Newly broken up :(

kgecik
kgecik Posts: 17 Member
in Chit-Chat
Anyone else? We were together ten months. He was a commitment phobe. We traveled together, I hung out with his family and was even going on a Christmas trip with them--he let them buy me a ticket--and he willingly hung out with my son.

Turns out he "didn't like me like that".

It hurts. Other than the whole couldn't tell me he liked me part we got along splendidly. :(
«13

Replies

  • Pterod
    Pterod Posts: 131 Member
    I'm sorry to hear you're going through a break up, that's really difficult. I'm going through one too, it's lonely and I hate it.
  • TK6299
    TK6299 Posts: 502 Member
    Going through one too... totally sucks.
  • alush08
    alush08 Posts: 14 Member
    kgecik wrote: »
    Anyone else? We were together ten months. He was a commitment phobe. We traveled together, I hung out with his family and was even going on a Christmas trip with them--he let them buy me a ticket--and he willingly hung out with my son.

    Turns out he "didn't like me like that".

    It hurts. Other than the whole couldn't tell me he liked me part we got along splendidly. :(

    I think you were dating my ex! Together a year did everything together with all of our kids (7 total between us) took me to Hawaii for two weeks this summer with his brother and sister. Then told me he decided he needed to work on him and needed to let me go because he wanted to be selfish and it wasn't fair to me...blah, blah, blah. I feel the pain. I allowed myself to trust him and love him. Now he is gone.
  • TK6299
    TK6299 Posts: 502 Member
    What is up with that? Ugh... Intentions up front my peeps.
  • Pterod
    Pterod Posts: 131 Member
    My head is a mess, how are you coping @TK6299 and @alush08 @kgecik?
  • SwoleyRoller
    SwoleyRoller Posts: 652 Member
    well that's pretty messed up. All that time and what? He thought you were just friends?
  • Brandicaloriecountess
    Brandicaloriecountess Posts: 2,126 Member
    Yes, two years in. I thought so highly of him. We got along, hardly argued. We moved in together after a year. A week ago (literally) started like any other day. Until I got home from work and he was gone. Nothing but a letter for me and each of my kids.

    Early that week we had talked about marriage. HE said in 4-5 months. Then he was just gone.

    I've been absolutely devastated, I keep dreaming of our normal life, I haven't slept well in a week. It's so upsetting and confusing. I feel so betrayed, my hopes and plans are just gone.

    I've been reading some really good books, and I started seeing a new therapist.
  • Brandicaloriecountess
    Brandicaloriecountess Posts: 2,126 Member
    @kgecik that's what's so hard. We got along so well. It just was (or felt) so natural.

    @alush08 I was given the same basic reasons. I can't give you want you need, so bye Felicia.
  • kd_mazur
    kd_mazur Posts: 569 Member
    I've been there too. We were together for almost 2 years. I became close with his family and he with mine. One evening, we had dinner together and he took me back home. When we got to my house, he stated very matter of factly, that he had decided he was not interested in being a husband and a father.
    He had been the one who brought the idea of marriage up (quite early in the relationship) so it really hit me from left field!
    Time has gone on and I healed from that train wreck but it was not easy. Be kind to yourself and take time to grieve your loss.
  • kgecik
    kgecik Posts: 17 Member
    We teach at the same school. He did tell me pretty early on he had some issues regarding commitment. I knew. We were exclusive, hung out 3-4 times a week, went on several trips together. I gave him lots of space and never pressured. We had so much fun together. But he was never able to say "I really like you" let alone anything with love. He said saying that made him feel trapped. He's not a bad guy, just messed up. But I can't be with someone who can't at the minimum say he likes me. He's 40 so he should have known better. You don't show someone you like them through your actions and then tell them you don't like them. It's a total mind trip for me. Usually it's the other way around- they say they love you but their actions show otherwise.
  • Ploofs
    Ploofs Posts: 59 Member
    Sadly on the same boat. Was in a relationship for 10 months as well.
    I knew really early on in the relationship it wouldn't work out though but I would try to "fix" things. I should've gotten out fast but I ended up opening up to him (which is hard for me to do with anyone) so I ended up getting really hurt. It sucks :(.
  • Just_J_Now
    Just_J_Now Posts: 9,551 Member
    rebel_26 wrote: »
    generally if a guy just "poofs" there was or is someone else. Not being mean just telling you from a guys side...cant speak for why a female would do it but suspect the same.

    I wholeheartedly believe this.
  • Brandicaloriecountess
    Brandicaloriecountess Posts: 2,126 Member
    I almost wish mine left for someone else. That's an easier pill to swallow then what I was left with.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    rebel_26 wrote: »
    generally if a guy just "poofs" there was or is someone else. Not being mean just telling you from a guys side...cant speak for why a female would do it but suspect the same.

