Binging for 2 weeks because of loneliness

LonelyObeseGuy · October 2016

I've never had any kind of non platonic experience, haven't gone on a date or kissed much less had a girlfriend....I'm not shy but I guess females think I look creepy or something...The loneliness has been getting to me....I have worked, over the years at bettering myself, getting more marketable skills, being better at my job, working on my interests, hobbies, but I still feel like I'm missing an experience I'd like to have...And now it's sabotaging my effort to lose weight and get healthy because eating makes me feel good and I never feel good except when I'm asleep and that doesn't count since I'm not awake to feel it...my friends don't even mention girls to me any more, and my family keeps telling me it's OK if I'm gay (but I'm not), it's like my friends don't see me as capable of attracting a girl.

TavistockToad · October 2016

tinder

kittehkitteh88 · October 2016

Hi there, just a suggestion but the next time you feel like binging log the calories you are going to eat and go for a walk or swim until you have enough calories burnt that you can eat the food you want - you will then either enjoy a guilt free treat or feel better form he walk and the endorphin's released that you don't need to binge

Looking at the calories before hand may also shock you into not eating them! Good luck, exercise is amazing for making you feel better in your own skin

Unknown · October 2016

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snowflake954 · October 2016

Looking for someone to "make you feel better" is not going to work. You have to make peace with yourself, like yourself, and want to spend time with yourself, before someone else does. Try volunteering and helping someone else feel better--that may be the way to help yourself. Good luck.

justsomegirltryingtogetfit · October 2016

Hi there, I don't know you and what you're going through, but focusing on yourself first and having the right mindset, and finding a healthy balance will likely only lead to other better things! Just don't worry about what other people think and be kind to yourself

Ming1951 · October 2016

I am so sorry you feel your life is meaningless. No life is meaningless everyone in this world counts. Don't binge because you are feeling sorry for yourself. Walk...put on a set of headphones listen to some "happy" music. If you like pets and can care for one, maybe get a dog to walk with or volunteer at a local shelter to walk their dogs. Get yourself healthy first, maybe even go to consoling. I have a daughter who sounds not very different from you. she is a great person and I say that not because she is my daughter but..no boyfriend ..ever...no one gives her a chance because she is obese. She has a dog to walk now..going back to school and keeping busy. I am hoping this will make her feel better about herself. I don't think she is as depressed about it as you are because she is busy busy and has no time to think about it, but she was there. Went to some consoling but probably can use more. Now I am getting healthy for me and I hope for her too, when she sees I can do this I am hoping she will too. See the beauty in the world around you and maybe volunteer somewhere, food bank...they always need help stocking shelves or handing out food to those less fortunate. Animal shelter...lots to do there too. Library..some have mentor programs to help a young person or even an elder learn to read. There must be something you would like other than a relationship. That will come in time when you learn to love yourself more and I think you will do that by helping others while you help yourself to healthy living. Don't give up on yourself!

gillie80 · October 2016

it's totally a vicious cycle and it's a tough one to break. But you can break it. I agree with everything everyone has already said, especially justsomegirl. it's not going to be easy, and it's not an easy fix. start small; go for a walk in the park or round the block, make eye contact with people, smile, say good morning/hi/ how you doing as you pass. become a face in the neighbourhood that people know.

we're all here. you can unload any time. ask questions, ask for support, have a rant. you are not alone in this.

Tabbycat00 · October 2016

Hi. Don't judge me, I'm sure my answer will be unpopular but...have you tried reading the Bible? I know, Christian freak, right? I'm just saying. It's made a difference in my life and maybe it will give you what you need to go out there and find someone.

kittehkitteh88 · October 2016

Start logging your meals and exercise, make sure you come under calories each day, feel free to add me as a friend, i can offer loads of nice healthy tasty meal ideas, give yourself a month of measuring and logging foods and exercise and see how it goes - its only a month if it seems intimidating but you may be very pleasantly surprised at how you feel

PixelPuff · October 2016

I'd say you need to work on yourself, first. You seem very down on yourself, which may not be good when starting a relationship. Maybe join some local meet-ups, some form of games, etc? I've made a looooot of friends through Pokemon Go. I'm usually a nervous wreck with new people, but the common ground is amazing.

