The almost creepy but not quite creepy neighbor.

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Replies

  • mamijujuphat
    mamijujuphat Posts: 407 Member
    That is a bad situation...but what's important is that you get your privacy back...it's not fair for you to feel uncomfortable in your own backyard...I agree with putting something to give you privacy ...bamboo fencing is inexpensive & might use it to provide you with much more needed privacy ...or an umbrella...hope you can solve your issue.....to the best for everyone...so you can enjoy your pool
  • LisaCFSF
    LisaCFSF Posts: 258 Member
    You know something creepy happend to me today....some dude from the gym somehow found out where I live, in the country and pulled up my driveway...,my kids were scared by someone coming up the driveway.....the dude is married and he is always making body comments! CREEPY

    Notify the local police and if comments continue, get a restraining order! I've seen a lot of incidences both on television and in the news, where this could very feasibly turn into something really ugly. He apparently has an obsession with you to go so far as to follow you home. That's scary and I'm sure it was unsettling for your children. I don't know your views on this, but being armed (safely and legally of course) is always an option. I wouldn't just shrug this off.
  • TheTeeWhy
    TheTeeWhy Posts: 186
    I have a neighbour who is just plain pain in the *kitten* V_v I really dislike all the neighbours around here no since their bratty kids have grown up and decide to trample through everyones yards and stuff. The parents are some of the most piss poor excuses for parents I've ever seen too. Guy would rather sit around drinking cheap beer, hanging out with teenagers(guys in his 40s) and smoke his crappy skunk weed than actually make an effort in raising his children, makes me mad.
    (I have nothing wrong with people smokin pot, but the whole neighbourhood doesn't need to know. >_>

    Anyways, that said I know what it's like to have the fun and enjoyment of your own backyard compromised by creepy/annoying people. Sucks
  • cartern1
    cartern1 Posts: 270 Member
    You know something creepy happend to me today....some dude from the gym somehow found out where I live, in the country and pulled up my driveway...,my kids were scared by someone coming up the driveway.....the dude is married and he is always making body comments! CREEPY
    I sincerely hope you have reported this to the police and to the manager of the gym.
    There could be a data protection issue at the gym.
  • joeysrib
    joeysrib Posts: 158 Member
    My father in law is that way, always watching whenever we leave and comeback, did I mention that my in laws live across the road? So, ok, I have tankini swimsuits, and yeah a kiddie pool, not quite as big as yours, but out I go, and I pull up the tank part to right under my girls, and at 304 pounds, it ain't pretty, up walks my father in law. For no reason, just to shoot the breeze. All the while, I'm wishing he would just leave.

    Finally one day, I said something to my mother in law, along the lines of while I enjoy visiting, I really would rather he wait until I am clothed, and come over. He stopped coming over when my husband isn't home. Still comes over too much for my liking, but at least he waits until hubs is home.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    You know something creepy happend to me today....some dude from the gym somehow found out where I live, in the country and pulled up my driveway...,my kids were scared by someone coming up the driveway.....the dude is married and he is always making body comments! CREEPY
    I sincerely hope you have reported this to the police and to the manager of the gym.
    There could be a data protection issue at the gym.

    Yes, this!!!! That's completely unacceptable.

    I'm feeling much better now, after over an hour of floating in seclusion with him nowhere in sight. Granted, it had become really cloudy and looked like it was going to rain at any second and I was actually kind of chilly, but still...

    I'm really glad he's not a hugger or anything like that. *shudder*

    As luck would have it, he's one of the few people my dog (just a little Pekingese, but very vocal) doesn't bark at anymore. Beavis has accepted the old guy as part of the scenery. :tongue:

    It's pretty much just ONE of the Rose of Sharon shrubs that's being a slacker. I could probably train my honeysuckle to grow along the empty spot on the fence. Short term, some nice fast growing morning glories might fill in the gap. Nice thing about those shrubs, though, they multiply like crazy. I can probably dig up a young one from somewhere else in the yard.

    Until then, my giant bug-eye Jackie O style sunglasses will come in handy.
  • ZenMomentum
    ZenMomentum Posts: 23 Member
    I've had the hermit problem too. Whenever I feel that way I need to ask myself "Why am I afraid to be honest with this person?". Every challenge we face is an opportunity to grow as an individual.

    I can continue to build more walls around myself or I can address what really makes me feel uncomfortable around other people. For me it was a fear of hurting other people and being hurt by other people. As a result, I end up like a turtle in a shell, which is no way to live. It's easier to accept that in life there's going to be some pain.

