Faux Support

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  • SMarie10
    SMarie10 Posts: 956 Member
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    I think I'd drop her like a hot potato.

    I do have a very close friend who has said absolutely nothing to me about my weight loss... Kind of funny, because I was always heavier than she, and now I'm definitely lighter. I don't push it, because I'm not doing this for anyone else but me, but if she ever asks I'll be happy to tell her all about MFP.

    Sounds like you have things in perspective - just ignore her and maybe she will get the hint.
  • Thriceshy
    Thriceshy Posts: 707 Member
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    It's a driving force to keep me succeeding when others put my efforts down. I just laugh to myself that they're the ones miserable and just lashing out. I say keep 'em as a friend and use that to push you. But, that's me. :)

    I like you. And you're right, while it's sometimes so hard to listen to, at the end of the day it's also an inspiration. Weird, how that works.

    Kris
  • UpToAnyCool
    UpToAnyCool Posts: 1,673
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    Don't you just want to DIE rather than spend your life not being able to eat everything you want whenever you want

    I used to say sh_t like this, but the truth is that I would rather be alive or have a better quality of life while alive. I try to remember that dead people don't eat donuts, not even on occasion... :laugh: :wink:
  • jvkh127
    jvkh127 Posts: 261 Member
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    I would confront her about the situation. In a nice conversation way, ask her why she does this to you when all you are trying to do is get healthy. Explain how if she supported you better it would help in your endeavor. If she is that close of a friend or family member she may understand and try to refrain from the nasty comments.
  • bethdris
    bethdris Posts: 1,090 Member
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    So I have this female person in my life, right? Whenever I mention that I'm losing weight or that my A1c is down, she gets this tight, almost rictus-like smile and said, "That's nice--I'm happy for you." Yet she spends more time than can possibly be healthy for her trying to convince me that I'm miserable. "Don't you feel angry? Don't you feel so cheated? Don't you just want to DIE rather than spend your life not being able to eat everything you want whenever you want?" I describe lower carb and calorie foods and she grimaces and curls her upper lip lke I'm talking about baked potato BUGS instead of potatoes. I talk about my lower carb/calorie bread (which she used to like before she was told it was "diet") and she says, "Ew, that cardboard crap?" I talk about having boneless ribs, and she says my meals aren't even worth eating if I can't have a dozen ribs and some horrifically fatty dessert to go with it. I talk about homemade tacos with wonderful, lower-carb chili beans, and she says she can't imagine even bothering if there aren't refried beans and "mountains" of Spanish rice. Like gluttony is something to strive for.

    Anyone else have a not-so-supportive person in your life pretending to be rooting for you?


    Sounds like someone is extremely jealous of your success. As the show CHOPPED goes.....Sorry, you've been CHOPPED! :)
    Kris
  • HadraPriestess
    HadraPriestess Posts: 58 Member
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    If that person is a "close blood relative" you can still be HONEST w/ her about how is treating you!
    You: I feel really disappointed when you are not supportive of my weight loss goals.
    You: I feel that you are not being supportive for something that is healthy for me.
    You: I want to share this w/ you, and yet it is difficult for me to do so when the comments you make are negative.
    You: I want you to know that I don't have to share my wt loss "stuff" w/ you if it makes you uncomfortable....why do I think that? Because of your feedback...then give examples just like you did us.

    You are doing this for you, right?!
    And you have support on MFP, right? So, don't even INCLUDE this toxic negative nelly in your discussion about food, wt loss, goals, period. if you can not be honest w/ her about how her influence affects you.

    Classic, old but true....who needs enemies when you have friends like that?!
  • icerose137
    icerose137 Posts: 318 Member
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    Even being a close blood relative I would say avoid her as much as possible. That kind of poison isn't worth having around. Also, I would strongly suggest having a heart to heart with her, how her negative behaviors hurt your feelings, and then proceed to not talk about health food or your changes with her ever again.
  • noogie98
    noogie98 Posts: 423 Member
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    I have a sister in law & niece like that; I literally tune them out when they start in on me. I am on a journey & I totally refuse to let them derail me! I have another sister in law that every time I say something about my lifestyle change, she has to 'one up' me by making a comment that she has done it already & it didn't work, so why should I even try. Now, all of these women could stand to lose at least 100 lbs, and I really think I threaten them with my success. Since they are family, I see them all the time, and I just smile and let them go on, because like I said, they are not going to change my way of thinking or doing what I am doing.

    You are doing great; do not let anyone deter you from your mission! Sounds like they have a little green eyed monster in them, and they just have to share their bitterness with you.
    :wink:
  • Artemis_Acorn
    Artemis_Acorn Posts: 836 Member
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    Close relatives are tough. If it's a sibling, there's always that rivalry thing, and it does sound like jealousy as well, but what I also hear coming through in what this person is saying is a crapload of denial and excuses about why this wouldn't work for them. Why would they think you're angry? Why should you feel cheated? Since when are there no consequences for overeating? These statements are not even rational - they are entirely rooted in emotion. It's sad really.

    The reaction to healthy food also sounds like an emotional response, as though there is some fear that making this commitment will result in a lifetime of deprivation rather than an improvement in the quality of your life. Your relative has some serious emotional baggage I'm afraid. Taking control of our health is not the equivalent of signing up for prisoner of war rations!

    As for how to deal with it, since they are a relative, I would pleasantly but consistently make it a point to change the subject rather than be baited into a conversation that will demoralize you. And if they press the issue, point out that it is your body and your choice in how you're going to nourish it. I personally would make a fuss about how delicious my (healthy) food is, and about how great I feel - but that's probably just because it would bug them. Hehehe.

    Good luck.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    She sounds toxic and like she has her own food issues that she needs to work out. You may want to limit your contact with her, she's not even faux support, she's toxic to your progress and health. She sounds to me like she doesn't want to deal with her own issues so she can't be supportive of yours because you effort is only highlighting her own decision not to deal with her own issues.

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