How to deal with body shaming bullies?
winejunky143
Posts: 153 Member
One of my co-workers has been body shaming me for the past year. He also happens to be my boss and a family member. He tells me I'm fat all the time. Sometimes other co-workers join in. I am the only girl among 60 or so men. I live with the co-workers that bully me. I can't get away from the criticism. The bullying has lead to depression and eating disorders. I refuse to accept medical help. I don't want to take pills for this. I will get laid off from this job soon so I need to keep making as much money as I can at this job before then so quitting is not an option.
I'm not looking for more criticism or attention. I just want to hear how others cope with such abuse. How do you make it through each day? What are some things you do to keep yourself happy?
I'm not looking for more criticism or attention. I just want to hear how others cope with such abuse. How do you make it through each day? What are some things you do to keep yourself happy?
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Replies
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My only suggestion would be to quit. If you cannot or will not do that, you need to learn to ignore it/let it roll off. That is easier said than done, of course.
Do you have a plan to move away from these people?0 -
How old are you OP?1
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Remind yourself that something happened to make them all so bitter. You deserve to be happy, and other people's negative words and actions shouldn't take that from you. It's tough, I know :[ Hang in there. Honestly I would recommend to start looking for another source of employment, one that isn't run by your family. A professional company wouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior.1
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I'm 20. When I get laid off I can choose to find a new job elsewhere or I can wait to be hired back. In which case I will likely work with the same people. I like my job, I'm good at my job and its a lot of money. The company also provides housing so if I choose to work elsewhere I will have to pay rent on top of various other bills..0
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winejunky143 wrote: »I'm 20. When I get laid off I can choose to find a new job elsewhere or I can wait to be hired back. In which case I will likely work with the same people. I like my job, I'm good at my job and its a lot of money. The company also provides housing so if I choose to work elsewhere I will have to pay rent on top of various other bills..
So you're choosing to stay in a toxic environment... not sure what you're actually posting for?1 -
Ok so from your picture you are no where near being over weight. You look absolutely fantastic so maybe it might be jealousy? If you aren't willing to change jobs than I think you'll need to grow thick skin and stop letting it bother you. If they can't get to you they will eventually get bored and stop.
Put your head down and work, work harder than the men that are bullying! Exercise is what makes me happy and I can burn off a lot of steam doing so!2 -
TavistockToad wrote: »winejunky143 wrote: »I'm 20. When I get laid off I can choose to find a new job elsewhere or I can wait to be hired back. In which case I will likely work with the same people. I like my job, I'm good at my job and its a lot of money. The company also provides housing so if I choose to work elsewhere I will have to pay rent on top of various other bills..
So you're choosing to stay in a toxic environment... not sure what you're actually posting for?
I was just curious if anyone had ways of making themselves happy during such times..0 -
Is your profile pic accurate? If so I cannot imagine who would call you fat! Even if you were overweight being bullied for it is unacceptable.
The work / living situation is tricky. I think becoming financially independent should be your top priority. If you make good money then I'd start saving up to live elsewhere. If you standing up for yourself and making it clear to these people that what they are saying will no longer be tolerated doesn't change things then your only option is to change your situation. Sorry. What a tough spot to be in.2 -
winejunky143 wrote: »I'm 20. When I get laid off I can choose to find a new job elsewhere or I can wait to be hired back. In which case I will likely work with the same people. I like my job, I'm good at my job and its a lot of money. The company also provides housing so if I choose to work elsewhere I will have to pay rent on top of various other bills..
You said it was a family member. My suggestion, even if you can't do it right away, is to move yourself away from the control they have you under. Free housing, decent money, sounds great, but it also sounds like you're being used for their amusement. If they hired outside of the family they would likely be sued pretty quickly for the same behavior. While you are laid off I'd look into other options, just don't tell them about it. When you are ready, even if it's a little less money and you may have to pay your own bills a bit more, it'll be worth it for the freedom and respect. I've worked for "family owned" companies in the past, and it's more common than you think for this type of behavior to go on.. sometimes it's even in reverse, the employees take advantage of the family owners, then the non-family employees have to take up the slack/abuse. Distance yourself from it all and you'll be happier, even if you can't do it right away, make it a goal and work your way toward it quietly. Just my opinion. I worked for a family owned business for many years and although I didn't put up with fat shaming I put up with a lot of abuse and had to witness much more. It increased my stress levels to the point I could no longer take it and was ready to walk away into a completely different career. I ran across an opportunity to continue my career and move away from the family business and have been happy ever since.7 -
Are you sure they're not just ribbing you because you care so much about not being fat? Guys can sometimes hone in on that and 'take the piss' out of someone just because they know it works.0
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Well, it isn't nice, but when people have body shamed me, I've always said "I may be fat, but you're ugly. I can always go on a diet, but you'll still be ugly." That usually shuts them up. LOL!
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HeidiGrrrl wrote: »Well, it isn't nice, but when people have body shamed me, I've always said "I may be fat, but you're ugly. I can always go on a diet, but you'll still be ugly." That usually shuts them up. LOL!
lol Ive always told them I can lose the weight,theres no cure for being an a**hole2 -
winejunky143 wrote: »One of my co-workers has been body shaming me for the past year. He also happens to be my boss and a family member. He tells me I'm fat all the time. Sometimes other co-workers join in. I am the only girl among 60 or so men. I live with the co-workers that bully me. I can't get away from the criticism. The bullying has lead to depression and eating disorders. I refuse to accept medical help. I don't want to take pills for this. I will get laid off from this job soon so I need to keep making as much money as I can at this job before then so quitting is not an option.
I'm not looking for more criticism or attention. I just want to hear how others cope with such abuse. How do you make it through each day? What are some things you do to keep yourself happy?
