The almost creepy but not quite creepy neighbor.

LorinaLynn
LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
edited September 29 in Chit-Chat
I just need to get this off my chest...

I have a tiny - and I mean tiny! 30" deep 8 foot - pool in my back yard. A kiddie pool. Just the perfect depth to soak up to my armpits or float on a raft. The yard is fenced in, but just a chain link, and I have Rose of Sharon planted as a privacy hedge along the fence, but as luck would have it, the ones near the back of the yard, near the pool, didn't grow very well, so there's not as much privacy as I'd like.

The guy two houses over (the yards are very narrow) is way too friendly for my taste. And I'm pretty much a hermit. I like to keep to myself. When I go outside, I want to just read my book, not chit chat with the neighbors. Especially chit chatting with an octogenarian while I'm in my bikini. It just feels wrong.

It's gotten to where I hate to go outside when he's out in the yard. I know this is my personal problem, being introverted and antisocial, but I just wish he would read the not so subtle social cues (attempt at a privacy hedge, nose in a book, back to him when possible) that I'm NOT interested in carrying on a conversation with him. Yet I don't want to be rude and say, "Look, old man... LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Last year when I had the same complaint on FB, some folks said, "Oh, he's just lonely!" He's not. He has plenty of company all the time, lives with his wife, and has lived here since the dawn of time so he knows everyone in the neighborhood. He's just too friendly.

So now it's about 90 degrees, and I'm inside sweating while my pool sits empty, and he's out there smoking a cigar. Upwind from me, of course.

Maybe I should revert back to my insecure teenage days and wear a tshirt over my bathing suit. I'm not insecure about my body any more. Just uncomfortable being looked at.
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Replies

  • missfittin_missy
    missfittin_missy Posts: 184 Member
    I tell ya what I will start coming over and floatin round in your pool in a bikinni... that should drive him off quickly LOL... no really I have a creepy neighbor too... sometimes I feel guilty for wishing they would move but mostly I just wish they would move!
  • vcreinert
    vcreinert Posts: 83
    Live your life the way you want to. Forget he is even there. You take control...don't give it to him (which you seem to be doing).
  • Heather75
    Heather75 Posts: 3,386 Member
    I get it. I wouldn't like it either. Your back yard is an extension of your home and you should have an expectation of some privacy. Front yards are fair game, but people should leave each other alone in the back yard unless they are invited over.

    By the way, for once this is not a metaphor, although if it was, it would still be true.
  • kellygirl5538
    kellygirl5538 Posts: 597 Member
    Yeah , I have similar problem of creepy neighbors or some men in general. Maybe you need to tell him to stop! It is not your fault you look hot!
  • 1life2live_cjg
    1life2live_cjg Posts: 75
    Put some head phones on and when he talks to you, you won't be able to hear him. But, keep it out of the water. If that's possible! Well, good luck. (:
  • jowings
    jowings Posts: 157 Member
    Yipes! Maybe you can make a show of putting large headphones on (They really don't have to be plugged into anything) so it looks like you will not be able to hear/carry on a conversation? I know that you wouldn't want any electronics near a large body of water, but even making a show of it would at least deter chatty neighbors?
  • xXxKayleighxXx
    xXxKayleighxXx Posts: 103
    Maybe you could plant another, bigger hedge?

    I hate when people won't get the message that you just want to be left in peace
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
    I got one of those free standing off set umbrellas to put by my boys' pool, and I kick it way to the side using it to block the view of my kids in their pool from the house next door, (sometimes they swim in just their underwear and I don't trust anyone) I don't even use it over the pool for shade (the pool is under a big pine tree anyway) I totally get your desire to be left alone, I HATE random people talking to me when I'm obviously not looking for it....I'm very much a hermit unless it's on my terms!!
  • leomom72
    leomom72 Posts: 1,797 Member
    eww, but i hear ya..we have NO fence in front or back, as we are renting, but i feel like i have to hide from people when i go out to smoke..everyone and their neighbors thinks just because i am out, that means come and talk to me..i get unwanted attention from old guys all the time, and it's gross..i feel for ya, get headphones, and pretend you cant hear him..best of luck :flowerforyou:
  • numnumnums
    numnumnums Posts: 45 Member
    He must know he's creepy by now - he's had 80 years to figure it out. Try saying something to his wife. She oughta straighten him out a little.
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    haha we live in a townhouse and my neighbors deck comes out on the second floor right above our tall fence line so he can look down on us right in our backyard and he always always looks down and starts talking. Our new best friend, A large patio umbrella that we position just so for privacy. A great investment!! Too bad you're kinda a hermit because you look like you are a lot of fun to hang with!!!
  • Surrealgamer
    Surrealgamer Posts: 11 Member
    I am also an introvert who really enjoys my down time (aka alone time). I usually go with something like, "I get so little time to myself that I really enjoy some quiet time with a good book." If subtle doesn't work, I go for direct. As someone else said, it is your time to use the way you want so take control with a direct statement.
  • rileamoyer
    rileamoyer Posts: 2,412 Member
    Ignore him, and if he starts conversation, just say, sorry I really want to read this 'xxxxxx'can we visit another time? I know, easier said than done. The umbrella comment looks doable too.
  • pammye65
    pammye65 Posts: 177 Member
    This is why I live in the Country
  • rileamoyer
    rileamoyer Posts: 2,412 Member
    Ignore him, and if he starts conversation, just say, sorry I really want to read this 'xxxxxx'can we visit another time? I know, easier said than done. The umbrella comment looks doable too.

