Getting discouraged and bad feedback from others
Jeckia
Posts: 77 Member
Hey everyone..
I've been on my weight loss journey for about 2 years I was just about 230lbs when I started. I was a size 20 and took a size shirt between a 2x-3x I was a big girl for being 5'2"
Since then I've lost a lot of weight... Well I think I have. I'm down to about 185-180ish it goes between there. I'm stuck and can't get past there. Anyways. I know fit into juniors clothes and for women's I take a size 8. Shirts I take a size medium or sometimes a large.
Some of my friends have said I look great, but I still get a lot of negative feedback saying I still don't look good in clothes or that I should lose more weight and it's really depressing.
At the moment I can't upload a photo because of the computer I'm on. But still. I guess that's still not good enough now a days for the public eyes to see. They want everyone to be super skinny.
I've been on my weight loss journey for about 2 years I was just about 230lbs when I started. I was a size 20 and took a size shirt between a 2x-3x I was a big girl for being 5'2"
Since then I've lost a lot of weight... Well I think I have. I'm down to about 185-180ish it goes between there. I'm stuck and can't get past there. Anyways. I know fit into juniors clothes and for women's I take a size 8. Shirts I take a size medium or sometimes a large.
Some of my friends have said I look great, but I still get a lot of negative feedback saying I still don't look good in clothes or that I should lose more weight and it's really depressing.
At the moment I can't upload a photo because of the computer I'm on. But still. I guess that's still not good enough now a days for the public eyes to see. They want everyone to be super skinny.
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Replies
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I say to hell with the public eye and don't put any stock to what people think. I have been big all my life and i do this for me and my family as long as i am healthy that's all that matters. Sounds like you are doing an amazing job keep your chin up and keep at it...For you.
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Ya know what, your friends don't sound very nice. Losing weight is hard work, and you are trying your best. Please ignore the haters...Remember what they say "First they hate you, then they ask how you did it!!"
Are you weighing your food, and logging here yet? If not, please start! You can do this, you just gotta put in the work. Put in your stats, decide how much you want to lose each week...then lets get going....
To those "friends" who give you negative feedback, I can think of a way to lose 140 lbs really fast.........
Feel free to add me if you like! xo10 -
You can hear them but you don't have to listen. There is no room for negativity in life. Take what they say and evaluate it, take some advice, leave some advice. Not all advice is good and most never ask for the advice that is given. Do what you can do to be better each and every day. In the end, the battle is only with yourself. Friend me if you like. I always offer real and positive feedback.5
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I don't know why anyone feels it is okay to comment on someone else's body in any way whatsoever.
That said, they sure do it.
Ignore, walk away.7 -
I second @JustMissTracy 's response! Those friends don't sound nice at all. They sound like they're a little jealous and just trying to bring you down to their level. F 'em! I would kill to drop my size 18/20's and wear a size 8 and I bet you're rocking it! Just keep working towards what YOU want in your life and ignore those nitwits who wish they were good enough to do the same.3
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Thank you everyone for your feedback
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Listen only to the friends who say you look great. The others are not friends, or they are ill-informed about your body.
Some of my friends have said I look great,
I guess that's still not good enough now a days for the public eyes to see. They want everyone to be super skinny.
Why give a whit what "public eyes" want to see, whatever that means? You are doing this for you, not for anyone else!
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As long as you are healthy it really doesn't matter what size you are as long as you're comfortable and happy. Most people who say the types of mean things you're hearing are insecure and that makes their comments more about them than you. You really don't need people like that in your life.
A size 8 is not large. As long as you don't really need to be wearing a 12 and are spilling out of your size 8s
no one has any kind of right to be criticizing what you wear. Heck, even then they'd be better off keeping their mouths shut. 0 -
I was 179 lbs and 5'4" and it was not a healthy weight. I hurt a lot- hips, knees, back. I was slow. I got out of breath climbing stairs in my house. It was hard to walk very far without my legs hurting. I was tired a lot. I didn't sleep well. That isn't a good way to live. No one said anything about my appearance but I needed to lose weight to live the life I wanted. Losing 20 lbs made a big difference to my functioning.
If you are happy and healthy that is what is important not the size of your clothing or what people say. You've come a long way. No one should make you feel that isn't good enough or push you to be a certain size because of appearance.
It is up to you if you want to lose more weight or not. It is not impossible to lose more when you are ready.0 -
you are doing great! there is a lot of crazy people out there, weigh what you want, it is your business.0
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Drop those awful friends and you'll instantly lose a few hundred pounds.4
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Great job with the loss. It's up to you if you want to lose more or not.Some of my friends have said I look great, but I still get a lot of negative feedback saying I still don't look good in clothes or that I should lose more weight and it's really depressing.
