Is it impossible to lead a fulfilling life when you're fat?

ellelit · January 2009

I'm having a hard day, and i keep questioning if all of this is actually worth it in the end.

i think about going out with friends, travelling, enjoying weekends and social gatherings, parties, movies, summers on the beach, barbeques, superbowl parties, etc. and can't imagine going through the rest of my life without indulging in all of the food that accompanies it.

can i go to an all inclusive resort in mexico and not drink, not go to the buffet and not enjoy all of the delicious mexican food with abandon?

Can i go to girls night and sit there like a veal staring at all of the cookies, brownies, ice cream, articoke dips and bowls full of chips and tell my self now, all the while having a miserable time because i can't indulge in my passion?

can i spend my entire weekend in my apartment flipping the channel anytime food comes across the screen and salivating any time i think about food, and avoiding the putside world because everywhere you turn there is food staring me in the face?

can i go to a movie theatre and walk past the concession while the smell of hot buttered popcorn wafts through the air and everyone around me is munching with delight, and the danicign hotdogs beg me to take one little bite?

can i survive summer without walking down to the beach or the harbour and enjoying a giant wafflecone with ice cold choclate chip mint ice cream? can i walk, keeping my head down wheile everyone and their dog walks around with ice cream cones?

can i satisfy myself with a veggie burger on whole wheat while everyone else is drinking beer after beer and mowing down on charbroiled burgers, steaks and ribs, baked potatoes with the works and a buffet of homemade desserts?

i am having a horrible day, and it's everything i can do to stop myself.

i used to have a preoccupation with food, and would plan out my next meal, but at least i was moderately happy and it gave me somethign to look forward to. now i dread weekends becasue i sit and try not to think about food, which impossible because you inevitable have to think about it in order to try to stop thiking about it, and i feel like my life is just sucking because my lover, my one thing i enjoyed, my passion is now forbidden.

i feel empty, hungry, sad, lonley and dejected. at least when i eat i feel full, satisfied, lonely and comforted.

it doesn't at all seem worth it. why, just so i can fit in smaller jeans?

ellelit · January 2009

I'm having a hard day, and i keep questioning if all of this is actually worth it in the end.

i think about going out with friends, travelling, enjoying weekends and social gatherings, parties, movies, summers on the beach, barbeques, superbowl parties, etc. and can't imagine going through the rest of my life without indulging in all of the food that accompanies it.

can i go to an all inclusive resort in mexico and not drink, not go to the buffet and not enjoy all of the delicious mexican food with abandon?

Can i go to girls night and sit there like a veal staring at all of the cookies, brownies, ice cream, articoke dips and bowls full of chips and tell my self now, all the while having a miserable time because i can't indulge in my passion?

can i spend my entire weekend in my apartment flipping the channel anytime food comes across the screen and salivating any time i think about food, and avoiding the putside world because everywhere you turn there is food staring me in the face?

can i go to a movie theatre and walk past the concession while the smell of hot buttered popcorn wafts through the air and everyone around me is munching with delight, and the danicign hotdogs beg me to take one little bite?

can i survive summer without walking down to the beach or the harbour and enjoying a giant wafflecone with ice cold choclate chip mint ice cream? can i walk, keeping my head down wheile everyone and their dog walks around with ice cream cones?

can i satisfy myself with a veggie burger on whole wheat while everyone else is drinking beer after beer and mowing down on charbroiled burgers, steaks and ribs, baked potatoes with the works and a buffet of homemade desserts?

i am having a horrible day, and it's everything i can do to stop myself.

i used to have a preoccupation with food, and would plan out my next meal, but at least i was moderately happy and it gave me somethign to look forward to. now i dread weekends becasue i sit and try not to think about food, which impossible because you inevitable have to think about it in order to try to stop thiking about it, and i feel like my life is just sucking because my lover, my one thing i enjoyed, my passion is now forbidden.

i feel empty, hungry, sad, lonley and dejected. at least when i eat i feel full, satisfied, lonely and comforted.

it doesn't at all seem worth it. why, just so i can fit in smaller jeans?

songbyrdsweet · January 2009

I have read pretty much all of your posts. I never have good advice for emotional issues...I know tons about the body, but little about how to deal with personal issues. I have watched you struggle with this for a long time, and I wish you could come to terms with it and just feel good. I can't imagine how you must feel.

Here's my opinion-- you get one life. You don't really get to choose how long you're here. Whether you believe in fate or not, you're leaving when you're leaving. Eat well, exercise, die anyway. So you should absolutely enjoy the time you have on earth. What you get out of life doesn't have to be limited by your weight.

stylistchik · January 2009

I heard somewhere that changing your eating habits are like changing any other habit. For some, food is an addiction. I don't smoke, but I did hear this in reference to smoking, as well.