    Oh yeah on the headphones too.
  • TopazCarey
    TopazCarey Posts: 263
    Omg! That sucks! I hate people like that. I'm relatively introverted too and unless I start a conversation with someone, I usually don't want to have one. But like you said, some people just don't take the clues.

    He's not nearly as creepy as my neighbors, though. There's an old couple across the street from me in their 80s and the lady sits out on her porch and spies on everyone with her binoculars. It's creepy going outside to get the mail and she's staring at me through binoculars from across the street. Lol.
  • ajbeans
    ajbeans Posts: 2,857 Member
    Put some head phones on and when he talks to you, you won't be able to hear him. But, keep it out of the water. If that's possible! Well, good luck. (:

    I was going to suggest this. And if you don't want to listen to music because you're reading, put them on anyway. Get big ones that he'll be able to see. Then when you ignore him, he'll think you just can't hear him.
  • ACF2
    ACF2 Posts: 51
    put up the big private property sign and go to home depot and buy a real fence
  • Avalonis
    Avalonis Posts: 1,540 Member
    Or you could just suck it up. You're a hottie. Guys like to look at hotties. THats how it works.

    Yea, sometimes you want privacy. Sucks living in the city, eh? He's not doing anything wrong, and complaining to his wife will just make you seem insecure and paranoid.

    Not trying to be rude... but honestly. Buy a bigger hedge if it really bothers you that much. Or setup a shade tent on his side of the pool.
  • cartern1
    cartern1 Posts: 270 Member
    Put headphones on - even if you're not listening to anything - he won't bother trying to start a conversation with you. (I do this on public transport all the time)

    Mirrored sunglasses so you can see if he's looking at you.

    If none of these work - a big fence
  • Becca_007
    Becca_007 Posts: 596 Member
    hm, I can so relate! Now this may be mentioned after your post but I simply read your post and am now responding. How about headphones? Wearing them but not having them in use so you can look like you can't hear but can quietly read your book, play in your pool etc.

    I have a whole neighborhood of weirdo's and have learned various ways of dealing with them better than I used too. In the past I'd get my mail from down the block at Midnight, take out my trash (I live upstairs in an upper apt) at crazy time when I didn't figure I'd run into anyone.

    I know what a hassle altering your own life can be but the headphones might be something that you could try, along with ignoring, avoiding eye contact etc. Sometimes that works, hopefully one of those ideas will end the feeling trapped in your house feeling!:glasses:

    I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this in your own space, no fair at all! Though I can't picture your backyard would putting up one of those Lattice Trellis fences work to at least cover the spot that isn't covered this year by the plant?

    Wishing you the best in an awkward situation.