Why are people commenting on your body or opining on whether you should lose more weight? How does this come up? Have you asked for their opinion? It just sounds odd to me. If they really are telling you things like you look bad in clothes and need to lose weight without being prompted, that does seem really aggressive and not like much of a friend, IMO.1 -
If anybody doesn't have anything nice to say about how you look or how much work you put in to lose the unwanted weight, then drop them! Mostly, it's people who don't have any willpower whatsoever to do what you've been doing for the longest time, so all they do is show negativity towards your success. It's the people who don't wanna even try to lose weight like you have. Screw em! They're dead weight. You keep climbing up towards your goals and don't let anybody's negative comments grab you by your ankle and pull you down. You're doing what they wish they could do. You got this!0
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lemurcat12 wrote: »Great job with the loss. It's up to you if you want to lose more or not.Some of my friends have said I look great, but I still get a lot of negative feedback saying I still don't look good in clothes or that I should lose more weight and it's really depressing.
Why are people commenting on your body or opining on whether you should lose more weight? How does this come up? Have you asked for their opinion? It just sounds odd to me. If they really are telling you things like you look bad in clothes and need to lose weight without being prompted, that does seem really aggressive and not like much of a friend, IMO.
Pretty much all of this. I treasure my friends, especially the blunt ones who give me direct feedback even if it isn't always what I wanted to hear... but none of them would ever remark negatively about my appearance or tell me clothes don't look good on me or that I needed to lose more weight unless I specifically asked those type of questions!
I can't imagine a situation where this kind of commentary would be provided unsolicited, unless I was doing something completely dangerous or unhealthy, and OP from what you've described, it doesn't sound like that's the case at all.0 -
Hey everyone..
I've been on my weight loss journey for about 2 years I was just about 230lbs when I started. I was a size 20 and took a size shirt between a 2x-3x I was a big girl for being 5'2"
Since then I've lost a lot of weight... Well I think I have. I'm down to about 185-180ish it goes between there. I'm stuck and can't get past there. Anyways. I know fit into juniors clothes and for women's I take a size 8. Shirts I take a size medium or sometimes a large.
Some of my friends have said I look great, but I still get a lot of negative feedback saying I still don't look good in clothes or that I should lose more weight and it's really depressing.
At the moment I can't upload a photo because of the computer I'm on. But still. I guess that's still not good enough now a days for the public eyes to see. They want everyone to be super skinny.
Are you in the US? That sizing doesn't sound quite right? I'm 5'2 also and was also in between a size 8-10 when I started but I was 155? I know the sizes vary quite a bit depending on where you shop and also from different countries the sizing is completely different.
One other comment on clothing... I find that whether you decide to lose more weight or stay where you are, getting clothes that fit properly at all sizes does make a difference to both how you look and how you feel. Some people are motivated by the fact that their clothes don't fit well and they have to lay down to zip their jeans, I found that totally discouraging and made me want to give up. When I got clothes, even in a bigger size, that were flattering on me, it made me want to continue to progress toward different styles in smaller sizes that made me look good and feel good!5 -
Always just be yourself. (Unless you can be Batman. In that case, always be Batman) 7
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WinoGelato wrote: »
Are you in the US? That sizing doesn't sound quite right? I'm 5'2 also and was also in between a size 8-10 when I started but I was 155? I know the sizes vary quite a bit depending on where you shop and also from different countries the sizing is completely different.
Hey @WinoGelato The pant's that I'm wearing are a size 8 I have a few that are a size 8. Like my work pants and stuff. They fit totally normal I have a digital scale... It's kind of funny because I can step on it and it say's one weight and then I step off let it clear and step on it again and it says something totally different. I also weigh myself in the morning as well. Oh and yes I'm in the US
So maybe my scale is really wrong... I had the same scale prior and there was in fact something wrong with it and I had to bring it back to bed bath and beyond. It's one of those weight watchers scales. What it was doing the original one was. I'd step on it. Weigh myself. let it clear and reset. My boyfriend would step on it and it would say he weigh's the same weight and well at that time NO WAY did he weigh the same as me. Then my grandmother would step on it and it said she weighed the same too and she's 4'5"FT lol
So.... idk..... Any takes on a scale to get that works good?
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I hear ya, sista! I'd love to be your friend. We can help each other.
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You. Lost. 45 - 50. Pounds. That is totally awesome! That is an amazing achievement, and to h--- with anyone who doesn't see what a great job you've done. As for anyone who makes rude comments, I say call them on it. Look straight at them, and bluntly tell them that was a very rude thing to say.2
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People who matter don't mind, and people who mind don't matter. That's some real wisdom, I tell ya!
Also, change the battery in your scale, could help, that's what I do when my scale gives wildly different weights within seconds of each weigh.1 -
Some of the best ever advice I've received -- Love yourself enough that you can know this about the naysayers in your life -- They need me more than I need them. You're doing so well. Don't get derailed.1
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I went from the picture on the left to the picture on the right. Like i said my scale at home says 180-185ish
So maybe something is wrong. Idk
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I remember a point when the scale change seems to slow down, yet physical appearance and clothing size continue to change...
-s
(Down about 90+ lbs. now)1 -
surly you didn't do it for the public, but for yourself, right? If you're happy with yourself than it doesn't matter what others think0
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lemurcat12 wrote: »Great job with the loss. It's up to you if you want to lose more or not.Some of my friends have said I look great, but I still get a lot of negative feedback saying I still don't look good in clothes or that I should lose more weight and it's really depressing.