Before you can give something up, you need to really appreciate it. Don't do it out of habit, do it out of love. If you only eat food you really love, take the time to enjoy it! enjoy every bite, every flavor, every texture. Don't just eat because it's there. If you see some doritos don't just throw a handful in your mouth. Go ahead, eat the doritos, but ENJOY THEM. you'll eat less and you'll feel more satisfied if you hit your craving. If you don't love it, don't eat it.

RKA625 · January 2009

I hear you, I have the same thoughts. I just try to push them out of my head and make it one day at a time.

Today was the first day since counting calories that I made a meal that was all mixed up together. I was getting frustrated trying to figure out portions and thought "I can't do this for ever".

I have no advice, I'm kind of on the same train of thought as you, but I just keep envisioning myself thinner and it makes me push on, one more day.

Wolfena · January 2009

Yes... one day at a time. Stop thinking about forever, that' can be overwhelming.

and it's not that you CAN'T have those foods, they aren't "forbidden" - you can! Just not every single day and in moderation when you do.

Find ways that you can add other things to your life that you enjoy so that food isn't the sole purpose of living. It should be PART of living (an enjoyable part) but there should also other parts of your life to enjoy as well.

arewethereyet · January 2009

It is not about smaller jeans, it is about living a longer healthier life.

Since June I have gone on a cruise without gaining a pound and went to a mountain side cabin and survived without eating 16 smores. I chose to walk on the beach and then walk in the mountains.

The difference is I felt just as good when I returned home than when I was vacationing.

Life is about moderation. We can eat from the buffet, just choose a healthier food, or a smaller portion. You can have drinks with friends, just order light beer and do extra exercise to earn it.

Is it really living a full life when you feel bad about yourself and the choices you make? Are you truly happy when you return home after eating at the Chinese buffet and having coke and booze all night?

I think not.

I felt worse about myself then than I EVER feel about skipping that slice of cake now.

Choices and moderation. THAT is what life is all about.

Good luck to you Ellelit! I pray for you each day.:flowerforyou:

AmyNVegas · January 2009

The answer is you do not have to deny yourself all of those things to be fit and healthy. Sure you can't eat them daily, but a treat every now and then or while on vacation will not make a huge difference. We get fat and stay fat by consistently eating over the calories our bodies need. When you go on vacation you will not eat the most fattening and high calorie things the whole time you are on vacation. You'll probably have a meal or two where you indulge completely but then eat healthy the rest of the time, that's what normal weight people do. Don't look at this like a death sentence for your best friend food Ellie, you are making healthy changes which will make your life better. That way food will become a fun companion when you have something special but a means to nourish your body other times. We can do this!:flowerforyou: Good luck on your journey!

Amy:bigsmile:

Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Food Diary
My favorite post for answers:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/6556-the-answers-to-the-questions

kimber607 · January 2009

Hi

I am a binger/emotional eater and I think it's all about moderation and sticking ti a diet 'most' of the time
In the past when I had a 'bad' day...I was never able to get back on track
Now, if I go to a party, or a friend's house for dinner....yes, I splurge (and probably too much) but then I try to get back on track
It really is possible to enjoy junk food and go to a party/gathering and not eat ONLY healthy foods
Over the Holidays I splurged and put on 2-3 pounds
I've been doing good, most of the time, for the past 2 weeks and am down 1.5 pounds

I think it's a balancing act
It's a huge hurdle and one I am still trying to work on, but it's OK to go to an event/function and enjoy your friends/conversation and NOT have it be all about food
Kim

ruesinger · January 2009

i honestly feel that i enjoy those things more when i have worked hard all week paying attention to my diet and exercise so that i may have an outting or social event were i can indulge. every thing is bestin moderation even moderation. I'm new to this community but have battled with the scale being both under and over weight. now i just want to stop batteling and live. my best wishes are to you!

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tscotty · January 2009

I'm so sorry your day has been bad!! :sad: Wish I could help. But you know what? You CAN eat and drink those things when you go out traveling, etc. You still need to enjoy life! Just do so in moderation. Allow yourself to have a few bites of everything! That way you are still satisfied but not stuffed and regretting it. Plus starvation can lead to binging and purging. :sick: So you can't be unnecessarily hard on yourself. BUT, you do want to be moderate about it and try for the most part to stick to vegetables and fruit. Be creative cause believe me, eating the same, raw veggies... BORING!