Tabbycat00, since you brought it up, I'mma comment. I dislike when people try to push their religion onto others unprovoked. Especially vulnerable. If someone is to enter into something like such, it should be because they genuinely believe it, not because they feel it will get them in touch with more people. Maybe recommend things said religion would recommend him to do, instead, such as volunteer work, etc. Without pushing the religion itself.

T0M_K · October 2016

Seek professional help. admit you need some help and find it. takes guts and courage but you need someone to connect with face to face. find some help.

STLBADGIRL · October 2016

snowflake954 wrote: »

Looking for someone to "make you feel better" is not going to work. You have to make peace with yourself, like yourself, and want to spend time with yourself, before someone else does. Try volunteering and helping someone else feel better--that may be the way to help yourself. Good luck.

Awesome advice.

STLBADGIRL · October 2016

Tabbycat00 wrote: »

Hi. Don't judge me, I'm sure my answer will be unpopular but...have you tried reading the Bible? I know, Christian freak, right? I'm just saying. It's made a difference in my life and maybe it will give you what you need to go out there and find someone.

I totally agree with you. Have made a world a difference in my life.

kschwab0203 · October 2016

I know it is difficult once the urge to binge takes over, but what has helped me is to stop and think about how binging is just going to get me further away from my goal. Yes, it may make me happy for a few minutes, but ultimately it is just going to make me feel worse than I did when I started.

Happiness starts with YOU. Change starts with YOU. Nothing is unobtainable. YOU just have to make up your mind, set your goals, and follow through.

Believe me I know it's hard and easier sad than done, but it is possible.

SaintsGirl70124 · October 2016

Just my opinion from my own personal experience; but the binging isn't the problem. It's how you are trying to cope with a problem, and until that is addressed, the binging/self-sabotaging cycle will continue, and no amount of logging calories or setting goals will change that. For example, things like impulse control, self-harm such as binging eating, feelings of loneliness/emptiness are key traits or borderline personality disorder, or it could be anxiety, or depression. I'm not a doctor or a therapist, but I know from my own life that it can be a heck of a lot more complicated (but in a weird way also more "fixable") than just calculating calories in vs calories out and willing myself to change. Perhaps, it is the same for you, and you might want to consider some professional help for that. I did, and it has been more effective for me than logging anything on here. Feel free to message be privately any time.

NewGemini130 · October 2016

Maybe try a club or meet up of something you like- hiking, art, book club- whatever. Look at it as practice honing your social skills, and meeting people that you have a shared interest with. Take charge of your life- most girls/ women can see depressed and unmotivated- not the most winning combo in a potential boyfriend. Get going on what's important to you and others will take notice.

apolinarshamler · October 2016

LonelyObeseGuy wrote: »

I've never had any kind of non platonic experience, haven't gone on a date or kissed much less had a girlfriend....I'm not shy but I guess females think I look creepy or something...The loneliness has been getting to me....I have worked, over the years at bettering myself, getting more marketable skills, being better at my job, working on my interests, hobbies, but I still feel like I'm missing an experience I'd like to have...And now it's sabotaging my effort to lose weight and get healthy because eating makes me feel good and I never feel good except when I'm asleep and that doesn't count since I'm not awake to feel it...my friends don't even mention girls to me any more, and my family keeps telling me it's OK if I'm gay (but I'm not), it's like my friends don't see me as capable of attracting a girl.

