160 for 10km - which would take me 30 minutes. Last time, rate hovered about 130, peaked about 152 for 10km which took me 20 minutes.

As I look at these pics - my broken brain wants to vomit because I am not the kinda sexy I want for myself. For me. To some people I'm probably already at their GOAL, ya know? I get that. But my brain is still fighting off old, lingering body-image issues.

So - its BECAUSE I am scared of people seeing my body I am posting these pics. How do we get courage? We do the thing that scares us. I'll update with newer pics in another 63 days. While I do not expect my body to have changed (because I don't want the disappointment that'd come with it) I am hopeful and trusting the science of "If I keep working, my body has no choice but to yield to my demands".

Here goes...this is me jumping into the deep end. For scale, I am 6'1" tall.




From my point of view I see my chest is lifted a bit - my arm (NOT as huge as it look in the after pic, but due to the lighting it's hard to see where my triceps ends and back begins) is more-toned maybe? I can see roundness on top of my biceps - looking at where my arm transitions to my armpit, it's not as flabby there, maybe. Little bit of fat near my elbow is gone. Obviously my gut is less-round, too. And I'm looking at a better neck-jaw line.

here's the biceps from the front, taken last week or so. GYM-SELFIE WARNING!



What got me started a bit over two months ago? I read something on facebook saying "One year from now you will be glad you started today!" 10 months left