I know. I have a very, very difficult times on the weekends. I was hoping someone could help me with that? Being around all this sugar... AAAHH!! :explode:

Oh, and it IS worth it losing some poundage. Not to fit in skinny jeans. Not to be a super model. Not because superficial guys might actually look at you. BUT, do it for HEALTH. do it for you! I mean, you're doing great! You lost 12 pounds already!! Me? Not a single one. Granted I just started 3 days ago. But we can do it! Stay strong! Remember the big picture. Hope your day gets better!

cheermom11 · January 2009

I completely agree with everything arewethereyet said! Choices and moderation. You can still LIVE and live out loud. Enjoy this life.

Like songbyrd, I've read almost all your posts too. I think some people might be able to live a fulfilling life when they're heavy - but I don't think you're one of them. I think you will be happier when you've grabbed hold of your life and take charge. You're on your way - keep going!

Don't wait until you have health issues (like I did) and then feel regret. Keep leaning on us. We will help carry you. One day you won't need us. Working toward that freedom will be truly liberating.

I'm sure it's been suggested, but when I start thinking about food, I get on the treadmill, grab a big glass of water, start cleaning or reading; anything that will help me get another focus.

We're all cheering for you!

MisoSoup79 · January 2009

Is it possible that there is something bigger than food that is missing from your life, and food is the only thing you feel can fill the void?

I'm so sorry you're feeling so down about this. Reading your post, though, made me think of myself when I was in a deep depression and food was the only (short-term) comfort I could find. I have no idea if that's the case or not, but if it's possible, you may want to look into it a little more.

Like other posters have said, you don't have to cut out everything you enjoy... you just have to place limitations on those indulgences so that you can have your cake, eat it too, and it won't stick to your belly and hips!

Phoenixflame · January 2009

What's more memorable? The dingy pond outside your bedroom window or the frothy shores of your summer home?

You can eat everything you mentioned...just in moderation. And savor every last bite! For so many years I inhaled food, enjoying the sensation of eating more than the food itself. And I HATED myself for it--for how I'd have the best intentions, then they'd buckle and die and I'd tell myself "Just one more Bad Girl day"...for years.

Now, if you cannot control yourself around tempting foods, then you might cut them out for just a little while--just until you've found the strength and confidence to say "Just a bite," or "Ehh, I'm full."

This past summer, even though I was "dieting," I know I would have gone berserk over my stepdad's holiday sweets. I would have said "Screw it, it's the HOLIDAYS!" But throughout this first semester of college, when I have been able to define my own dining choices, I realized that I COULD say no...and more importantly, it was an easy no, not a teeth-gritting, battle of good vs. evil no.

Granted, I'm not entirely "healed." When I was upset about something and happened to have a cookie, I was ready to claw someone's eyes out for a few more. But I realized that this would accomplish NOTHING. I would be giving into my demons, the ones that were sooo close to being exorcised. I refused to have another cookie and I DID it. The pride I felt totally killed any remorse over only having 1 cookie.

You can do it! It might take a little time for your demons to leave, and it might take a few trials, but trust me, it'll happen.

MOMOFTWO29 · January 2009

I so agree with what everyone has said before, so I am not going to say it again. Keep up the good work that you have already done, 12 pounds is great.

MsLadybug · January 2009

Here is my thought and what I say comes from my own struggles with whether to diet or not to diet -
If you are not in a place where you want to diet then don't.

Otherwise it is going to be counter-productive. Don't do it because you think that you should. Its just a way of punishing yourself. It sets you up for failure.

To answer your question - yes you can live a fulfilling life when you are fat. Especially if you are fit and fat. Now, some people may say that is incompatable. I don't. You can be physically active and overweight and your health will be much better than those who are fat and get no physically activity. In fact there have been recent studies which say it is more important to be physically active than to lose weight (although doing both is best).

If you are not in a place where you are focused on losing weight then don't diet. It is important to not to get into a dieting then binging cycle. You may want to concentrate not on losing weight but on getting healthy. Make sure to incorporate phyiscal activity and try to moderate the foods you enjoy (e.g. alternate between a beer and a glass or water, have 2 beers instead of 5). You may find yourself feeling a lot better about life and healthier. You may then be ready to diet and focus on losing weight or you may be happy as you are.

There were a lot of years where I thought I should be dieting but my heart wasn't in it. There was a lot of half-hearted attempts that never worked. The point where I allowed myself to say that I didn't want to diet and stopped was the first step to getting healtier. I started dancing and walking and gardening - all things I love and I've done them now just about every day for over 18 months. The difference that it made was huge. I then got to a place where I wanted to lose more weight, so I am doing it. I don't feel like I am punishing myself when I choose something healthy over else something I would have wanted to eat because it is my choice to do it. That is not to say that my choices are always perfect because sometimes I choose to deviate from the diet or I choose to kick my butt with exercise afterwards to make up the calories.

