Scared! Advice please!

EmmaMcwhinnie · October 2016

Over the last few weeks I've been monitoring my intake and gradually losing some weight. I've never been bothered by my size until a doctor pointed out that actually, it is pretty unhealthy. I've never said no to seconds and never said yes to exercise unless it's been forced upon me and I can't avoid it.
I have impulsively contacted a local sports group that does classes and I'm immediately struck with 'the fear!' The fear that I'm not good enough, fit enough, worthy enough to even contact them. Let alone walk through the door and join a class. What if I pass out because my body isn't used to it?! How do I get over my crippling self esteem, I can't go out for runs in the evening in case someone sees me. Logical me says no one cares, but she's got a tiny tiny voice and I'm worrying now that I've signed up for something I won't be any good at!!
Anyone else ever feel like this??

Trish1c · October 2016

Don't start with the big scary class. Do some work on your own first. Walk around your block. Do some calisthenics at home.

I'm a pretty strong person emotionally but the thought of an exercise class scares the begeesus out of me. I joined the Y last year & thought, oh the Y is a nice family oriented group with friendly caring people, I'll take a class here. Well, I got lost in the building (it's a huge facility), the class was moved, the signs were wrong, & was about 5 minutes late for the class. The instructor made a snarky comment e as I walked in. I'd never taken any kind of class before. I didn't know the routine. I'd never even been exposed to these kinds of exercises or made some of these movements so I was awkward at best but usually behind & struggling. The instructor went out of her way to point out my mistakes & humiliate me. I pushed through. After class she came up to me & berated me for being late, saying how rude I was. I listened to her & apologized for being late but then told her I was going to management to complain about her lack of professionalism & her mean spirited attitude. I showed her my brand new membership card, entered into the system the day before. I reminded her that her class had been moved adding to my inability to find it. Then I explained I'd never taken a class of any kind before & I didn't appreciate her humiliating me because it was so degrading. I assured her that while I may not be a great athlete I was still a person and that my membership helped make sure she had a job but I was very happy to remedy that by assuring that her poor treatment of me was brought to management's attention. She was speechless at my response.

The director tripped over himself for the rest of my membership to apologize for that instructor's behavior.

I tell you that not to scare you but to assure you that even if everything goes wrong, you will survive.

girlwithcurls2 · October 2016

Arrive early and talk to the instructor. Let him or her know about your anxiety. If that person is worth anything as an instructor, you'll get the reassurance you need. I've NEVER been in a class where people are humiliated. And for the few classes I did take, people often said, "We were all the new person once."

azulvioleta6 · October 2016

So...don't start there.

Start with walking. Increase your speed and duration. Try some solo activities like swimming. Do a little jogging with C25K.

I am a former athlete, but when I started exercising again after a long illness, I did not jump in whole hog and try to join an intensive class. It took me about a year to build up to being able to do that. I'm another one who has never seen anybody humiliated in a class--it is unlikely to happen when you do, eventually, try one.

Stop setting yourself up to fail.

rosebarnalice · October 2016

I remember feeling the same way about signing up for an adult swiming for fitness class several years ago. Add on top of the "I'm-not-good-enough" anxiety, I worked myself up pretty well with the "people-will-judge-my-body-in-a-swimsuit" anxiety, too.

But, I went, and (as @girlswithcurls2 suggets above) made a point of going early with a very loose fitting swim coverup thingy on over my swimsuit to talk to the instructor. She was very encouraging, and said something to the effect of "hey, we're all here because we've got some work to do, right? You'll fit right in!"

I was never the fastest or the best one in the group, but I wasn't always the slowest or the worst one, either. My classmates were all very encouraging, and I was SO glad I didn't let my own body image and head games keep me from participating--because ultimately that class got me back in the water and focusing on my own goals and progress rather than on what other people might think of me.

BarbaraJatmfp · October 2016

I felt that way when I started water aerobics. Can you imagine wearing a swimsuit when you weigh 328 pounds?

To my surprise, nobody said anything. Nobody pointed at me; nobody laughed; nobody called me names. We were all there for the same thing: water aerobics.

I was so out of shape that I couldn't even use the steps to get into the pool. I had to use the handicap ramp! And I was so tired after just 90 minutes that I had to use the ramp to DRAG myself out of the pool. How humiliating! It took about two weeks before I could use the steps to get into the pool and a couple more before I could walk up the steps to get out.

I progressed from water aerobics to water walking to swimming laps. The first time I swam laps, I could do it for 10 minutes and I thought I would die before I finished those 10 minutes. But I got better at it. Within 4 months, I was swimming laps for 4 hours straight.

When the physical therapists brought people to the pool for therapy, they would point to me as an example of what you progress to. That felt so good because always before I had been the "Before" reason; never the "After".

You might become an inspiration to others, too. They will see you come regularly, take your workouts seriously, and progress in your ability and in your weight loss. I do look at others in the gym, especially people my size (not many!), and I think "I want to be like them".

You don't say what your schedule is. I chose to go in the daytime when the "hardbodies" are at work. I found a class that had older ladies in it so I would fit right in. (I am 64.) Take to the sports group you are interested in and see what classes they have available. You aren't the only person who wants to get healthier. There are a lot of people out there who are just as unused to exercise as you are.