    I don't think I can truly ever 'be fit' if I don't address my heart and mind as well as my body.
  • mikeyml
    mikeyml Posts: 568 Member
    I'm going to be honest here and hope you don't take it the wrong way. I would bet this guy has no idea he is bothering you. A lot of older people like to know their neighbors and strike up conversations. For them, real life interactions are much better than watching television, playing on the internet or texting on their smart phone. Anyway, I really don't see how he is being creepy or why he is being labeled a weirdo. He sounds like he just enjoys talking to people and sitting in his back yard.

    On the other hand, I totally agree that you shouldn't feel uncomfortable about using your back yard. I would just plant bigger bushes and be done with it. In fact, you could even bring a small stereo outside and play music without headphones. I'm betting he wouldn't approach you if he heard the stereo on.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    Mikey, that's exactly how I feel about him. The only thing he's doing "wrong" is not reading my too subtle (for him) "don't bother me" cues of sunglasses, books, and privacy hedge. He is just a friendly guy who talks to everyone.
  • Panda_Jack
    Panda_Jack Posts: 829 Member
    sunglasses and headphones. That way you can pretend to not see him or hear him while you read your book.
    Oh and turn the pool so you can have your back to the hedge so you really don't see him.
  • Surrealgamer
    Surrealgamer Posts: 11 Member
    You know something creepy happend to me today....some dude from the gym somehow found out where I live, in the country and pulled up my driveway...,my kids were scared by someone coming up the driveway.....the dude is married and he is always making body comments! CREEPY

    Now that's EXTRA CREEPY. I would be really uncomfortable if someone from the gym just looked up my home address and dropped by. There are a bunch of good suggestion about talking to the gym manager or police if you feel like this man is stalking you. Sounds that way from what you wrote here.
  • mike_littlerock
    mike_littlerock Posts: 296 Member
    I have thoughts on both sides of this discussion.

    First of all, when I was buff in my younger days, I also had a problem with the stalker types.. paying too much attention, trying to come up with excuses to start a meaningless conversation, etc. The bad news is that my stalker types were much older women and a couple of gay men at the health club that I used to work for. I am not at all homophobic, or old-lady-that-smells-like-cigarettes-aphobic either, but you can tell when someone is trying to be more than a friend. Wont bore you with horror stories, etc. but it all worked out in the long run and now its just a funny story. That being said, it is my opinion that while men and women can both be sexually harassed, it is a MUCH bigger issue for women and it is something that I hate to hear about.. If any of the creeps are in Little Rock, I will be more than happy to go have a chat with them for you ladies.

    secondly, regarding LorenaLynn's follow-up post. I think I see the core issue, and feel that I can help with a bit of insight from a man's perspective. you said the following, regarding your neighbor:
    "he only thing he's doing "wrong" is not reading my too subtle (for him) "don't bother me" cues of sunglasses, books, and privacy hedge"
    I read that and now I fully understand that the core issue is that he does not get your hints to leave you alone.. The fundamental flaw is that as men, we are biologically unable to understand a "hint" at all, and when you throw in "subtle".. well there is not a snowballs chance in hell that we are going to get it. It is not that we dont WANT to get hints, it would make our lives soooo much easier, but we are simply not able to process the hints. It is my theory that the portion of a woman's brain that is responsible for generation and interpretation of hints, is used in a mans brain to store intricate information about engine's, guns, and sports. Consider it to be a disability and please try to be more understanding the next time you ladies want to trow out one of those hint thingies.

    P.S. the funny look on our faces when you make a hint is because your hint actually triggered the part of the brain that is used by the fairer sex for hints. We are puzzled (and delighted) about the thoughts that appeared in our head, triggered by your comments.. unfortunately for you, the thought was scrambled into "man thoughts" and instead of a hint to get new patio furniture, we started to think about the benefits of a hemispherical combustion chamber.. ahhhhh.. hemi..
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    The fundamental flaw is that as men, we are biologically unable to understand a "hint" at all, and when you throw in "subtle".. well there is not a snowballs chance in hell that we are going to get it. It is not that we dont WANT to get hints, it would make our lives soooo much easier, but we are simply not able to process the hints.

    *snarf* :laugh: *snarf*

    This sounds so much like my husband. I made a pact with him 12 years ago that I will always tell him when I'm giving him a hint.

    If it's written, I'll even put <hint>hint brackets</hint> around it.
  • mike_littlerock
    mike_littlerock Posts: 296 Member
    HTML hint code.. I must say that I LOVE it!
  • ymamyma
    ymamyma Posts: 227
    I get it. I wouldn't like it either. Your back yard is an extension of your home and you should have an expectation of some privacy. Front yards are fair game, but people should leave each other alone in the back yard unless they are invited over.

    By the way, for once this is not a metaphor, although if it was, it would still be true.