If you do want to diet and lose weight, as other people have said, it can be done and you can have things you like to eat. You will have to moderate some things. Exercise calories are a godsend when you want something that would have maxed out your daily allotment of calories. You are also allowed to not be 100% all time and have a day off now and then as long as you don't overdo it.

The thing is that you are not a victim of a diet. You need to make your choice about whether you want to do it or not. Then follow through knowing that it is your choice.

jessicasager · January 2009

everytime i eat too much, i kick my own *kitten* at the gym the next day. so the next time i'm reaching for a second helping, or a first of the wrong thing, i think to myself.. "do i REALLY wanna work that hard again? is this really worth it?" lol it's all self motivation, we're all here for support. these are some of the best people you'll come accross because we either are there, or have been there. don't think about the long run.. think about what you've done already. when i think about my weight i don't say, yea i've been working out and i have 100 some odd pounds to go. it's yea, i've been working out and i've already lost 14 this month! think positive, be positive. stick it out, be tough, and we WILL do this :]

sunshine_girl · January 2009

I just want to say, after being on a lifestyle change for so long, instead of dieting if that makes sense, yes.

I have struggeled with eating for emotional reasons as far back as I can remember, and had other eating problems that I have overcome.
Sometimes eating is just eating, lots of other times it is not.

It took me realizing why I was emotional eating to begin to change my habits.

Now, 8 months into a healthy lifestyle change, I realize a party or BBQ is not about the food, its about the people you get to hang out with. Even now, I eat junk sometimes, but I actually feel better when I am eating healthier and exercising.

A vacation is about relaxing, if it is with someone, about spending time with them not the food.

You see what I mean? I have gone through a stage where I was totally obsessed with food, and it has taken me a few years to realize that I was filling up my mind with food to forget the rest of the stuff.

I didn't get a chance to read all the replies but I did skim the one where a girl mentioned don't start to lose weight until you are ready. For me it was the same with quitting smoking (7 months down woo). Not until I was in the right mindset did I even bother to try.

Anyways I just want to offer you a hug:flowerforyou: and best of luck in your journey!

wetbuns21 · January 2009

Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Calorie Counter

after you get in healthy eating,you don't want that junk food anymore,you know what it does to you.and you like you new you and you don;twant to go back to bad habits.
pickles

wetbuns21 · January 2009

Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Calorie Counter
girl you got it and know what its about,last 4 months i lost 41 pounds total,and i feel like you,working to hard to go back in bad habits.

TamTastic · January 2009

I know it seems impossible and like this is going to be a struggle for the rest of your life, so why bother. But I can sincerely tell you that not only is it VERY possible but can happen much sooner than you think.

I know this isn't easy. For anyone. And I wish so much that I could take what is in my head and put it into yours to make it easier for you.

All I can tell you is what my own personal experience has been. I used to think that it was an all or nothing type of thing to lose weight and keep it off. So I avoided it. I figured why bother. I remember thinking "I will never be a thin person, just face it and accept it!"

I was wrong! lol!

I actually succeeded in changing my relationship with food. I can't even believe it sometimes. But it was a slow, gradual process over the last 16 1/2 months. Don't stress yourself out or you won't stick with this.

I love food. I love to cook, I love flavors, I love variety and ethnic cuisine. And I realized that isn't a bad thing! It's just about learning to be in control. And sometimes using those flavors in a new (and healthy) way. I love experimenting and realizing that I can have good food that tastes great.......just in a new way!

Another huge realization is that I can have fun and enjoy outings as well. One thing that helped me a lot is allowing myself to enjoy Thanksgiving and New Years and even Super Bowl Sunday junk! The difference is that it was "now and then" and I would get back on my normal healthier routine the next day. And even then, I wouldn't go crazy. I would enjoy some of the treats but learned to eat less of it and stop when I was full. And I didn't feel deprived or left out.

This last New Years, I had a lot of wine(didn't realize I was pregnant yet!!), a buffalo chicken wrap, french fries, crackers with cheese and pepperoni and some brie too! And even some chips and dip! And I still got to my goal weight a couple of weeks later. Because it isn't one meal that makes you overweight. It's allowing that to happen all the time. And now, because I don't do it all the time, I enjoy it SO much more when I do. I also can't handle greasy foods like I used to. My stomach changed along with my habits.

It's all about getting to that point where you can trust yourself to get back on track. And each time you are able to, you will be more confident in yourself that you can do this forever.

Don't give up. You can do this!!

:flowerforyou:
-Tami

Is it impossible to lead a fulfilling life when you're fat?

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