How to deal with unsupportive people?
JennyJen82
Posts: 14 Member
in Chit-Chat
Anybody have expierence with these types of people? I can't just get rid of my husband lol. He eats junk around me and does that whole "mmm it's so good" thing when I'm sitting right there. I get it he can eat whatever, but come on. I don't have friends around where I live to workout with so I ask him to go and he never does.
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I have a lot of people who do that to me. Ironically enough, the best and most awesome support I get are from my friends and acquaintances on the net that I know and speak to daily. It is hard to deal with at times. I just brush it off and keep on doing what I'm doing.
One good example is when I see someone putting a big fat dip in their mouth. I gave it up 410 days ago and to me, it was the most awesome part of my day having a dip. Now days, I just keep right on with my day. I don't let them poisoning their own self bother me any. In fact, I feel bad for them.
Just brush people off and keep doing what your doing.3 -
JennyJen82 wrote: »Anybody have expierence with these types of people? I can't just get rid of my husband lol. He eats junk around me and does that whole "mmm it's so good" thing when I'm sitting right there. I get it he can eat whatever, but come on. I don't have friends around where I live to workout with so I ask him to go and he never does.
Just tell him that your boyfriend is far more supportive than him and doesn't act like a *kitten * .8 -
Omg that's awesome!1
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I think people that try to sabotage you or are unsupportive probably in some part of their psyche really dont want you to change. Maybe its a fear that you will become different or won't want to be with them anymore. Sometimes I think our partners may even be a little scared of losing us. Try and find the reason why they feel this way and address the concern...maybe they will become your biggest supporters after all
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JennyJen82 wrote: »Anybody have expierence with these types of people? I can't just get rid of my husband lol. He eats junk around me and does that whole "mmm it's so good" thing when I'm sitting right there. I get it he can eat whatever, but come on. I don't have friends around where I live to workout with so I ask him to go and he never does.
Think of it as part of your training. You are going to be dealing with people enjoying their food - there is no getting away from it.
I cook pancakes and bacon for my family, then enjoy a cup of coffee for myself. Plus I bake elaborate desserts, then enjoy a small piece while the others stuff their faces.
Instead of being angry at him, ask yourself if it is fair for him to stop enjoying his food because you have decided to change something about yours?4 -
I made a thread about this awhile back.JennyJen82 wrote: »Anybody have expierence with these types of people? I can't just get rid of my husband lol. He eats junk around me and does that whole "mmm it's so good" thing when I'm sitting right there. I get it he can eat whatever, but come on. I don't have friends around where I live to workout with so I ask him to go and he never does.
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10134341/you-arent-always-going-to-get-support/p1
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »JennyJen82 wrote: »Anybody have expierence with these types of people? I can't just get rid of my husband lol. He eats junk around me and does that whole "mmm it's so good" thing when I'm sitting right there. I get it he can eat whatever, but come on. I don't have friends around where I live to workout with so I ask him to go and he never does.
Think of it as part of your training. You are going to be dealing with people enjoying their food - there is no getting away from it.
I cook pancakes and bacon for my family, then enjoy a cup of coffee for myself. Plus I bake elaborate desserts, then enjoy a small piece while the others stuff their faces.
Instead of being angry at him, ask yourself if it is fair for him to stop enjoying his food because you have decided to change something about yours?
Also, this is why I keep mum about food, calories, whatever.
They know I eat a lot less than I used to, but when they say something, I don't direct it to losing weight. When they buy you 4 candy bars because they were on sale, thank them, give them a kiss, and eat half of one in front of their face, then later, make sure your kiddos find them.
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Yes you're right... I guess I need to have more willpower.0
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JennyJen82 wrote: »Yes you're right... I guess I need to have more willpower.
It's not about willpower. It's about practice.
It gets much easier over time.
Maybe you should pray for an easier go at it.3 -
punch to the throat, taser, ax through the head, multiple gunshots.... repeat as necessary or until the police drop by. 4
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jvcjcooper wrote: »punch to the throat, taser, ax through the head, multiple gunshots.... repeat as necessary or until the police drop by.
Well that escalated quickly.3 -
Tell them outright that what they are doing is un-supportive, and you recognize that they are doing it. And to not do it, lest piss you off. They don't have to join you in exercising/etc if they don't want to, as this is something you decided to do, but they shouldn't try to harm your progress.1
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This is going to sound harsh, but the best thing you can do is not expect others to support you. It's not really fair to expect someone else to change just because you are making changes. You can ask your husband to act in specific ways that you would prefer, but he's not really obligated to do them-this works both ways.5
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In my mind there's a line between eating whatever one chooses around a person on a diet and being actively unsupportive (and disrespectful ) of those choices. Eating snack food around the person trying to lose weight falls into the first category. People need to learn how to co-exist side by side with loved ones who don't share the same eating plan. Sitting next to them making yummy noises falls into the second.2
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That's what I'm saying. Yea it sucks he eats it around me, but please don't get up in my face with the noises. I did ask if he would support me in losing weight and his reply was "you're fine the way you are". Umm no I'm not.2
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JennyJen82 wrote: »Anybody have expierence with these types of people? I can't just get rid of my husband lol. He eats junk around me and does that whole "mmm it's so good" thing when I'm sitting right there. I get it he can eat whatever, but come on. I don't have friends around where I live to workout with so I ask him to go and he never does.
