Binging for 2 weeks because of loneliness

BigTandthesquatters · October 2016

Lonely Obese guy I get it. I started this at 493 and lost 93 lbs so far. I understand completely my last date was years ago. It would have been very easy to just throw in the towel, but here is the thing. We crave that attention we don't want to be lonely. I used that idea to help motivate me. Look I know that basically all people are decent. But let's be honest women are fickle, and I am old fashioned I want to be that everything to a person in a relationship. I was depressed, but I spoke to a doctor got some anti-depression meds. I found a therapist that focused in eating disorders and I got started. I don't know if any of these were the same for you but at 500lbs...
1. You can't work
2. you don't fit in a car
3. you think you're ugly(beat down on yourself etc.)
4. Hygiene can be difficult
5. And the list goes on.

I didn't want to be any of those things. I thought how would I appeal to women. I didn't even like myself let alone think anyone would like/be attracted to me. I used it all to motivate me. Like i said I got started. Made it a team effort. YOU CAN DO THIS! All I am doing is losing 1-2lbs a week. I feel great and I am learning lots of things(more motivation). I also went and got swim trunks and a swim shirt(so no one can see my man boobs) and I joined a water exercise class. The exercise part is secondary. But it gets me out of the house and away from my kitchen. I interact with people practice my social skills. I know this is a bit of a ramble but I hope it helped.

Trish1c · October 2016

Like getting a job, expanding your social circle takes effort. Use a variety of techniques to meet new people. To stay on track with your MFP goals & meet new people try joining a coed sports team. Also check out a website called www.loveshack.org

goldthistime · October 2016

BigTandthesquatters wrote: »

But let's be honest women are fickle

No we're not. Oh, wait, yes we are. No, actually, definitely not.

DisruptedMatrix · October 2016

I'm sorry sweetie -hugs-

6502programmer · October 2016

Take up ballroom dancing. After a nasty relationship, I found it the perfect way to approach women. Where else can you go up to a complete stranger with confidence, ask her to dance, and have your hands on her in fifteen seconds? Cheaper than therapy, and it's WAY more fun! Plus it's good for burning calories too.

mysteps2beauty · October 2016

PixelPuff wrote: »

I'd say you need to work on yourself, first. You seem very down on yourself, which may not be good when starting a relationship. Maybe join some local meet-ups, some form of games, etc? I've made a looooot of friends through Pokemon Go. I'm usually a nervous wreck with new people, but the common ground is amazing.

Tabbycat00, since you brought it up, I'mma comment. I dislike when people try to push their religion onto others unprovoked. Especially vulnerable. If someone is to enter into something like such, it should be because they genuinely believe it, not because they feel it will get them in touch with more people. Maybe recommend things said religion would recommend him to do, instead, such as volunteer work, etc. Without pushing the religion itself.

I don't think she was trying to push a religion, but rather offered some reading that makes one feel part of something special. Since she is most familiar with the Bible, that was offered. Perhaps she could have phrased it in a way to seek something outside of one's self, like a greater good, thoughts of peace and love...he certainly needs to feel peace and love...of himself... anyway....

OP....I feel sadness when I hear of someone in your situation. You are probably a very fun, interesting person to be around but the energy you are sending out does not reflect that. What kind of person do you want to attract? What you put out into the universe is what you get back. And yes, being of a larger frame sends out signals...
my health is not important to me,
my looks are not important me,
my energy is not important to me,
my future is not important to me,
leave me alone....
same energy I was sending out....
and you know what, it worked......
so what kind of person do you think would be attracted to that? Would you even care about that other person if you don't even care about yourself...harsh truth.

What part of you do you want to share with others? How do you show that? You have to fake it till you make it. Do you smile? When you smile, people smile back. Do an experiment...Get as many frowns as you can each day, and challenge yourself to get even more the next day.

This whole weight loss thing takes work....we watch on TV how things happen seemingly overnight...but it doesn't ((behind the scenes they have to work incredibly hard)....we play games on our game systems and instantly something manifests to make a figure be invincible and pretty good looking...guess what....not real....It takes work. If you want what you say you want. you have to work for it. It use to be a man would not consider a relationship with someone until he had his ducks in a row. And he would expect the same from his intended. In fact most men will not consider a woman for his home if she is not showing she is capable of taking care of his children, and him.

I don't know what male figure you have in life, but that is first place you should go....men become men in the presence of men.