    No, I'd never say "Ohhh he needs a friend, he's lonely" not after living here!! :grumble: :wink: :flowerforyou:
  • LisaCFSF
    LisaCFSF Posts: 258 Member
    I've got the same situation! I have an 8' round "rotisserie chicken" pool that I can do kicks in with a board, swim a little, or float around in circles on a raft, henceforth my nickname for the pool! My soon-to-be 81 yr old neighbor (he informed me of his age today), who looks a decade younger, has ALWAYS "sneaked up on me" while I was cutting grass in a bikini top and shorts, working in my garden, on my deck, or in the pool. He would come up and hug me repeatedly even despite my protests that I was sweaty and even covered with cut grass. His yard is directly behind mine, our backyards meet at my chain-link fence. I have planted trees & shrubs, but can still feel him there. I had the luck to run into him at Wally World today, where he hugged me a little too tightly as usual! I will wear a bikini in MY yard in preferable seclusion NOT for public viewing. Not only am I WAY too uncomfortable with my body to be seen in such, he is just creepy-a nice enough guy, but definitely somewhat creepy! And he never does it it his wife has ventured out onto their deck. Sorry, you have to deal with it also.
  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,423 Member
    This would piss me off, I think you have a perfect right privacy in your own back yard.
    If you don't have enough plants for privacy, I'd be looking at some other kind of screen - can you get something else to cover up the area where the plants haven't grown? I'm sure I've seen some twiggy looking panels that you can unroll and attach to a fence.
    I'd be straight off to the local hardware shop to see what they have.
    In the meantime, the big umbrella on an angle is a great suggestion too.
  • kellygirl5538
    kellygirl5538 Posts: 597 Member
    You know something creepy happend to me today....some dude from the gym somehow found out where I live, in the country and pulled up my driveway...,my kids were scared by someone coming up the driveway.....the dude is married and he is always making body comments! CREEPY
  • amysj303
    amysj303 Posts: 5,086 Member
    neighborhood situations are so fraught! You can't be rude to him and you can't really say anything to his wife, that would be weirder, I mean, approaching her with your concerns. Even if you completely ignored him like you were deaf, it wouldn't make you more comfortable. You just have to go out there and maybe put some headphone in and if he tries to get your attention just wave and nod and go back to your book or close your eyes or whatever. Not ideal, just lesser of the evils, methinks.
  • Becca_007
    Becca_007 Posts: 596 Member
    Put headphones on - even if you're not listening to anything - he won't bother trying to start a conversation with you. (I do this on public transport all the time)

    Mirrored sunglasses so you can see if he's looking at you.

    If none of these work - a big fence
    Love this, you typed faster than me! LOL I really like this persons idea of mirrored sunglasses, that really might give you a feeling of getting some power back.
  • Becca_007
    Becca_007 Posts: 596 Member
    Omg! That sucks! I hate people like that. I'm relatively introverted too and unless I start a conversation with someone, I usually don't want to have one. But like you said, some people just don't take the clues.

    He's not nearly as creepy as my neighbors, though. There's an old couple across the street from me in their 80s and the lady sits out on her porch and spies on everyone with her binoculars. It's creepy going outside to get the mail and she's staring at me through binoculars from across the street. Lol.
    ew! So wrong in so many ways, so sorry you have to deal with crazy, snoopy binocular lady Hon!:frown: :sick:
  • Becca_007
    Becca_007 Posts: 596 Member
    You know something creepy happend to me today....some dude from the gym somehow found out where I live, in the country and pulled up my driveway...,my kids were scared by someone coming up the driveway.....the dude is married and he is always making body comments! CREEPY
    ew, all over again! Who are THESE wacko's!! Yea OK, seriously scary stalking gym guy in your driveway in the Country... these ppl are really starting to piss me off! Where's our privacy? I hate to even think how he found your home, likely following you.

    Be careful Hon!!:flowerforyou: :heart:
  • jtsmou
    jtsmou Posts: 503 Member
    I'm a creepy neighbor
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,223 Member
    Omg! That sucks! I hate people like that. I'm relatively introverted too and unless I start a conversation with someone, I usually don't want to have one. But like you said, some people just don't take the clues.

    He's not nearly as creepy as my neighbors, though. There's an old couple across the street from me in their 80s and the lady sits out on her porch and spies on everyone with her binoculars. It's creepy going outside to get the mail and she's staring at me through binoculars from across the street. Lol.

    One of my old neighbors growing up used to sit @ her window looking through her binoculars...lol she was a bit on the paranoid side, and she would always watch our house when we were out of town, etc... She was my favorite neighbor even though she was a mean old bitty and nosey to boot. She was just super paranoid, had been robbed before....and she held that burglar at bay with a PITCH FORK, she was NOT gonna let them get away I guess. So I knew why she did the things she did and it didn't bother me too much...except when she would catch me after curfew in her binoculars. LOL

    Now when I was a kid, I had to tell my dad about a "nice lonely old man" who attended our church. This "nice lonely old man" would always sit by me in church, try to hold hands, hug me everytime he saw me, etc.... it took my dad to tell him to stay away or he would bury him in the desert for that old man to leave me alone! No matter how many times I would try to politely tell him to back the hell off he NEVER got it, but he did GET it when my dad told him.

    I do like the umbrella idea...maybe a large barking, slobbering dog as well...rottweiller comes to mind (LOL)

    I HATE when neighbors try to talk to me over the fence - that annoys the *kitten* out of me!
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