Why are people commenting on your body or opining on whether you should lose more weight? How does this come up? Have you asked for their opinion? It just sounds odd to me. If they really are telling you things like you look bad in clothes and need to lose weight without being prompted, that does seem really aggressive and not like much of a friend, IMO.
Yep, my thoughts exactly.0 -
WinoGelato wrote: »Hey everyone..
I've been on my weight loss journey for about 2 years I was just about 230lbs when I started. I was a size 20 and took a size shirt between a 2x-3x I was a big girl for being 5'2"
Since then I've lost a lot of weight... Well I think I have. I'm down to about 185-180ish it goes between there. I'm stuck and can't get past there. Anyways. I know fit into juniors clothes and for women's I take a size 8. Shirts I take a size medium or sometimes a large.
Some of my friends have said I look great, but I still get a lot of negative feedback saying I still don't look good in clothes or that I should lose more weight and it's really depressing.
At the moment I can't upload a photo because of the computer I'm on. But still. I guess that's still not good enough now a days for the public eyes to see. They want everyone to be super skinny.
Are you in the US? That sizing doesn't sound quite right? I'm 5'2 also and was also in between a size 8-10 when I started but I was 155? I know the sizes vary quite a bit depending on where you shop and also from different countries the sizing is completely different.
One other comment on clothing... I find that whether you decide to lose more weight or stay where you are, getting clothes that fit properly at all sizes does make a difference to both how you look and how you feel. Some people are motivated by the fact that their clothes don't fit well and they have to lay down to zip their jeans, I found that totally discouraging and made me want to give up. When I got clothes, even in a bigger size, that were flattering on me, it made me want to continue to progress toward different styles in smaller sizes that made me look good and feel good!
I so resonate with this. When I gained 30 pounds back, I was grateful that I could still fit into my size sixes so I would not have to go clothes shopping (I don't like to shop at all), but the thing is that I practically poured my self into them. I mean they were tight stretchy pants that hurt. I did this so I (1) would not have to go clothes shopping and (2) because it kept me in denial about my health and that I needed to lose the weight. The bottom line is that I didn't think I was as overweight as I really was, which kept me from losing the weight for a really long time. I have decided I will never do that again.
That said, nobody ever said anything to me about my clothing, they just loved and accepted me as I was at that time, then congratulated me as I lost the weight. Well, when I lost the weight and wore proper clothing sizes, those size sixes were so stretched out that they were too big, starting to rip, and ended up in the garbage!!
There cannot be enough said about wearing proper size clothing because it I feel good in my clothing, which is really my second skin, then my day goes so much better!!
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lemurcat12 wrote: »Great job with the loss. It's up to you if you want to lose more or not.Some of my friends have said I look great, but I still get a lot of negative feedback saying I still don't look good in clothes or that I should lose more weight and it's really depressing.
Why are people commenting on your body or opining on whether you should lose more weight? How does this come up? Have you asked for their opinion? It just sounds odd to me. If they really are telling you things like you look bad in clothes and need to lose weight without being prompted, that does seem really aggressive and not like much of a friend, IMO.
Yep, my thoughts exactly.
Yeah, I wondered that. I've never, ever had someone tell me, unsolicited, that I didn't look good in my clothes or I should lose more weight. Maybe I got lucky with friends who weren't jerks LOL. B
ut yeah - if people are telling you, without you asking for their opinion, that you don't look good or need to lose weight, tell them to STFU.
If, however, these are the responses you're getting when asking for their opinion, well - if you ask for an opinion, you can't really be upset when they give one!0 -
I'm sure it depends on body composition. At 175 and 5'4" I wear a size 14 dress pant and jeans. I am close to fitting into a 12, but not yet.
Regarding the scale, is it sitting on a hard surface? Many won't work on carpet. If it is on a hard surface, can you rock it if you try to? Like a chair with uneven legs? If so, the surface is not level and that will often make them read differently depending on where exactly you stand on them. I don't keep my scale out all the time and anyone watching me set it up would probably laugh at me putting it down, trying to jiggle it, and moving it to a new location until I find a flat spot in the floor.0 -
You have made awesome progress and you really shouldn't be listening to friends, either the complimentary ones or the ones who believe themselves to be "truth-tellers".
You should listen to yourself.
Your stats still put you at significant raised health risks, your BMI is over 32 (maximum BMI in statistically healthier range is 25 would be 137lbs) and you are objectively carrying excess body fat particularly around your middle which is where they statistically estimate increased health risks.
Body fat is always hard to measure, but I just saw this on another thread (it's actually one of the better comparison images), basically for women the top row is within healthy ranges of body fat, the bottom row is outside (but clearly goes from a highly trained pre comp bodybuilder)
But if you are happy and healthy and your doctor is ok with your weight the rest is just personal body aesthetic preferences
50lbs is amazing progress, well done you
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