Good luck.

melodydee66 · October 2016

Five weeks ago, my co-worker convinced me to take a Zumba class with her. I was TERRIFIED! I didn't want to go! What will I look like? Everyone is going to see me in workout gear! What if I can't do it? It's a whole hour... what if I can't go 10 minutes? I can't do this!!! My co-worker will see me failing!!!

It was awful. I was so anxious and was so scared of going. My co-worker told me that I needed to go and that I would enjoy it. I went as I didn't want to be embarrassed and thought of as a quitter in front of her.

5 weeks later and I'm still going. It wasn't easy... but it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I made it through... I did all the songs. I still take it one song at a time. Every second song we drink water and I look forward to that break.

This week, my co-worker couldn't come and I was feeling anxious again. No one would be there for me to talk to. I'll be on my own! Panic was setting in.

I went, I did it.. .and I felt great afterwards. I think that you need to try and see what you think. Use those nerves as adrenaline and feel good that you went there. Even if you don't exercise when you get there, you went! Sometimes just showing up is half the battle! No one looked at me funny. It was all in my head. In fact, there were people there bigger than me having an incredible time and loving every minute of it. It was eye opening. I can't wait for our next adventure now.

jessiferrrb · October 2016

when i first started going to the gym 9 years ago i would get myself so emotionally worked up that i would enter a full blown panic attack and need my rescue inhaler. i wouldn't make eye contact. i tried to only use the machines where there were no neighbors. i felt freak show levels of gross and like i was a blight on the whole gym. and it was just me projecting. nobody did more than glance in my general direction, which was cause enough for a renewed sense of self loathing. certainly nobody thought things about me anywhere close to what i thought about myself. i think it literally took 2 years before i was comfortable for eye contact or a self conscious smile if somebody spoke directly to me. i timed my locker room changes (only when absolutely necessary) so that there was as little chance of anyone seeing me as possible. if only all that worrying burned calories!

but eventually gym days were just another day. people who talked to me were people who recognized me, not for being a disgusting blob of a human, but for being a person who went to the gym all the time. there was small talk. there's some common folklore that says that the number 1 fear of most people is public speaking, number 2 is death. for me number 1 was the gym. almost 10 years later i'm happy to report that now it's public speaking.

quiksylver296 · October 2016

"Courage is fear that has said its' prayers."

Everyone feels some measure of fear when trying new things. It's perfectly normal. Courage is working through that fear, and doing the new thing anyway. You can do this!

BarbaraJatmfp · October 2016

As I read these posts, I see common factors:
1) Fear of going
2) Going with a friend
3) Sticking with it / going anyway
4) Comfortable with going
5) Success

Now go.

EmmaMcwhinnie · October 2016

Thank you all so much

I will go on Monday, I've messaged the instructor and he's already been pretty supportive. It is a beginners class so if I really feel like I can't go again at the end I will try and work on some fitness outside the class, I feel like I need the push of the timetable and group expectations to turn up and participate, I think previously I've been very much thinking 'I can always go out for a jog/run later.' Later never seems to happen!!
I think I have enough good humour to have a proper chuckle if I do fall on my face and it is comforting to know that other people have felt that fear of people noticing and managed to get over it!!
I will push myself to get out this weekend and move about a bit before Monday so at least I have a modicum of preparation, fingers crossed it goes well

TavistockToad · October 2016

Honestly, no one cares...

Sira125 · October 2016

OP - excited for you to try the class. And most instructors offer information on what you can do to make particular things more or less intense so you can probably work your way up to awesome! And remember that many of the other people in the room, even the ones that look thin or really fit, have the same insecurities that you do. *Hugs* Go kick some *kitten*!

azulvioleta6 · October 2016

TavistockToad wrote: »

Honestly, no one cares...

As long as you stand in the back and do not interfere with the people who are in shape and serious about the class.

EmmaMcwhinnie · October 2016

azulvioleta6 wrote: »

TavistockToad wrote: »

Honestly, no one cares...

As long as you stand in the back and do not interfere with the people who are in shape and serious about the class.

I can do that no problem!

it's a beginners class so presumably there won't be any super fit people there, fingers crossed

EmmaMcwhinnie · October 2016

Tonight's the night! Feeling pretty nervous still but walking there, not turning around now! Fingers crossed I don't die!

EmmaMcwhinnie · October 2016

UPDATE - it was great!! I did feel like I was gonna throw up/pass out/fall over at various points but I worked hard and completed the whole session

Thank you to everyone for encouraging me

Sira125 · October 2016

Yay!

Sira125 · October 2016

I am so glad for you!

Charis50 · October 2016

Well done, Emma! Keep us posted on how it goes!

Chadxx · October 2016

EmmaMcwhinnie wrote: »

UPDATE - it was great!! I did feel like I was gonna throw up/pass out/fall over at various points but I worked hard and completed the whole session
Thank you to everyone for encouraging me

Outstanding! That feeling that you were gonna throw up or pass out is a good thing. It means you were pushing yourself and that is how you get better. Way to go!

Scared! Advice please!

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