    I second this.....
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    I have a friend that was in a 11 year relationship and the guy said this...
  • Pterod
    Pterod Posts: 131 Member
    I'm so sad and lonely, I have never been alone before.
  • llaurenmarie
    llaurenmarie Posts: 1,260 Member
    Get out there again :)
  • bobfernandes
    bobfernandes Posts: 8 Member
    I know how it is. My adult life being someone and after 22 years, its over. Not easy and it makes staying motivated to lose weight and get healthier even harder because I'd rather just eat my sorrows away.
  • Brandicaloriecountess
    Brandicaloriecountess Posts: 2,126 Member
    bobfernandes wrote: »
    I know how it is. My adult life being someone and after 22 years, its over. Not easy and it makes staying motivated to lose weight and get healthier even harder because I'd rather just eat my sorrows away.

    I had the opposite. I couldn't eat all last week :-/

  • Pterod
    Pterod Posts: 131 Member
    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    I'm so sad and lonely, I have never been alone before.
    Why aren't you dating?

    It's been less than a month and I have three children, their father doesn't take them away much. I'm concentrating on creating a calm, healing home life for them. It's really lonely when they go to bed though.
    rugratz2015 wrote: »
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    I'm so sad and lonely, I have never been alone before.

    That's a good thing! it will teach you to enjoy your own company, make your own decisions/mistakes, be selfish and generally get to know yourself better. Figure out what you want out of life and how to get it without having to take anyone else into consideration! Time to focus on you and celebrate !!! do things on your own, travel, meet new friends, be nice to yourself x

    Thanks, I need to try to enjoy these things but it's so much harder than I expected.
  • Just_J_Now
    Just_J_Now Posts: 9,551 Member
    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    I'm so sad and lonely, I have never been alone before.
    Why aren't you dating?

    It's been less than a month and I have three children, their father doesn't take them away much. I'm concentrating on creating a calm, healing home life for them. It's really lonely when they go to bed though.
    rugratz2015 wrote: »
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    I'm so sad and lonely, I have never been alone before.

    That's a good thing! it will teach you to enjoy your own company, make your own decisions/mistakes, be selfish and generally get to know yourself better. Figure out what you want out of life and how to get it without having to take anyone else into consideration! Time to focus on you and celebrate !!! do things on your own, travel, meet new friends, be nice to yourself x

    Thanks, I need to try to enjoy these things but it's so much harder than I expected.
    So you just sit and knit sweaters by the fire after they go to bed?

    Sign up for a dating app and text 5 guys concurrently and mislead all of them. You are not looking for anything serious at this moment right? Now is the time to lead ten men on and sit back and enjoy the attention.

    I agree you need to be careful about not getting involved too soon with kids in the picture. But there is are plenty of fools on the dating scene looking for hooking up and you can game them at will. Happy hunting ;)

    FIFY I just HAD to do that. B)
  • Pterod
    Pterod Posts: 131 Member
    Knitting isn't my thing. I hadn't even thought about dating or leading anyone on. I have a certain amount of attention from a couple of kind people but I'd feel far too guilty to lead them on, I really don't want anything serious, no. Hmm...best get googling knitting techniques after all.
  • hollygirl101
    hollygirl101 Posts: 93 Member
    I agree with @rugratz2015, use this time to just DO YOU. Stay single, in fact actively avoid dating for a while. Get to know yourself outside of a relationship, learn to enjoy your own company and function on your own. Get a babysitter and go out with some girlfriends! The more you sit around and feel sorry for yourself the lonelier you'll feel. And the lonelier you allow yourself to get the more apt you are to go for the wrong guy just to "have someone". You're better than that. <3
  • Bucknutz247
    Bucknutz247 Posts: 224 Member
    Omg that guy is either blind or crazy
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    Paging

    @GnothiSeauton23
    @PowerMan40
    @Maximus
    @total_e

    Who did I miss?

    I'm crushed; absolutely crushed.
  • kgecik
    kgecik Posts: 17 Member
    My guy didn't disappear or poof as you said. Things were great. We had a few trips planned as far out as December. I felt like I needed to KNOW that he liked me (duh how basic). When he asked he clammed up so I broke it off. Haven't talked to him in 4 weeks.

    Sometimes even when you make the right choice it still hurts like hell though.

    Also, I went on a few dating sites and it was gross.
  • kgecik
    kgecik Posts: 17 Member
    Just like a meat market. Guys didn't read my profile. Would send msgs just saying stupid stuff. Plus the guys in my area appear to be bros or rednecks. I joined looking for hope, as in "see there are plenty of others out there" but I cancelled my accounts bc it was more of a bummer.

Categories