MiniMansell1964 · October 2016

Tabbycat00 wrote: »

Hi. Don't judge me, I'm sure my answer will be unpopular but...have you tried reading the Bible? I know, Christian freak, right? I'm just saying. It's made a difference in my life and maybe it will give you what you need to go out there and find someone.

or indeed read any other work of fiction. there are millions out there and most have a far better storyline than the bible

CurlyCockney · October 2016

Unless you're happy to accept sympathyshags, you're going to have to work on your confidence. Every day, find something new to like about yourself. Even if you can't find something (and I guarantee there is something likeable about you, even if you can't find it yet), fake it until you make it.

snowflake954 · October 2016

LonelyObeseGuy wrote: »

Thank you for all the responses......sorry I don't have the energy to reply to each of you...I do volunteer....For awhile I was happy alone but one day it just started sinking in and I really wanted to experience romantic love...I feel miserable all the time because I just want a girlfriend....and I know I should be happy alone, but is that really true? I feel like most people get into relationships and wouldn't want to be single their whole lives like I am...

You are young and can change--look at your last phrase OP: "wouldn't want to be single their whole lives like I am...." I've got news, your "whole life" is yet ahead. So, get moving--change it. Focus on making other people feel better, make them smile and make friends..period. Talking about getting a girlfriend puts women off, today they want to choose. Being obese is a problem in a relationship, but look around, plenty of obese people are in couples. They make up for it by being nice, and caring, and fun. Now that's something everyone should be. You try it and see what happens. At this point what do you have to lose..except the "woe is me" mode, which drives peope away? Exactly what you don't want.

LipSmackingFun · October 2016

I'm with you on the binge eating. Chips & popcorn are my weaknesses & I've binged plenty of times myself over the course of me changing my eating lifestyle but I just own it & move on. If you can't do that, move on, & based on your comment that its been 2 weeks, seek counseling, individual or group, there maybe another underlying issue that needs resolved.

Now as for the meeting & attracting the opposite sex, since you said you're not shy put yourself out there. Like post your photo on MFP for starters

Just know rejection is a part of the meeting process & life in general. It's going to happen. As others on here have suggested volunteer, use social media, dating sites, try meditation, join a gym, walk your neighborhood or a park, staying active will keep your mind off binging & being lonely. You need to love & invest in yourself first & foremost because if you don't then who else will? And don't forget to project a positive attitude. People take notice in how you present yourself. Women don't want to be around or socialize with a "sad sack" if you know what i mean. You start implementing some of the ideas suggested to you & things will improve. Trust & belive that! Good luck!

DEBOO7 · October 2016

I can empathise. I live alone - but that in itself doesn't bother me. However it can be lonely but I work on not allowing myself to become absorbed by the loneliness as that's a path down a dark hole.
There's no magic wand that will fix it.
People are attracted to those who are positive and have an aura of being in control of their lives.
Focus on being positive about where you are going and what you want to achieve.
Believe in your own greatness and ability.
Focus on you.

MiniMansell1964 · October 2016

lonelyness is not forcing you to eat more.
lack of willpower is.

seperate the two

Cbestinme · October 2016

Stumbled upon this thread, whoa....

Is OP still out there somewhere?

I found the post sharing experience of weight loss from 493 pounds really informative. OP are you facing similar challenges? I think he also mentioned therapy.

OP have you tried to find a therapist that you can talk to about all the issues you may be having?

It's great that you're reaching out to mfp community for support. Depending on how vulnerable you may be, it may be hard to sort through the different kinds of we'll intended responses that may be too wide, too general to adapt to your unique circumstances. The suggestions to serk therapy are to help you find a unique individualized support system. Of course mfp community has shown it will be there for you.

The responses and various suggestions in the thread are pointing out some actions or steps you can take to move towards the life you want.