Whoa take it easy buddy.
You are in control of this and we are here to help. That's what this place is for. Don't let those feelings haunt you because if you do they will consume you and you will achieve nothing. Take this from somebody that was in your shoes a while ago: Use the negative parts in your life to better yourself. Use you current situation as motivation because if you do, you will get what you want. This might be a slow process but if you let your situation in the way it might just take a lifetime.
So look at the world with a smile and become the greatest that you can possibly be because only you can do it. We are just here to help you along the way. Then you will find the true meaning of your life because only you can create it.

MelodyandBarbells · October 2016

Get a makeover and go shopping. Also, how are you attempting to meet women? Dating sites or anything?

PennWalker · October 2016

snowflake954 wrote: »

Looking for someone to "make you feel better" is not going to work. You have to make peace with yourself, like yourself, and want to spend time with yourself, before someone else does. Try volunteering and helping someone else feel better--that may be the way to help yourself. Good luck.

This is the best advice. Volunteer for an organization where you are really interested in what they do. You will meet other people who share your interests. Put yourself out there, get involved with life, and you may meet someone. This is how I met my husband (but I wasn't looking for anyone, it just happened). Choose one new thing to try to be involved in during the coming week. Good luck.

vespiquenn · October 2016

snowflake954 wrote: »

Looking for someone to "make you feel better" is not going to work. You have to make peace with yourself, like yourself, and want to spend time with yourself, before someone else does. Try volunteering and helping someone else feel better--that may be the way to help yourself. Good luck.

This. Fake it till you make it. You need to work on yourself before you can expect anyone else to. As someone that is bipolar, so depressive spells happen frequently, I understand how it can feel to seem worthless. But you need to address these issues first. It sounds cruel, but no one is going to hang around to deal with that baggage. It's emotionally draining. I lost an ex-fiancé doing the same thing. But I'm going to go out on a limb and say that despite your attempts to hide it, it's clear as day.

BigTandthesquatters · October 2016

Lonely Obese guy I get it. I started this at 493 and lost 93 lbs so far. I understand completely my last date was years ago. It would have been very easy to just throw in the towel, but here is the thing. We crave that attention we don't want to be lonely. I used that idea to help motivate me. Look I know that basically all people are decent. But let's be honest women are fickle, and I am old fashioned I want to be that everything to a person in a relationship. I was depressed, but I spoke to a doctor got some anti-depression meds. I found a therapist that focused in eating disorders and I got started. I don't know if any of these were the same for you but at 500lbs...
1. You can't work
2. you don't fit in a car
3. you think you're ugly(beat down on yourself etc.)
4. Hygiene can be difficult
5. And the list goes on.

I didn't want to be any of those things. I thought how would I appeal to women. I didn't even like myself let alone think anyone would like/be attracted to me. I used it all to motivate me. Like i said I got started. Made it a team effort. YOU CAN DO THIS! All I am doing is losing 1-2lbs a week. I feel great and I am learning lots of things(more motivation). I also went and got swim trunks and a swim shirt(so no one can see my man boobs) and I joined a water exercise class. The exercise part is secondary. But it gets me out of the house and away from my kitchen. I interact with people practice my social skills. I know this is a bit of a ramble but I hope it helped.

Trish1c · October 2016

Like getting a job, expanding your social circle takes effort. Use a variety of techniques to meet new people. To stay on track with your MFP goals & meet new people try joining a coed sports team. Also check out a website called www.loveshack.org

goldthistime · October 2016

BigTandthesquatters wrote: »

But let's be honest women are fickle

No we're not. Oh, wait, yes we are. No, actually, definitely not.

DisruptedMatrix · October 2016

I'm sorry sweetie -hugs-

6502programmer · October 2016

Take up ballroom dancing. After a nasty relationship, I found it the perfect way to approach women. Where else can you go up to a complete stranger with confidence, ask her to dance, and have your hands on her in fifteen seconds? Cheaper than therapy, and it's WAY more fun! Plus it's good for burning calories too.

mysteps2beauty · October 2016

PixelPuff wrote: »

I'd say you need to work on yourself, first. You seem very down on yourself, which may not be good when starting a relationship. Maybe join some local meet-ups, some form of games, etc? I've made a looooot of friends through Pokemon Go. I'm usually a nervous wreck with new people, but the common ground is amazing.