So make some 1 -
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If you are Joe Biden, you take them "out behind the gym". They will become very supportive after that.0
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Tolerate them as much as you can.1
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I'm in the same situation. The easiest thing is to prep your meals and snacks ahead of time that way you're not tempted when he breaks out the chips. Once you start seeing positive changes to your body, the lack of support will stop bothering you. Be your own hero. It seems like the junk food left my system after three weeks of eating completely clean and I didn't crave it anymore. Six weeks in and I'm down 16% body fat. Keep going!2
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In my mind there's a line between eating whatever one chooses around a person on a diet and being actively unsupportive (and disrespectful ) of those choices. Eating snack food around the person trying to lose weight falls into the first category. People need to learn how to co-exist side by side with loved ones who don't share the same eating plan. Sitting next to them making yummy noises falls into the second.
I agree. The second category comes across as "taunting". Best thing to do when he makes the yummy noises (very immature, by the way) is to totally ignore it, since he seems to be wanting a reaction.2 -
In my mind there's a line between eating whatever one chooses around a person on a diet and being actively unsupportive (and disrespectful ) of those choices. Eating snack food around the person trying to lose weight falls into the first category. People need to learn how to co-exist side by side with loved ones who don't share the same eating plan. Sitting next to them making yummy noises falls into the second.
Sooo.....they can eat the food, they're just not allowed to enjoy it?0 -
Ignore them & just turn your frustration into motivation. Think about how amazing you will feel & look.3
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jennifer_417 wrote: »In my mind there's a line between eating whatever one chooses around a person on a diet and being actively unsupportive (and disrespectful ) of those choices. Eating snack food around the person trying to lose weight falls into the first category. People need to learn how to co-exist side by side with loved ones who don't share the same eating plan. Sitting next to them making yummy noises falls into the second.
Sooo.....they can eat the food, they're just not allowed to enjoy it?
This isn't about not wanting someone to enjoy what they're eating. It is wanting them to behave like the adult they are. No one is ougasmic over a potato chip...a really awesome dessert, maybe...but if it happens all the time only about things he knows are not on her list, that's taunting and deliberate. Rude.3 -
melaniedscott wrote: »jennifer_417 wrote: »In my mind there's a line between eating whatever one chooses around a person on a diet and being actively unsupportive (and disrespectful ) of those choices. Eating snack food around the person trying to lose weight falls into the first category. People need to learn how to co-exist side by side with loved ones who don't share the same eating plan. Sitting next to them making yummy noises falls into the second.
Sooo.....they can eat the food, they're just not allowed to enjoy it?
This isn't about not wanting someone to enjoy what they're eating. It is wanting them to behave like the adult they are. No one is ougasmic over a potato chip...a really awesome dessert, maybe...but if it happens all the time only about things he knows are not on her list, that's taunting and deliberate. Rude.
The fact is, we don't really know how the husband really said it, or if he was deliberately taunting his wife. She may have felt that way, but maybe he just really liked whatever he was eating. That is a thing that people do.0 -
JennyJen82 wrote: »Anybody have expierence with these types of people? I can't just get rid of my husband lol. He eats junk around me and does that whole "mmm it's so good" thing when I'm sitting right there. I get it he can eat whatever, but come on. I don't have friends around where I live to workout with so I ask him to go and he never does.
He's laughing at you or taunting you.
I agree with the post that said to tell him your boyfriend is much more supportive.1 -
Sorry I should have clarified that he does this ALL the time. It's in a passive aggressive joking way, but there comes a time when it gets annoying. He calls me up and asks if I want him to pick me up something to eat and I naturally say no thank you yet he still brings food home (junk) that I wouldn't even feed my dog. He has expressed he doesn't want me to change which I can't understand.1
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It's the point he does it all the time. Yea I get it from some of the responses I don't need a cheerleader, I shouldn't be bothered by it and so on, but I am bothered by it...it does hurt my feelings that he can't support me by simply not waving stuff in my face or when I'm ready to go out for a walk he tells me to stay home and spend time with him. It would be nice to have someone understand this journey is a struggle for me and I'm doing my best. I thought that's what this site was for inspiration, motivation and people who understand the struggles.2
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I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me. I don't feel sorry for me. That's why I came to this site because other people understand the struggle whereas my husband who doesn't have or has never had a problem with weight therefor he could never really understand the struggle.1
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JennyJen82 wrote: »It's the point he does it all the time. Yea I get it from some of the responses I don't need a cheerleader, I shouldn't be bothered by it and so on, but I am bothered by it...it does hurt my feelings that he can't support me by simply not waving stuff in my face or when I'm ready to go out for a walk he tells me to stay home and spend time with him. It would be nice to have someone understand this journey is a struggle for me and I'm doing my best. I thought that's what this site was for inspiration, motivation and people who understand the struggles.
I'm sorry this is happening. He sounds controlling. Have you thought about counseling for the both of you or even just for yourself?
As far as the other comments here, sure, it would be great to be strong inside and not let anything ever bother you that other people do, but most of us aren't that perfect. Good luck.2
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