    Hahahah. True, on both counts. :laugh:
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    Best part about the recent heat wave? ALL my neighbors have been staying indoors, and the pool has felt ammmmmmazing!
  • YukonJoy
    YukonJoy Posts: 1,279 Member
    To heck with the headphones! Bring out your stereo and blast heavy metal. That should send him scurrying indoors fast enough!

    (This is how I make sure no one takes the camping spots next to mine, mwhaahaha)
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
    just tell him " i dont mean to be rude but i need some me time so please forgive me for not being social today". Leave it at that. He will respect that.
  • Becca_007
    Becca_007 Posts: 596 Member
    Best part about the recent heat wave? ALL my neighbors have been staying indoors, and the pool has felt ammmmmmazing!
    ha ha ....one good thing about the heat! Same thing with weirdos in my neighborhood is happening.:laugh:

    Glad you finally get a bit of swim/private time!:drinker:
  • Trixtabella
    Trixtabella Posts: 471 Member
    Put some head phones on and when he talks to you, you won't be able to hear him. But, keep it out of the water. If that's possible! Well, good luck. (:
    This is what I do everywhere lol.
    I am a lot like you hermit rather be inside and not talk to neighbours or boyfriends friends from work when I am on my own.
    If they see me out of work and say anything I am like sorry didn't hear you headphones. They are brilliant invention.
  • elfie9863
    elfie9863 Posts: 337
    I had a creepy neighbor once too. He would sorta follow me ... front yard - here he was...back yard - here he was... If I pulled in the driveway at the same time as him he would wait me out to get out of the car so he could talk to me. Hard to play the waiting game when ya really gotta pee. Oddly tho..once I got to know him we ended up dating for a few years...hahaha...not your usual creep story, but thought I would throw it in.
  • adamcf
    adamcf Posts: 126
    be rude. when he tries to talk to you just give him a quick expressionless glance and then go back to whatever you were doing. don't show any expression. if he keeps trying to talk to you, do something repetitive. something subtle but obvious that you are doing it. like tapping your fingers in a sequence. and continue to ignore him. doing something repetitive keeps your attention off of him and makes it easier to continue to ignore him. do this every for the next 2 to 3 times you're out there. But only do it in your backyard.

    Oddly enough this will train your neighbor emotionally to avoid contact with you in the backyard. It builds an emotional wall. It demonstrates dominance. It's really the same thing he's doing with you. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but for friendly people this is how they control other people. He's not trying to do it maliciously, it's just a part of his personality. But its very easy to counter it and take back control.
  • I know how you feel. I live in an apartment and my next door neighbor always wants to hang out and talk. He isn't quite so old but even so, I have my own set of friends and otherwise like to be left to myself. I wish I knew what to do because he always catches my whenever I walk out of my place. Perhaps you can put up a lattice behind your shrubs to help with piracy and to fill in sparse areas.
  • *privacy
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    Just flash him and get it over with. You know that's what he wants :)
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
    This is why I live in the Country

    This. I used to live in the suburbs in a house with a tiny yard and this would happen to me all the time. Now my closest neighbor is 1/4 mile away and I could run naked around my entire house and no one would be the wiser.
  • Illona88
    Illona88 Posts: 903 Member
    Don't ever move to a small village. Ever. Your garden is basically public property there. Neighbours just wandering in to talk to you about the weather. Why I moved to London, haha.
  • Doodlewhopper
    Doodlewhopper Posts: 1,018 Member
    The Hibiscus needs around 1" of water per week. It needs to be in soil that drains well. Mulch out to the drip line and fertilize with stakes. Prune it in late winter to encourage it to bush out. Compost is magic.

    If it is not keeping up with its siblings I would suspect it is in a low area that doesnt drain as well, if so, put an inch of sand around it each season to bring it up.
  • lostdogg
    lostdogg Posts: 450 Member
    There have been some good posts here and some that may not be as good for you. Only you know what you would feel comfortable doing. As for me, I don't think I've been "creepy" in the past, but I have been a little friendly when it wasn't wanted before. (I got the message quick and handled myself accordingly even though in my mind it was innocent enough)..... What she did was (not rudely, but still firmly) tell me that she wasn't interested in conversation.

    Maybe just figure out what rudeness/politeness level you're comfortable with and start there.

    Whether it be "Hey old man, quit looking at me and stop talking to me" or "excuse me, but I've got things on my mind and don't reallywant to chat with you. Will you please let me be?"...... or anything in between.

    In my situation, she told me "I'm really not interesting in talking to you"
    It was simple and blunt, yet wasn't rude.

    You should never be intimidated in your own space. Take it back. It's your pool.
    I do hope you resolve this.

    Good luck. Hope this helps. :)

    Sincerely,
    Creepy old dude
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    Thankfully, in the two years since I posted this, my wimpy hedge stepped up it's game, grew a few feet, plusmerged with my honeysuckle vine, so I don't have the problem any more.
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