Husband doesn't get it

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squattinlikeitshawt
squattinlikeitshawt Posts: 1 Member
in Motivation and Support
My husband and I recently started working out at home, together. I'm not the best at working out consistently and my former isn't always 100. But seriously neither is his. He feels the need to criticize my former, my slight inconsistency and after I discussed with him how that made me feel, he tries to get all 'cozy' with me while I'm literally lifting weights over my head, and then gets mad when I tell him to not touch me till I'm don't with weights. Any one else have this issue. Help!

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  • peterbuller8
    peterbuller8 Posts: 155 Member
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    My wife started me on this journey now complains when i scan food or log everything when we go out :/
  • hatchizzle
    hatchizzle Posts: 3 Member
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    Sounds like me and my husband when we have a misunderstanding. I voice my feelings, he tries to make up for it in his weird quirky way, when I reject that then he gets butt hurt. We run into that a lot. I always let him cool down a bit then take a different approach. Try telling him how much you appreciate him loving on you and you are glad that you are there for each other while you both change into a healthier lifestyle. And if it keeps happening maybe look for a friend to be a workout buddy so that you are exercising outside the house away from any negative critiquing. I ended up joining the gym at my work so that I can push myself at my own pace away from my husband to avoid that situation. They care, they just don't know how to show it sometimes.
  • marykt2016
    marykt2016 Posts: 3 Member
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    Maybe you're just so darn sexy when you lift ;)

    Kidding, kidding.
    It can be frustrating feeling like he isn't taking you seriously. Sometimes exercising at home can make things difficult too because it's only the two of you. It might help to keep repeating to him that you feel like he isn't taking it seriously, that you need some space because the weights are heavy, that you love him but we need to focus and have fun later. It's a sticky situation, but any compromise is better than staying annoyed. Good luck!
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    When my dh and I exercised together he admitted that he got really turned on. But he didn't try to get cozy while I was actually exercising.
    Discuss what is going to happen during exercise time. Tell him you do not want to give or receive corrections. Ask that he concentrate on his exercise and leave you to do your thing. Tell him you don't want to touch during exercise time and that maybe you will be better off exercising alone if he can't focus.
  • winejunky143
    winejunky143 Posts: 153 Member
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    When my bf took me to the gym the first time he did his own thing and I was left standing around awkwardly not knowing what to do. I let him do his thing and ran on the treadmill instead. Afterwards I told him I had wanted him to help me and that I didn't know anything about lifting weights. The next trip to the gym he was more of a coach. He didn't criticize me in a mean way at all. Just coached. It was nice. I didn't feel like he was trying to make fun of me or just telling me what I was doing wrong. He encouraged, motivated and directed me. Nothing personal. Just a coach. We saved the cozy things for later.
    So maybe ask him to coach not criticize and let you have your space with the weights for obvious safety reasons.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    Yeah, don't lift with him.
  • JBApplebee
    JBApplebee Posts: 481 Member
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  • shellyld2016
    shellyld2016 Posts: 288 Member
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    If he seriously knows his stuff I would listen and be thrilled he wants to help. If not just don't lift together.
  • BeardedCowboyWarrior
    BeardedCowboyWarrior Posts: 18 Member
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    Tie him up and dont let him go to your finished... Wait... that may be what he wants...
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,867 Member
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    shellyld2016 wrote: »
    If he seriously knows his stuff I would listen and be thrilled he wants to help. If not just don't lift together.

    That was actually my wife's line of thinking a few years ago...she wanted to go to the gym with me because I knew my stuff...me trying to train her though was just a bad idea and caused a lot of unnecessary problems...some people can totally make this work, but from what I've seen the vast majority of couples are better off on their own in the weight room. We do lots of other exercise stuff together, but we do our own thing in the weight room and she's been far more receptive to who actual trainer than she ever was to me...IDK, it just ends up being a weird dynamic a lot of the time.
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,953 Member
    edited October 2016
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    It's very unsafe for someone to try to interfere physically with exercises especially lifting weights. That's pretty standard safety protocol. Maybe I understand that more having been on construction sites, but it's not a joke if someone drops something heavy in an unsafe way. Maybe show him a safe work video off youtube that is about lifting (doesn't have to be about lifting weights).
  • H_Ock12
    H_Ock12 Posts: 1,152 Member
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    "Accidentally" bop him with a weight or an elbow....he'll learn quickly. Elsewise, I would recommend not working out with him. My husband and I go TO the gym together, but once we're in the door we go our separate ways...different goals, different methods, different personalities.
  • shellyld2016
    shellyld2016 Posts: 288 Member
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    @cwolfman13 I can see how that can happen. My husband doesn't work out with me because he simply doesn't like to work out. So it really isn't a problem for me. We have very different ideas on some things and I can see there being areas where we might clash.
  • Ilovepeppers
    Ilovepeppers Posts: 396 Member
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    peterbuller8 wrote: »
    My wife started me on this journey now complains when i scan food or log everything when we go out :/

    I've been there where people are supportive at first, but then you're a kill joy because you also track while you're out. People don't always understand that not tracking while out can really throw you off track ={
  • cqbkaju
    cqbkaju Posts: 1,011 Member
    edited October 2016
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    cwolfman13 wrote: »
    This is why my wife and I don't lift together...yes, I always used to try to correct her form (legitimately because I do know what I'm doing)...I'd suggest not lifting together.

    ^ This. +10

    When my wife (then fiancée) wanted to start training for her black belt in my program I originally said no.
    I told her to train somewhere else.

    I finally relented -partly because she lawyer'd me into admitting there was not really a comparable program in the region- and told her she could train with me under 2 conditions:

    (1) She was to never take emotions from our home life into the gym
    and
    (2) She was to never let her treatment as "one of the guys" while training upset her and be pissy about it at home.

    It took about 7 years for her to pass her black belt test. To be fair, there is no special "woman's class" at my school, it was a 6.5 hour test against ~ 200 - 240 lb guys who were trying to knock and choke her out. She is about 5'8" & 115 lbs, in a soaking wet uniform.

    It was iffy a few times. She tore her MCL about 2 years into training. That was fun.
    Then a few years later as a brown belt she once said it wasn't fair for me to expect more from her because we were together.
    I explained that it was, because she had access to the coach almost 24/7/365.
    Sometimes when I corrected her etc. in class she gave me a dirty look but remembered the deal.

    I am proud she did it, but I am not sure I would go through it again. It was pretty stressful.
    That is why coaches send there kids etc to OTHER schools (with instructors they respect) to learn the basics.
    You don't want to seem like to are playing favorites or pushing them too hard early on.

    You need to be there for you and everyone you are training with needs to understand and respect that.

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