OP have you thought about what you'd like to do next?
Are you logging your food entries daily? All it takes is one day at a time. If you follow that every day, and eat the calories mfp says, then mfp guarantees you will lose weight. Are you ready to make that commitment for yourself to improve your life?

mbaker566 · October 2016

if the OP is still around....

happiness is an inside job. no one can really make you feel complete. it might help sometimes but in the end, it's up to you. by putting your happiness as someone else's responsiblity, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

get out, join meet up groups, take group dance lessons, and find confidence. While you are building yourself up, you make yourself more attractive to others.

life is as meaningful as you make it. volunteering is good. that gives meaning. me, i find meaning in being the best person i can be. helping other people out. giving my pets a good and enriched life.

a quick story. high school was rough for me. i went home and cried most days. but i always tried to say hi and smile at people no matter the storm inside me. on the last day of school, a girl walked up to me and gave me a present with a card. it was a candle and the card said that she had been thinking about killing herself because she thought no one saw her. that she was invisible and her life was inconsequential. and then i smiled and asked her how she was doing one day and that made all the difference. now she is married and has beautiful kids and has a life she loves.

while you may think your life is meaningless, you never know what you might mean to other.
keep trudging that road to happy destiny.

magsyman33 · October 2016

Hi there OP. I am new here and I saw this thread. I have been where you are now. Back then, I was overweight. I weighed 320 lbs but my confidence was still there. Growing up my defense mechanism was (still is) to make people laugh. I eventually got used to it where every time someone makes a joke about my weight, I just make a joke back and laugh it off. But it would still hurt. I probably made a lot of friends because I was thinking positively. I did nothing to lose the weight because I was happy at the time.

Then, I got in a fight with my family, lost my job, and everything was spiraling down. When I questioned my self-worth, I lost my confidence. I went into a cycle of eating to make myself happy but would feel bad about myself because of my weight. I gained weight to about 410 lbs. I was so depressed to the point of thinking about doing self-harm. This went on for a year.

I got out of my depression because I had enough of feeling bad about myself. I didn't want it to rule my life anymore. It was hard to break free from that cycle. I decided to take up Boxing. It was fun. My coach was very supportive. I lost 70 lbs in two months. It took some time to get my confidence back but I was happy again. Oh, and I was single when all this happened. I understand how hard it is to not have someone to confide, to hug, or to cry on. But I relied on myself to pull through.

Now I'm here because I want to shed some of this weight and get to under 200 lbs. I know I can do it. I just have to remind myself to stay strong and never go back to that depression again. I hope this can help you in some way, OP. I know that you have it in you to get out of that negative mentality. I am here to make friends, get support and give support to people. So if you want someone to talk to, you can message me.

Ganbbatte! OP!

Cbestinme · October 2016

Awesome post thanks for sharing your personal struggle, I hope OP reaches out to you. So glad you found boxing and stuff to make you see life can be happy

canadianlbs · October 2016

i'm probably going to feel like a meanie 15 minutes from now, but poor impulse control.

lonelyobeseguy, i'm not in a sympathy mood. the question is: take a wild guess at how long you'll probably live and then subtract your age now. are you willing to spend that many years feeling the way you do now? or even able to? because if not, you'd better do something.

people do live their entire lives or large parts of it without being seriously loved, or getting happily laid. just supposing you're one of them, imo you need to make a plan.

Cbestinme · October 2016

Curious post.

Did the OP leave mfp?

tinamarie6624 · October 2016

You have received some great advice. You will find that as you work on yourself and your weight issues (whatever those might be) that the other stuff will start to fall into place.

I am no expert and I can only offer my own situation as an example. In January 2016 (10 months ago), I started this journey at 378 Lbs. I am now down 131 Lbs. Prior to starting to this journey, I was massively overweight and felt awful about myself. When my family and/or friends would ask me to do something fun or to try to help me in any way, I would say no to everything. I didn't think I was depressed at the time but looking at it from a new perspective, I know that was my main problem. I had a friend say the other day that not only do I look different physically but that I also now seem to be happy all the time. I have to agree that I am now happy and it's because I feel good about myself. I know I am still obese and have a lot more time to devote to reshaping my life. (Pun intended!) I now work out every day in a way that makes sense to me. I go and do fun things with family and friends and it has made a huge difference in my life and what makes me happy.

I went to Six Flags a few weeks ago, something I wouldn't have done a year ago and it was great fun. It wasn't all perfect, especially when the attendant had to take off a ride because I was too fat. What I told myself was that hopefully by next summer, I will be able to ride and how good that would feel to have accomplished that much.

The difference is inside me because I know I will complete this journey and that keeps my head on straight and happy. What I get to the end of the journey doesn't matter because I have already changed my life completely. I know it's hard to accept but nobody can make you happy except yourself.

Surround yourself with supportive people, like the ones here at MFP, who will encourage you in your moments of self doubt, depression and loneliness as it will help you to cope.

Binging for 2 weeks because of loneliness

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