Tabbycat00, since you brought it up, I'mma comment. I dislike when people try to push their religion onto others unprovoked. Especially vulnerable. If someone is to enter into something like such, it should be because they genuinely believe it, not because they feel it will get them in touch with more people. Maybe recommend things said religion would recommend him to do, instead, such as volunteer work, etc. Without pushing the religion itself.

I don't think she was trying to push a religion, but rather offered some reading that makes one feel part of something special. Since she is most familiar with the Bible, that was offered. Perhaps she could have phrased it in a way to seek something outside of one's self, like a greater good, thoughts of peace and love...he certainly needs to feel peace and love...of himself... anyway....

OP....I feel sadness when I hear of someone in your situation. You are probably a very fun, interesting person to be around but the energy you are sending out does not reflect that. What kind of person do you want to attract? What you put out into the universe is what you get back. And yes, being of a larger frame sends out signals...
my health is not important to me,
my looks are not important me,
my energy is not important to me,
my future is not important to me,
leave me alone....
same energy I was sending out....
and you know what, it worked......
so what kind of person do you think would be attracted to that? Would you even care about that other person if you don't even care about yourself...harsh truth.

What part of you do you want to share with others? How do you show that? You have to fake it till you make it. Do you smile? When you smile, people smile back. Do an experiment...Get as many frowns as you can each day, and challenge yourself to get even more the next day.

This whole weight loss thing takes work....we watch on TV how things happen seemingly overnight...but it doesn't ((behind the scenes they have to work incredibly hard)....we play games on our game systems and instantly something manifests to make a figure be invincible and pretty good looking...guess what....not real....It takes work. If you want what you say you want. you have to work for it. It use to be a man would not consider a relationship with someone until he had his ducks in a row. And he would expect the same from his intended. In fact most men will not consider a woman for his home if she is not showing she is capable of taking care of his children, and him.

I don't know what male figure you have in life, but that is first place you should go....men become men in the presence of men.

Unknown · October 2016

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MiniMansell1964 · October 2016

Tabbycat00 wrote: »

Hi. Don't judge me, I'm sure my answer will be unpopular but...have you tried reading the Bible? I know, Christian freak, right? I'm just saying. It's made a difference in my life and maybe it will give you what you need to go out there and find someone.

or indeed read any other work of fiction. there are millions out there and most have a far better storyline than the bible

CurlyCockney · October 2016

Unless you're happy to accept sympathyshags, you're going to have to work on your confidence. Every day, find something new to like about yourself. Even if you can't find something (and I guarantee there is something likeable about you, even if you can't find it yet), fake it until you make it.

snowflake954 · October 2016

LonelyObeseGuy wrote: »

Thank you for all the responses......sorry I don't have the energy to reply to each of you...I do volunteer....For awhile I was happy alone but one day it just started sinking in and I really wanted to experience romantic love...I feel miserable all the time because I just want a girlfriend....and I know I should be happy alone, but is that really true? I feel like most people get into relationships and wouldn't want to be single their whole lives like I am...

You are young and can change--look at your last phrase OP: "wouldn't want to be single their whole lives like I am...." I've got news, your "whole life" is yet ahead. So, get moving--change it. Focus on making other people feel better, make them smile and make friends..period. Talking about getting a girlfriend puts women off, today they want to choose. Being obese is a problem in a relationship, but look around, plenty of obese people are in couples. They make up for it by being nice, and caring, and fun. Now that's something everyone should be. You try it and see what happens. At this point what do you have to lose..except the "woe is me" mode, which drives peope away? Exactly what you don't want.

Binging for 2 weeks because of loneliness

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