My suggestion would be to quit as soon as you can. Dont take it seriously and evertime they say those things just laugh at them0 -
No amount of money is worth your self esteem. You have to decide what is more important and go for it.6
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In your situation, I would focus on looking for a new job to start when you get laid off from this one...that will give you something to look forward to and possibly make it easier to let it roll of your back when your boss and coworkers give you a hard time. In the meanwhile, don't let them see that it bothers you....laugh at them and go on, because alot of times people will pick on you worse once they find they have hit a nerve.0
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This is your boss, you say? What country are you working in?0
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This is your boss, you say? What country are you working in?
US but he's family and I don't want to make him lose his job.. I do care about him despite the abuse.
I will most likely take most everyone's advice and stick it through until I get laid off then try to find a different job.0 -
Quitting is always an option. Just find another job first. It's what a lot of people do. Job hunt while they have a job and then quit and switch when they've signed a new contract elsewhere. And then move out.
Don't wait until you're jobless to look for a job. It could take months (as in 6 - 12).
If you want free housing (and food) and fantastic money, go work on a remote construction site in the north (think Alaska or northern Canada).
Honestly, you are already paying for your housing. Where do you think they get the money for that from? Out of everyone's base salary. They are all a lower than they would be if they didn't cover that expense.1 -
I have a few "friends" and co workers who are very passive aggressive about noticing and complimenting me on my weight loss. I always tend to have little 'chats' with myself to boost my confidence and say I am doing this for myself but honestly, the way I am eating now makes me feel amazing and that's all I need to keep going and boost my moral when I get stuck, or tired of something in my diet or when I feel upset about what someone says. People can be so weak and *kitten* and they only do it because they feel horrible about themselves.1
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I would seriously consider carrying a recorder and using it. The behavior you are describing is totally unacceptable and abusive and has no place in the workplace. You can decide what to do or not do with it later.
Years ago, I had issues with a couple of coworkers lying and because they were buddy buddy with the boss, they got away with it and I was getting in trouble for their crap. I started carrying a recorder with me and the next time the issue came up was the last time.2 -
winejunky143 wrote: »This is your boss, you say? What country are you working in?
US but he's family and I don't want to make him lose his job.. I do care about him despite the abuse.
I will most likely take most everyone's advice and stick it through until I get laid off then try to find a different job.
you care about him but obviously he doesnt care about you if hes treating you like that. sometimes you have to get rid of toxic people out of your life even if it is family. my grandma always said family will stab you in the back quicker than anyone else will2 -
winejunky143 wrote: »I'm 20. When I get laid off I can choose to find a new job elsewhere or I can wait to be hired back. In which case I will likely work with the same people. I like my job, I'm good at my job and its a lot of money. The company also provides housing so if I choose to work elsewhere I will have to pay rent on top of various other bills..
You like a job where you are exposed to verbal abuse pretty much 24/7. Abuse that by your own admission is causing you health problems. I'd suggest you reconsider professional help. That is no way to live.0 -
if he is family you could easily adress the issue....
Bring a scale and let every one get on the scale. see who's the "biggest loser"
Kick everyone in the nutsack on your last day....
oh...and if the profile pic is accurate... these guys are idiots3 -
Have you asked him to stop? Does he know how much this upsets you? Is there another family member who can intervene on your behalf?2
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BusyRaeNOTBusty wrote: »Have you asked him to stop? Does he know how much this upsets you? Is there another family member who can intervene on your behalf?
He knows it upsets me I think that's why he does it. That's how narcissistic people are though. I really like my job I like what I do I don't necessarily like the people I work with but I don't want to let them chase me away from a good job and good money. I don't want to let them win. I will look into a different career however after this.
I was only wondering if anyone that is also bullied had tips on what cheers them up and helps them through the day.0 -
Why are you waiting until you get fired ? Look for a job now, and leave on your own terms. You will be happier knowing that they don't have all of the control.2
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winejunky143 wrote: »This is your boss, you say? What country are you working in?
US but he's family and I don't want to make him lose his job.. I do care about him despite the abuse.
I will most likely take most everyone's advice and stick it through until I get laid off then try to find a different job.
Why don't you try to find a different job now? Sounds like you work with a bunch of dickbags.
ETA: You may never get laid off. I don't know why you would leave your misery and fate in someone else's hands when you can go look for a new one immediately.0 -
winejunky143 wrote: »BusyRaeNOTBusty wrote: »Have you asked him to stop? Does he know how much this upsets you? Is there another family member who can intervene on your behalf?
He knows it upsets me I think that's why he does it. That's how narcissistic people are though. I really like my job I like what I do I don't necessarily like the people I work with but I don't want to let them chase me away from a good job and good money. I don't want to let them win. I will look into a different career however after this.
I was only wondering if anyone that is also bullied had tips on what cheers them up and helps them through the day.
standing up to the bullies somtimes helps. I usually ask them if it makes them feel better for putting others down,and does it make them a better person for doing so? and does it make them sleep better at night. If they dont have anything nice to say then they shouldnt say anything.tell them you are there to do YOUR job and it has nothing to do with your weight,as long as you are doing your job thats all that matters.1 -
winejunky143 wrote: »I was only wondering if anyone that is also bullied had tips on what cheers them up and helps them through the day.
Honestly the only thing I can think of is having a well defined plan of escape from the situation. If he's family and you don't want him fired, then you're going to have to put up with it for a bit longer like you suggested. However making the decision to do something different can be very freeing. Just knowing that in the back of your mind should give you some relief. Just stick to it and do something different. Change can be a good thing, and at your age you're likely not in your final career or job anyway. Once you have a few kids and start a family it's much harder to make these decisions on the fly. Better to find a better path now (assuming you're not already in that position).
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